Honesty is the Best Poly-cy (Except When It Isn’t)

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I am intrigued with this new idea. I'll even go as far as to say I'll be looking forward to these Love FAQ.

As for the content itself, the second guy left me like (0_0)

This new columns is absolutely hilarious. You have me laughing out loud

CosmicCommander:
I looked at the second article.

I gave a sigh.

People seem to be losing a sense of what a marriage is, and what one should do in a relationship like that. Seriously, this borders on ludicrous.

Oh, I know the intellectual hegemony here is gonna brand me as "intolerant" and "unenlightened"- but maybe I'm too idealistic to just believe marriage is about committing yourself to a partner, and sticking with it. Not sharing it out between several people.

If you don't have the commitment and will to have one marital partner, you shouldn't marry.

Well, if people decide to complain about you about being non-receptive to the idea of an open marriage/polyamorous/whatever the fuck you want to call it, then they'll have to do the same to me. Seriously, what is the point of getting married if you're going to agree to go get your goodies in other places as well? Marriage, as I've always understood, is a pledge of deep and lasting love to one another, not just some little piece of paper and an expensive ring on each other's fingers. If you're going to look for other jollies, then don't get hitched!

rembrandtqeinstein:

Look at ladies not just as potential sex partners - that is, as a means to an end - but as worthy of friendship for their own sake.

Being friends with a woman is like being friends with a really lame guy. He whines about his fuckbuddies all the time, he doesn't like the movies you like because they have tits and blood in them, he won't help you fix your car because it will get his hands greasy and he won't help you move furniture because he is too wimpy.

There is no advantage to having women as friends but tons of disadvantage. However there are several advantages to faking a friendship. A. you might get lucky if she gets desperate or feeling bad or gets drunk enough to overlook your flaws, and B. She is likely to have female friends into whose pants you could potentially get.

The correct course of action is to pretend to care as long as it doesn't require you to make an effort.

But finding love requires putting yourself on the line a little.

Translation from woman language to English: Our culture requires men to do 100% of the work, accept 100% of the social/rejection risk, and commit 100% of the action responsibility. Accept that in order to "play the game" you need to stick your neck out for women to chop off. Because if you are asking advice you probably aren't attractive enough for any woman to even consider making the slightest bit of effort to create a relationship with you.

While I do agree that you sound bitter, I want to say that your last part is an incredible exaggeration of a small nugget of truth. This nugget is just a social thing, where it has always been up to the man to "ask out" the woman. However, assuming that all women are a bunch of whorish bitches who are there to take all that you have is faulty thinking; you've obviously been looking at the wrong women. Also remember that women also spend tons and tons of time trying to catch the attention of men; why the hell do you think they spend so much time on beauty products and making sure they look great?

As for my response to the column, it has already been written as this:

OniaPL:
...Love advice on Escapist? No thanks.

I come here to read news, look at, and talk about video games. Considering some of the stories that can pop up in the off topic sections of the forums, the last thing that I care to hear about is the love life and troubles therein of the Escapist.

Story 1: I'd find it extremely creepy if a friend approached me looking for any or all of my female friends/relatives/neighbours/coworkers. Fostering that kind of desperation in someone seems like a bad idea. I think the problem is a more general social one. It's hard NOT to be in a place with single women. He should be getting his social life on track through extracurricular activities before he even considers hunting for a love life. (If all else fails, eHarmony?)

Story 2: No mutual love, no mutual lust, divorce.

General Comments: The article is silly. Sounds like gossip on someone's personal blog rather than a legitimate advice column.

This entire thing feels wrong. If the person writing these columns has no professional experience in the domain of private/sexual life, what's keeping her from giving out the wrong advice? In fact, what's the difference between this and some guy posting his problem on the forums, in a thread? He's still anonymous and he'll most likely get a lot more answers to his problem.

Love is a serious, risky, business in witch there are no general wrong or right choices since everything comes down to the people involved and what their ideologies and cultural/social/religious opinions are and witch is, and this is very important, PURELY SUBJECTIVE. That means that the person asking advice might find your advice horrible since it's against his general belief, or your advice might be flawed since he didn't mention one detail.

You see where the whole "screwing-up" part can come in?

Finally, none of these people (if they do indeed exist) asked you about advice for "love". One of them has trouble dating women (witch he might not want to exactly marry, if you know what I mean) and the other has a marriage issue and requires professional help from a marriage counselor. And marriage doesn't always go hand in hand with love (and by "doesn't always" I mean mostly).

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Honesty is the Best Poly-cy (Except When It Isn't)

Love advice for the confused and clueless.

Read Full Article

This first question is a difficult one for a woman to answer, being completely honest. Providing a helpful answer, beyond "you're not trying hard enough," requires a certain empathy. It also requires a certain absence of assumptions. I really just don't feel the answer in the column provided those.

Dear LoveFAQ:

I haven't been out on a good date in years (too many years). My problem is: I'm surrounded by men! I work predominantly with men, my hobbies mostly involve men, and my friends are mostly men. Where do I go to meet some women? I just can't seem to find the right place/hobby/location. Help me!

-- Cockblocked

It's easy for us to assume that you're looking for a quick hook-up. Not in the malicious love'em-leave'em way, but looking for some sort of "instant girlfriend." I think you're probably smart and mature enough to know that, being as admittedly out-of-practice as you are, you're more just looking for where to go to get started. In a metaphorical sense, you're asking where the batting cages are, not how to go pro tomorrow.

Depending on where you live, your town may not have much of a single "scene." I know that when I was living in small Southern towns, the only places to meet single women were bars and churches. Pretty stark contrast between the sorts of girls you'd meet there. And they're really not the best places to be looking anyhow, for a variety of reasons we won't discuss here.

You've got friends, so clearly you have interactive hobbies. Since you're on this site, we'll assume gaming (in one form or another) is one of them. And that the internet is another. Here's the ticket: Don't look for "girls who have the same hobbies." Look for groups who share your hobby, whether or not they have girls, and get plugged in. You're doing three things here:

One, you're increasing your self-sufficiency by not seeking a relationship. Cliché as it sounds, you're learning to be happy on your own. Two, you're learning about your own strengths and weaknesses. By interacting with new groups, you'll get a better picture about what you add to a group, and knowing yourself better is never a bad thing when deciding what you're looking for.

And three, you're increasing your social network... but not in a "dating website" artificial way. That's when a guy looks on a site, finds a pretty girl, and then cooks up a common interest to make a go of it. Instead, you're starting with the common interest. Additionally, you'll allow yourself to get past the usual stigma attached to "meeting online," if there is any in your case. Don't be afraid of it. Know the potential hazards, but don't let them put you off finding friends online.

The other possibility, crazy as it may seem? There's always the option of finding a new job and moving to a new town. Not "in search of the elusive female." But perhaps, if you've been living there for a long time, these are people who remember a younger version of you--and if you're like most of us, it's a less-flattering version. Changing location can give you a fresh start.

That last one is admittedly drastic. Your job or family situation may very well not permit it. You may be vehemently opposed to the notion altogether. But sometimes, when all the safe and cliché advice falls short, we can't be afraid of the more drastic options...

Well I wouldn't enter the discussion about quality of these advice, but what does this have to do with our gaming site, there are sites for this sort of stuff, I mean this is not Cosmo or something.

I think your spread out policy is not working very well.

I'm sorry but "girls are everywhere" is really not a way to help this guy. Maybe it's more difficult for you to understand because you're a woman, but if you see a girl you really like, in a supermarket, on a street, subway, it's really not that easy to interact. I say that because from my experience, guys are usually the ones that would initiate flirting.
That's why you see alot of couples in higschool, college etc, where men and women are practically "forced" to see eachother almost everyday, making things easier. There are many cases in which one of the partners actually had a crush on the other maybe even years before getting together, because that's how some people are ( being anxious, socially "awkward" etc).

I don't have any solid advice for the guy, because some people have that "thing" that makes them able to just flirt with little to no effort. But most of them don't and all I could tell Mr. Cockblocked is that you need to start dating and never stop trying ( even dating services, blind dates, ask your friends about anyone single they know would be interested stuff like that ). Me and my gf have been together for the last 6 years now, and counting, and because I met her in highschool I really do not have any good advice about this stuff.

P.S: the link between this guy's situation and username is just too funny not to point out.

Oh and to the second couple ( I just saw the second page >_> ) , I don't want to sound ignorant, but the only advice I can give you is that you need to get your shit together.

I am so stunned by these comments I don't know where to start.

First, to those of you questioning if the author is "qualified" to give advice, why don't you READ the disclaimer at the bottom of the article. She clearly states she is not a professional therapist. This is an advice column, and you are free to take it or leave it. The author is genuinely trying to reach out using a public forum by providing practical and sincere advice. You are certainly free to disagree but doing so in such a contentious manner is quite distasteful and detracts from any point you are trying to make.

Also, to state that the author is only qualified to give advice because she is a woman, wow. That is possibly the most sexist thing I have heard all day and I work in a male-dominated work place. Well done on beating them!

Second, to those of you panning the column by stating it "should be in Cosmo" or some "fluffy teenage girl magazine" because Escapist is ONLY for gaming and other associated things, well, the Escapist have active forums for non-gaming interests and it's not like this is required reading - you can choose to NOT click on the column if you find the idea of it so reprehensible. There are many people who might welcome advice from someone in this community versus another site that is strictly advice oriented.

Third, I found the advice, as stated above, both practical and sincere. The author's use of humor is appropriate and not condescending. I cannot say the same for many of the comments here that go so far as attacking the author at personal level, claiming that she is just trying to "break out of the gaming article genre", stating that her advice is "bordering on madness rather than real life experience" etc.

To the rest of you who provided sincere and thoughtful discussion on the column - I enjoyed reading your views on the subject.

I would like to applaud the author's initial column and look forward to the next installment.

imnotparanoid:

I promise, CB: Nobody's smuggled the ladies away somewhere, stashing them in some secret volcano hideout.

Thats right, type that.
Muahahahahahahahahahaha!

That's right, type that!
Muahahahahahahahahahaha! Little do you know that I stole them from your volcano and stashed them in my own ... well, you know now, but it is already too late, I set up a series of devilish traps and obstacle courses with deceptively simple solution! You'll never make it through alive!

OT: I read the second article before this one, and I think they are both very interesting and offer some fairly decent advice (especially given that you don't actually know these people and have to work based off one letter that may not give all the necessary details).

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