Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

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Ace IV:

CriticKitten:
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Yahtzee's a big boy and doesn't feel the need to defend himself or his actions at all, as any regular viewer would be able to tell.

If he doesn't need to defend himself, then why are you? ;)

I'm not defending him. He makes a rather accurate point in his mailbox showdown that big companies like Nintendo don't need their fans defending them and likely don't care if they do. It's probably much the same with him, he doesn't need to defend himself and he doesn't care if other people do. So I'm not defending him, he doesn't need defending and I'm not really interested in defending him anyways.

I'm just trying to help you understand the joke. But it seems that you're not going to get it, so I'm afraid I won't indulge you past this point.

Duke Nukem Forever was released before Half-Life 2: Episode 3.

Think about that for a moment.

CriticKitten:

I'm just trying to help you understand the joke. But it seems that you're not going to get it, so I'm afraid I won't indulge you past this point.

I don't think you understand what I was saying, but if you don't wanna defend Yahtzee anymore, that's fine with me.

I'd say swing on his legs and help him on the way. If his health bar is his ego bar then nothing will embarrass someone from the fast chaotic FPS generation being humiliated by a creature from a pre-rendered survival horror title that can't move faster than .5 MPH when carrying his trademark weapon. And if that doesn't kill him i'll chop all four of his balls off with my trademark weapon.

Guys! We are looking at this wrong way! If what Yahtzee says is true, then Duke Nukem may by the perfect resource for learning about gaming history and development! I can see it now...

Teacher: Okay class, I want you to play chapters two through three by next Monday in Duke Nukem.

Student 1: Ahhh man! I rather read the Great Gatsby!

Student 2: Or the Scarlet Letter.

Student 1: Yeah! Can we read that? Duke is sooooo boring!

Teacher: Now class, how will ever respect the early periods of video games if you never take the time to explore the wonderful world of Duke?

-Oh yeah, I would take that class.

While I do agree with Yahtzee somewhat, I still thought the game was far and beyond many FPSes of today. But Yahtzee, your biggest mistake with DNF was playing the 360 version. No matter what Randy Pitchford says, the console ports were rushed hack jobs, the PS3 version less so. But overall? I thought the PC version was pretty good for a game that took this long to make. Something that DNF has that no other game besides Bulletstorm has done for me has given me a sense of adventure. Around the time I was scaling the outside of Duke Burger, I was emerssed in the experience because while the game is chopped into levels, it felt continuous and plausible.

It made sense for the last few levels to be dark and industrial because it's the Hoover Dam, which we had gotten to via traversing the Mojave Desert in a monster truck. The 2-Weapon swap, while I don't mind it and actually sort of like it, doesn't fit with a Duke Nukem game no matter how you slice it. Not that DN5 should go back to 15 weapons on a whim, at least to me. what should the next Duke game do, then? I have no bloody idea. I mean, Duke Nukem Forever is out. That idea alone is surreal enough that making a sequel to it is just plain alien.

Also, I liked the ending, bite me. (Be sure to watch after the credits of the game).

The only reason why this game might be remembered after a year is because it was infamous for taking 13 years to release. If nobody had ever heard of Duke Nukem before, this would've been as forgotten as that one game I can't remember...

The funny thing about this is, your actually being alot nicer to this game than most reviewers. Its also not that bad now that i've played a bit.

I'm not denying that the game had flaws, however I'm somewhat curious about a few points.
What exactly is this load time issue? I played it on the PC. My rigs about a year old, built for gaming. It was nearly instant loading. I've heard lots of complains from console users (not sure why you'd play games on a console but hey) that don't seem to translate to the pc version.

Grandmaster_Yoda:
I'm not denying that the game had flaws, however I'm somewhat curious about a few points.
What exactly is this load time issue? I played it on the PC. My rigs about a year old, built for gaming. It was nearly instant loading. I've heard lots of complains from console users (not sure why you'd play games on a console but hey) that don't seem to translate to the pc version.

he plays mainly on console. from videos i have seen of the xbox version, the pc does look better but half life 2 is tones nicer to look at then this game.

The loading screens are slightly better than Borderland's. The problem is you have to go through the loading screen every time you die, and you die a lot, particularly on platform/puzzle bits.

Obviously a PC game like most FPS are. With the loading times and frame rate issues should be clear that it wasn't designed for consoles first. Don't know though cause I didn't buy it. I am betting it cheapens in price after all the bad reviews.

They missed out on the one thing that could've saved this game and turned it around very easily...

just putting the original Duke game on an arcade machine in the main game.
And no i'm not talking about Duke 3D, i mean he ORIGINAL Duke.

Sigh, we were all wishing so much that DNF would make a proper come-back...sad to hear that it hasn't :(

I'm actually enjoying the game. I didn't expect much of it because...well, it's Duke Nukem. Duke Nukem 3D wasn't all that great back in its own days. Twas just enjoyable, and so is this game; a simple fragfest fun shooter (unlike most pretecious shit today like COD, MOH, and the like). The only thing I really hate are the loading screens. And no, they're not there because the game was made for a PC (I'm playing it on a pc) but because the game was badly made. Witcher 2 has 4 times shorter loading screens.

Solon_Mega:
I've must have been watching WAY too many episodes of ZP, because I could notice something odd in Yahtzee's voice. People! He was SAD! As in really emotionally depressed. This time I really think he was not just doing his job of bashing at games (in the name of improvment, of course), no. He was mourning.

I mean, it's not like he has no reason to. This was supposed to be the "Lighting shuriken/ tits on fire" combo he(we) was(were) hoping for.

Let's all make a minute of silence, in name of what DNF could have been... before we conform and slap some walltits

I agree, he DID sound sad. I think because, in his Extra Punctuation regarding DNF after he made the mock review, that he would enjoy DNF if it was a complete throwback to the classic that was 3D: with the 9-weapon carrying and the camp and Mighty Foot and everything!

Instead, we got a game that was bright and campy for the first few levels before plunging deep into Yahtzee's pit of "generic FPS"-dom. Not to mention the fact that it had a two-weapon system(seriously, WTF? I don't wanna play a shoddy attempt at a Halo clone. I wanna play DUKE FUCKING NUKEM) and a melee-with-weapons system(see my earlier point).

If DNF was a complete and total throwback to the 1990s FPSs like Doom and Sin and Quake, then I bet Yahtzee would've LOVED this game. Instead...we got a Halo/Modern Warfare/Killzone semi-clone...

Poor, beleaguered, violated, dead-on-arrival Duke Nukem Forever. Maybe they can make a good game now that this one's given its feeble moneyshot.

Sylocat:
Duke Nukem Forever was released before Half-Life 2: Episode 3.

Think about that for a moment.

I wonder what DNF would have looked like if Valve had made it...

finc:

Sylocat:
Duke Nukem Forever was released before Half-Life 2: Episode 3.

Think about that for a moment.

I wonder what DNF would have looked like if Valve had made it...

It would be the same game, only A LOT shorter, even worse looking and would have taken a couple of years more to develop.

Seriously, people are just too zealous when it comes to Valve. They released HL2 episode 1 and 2 because they are lazy fucks! They even dare to call it "essentially Half Life 3!" Way to go on being lazy and not wanting to develop a new engine. Source is so freakin' old and ugly...but when Episode 3 comes along people will still worship it like it's the second coming of Jesus or something, same reason people still play World of Warcraft...or even Counter Strike 1.6 for that matter.

i still think the source engine is good looking. still detailed and not a hardware eater like some other engines out there. seriously, i think the source engine (HL2) looks much nicer then what we see in DNF.
and i think valve would have done a better job with the DNF then what we got now.

I liked the first review more, i never really got into the hype of duke nukem and always enjoyed games like Quake hexxen, bodytrap(boobytrap)? more.

Probably a good reason to Quake is still around while 3drealms got boosted,

Seems a certain Aussie makes a cameo over at VGcats this week, http://www.vgcats.com/comics/

BTW, wasn't this Yahtzee's 200th review? You'd think he would at least mention it..

The very ironic (to me ) thing about this video is I was rereading the count of monte cristo while waiting for it to load.

You know Yahtzee, I remember you making a call to developers to have a "luck" bar instead of a health bar and I believe the Ego bar sounds about perfect. You couldn't at least say you were pleased by that for what it was? I haven't played it yet so I don't know if I hate you or agree about the rest.

"thats not true. Even on a top end PC it has those issues."

Why do I keep seeing this? My PC is nowhere near top end, core i5 and a single Geforce 560 Ti. On max settings, I never saw slowdown, and with my standard 7200 RPM HDD I never saw loading times over 5 seconds at the absolute max (I timed it). There must have been a patch or something, because so many people parrot this when it's not at all true (maybe it was at some point...?)

I had some pretty good fun with the PC version. I have no idea how the console versions are, but I really couldn't care less. If it isn't Gears, Halo or CoD, the community dies in a month and there are no mods, ever.

I'm not saying the game is awesome or anything, but choosing the X360 version was a bit of an odd choice in my opinion.

I tried, honestly tried to play through this. I thought we'd get an average game with at least an attempt at cheeky humor, so talk about a let-down. I can't even imagine a college of drunken frat boys plugging this in and coming out the otherside not feeling disturbed, even after downing a garbage can full of grain alcohol and Tang.

There's just no excuse for this, not one. The story is awful even for Duke Nukem standards, the grahpics are crap, the controls are crap (I heard it was even worse on the consoles so take from that what you will) and the humor is outright disgusting when it isn't simply bad. I mean it's like mysoginistic snuff-film bad. I kept expecting the Cinema Snob to lean out of my PC and slap me in the face for playing such a piece of drivel. Not that he had the opportunity since the game crashed every other loading screen, meaning I've spent more time of my life waiting to play Duke Nukem Forever than actually playing it.

Duke Nukem Forever the game that should never of existed after all They promised the fans something they couldn't provide. Not to mention how could a game like DNF ever compete with DN3D the ultimate badass game.

Now waiting for Half-Life 2 episode3

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