The Unbearable Lightness of Licking Lampposts

 Pages PREV 1 2
 

Ophenix:
For some reason this sentence has been misinterpreted so I'll try and explain myself. Uninterested in =/= Not attracted to.
I don't date guys I don't find attractive but I sometimes end up with people who are uninteresting, a mismatch, or people who have some random feature I find to be a horrible turn-off (like smoking, drinking, drugs, autobiographies or modern poetry).
I will still sleep with the guy because I am attracted to him but I won't be seeing him again and I will probably ask him to wait till I leave before he lights his cigarette.

Ah, I see. Well the couple of guys I mentioned as having had sex with without dating would fit into that I guess? Like the first one (my first experience) was 36, and I wasn't interested in a relationship with someone that age (neither was he, so that was a painless situation). One of the guys I dated became a friends with benefits because a committed relationship didn't sound like a good fit.
I don't know how common it is for relationship to be similar to what you see in romantic comedies, but I've never known one, be it one I was a part of or one I heard about.

Now I hear that gay males, if they want casual sex, can have a lot of it because there is plenty of other partners, while for straight guys it's harder because there are less females who are willing. It seems to be true in many cases, whether it's because females risk more (females are usually physically weaker than males, making violence easier against them, and pregnancy is a risk too. And of course receiving partners are more at risk for STDs on top of that), because of social-related reluctance (read, they don't want to be called a slut and not be considered marriage material as a result) or because women have less libido on average (I wouldn't know, I don't have sex with them, so I only have myself to base an opinion on, and an average can't be based on a single person).
Also it's harder to have sex in the bathroom when you're not both allowed in the same bathroom.

However, I would say that outside of these casual-sex contexts (of which there are some in non-gay communities too, by the way. Fertility festivals for instance), relationships are probably pretty similar. I think the people who would know best are probably bisexual people or pansexual people, as they have a better chance to have experienced both, which makes comparison easier.

I don't think the Lamppost dude should be worried about telling his girlfriend that he is a virgin. If I were in her shoes, him admitting that would be a plus for several reasons:

- He felt comfortable enough with me to abandon the hypermasculine social pressure put on men to not be virgins and admit that he was one.

- It's one more thing we have in common, so that would be nice. Also, sex would be something we could experience together for the first time, which might be nice (provided one is patient, and have the ability to laugh at oneself).

- If it so happened that I had lied about being a virgin, then it would at least put us on common (if possibly slightly awkward) ground.

I seriously can't imagine how the girl could be pissed off at an admission like that. It's totally disarming. Sure, he lied, but it's about the most predictable and forgivable lie in relationships.

Further reassurance to Mr Never Actually Licked A Lamppost In Winter: My sister and her husband were both virgins when they met in University. They did have the awkward "So... I've never done this before" conversation and from what my sister tells me, it actually took a huge amount of "performance pressure" off both of them, allowing them to enjoy learning about sex together. And clearly their lack of experience didn't hinder anything, since they got married last month. :)

Edit: On a more personal note, I had a relationship with a guy at Uni who didn't tell me he was a virgin (I wasn't a virgin by this point), but I found out after the first time we had sex. I felt really betrayed that he didn't tell me beforehand. So yeah - honesty's the best policy on this one.

Interestingly enough, I actually AM Mr. Never Actually Licked A Lamppost in Winter (definitely not the name I used in the email I sent, but it has a nice ring to it).

I told her about the situation - the advice given, plus overwhelming majority of responses (and common sense) were right. Everything worked out fine. No hard feelings, massive weight lifted off my chest, no awkwardness. If anything, it brought us closer together.

Maybe we'll end up losing our virginity to each other (theatrically cheesy as it sounds), maybe it won't work out. Either way I'm done with the insecurity and white lies.

Here's to the future, and of course, to Lara Crigger, the guardian angel that helped me through a tough spot. Melodramatic, I know, but the situation was very significant for me. Thank you, and best of luck to you and the column!

-NALALIW

TangoOneSix:
Interestingly enough, I actually AM Mr. Never Actually Licked A Lamppost in Winter (definitely not the name I used in the email I sent, but it has a nice ring to it).

I told her about the situation - the advice given, plus overwhelming majority of responses (and common sense) were right. Everything worked out fine. No hard feelings, massive weight lifted off my chest, no awkwardness. If anything, it brought us closer together.

Maybe we'll end up losing our virginity to each other (theatrically cheesy as it sounds), maybe it won't work out. Either way I'm done with the insecurity and white lies.

Here's to the future, and of course, to Lara Crigger, the guardian angel that helped me through a tough spot. Melodramatic, I know, but the situation was very significant for me. Thank you, and best of luck to you and the column!

-NALALIW

Thrilled to hear it worked out well for you (and your lass). :) *high fives*

TangoOneSix:
Interestingly enough, I actually AM Mr. Never Actually Licked A Lamppost in Winter (definitely not the name I used in the email I sent, but it has a nice ring to it).

I told her about the situation - the advice given, plus overwhelming majority of responses (and common sense) were right. Everything worked out fine. No hard feelings, massive weight lifted off my chest, no awkwardness. If anything, it brought us closer together.

Maybe we'll end up losing our virginity to each other (theatrically cheesy as it sounds), maybe it won't work out. Either way I'm done with the insecurity and white lies.

Here's to the future, and of course, to Lara Crigger, the guardian angel that helped me through a tough spot. Melodramatic, I know, but the situation was very significant for me. Thank you, and best of luck to you and the column!

-NALALIW

That's awesome news! So glad to hear it. Thanks so much for popping on here to let us know how it panned out, and I'm glad to have helped in whatever small way that I could.

Now go swoop her off her feet.

Wait. No. I mean *sweep*. Sweep her off her feet. Swooping is bad.

Avistew:
It seems to be true in many cases, whether it's because females risk more (females are usually physically weaker than males, making violence easier against them, and pregnancy is a risk too. And of course receiving partners are more at risk for STDs on top of that), because of social-related reluctance (read, they don't want to be called a slut and not be considered marriage material as a result) or because women have less libido on average (I wouldn't know, I don't have sex with them, so I only have myself to base an opinion on, and an average can't be based on a single person).
Also it's harder to have sex in the bathroom when you're not both allowed in the same bathroom.

I believe there are several years worth of extensive studies on the subject of male vs. female sex drive, so if you are interested - I can highly recommend reading blog of a sex-educator Emily Nagoski (she calls herself a "sex nerd" - really fitting when you read some of her posts)
A "back of the envelope" summary would be that women biologically have a more complex system that defines sex drive than men (dear feminists - not "better", not "worse". "More complex" as in "more STUFF happening inside the body to determine if it's "on" or not") The way Emily describes it - female "sex drive car" has a more sensitive break pedal, while male "sex drive car" has a more sensitive gas pedal. So regardless of the engines in these cars, male one tends to have a faster start than the female one.

Just wanted to elaborate a bit, in case anyone's interested in that kind of thing.

Before I'm shunned or warned I would like to say That I am not looking to insult, flame, or troll anyone on this site be that contributors or readers.

My question is this:

Why do we need a column like this on the Escapist? I get that it might bring more readers to this lovely site but a column like this seems to draw attention away from games and put more focus on the fact that "geeks" aren't like normal people and therefore should get special "geek advice" when it comes to love. I think that is a dangerous way to go down. I have always respected this magazine for it's dedicaton to gaming and it's aim to stay on target, which is why I am so surprised and frankly a little put off.

I come to this site for gaming news and everything gaming related not to read a column about sex and feelings.

That said, it is only my own humble opinion and I do not want to destroy the joy or help anyone might get from this.

Sodoff:
Before I'm shunned or warned I would like to say That I am not looking to insult, flame, or troll anyone on this site be that contributors or readers.

My question is this:

Why do we need a column like this on the Escapist? I get that it might bring more readers to this lovely site but a column like this seems to draw attention away from games and put more focus on the fact that "geeks" aren't like normal people and therefore should get special "geek advice" when it comes to love. I think that is a dangerous way to go down. I have always respected this magazine for it's dedicaton to gaming and it's aim to stay on target, which is why I am so surprised and frankly a little put off.

I come to this site for gaming news and everything gaming related not to read a column about sex and feelings.

That said, it is only my own humble opinion and I do not want to destroy the joy or help anyone might get from this.

Geeks are different then Jocks, and the advice you would give them would be different. That being said, you don't actually have to read the column. Just keep doing what you were doing and ignore this new column.
(Note: please do not read this as antagonizing or anything like that)

It still doesen't answer why we need this column on the Escapist. There already is a site called "geeks are hot" or something like that.

Besides what if the people you label as "Jocks" also like to game, suddenly they are not deserving of the same advice as us "cool geeks" ?

It's this labeling people into certain groups that I find so surprising for a site that also hosts Extra Credits (Who argued that we should seek to get rid of this "geek/gamer" label)

The answer "just ignore it and keep doing what you are doing" doesen't work for me. If everyone did that then what point would there be in feedback?

Sodoff:
It still doesen't answer why we need this column on the Escapist. There already is a site called "geeks are hot" or something like that.

Besides what if the people you label as "Jocks" also like to game, suddenly they are not deserving of the same advice as us "cool geeks" ?

It's this labeling people into certain groups that I find so surprising for a site that also hosts Extra Credits (Who argued that we should seek to get rid of this "geek/gamer" label)

The answer "just ignore it and keep doing what you are doing" doesen't work for me. If everyone did that then what point would there be in feedback?

Sigh. We can get rid of Movie Bob as well while you are at it. Most of his stuff is about Comics or random nonsense like the episode about Genetic Engineering. Who cares about that stuff anyhow...
Most sketches I saw of Loading Ready Run (I stopped watching it about a year ago because it wasn't funny to me) had nothing to do with Nerdry... Why keep them here?

This column is here because it is here and we are happy for it. It enriches and diversifies the site. You don't want to read it? Don't.
If you look at the comments on the various posts you will notice a lot of them address issues of gender, relationships and such. So why not have it all out in a weekly column?
It makes sense to me. And when I think about other gaming sites (like GayGamer for example) usually address relationships and advice as well.

I'm not sure the Jocks is correct. I hang out with Jocks too much and what I noticed is that rather than post questions online they just ask each other. More practical? Yes. But this is more fun :D

What the hell is it with this attitude of: "if you dont like it then you can just shut up" ?

Are you afraid that because I didn't fall head over heels in love with the column and dared to post a comment that wasen't all giddy with praise that the Escapist might shut it down? Of course they won't, this column is here to stay and my critique is going to mean nothing in the long run.
So again I ask you what's the point in feedback if you are just going to tell me to shut up and stop reading the column?

Sodoff:
What the hell is it with this attitude of: "if you dont like it then you can just shut up"?

If you don't like it don't read it =\= If you don't like it shut up. Don't try and make this into a personal assault, it isn't.

Big site with lots of articles, can't please everyone. Don't like it? Read something else.

Ophenix:

Sodoff:
What the hell is it with this attitude of: "if you dont like it then you can just shut up"?

If you don't like it don't read it =\= If you don't like it shut up. Don't try and make this into a personal assault, it isn't.

Big site with lots of articles, can't please everyone. Don't like it? Read something else.

I apologize if it seemed like I was trying to making into something it is not, but my question still stands. I have noticed that whenever a critical voice rises about any of the content here be it Moviebob, ZP or this column, almost instantly they will be told to hush up and "stop reading/watching"
It's that culture I'm trying to question. If we all react that way to critiscm then how is this site going to move forward?

Don't agree on that last one at all, ya it may go well but hes risking his relationship on something of zero importance... how about telling her all your wet dreams and all the porn you watch while you're at it to really put things on edge.

Tell her you are unskilled and you need to take it slow(the actual act not the relationship), but don't go sabotaging your relationship over nothing.

Sodoff:
I have noticed that whenever a critical voice rises about any of the content here be it Moviebob, ZP or this column, almost instantly they will be told to hush up and "stop reading/watching"
It's that culture I'm trying to question. If we all react that way to critiscm then how is this site going to move forward?

Right... Sweety, this is criticism:

Mr.K.:
Don't agree on that last one at all, ya it may go well but hes risking his relationship on something of zero importance... how about telling her all your wet dreams and all the porn you watch while you're at it to really put things on edge.

Tell her you are unskilled and you need to take it slow(the actual act not the relationship), but don't go sabotaging your relationship over nothing.

What you posted was -

Sodoff:
Why do we need a column like this on the Escapist? [...] A column like this seems to draw attention away from games and put more focus on the fact that "geeks" aren't like normal people and therefore should get special "geek advice" when it comes to love. [...] I come to this site for gaming news and everything gaming related not to read a column about sex and feelings.

This isn't criticism of the post but of the column's existence. You claim it is irrelevant and stereotyping and therefor harmful, right?
Well there are a lot of advice forums and threads that are dedicated to non-geek audiences. Women's magazines, Men's magazines, even dating sites. This isn't a geek advice column because geeks need it but rather it is a geek advice column because it is in the Escapist.
Second, if you come here to read about new please read the news. No one is forcing you to read every single article here. We all come here for different reasons and are sometimes irked when we see things that are opposed to those reasons. That's fine but you need to accept the fact there are other people out there and they don't all think like you :)
You want a personal example? I'm not American and when the whole mess about banning violent games started I stopped reading articles here. There was a ZP about it, a Shamus about it, a Movie Bob about it... FFS! The whole site was about nothing but this minor issue and an issue that I personally could not care less about. So little American boys won't be able to play Call of Duty, big deal. You see me trolling the forums demanding removal of all material irrelevant to me? No.

Ophenix:
What you posted was -

Was ... what? You do understand that we can't communicate telepathically, not yet anyways.

Mr.K.:

Ophenix:
What you posted was -

Was ... what? You do understand that we can't communicate telepathically, not yet anyways.

Not talking to you. They said "This is criticism" then quoted your post, saying your post is criticism. Then they went back to the other person to tell them THEIR post isn't criticism. Nothing to do with you specifically, your post was just used as an example.

"Sweety" ? Thatīs what you're going with? Patronizing me because I won't roll over and shut up? Weak sauce.

And Your definition of trolling needs to be updated. In my very first post I wrote that I do not want to take anything away from those who gain from this column. Besides who said that you can only critique the content of a column? Who made you the boss of what to critizise?

Sodoff:
And Your definition of trolling needs to be updated. In my very first post I wrote that I do not want to take anything away from those who gain from this column. Besides who said that you can only critique the content of a column? Who made you the boss of what to critizise?

Rather than trolling here post here http://www.escapistmagazine.com/contact/ and good luck.

 Pages PREV 1 2

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Registered for a free account here