Zero Punctuation: Duke Nukem Forever (for real this time)

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Let's just hope Serious Sam doesn't disappoint in the same way is all I can say.

Wow, Yhatzee was really holding back on the rage, propably because he felt sorry for the old man(Duke).
Well, I suppose that you need you show old people some respect

I do kind of agree with Yahtzee. It is a bit sad to see Duke return saying "Did you miss me?" and then being pelted with rocks from every review site in existence who loved him about 13 years ago. Yahtzee's reviews are cynical and sarcastic, but it would be foolish to deny that he can make some very good points.
I've said this on many other threads, so I'll say it here too where it's actually nessecary: I like Duke Nukem Forever. The load screens were hell and some of the shooting sections sucked, but really, I'm just glad to see Duke back. Even with the limitations like regenerating health and two weapon limit (which really didn't bother me, Duke will always be thought of as that badass with a jetpack flying through a strip club with an RPG, kicking aliens in the face, and spouting out one liners. Duke Nukem in DNF is still the person we all love, he's just gone with the flow. Still, DNF gets honor in my book for being funny. There were quite a few parts in the game when I actually laughed out loud, something that only one other series can do: Portal. Yes, I will laugh when I'm having ridiculous amounts of fun and just wasting enemies into nothing (Prototype, Doom, Mortal Kombat), only the Portal games and the Duke Nukem games can make me laugh from humor alone. Yes, Portal appeals more to the twisted, dark sense of humor I have, immature humor is always funny. Okay, some could disagree, but really, who hasn't laughed at a well made immature boner joke once? Duke takes that to the extreme, and I can respect extremes.
8/10 is my rating of the game. It's not getting my personal game of the year award (which is probably going to end up with Portal 2 or MK9), but it offered me what I wanted: more Duke Nukem.

Maybe it shouldn't have come out. At least that's what I would tell if I ever cared for the series at all. Duke represents everything that's being holding this industry back for years. Brainless, aimed for teenage-boys, chauvinist games.

It's like Two and a Half Men meets Twilight.

In my opinion it's a good thing for games in general that this series had such a dissapointing final chapter. If successful, we would be walking backwards in game development right now.

I really did try to like it...but in the end, ironically, it was waiting for the endless loading screens were what truly deferred me from having the desire to keep playing more and more haha

...guess I'm not THAT patient :p

He still liked it better than Halo.

pretty good review (though it did feel like you were going a little too easy on it)
this meatball was at least 9 years past its prime, therefore let us all move on to better things :O

Gee, considering all the scathing reviews this game's gotten across the web, I thought he'd evicerate it. If you ask me, he went too easy on it.

Oh Yahtzee I feel you held back on this one.
And I also feel your pain this game brings, also the controls are equally shit on all platforms.

I think it deserves it's own pedestal tho: "Why games should not be developed for 14 years"

Yahtzee depressed ? I'll be damned...

Sigh. I suppose in the back of my mind I was expecting this, but part of me still hoped that Yahtzee would do inFamous 2 instead. What hasn't already been said about DNF? And considering how much he enjoyed inFamous (faults and all) I was hoping to get his take on the sequel. Instead of the DNF critique with highly predictably content. Nonetheless, this was entertaining. And perhaps inFamous 2 is on the way next week.

I'd say I thought Yahtzee pulled his punches but when something is already on the ground half-conscious and twitching kicking it a couple of times just doesn't have the same satisfaction.

Who is that guy that appears in almost all of these reviews? (obviously I am not referring to stick Yahtzee I mean the picture used as Dukes cover)

Not too long ago Yahtzee did an IAM on were he answered several questions that various people online would ask him. One of them asked:
"The Thomas Ruff photo appears in nearly every episode. Is there a story behind that, or is it just a running gag?"

To which Yahztee answered:
"He just makes me laugh. I've seen Ruff's other expressionless faces and all of them have some hint of emotion, like surprise of a little smile, but Mr. Expressionless has nothing. He's hollow. Dead in the eyes. And that's why I love him."

I'm forced to again wonder why Yahtzee just didn't install the game on a 360 and then play it. Considering it will most probably load faster then all other consoles/PC. (especially if on Max settings.)

You know that game that Yahtzee reviewed in his other DNF review? Anyone remember that one?

Yeah it would've been better than Duke Nukem Forever.

Wait, whaddya mean it doesn't exist?!

Does he sound... Sad?

I bet that's how he'll sound when he realizes that the HD re-issuing of Silent Hill 2 & 3 is getting re-recorded voice acting. He sounded happy about it in the recent Extra Punctuation, but if they get Nolan North to do the part of James Sunderland, I'm pretty sure both Yahtzee and I will hang ourselves.

I guess I could be down with Jennifer Hale doing Claudia Wolf... That would work...

I think Yahtzee almost sounds sympathetic for DNF, as if he did really want it to be a decent game. As he said, he's been far worse to games that were far better. I guess he was like a lot of people (myself included) who did want DNF to do well and be somewhat worthy of the long wait.

Harry Mason:
Does he sound... Sad?

I bet that's how he'll sound when he realizes that the HD re-issuing of Silent Hill 2 & 3 is getting re-recorded voice acting. He sounded happy about it in the recent Extra Punctuation, but if they get Nolan North to do the part of James Sunderland, I'm pretty sure both Yahtzee and I will hang ourselves.

I guess I could be down with Jennifer Hale doing Claudia Wolf... That would work...

Malcolm Reyn- I mean Nathan Fillion would be perfect for that role.


Wow. Yahtzee didn't really bash it so much as mourn it.

I can't even tell if he enjoyed it or not.

Most reviewers seemed to be holding a grudge against this game because they believed the hype. **ck hype, it ruins everything or at least makes it worse (as in this flawed case).

Who is that guy that appears in almost all of these reviews? (obviously I am not referring to stick Yahtzee I mean the picture used as Dukes cover)

According to Yahtzee himself, the first image result that popped up when he googled "blank expression".

Finally, a reviewer that doesn't hate the game for stupid reasons.

Did the game have problems? Yes. But not a single one of them was from being too immature, or childish or crude. It's Duke Nukem! Complaining that Duke Nukem was offensive is like complaining that the Chinese Restaurant down the street is serving Chinese food. I feel like Yahtzee is the only guy that understands this.

Almost a mournful episode this week Yahtzee. It's sad to see a game get bashed so mercilessly that Ben Crowshaw takes pity on it.

Wow, can't even watch the vid, wonder if it's traffic or something. That's a first for me.

On DNF, there's some LOLs in it. They would have done better if they spent more time on the maps, situations and humor (based on the levels) instead of chasing the leading edge graphics that moved away faster than they could catch up over a decade. If they kept it more like a Serious Sam (not so serious), wouldn't have been delayed and been better.

But it's certainly a nice change to actually DIE during a game. Modern games hold your freaking hand so much you can play it blindfolded while your indestrucible AI partner does all the work (COD).

This game is unique in that the ZP critique is the most level-headed of all the reviews I have read.

I have read credible people from "credible" site just shoving their hammy prose down our throats as if this game is a personal attack on them. This meanwhile was so restrained and honest about its feelings.

If a game deserves a "bad review" this is the tone I would want for it.

I totally feel Yahtzee's pain here.

I downloaded the demo of DNF from Steam last night - I thought, I'll give it a chance.. perhaps all everyone's been moaning about was the disillusionment felt after waiting for so long.
I thought, I'll give it a go.. I'll give it a chance. I also tried to like it.

One hour later, I'd deleted the demo from my PC. (I didn't even play it for that long.. the hour includes getting a large scotch )

The thing that got me the most was that it felt old.. and I don't mean old fashioned, I mean.. Old.. like Old Man Old. Sluggish. Duke was old and it showed. Where was the Duke with lightening reactions, super athlete Duke from the old days? Basically it was badly coded.

My Machine kills Source Engine games. Had Zero problems with Portal 2 (and it was doing a LOT more than this game).. yet somehow DNF felt laggy.. like he was running in treacle. The aiming was a total disaster too.

I got as far as the bit after the 4x4 truck with the pig cops.. I had a railgun and I missed!!!! I never miss with a railgun!!

UNINSTALL - Glad I didn't waste my money on it and believe me, bad reviews aside, I considered buying it to "Grab a piece of gaming history".

I am a very patient person with games. I recently sunk 90 hours into Enchanted Arms being the completionist that I am. I never delete demos after a few minutes.

I can handle the fact that it took 15 years to make.
I can handle tasteless jokes. Even old or crummy graphics.
But when the controls have been hammed up so much that I can't even aim properly, That stinks of poor programming - the "It'll do, Ship it!!!" lazy attitude I joke about in my day job.

Afterwards, I found a version of DN3D which plays in Windows.. had a blast!

well the game could have redeemed itself in my eyes if instead of having the jokes come every half hour maybe like every couple of mins it would have been tolerable seriously i played through an entire level without one little joke from duke like what the hell

The last joke (the singer one) had me laughing out loud.

That was... *sniffle* ....beautiful...

I got a big smile on my face when I saw he was reviewing DNF this week. Like a lot of other people, I'm surprised he went so easy on it. With it's troubled history, scathing reviews from other sites, and how Yahtzee predicted the game would probably be shit in his joke review, I was expecting him to want to tear it apart. (well, he still tore it apart, but he did so regretfully).

I love that ending he pulled off there, pretty much summed up DNF as an overall game!

You play around with the mouse settings? DNF was definately designed with a consoles first mentality. Had to mess around with the settings to get decent control, but it's ok after that.

And yep it is slow, but all modern FPS are slow compared to the old stuff. If you have played the older Quake and Q2 stuff with much faster (and deadlier) rockets (and quad), rocket jumps and hands free grapple todays fare is baby stuff. In that way DNF isn't old school sadily enough, but can understand it as they were catering to the modern gamer.

DNF wasn't worth the full price, but I brougth it anyway just to say thanks for someone actually bringing it out and for a bit of history, same way I was going to see Tron: Legacy no matter what ;)

Huh. It seems like he pitied the game more than hated it. Which I guess you can't help with the game's history and not only it's badness but just how BAD it really is.

He didn't bash "DnF" hard enough. After so many years in development they should have produced something decent at the very least. I think nobody would complain if they would have just left the core mechanics intact, essentially creating another "Duke 3D" on a modern level. Instead they just made a grey and boring "MW"/"Halo" knock-off with pig-cops.

But all of us already knew that a more than decade-old escapade such as this is nothing more than a financial fraud to make publishers part with their money whilst doing absolutely nothing to return the investment. "3DRealms" might have been sincere at the beginning, but I would bet an arm and a leg that they had given up on it within three years of initial development.

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