Escape to the Movies: Transformers: Dark of the Moon

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I don't know if anyone else has pointed this out yet, but I'll be stuffed if I'm going to read all these comments here. I just wanted to point out that I love the irony of being forced to watch a trailer designed to make you watch this movie, followed by a review explaining to you why it is absolutely terrible.

Madara XIII:
Megatron Died Like a Bitch?!?! Ha! He got Sub-Zero'd (Head ripped off with his spine in), but at least he died by another robot.

F*CKING STARSCREAM DIED LIKE A SUPER BITCH!!...killed by Sam >:(

I was referring to the fact that he did practically nothing the entire movie, then when Sam's new squeeze came to remind the Decepticon leader just who he was, all of a sudden he leaps into action?

Only to be taken down with ease by Optimus? Who at this point had lost one of his arms?

I just thought that was rather weak. Like, pitiful for the status Megatron carried.

commasplice:

Oro44:
Instant flame war: Add one MovieBob. Mix with a healthy dose about a video game or movie "pandering to the base". Add an off-hand comment about Bioware, EA or CoD for flavor. Mix well and let stand for less than five minutes.

Mind if I use that recipe? I'm making troll cakes.

Anchupom:
He's "that douche from Even Stevens". Always has been, and always will be.

This is the exact problem I have with him. I mean, I really liked Even Stevens when I was younger, but I have never been able to see Shia LaBeouf as anyone other than Louis Stevens. Not in Holes, not in Disturbia, not in Transformers and sure as SHIT not in Indiana Jones. In fact, that was my problem with all of those movies. Except Holes. It's just really, really hard for me to take him seriously.

Holes is the one exception for me too, but that's maybe because I read the book and gave a fuck about the character.

Actually, Holes is a really good book/film adaptation. I want to watch that again now...

elitestranger1:
your not alone im tired to.

hey u wanna go see transformer?
no damn it
y not its a good movie
you said terminator 4 and wolverine were good! y am i even friends with u! RAGE!

no matter how much we try to drill sense into brainless mainstream audiences they never listen and the results are irritating (by which i refer to the undeserved large sum that collects in bays back pocket)

Alright mate. Even you must see the irony of calling your friends out for being brainless and mainstream while you don't even take the time to properly spell or write words.

OT: Eh. I'm going with some friends, we'll see some stuff blow up, pair it with a few drinks and we'll all have a good time. That's an evening, and €10,- well spent.

Liudeius:
That guy's name is Shia Lebo?

Shia LaBœuf. Which is one of the worst names you can possibly have in French, honestly. Not only does his last name means the steer (with a female the) but his first name is pronounced like something nasty.

Still Life:

Zing:
Maybe you shouldn't be a movie reviewer if you're so "tired"?

Stop complaining. It is not interesting to listen to.

He's proffered a better argument on the state of then industry than you have.

No he didn't. He is complaining in a video that is suppose to be entertaining. Instead it's just annoying.

When I first saw that they were going to make a Transformers movie, I was like, "Sweet giant robots attacking the shit out of each other, I pay to see that". And what do we get? Shia Lebouf and his issues. Through out the three films is been about Shia and ( insert ugly girlfriend here) and some military/ government guys.

Now it has been said many times...but I'm going to say it again.
Transformers is about Robots that can turn into fucking vehicles fighting other robots that can do the same.

Also if your getting upset about something some guy said on the internet about a specific /nonspecific group of people...get over yourself.

Zing:

Still Life:

Zing:
Maybe you shouldn't be a movie reviewer if you're so "tired"?

Stop complaining. It is not interesting to listen to.

He's proffered a better argument on the state of then industry than you have.

No he didn't. He is complaining in a video that is suppose to be entertaining. Instead it's just annoying.

To you, maybe. I also think you're wrong about the primary motive however, it still entertained me.

*Edit

Also, I see don't some magically more insightful critique from you.

Looks like this summer movie season is going to be dismal. At least last year we got a good Pixar film, a Nolan film, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, and a dark horse favorite from Ben Affleck. This year? Cars 2 sucks and I'm not much of a Marvel fan.

*sigh* at least the aforementioned films are on DVD now...

CliveStaples:

Transformers wasn't about Transformers?

No, it wasn't. It was about Douchey Human and his team of "hilarious" comic relief characters.

And you couldn't tell the difference between the Transformers' personalities? You couldn't distinguish Bumblebee from Optimus Prime, or the two little dudes?

Okay, so Prime had a personality. Bumblebee... uh, what was his personality? "Likes to save Sam?" The two little dudes? Who? Skids and Mudflap? Yes, let's praise their personalities for a moment, good point. Or maybe you meant the two little dudes in the new movie. Well, I haven't seen it, but I've heard these guys are also aggravating.

Well, that's one guy with a personality, someone who saves the protagonist a lot, and a host of annoyances. I concede the point, sir!

Seems like you're mad that they didn't have a bigger stable of characters.

Wha...what? No, I'm mad because the characters were either window dressing or aggravating. We don't need MORE of that, come on.

You didn't like Sam? Or you didn't care, because you wanted to see Transformers! : The movie with only Transformers in it, because fuck adaptations.

No, I didn't like Sam, and no, that's not what I said. We can have human characters in our Transformers movie, sure. The original source material featured them quite frequently. But the Transformers were the stars, that's the thing. In Bayformers, they always take a back seat to human characters who aren't very compelling anyway, so... what? How could that possibly be considered a good thing?

Oh, so the movie needs to be targeted exactly at your preferences, but not at your demographic?

No. We can have a movie that can be all enjoyed by all ages. It is not necessary to resort to frat-boy levels of humor, which--and this is what I'm desperately trying to convey to you--is insulting to an older audience and inappropriate for a younger audience.

Yes, that's a ridiculous statement. Transparently so.

People are still nostalgic for TFTM because they saw it 20 years ago without applying the same critical apparatus. My point is that if you would have seen it using the critical apparatus you're using against Bay, you'd have fucking hated the original too.

No, because the original TFTM didn't suffer from all the disadvantages that Bay's film has and which I just discussed. While cheesy, it has a lot of memorable scenes and quotable lines. Hell, the opening scene with Unicron devouring Lithone is worth the price of admission by itself. That's why people remember it. But what we can remember from the Bayformers movies aside from "I guess Megan Fox was hot" or "It was cool when the robot blew up"? Wait, hold on, there is one thing. "I am underneath the enemy's scrotum!" Yeah, I'm going to remember that forever.

Kill me.

True, but you could level the same 'measuring up to potential' argument against the original. "Imagine how much better this could have been!" is not a persuasive argument that the product isn't enjoyable. "It could have been more enjoyable than it is" may be true, but it doesn't show where you are on the entertainment spectrum.

What? Give me a break. Of course anything could be better, but if we're handed a terrible product then it's within our rights to look at the problems with it and try to imagine how it could be better. If we didn't do that we'd all be driving uncomfortable cars with horrible gas mileage and explode when they're in low-speed collisions.

If I'm a carpenter who hates carpenting and I build a crappy, ugly house, and I'm criticized by comparing my house to a house made by a better carpenter who loves his job, that's a perfectly legitimate argument. If people say my house could have been better if the superior carpenter had made it, that's legit. If people say my house could have been better if I gave a damn, that's also legit. And I can make those exact same comparisons with Bayformers to other movies based on "geeky" franchises (say, Iron Man or the new Star Trek) and which were made by people who CARED. Do you understand? The Bayformers movies are bad, at least in part, because Michael Bay doesn't give a rats' ass about Transformers. That is the entire reason for my original first three complaints, and if you don't understand then I don't know what else to tell you.

For me, the first one was stupid, but enjoyable, if you focused on the few memorable songs and action scenes. The second one insulted me so much I didn't even want to be human. The third was better than the second, if only because it didn't dwell in the toilet humor as much as the second did.

They were all bad movies, just like Bob says. I wouldn't wish the second movie upon my worst enemy, though.

Scripts like these or better for me. If your script / game / movie *needs* people to defend it with "If you don't shut your brain off to enjoy the movie, you're not open-minded enough / not using your brain enough", then you're probably defending a pretty bad movie. The logic doesn't even make sense.

^ That's why using your brain is a good thing, friends!

I'm hoping for a moviebob review of The Inbetweeners movie.

Formica Archonis:

Onyx Oblivion:
I like Transformers. AND YES. EVEN THE BAYSPLOSIONS. And I like Shia, too.

WHY SHOULD I NOT VOTE AND DRIVE BOB?

Because you're obviously an inferior being and should be locked up or something. I mean, we let people with IQs of 50 vote and drive but you Transformers fans should be put on an island with the pedophiles or something. </sarcasm>

Honestly, I don't like Bay's movies and agree with some of Bob's points but this sort of self-superior Jimquisition-esque trying-to-be-Yahtzee-and-failing insult-the-audience ranting is just.... It's the reason I don't recommend MovieBob to people. Ever. I watch the reviews, yes, because he's one of the few reviewers who tends to be more hit than miss with me. But he just goes off on these tangents like he hasn't gotten over junior high yet.

It's kind of like knowing a guy who's really great, and you like him, but once a year at random he just starts screaming racist jokes in public for no reason. You like the guy and want to be around him but you're too petrified you're going to be there when he goes off and you don't want to be associated with that, so you visit but never go out in public with him.

Thanks for this. Bob managed to really piss me off with this review and fell to his knees worshiping Megan Fox while Ironically not realizing she's an even bigger emotionally devoid Bimbo than her replacement. HA!

I'm sorry Bob but you need to stop your little self-righteous bullshit about taste in movies.
While I agree that the movies had their flaws, Bob was just looking for some flame bait in my opinion and was doing everything in his review to try and piss off anyone and I mean ANYONE who dared to enjoy the movie even for a second.

Elitist Prick *spits*

cthulhumythos:
but the real question is, is this as good as transformers: the movie?

and is transformers ruined FOREVER?

http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Ruined_FOREVER

transformers: the movie wasnt that great
honestly its a good movie, stop whining and go see it.

I don't think Michael Bay knows anything about directing movies. After the first Transformers (which I loved as a child) I swore off any movie made by him for life. I hope someone else gets the franchise next and makes a real transformers movie, not one about Sam Witwicky who can die in a fire for all I care.

Oh my god the picture you brought up when you mentioned the weak twist, that is the best kick in the teeth you can give M. Night Shyamalan.

I do find it hilarious that the video was preceded by a trailer for Transformers.

Someone didn't think that through... :)

CODE-D:

honestly its a good movie, stop whining and go see it.

Yeah, if you want a shortcut to a lobotomy it is.

Will there ever be a movie-reviewer who doesn't feel the need to bash explosion/action porn (what I refer to most Michael Bay films as)?

You all hate the plot, the characters, and even the visuals are never enough to make any reviewer happy. I get this. I could have told you that anyone who thinks themselves a legitimate film critic was going to touch on all of these things when talking about this movie.

So why do you even bother? Everyone already knows what they're getting with this movie, and all you can contribute is insults to people who occasionally enjoy this?

If you think that these people should go see one of your other big blockbuster action films, why don't you review that instead?

Could it possibly be that you're only in it for the money? If so, you're just as bad (if not worse) than Bay, and you shouldn't be so abusive of what he does, because it only makes you look more like an ungrateful snob.

Please nerds, help me out here. Now that I've watched Transformers 3: Dickloads of twits' Money, I have to ask the question. Why did Sentinel betray the Autobots AFTER he woke up on Earth and the Autobots were basically winning the war against the Decepticons?

Did he have an ironclad contract with the group whose name has the word 'decept' in it? Were they holding his robo-penis hostage until he forked over the teleporter? Did Optimus hide grandpa's haldol? Is he gay for Starscream? Is Optimus just really that much of a failure that Sentinel refused to lead the tool brigade again now that Damsel in Distress Prime has been in charge for three movies?

Podunk:

koroem:

ZeroMachine:
Although I'm not doubting how shitty this movie is, I said it before and I'll say it again:

STOP INSULTING THE AUDIENCE THAT LIKES IT.

It isn't funny. It isn't witty. It isn't some great statement on how "the people are at fault for bad movies". It does nothing but make you look like a dick.

Rip the movie to shreds. Call it every insult in the book. But STOP insulting those that do like it. Personal taste in movies does not have a direct correlation with intelligence.

I agree with this 100%

I'm a Transformers fan, I saw the movie and I enjoyed it. Did it have it's issues. Sure. Do I hate Bay's take on it. Sure. Do I wish the movies were more about the bots themselves? Sure.

Is this an emmy winner? Probably not unless it is for sound design or special effects.

Having said that, while I agree with some points in this review, it is absolutely clear that this guys movie reviews are growing increasingly bias. It is almost as if he is trying to become the Yahtzee of movie reviews lately, without outright saying he is and trying to maintain credibility. Yahtzee at least has a charming humor about him when he does it though. Bob just sounds like a depressed life hater when he rants.

I won't be watching these reviews anymore. It isn't because I'm butt hurt over him bashing Transformers, or other movies, but because these reviews feel increasingly unprofessional, and more of fan boy depression rants.

I'm sorry, but do you have any idea of just how much you sound like an absolute tool? "Did the movie suck? Sure. Did it make me cough up a small quantity of blood? Sure. But I enjoyed it. Because shut up that's why." If you like bad things then that is your problem, but people do not have to agree with you and you have to learn to live with it because they will think less of you for it. Whether it's the Transformers movie or Sonic '06 if you like things that are certifiably bad for definable reasons not based on opinion than you can not expect people to let is slide and they will give you a hard time about it. Especially if you don't have an actual concrete reason. Grow up, get over it, and stop expecting people to be more tolerant of crap.

Are you serious? Do you know how much of an unintelligent intolerant douche bag you sound like? I'm plenty grown up and tolerant of a lot of things. Just because someones opinion is different doesn't make them any less of a person, or less intelligent. It makes him, and you, sound like elitist snobs when you say shit like this.

In the first 2 minutes of this review, before he even began to review the movie, Bob was already insulting people who enjoyed it. Insulting their intelligence because his snobby ass doesn't appear to like the content of the movie. What kind of credibility does this guy deserve?

His opinion is different than mine and he openly states that since his opinion is different then mine, I'm automatically a moron who doesn't deserve to drive a car or vote. Seriously? You want to defend this guy and expect me to have tolerance of his opinion? I'm the one that needs to grow up?

All of his points were opinion and opinion only. What concrete points did he make? He spends 5 minutes crying about how he didn't enjoy the movie, how he hates Micheal Bay and his movie making style. He ranted about how the movie didn't spend 40 minutes on every character so he could decide if they are likable, and then rants about how he didn't like the characters that they did spend time on.

He cried about how he doesn't like the designs of the robots. He cried because he already has to review too many military/gun toting movies. He cried because the plot used a betrayal twist. He even cried because he is tried of reviewing "summer blockbuster" movies. The end of the video he made sure it so ridiculously clear that he came into the review with bias against it to begin with.

Not one of those things is a text book, concrete, factual, or technical reason a movie is "bad." He didn't like them. Not they are "certifiably" or universally agreed upon to be "bad." What evidence, or concrete proof did he provide? What evidence do you provide to support his claims? I didn't know movie reviews had provable criteria? Must have missed that memo somewhere.

Boo hoo hoo he is tired of reviewing movies he doesn't like. Get used to it, it is your job a reviewer. That doesn't give him the right to insult people for differing opinions. Review the movie, not the audience.

Well MovieBob, just like you I have my own opinion. If your tired of getting paid to watch movies, then just GTFO, you annoying slacker while us ordinary people work hard for our buck.
God!

Can somebody, anybody, explain to me why the US was apparently the only country with any kind of military force whatsoever in the final battle? Or why they disregarded physics entirely in the last segment? I suppose this is the norm in Michael Bay films.

CODE-D:

cthulhumythos:
but the real question is, is this as good as transformers: the movie?

and is transformers ruined FOREVER?

http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Ruined_FOREVER

transformers: the movie wasnt that great
honestly its a good movie, stop whining and go see it.

i was joking.

hence the link to a page showing that some transformers fans can be overly-dramatic.

and also transformers the movie was great, with its terrible 80s music, and main characters who weren't there before, dude it had IT ALL.

koroem:

All of his points were opinion and opinion only.

No, the movies suck. That's not opinion. They're a glorified show-reel and U.S. military showcase.

koroem:
Are you serious? Do you know how much of an unintelligent intolerant douche bag you sound like? I'm plenty grown up and tolerant of a lot of things. Just because someones opinion is different doesn't make them any less of a person, or less intelligent. It makes him, and you, sound like elitist snobs when you say shit like this.

In the first 2 minutes of this review, before he even began to review the movie, Bob was already insulting people who enjoyed it. Insulting their intelligence because his snobby ass doesn't appear to like the content of the movie. What kind of credibility does this guy deserve?

His opinion is different than mine and he openly states that since his opinion is different then mine, I'm automatically a moron who doesn't deserve to drive a car or vote. Seriously? You want to defend this guy and expect me to have tolerance of his opinion? I'm the one that needs to grow up?

All of his points were opinion and opinion only. What concrete points did he make? He spends 5 minutes crying about how he didn't enjoy the movie, how he hates Micheal Bay and his movie making style. He ranted about how the movie didn't spend 40 minutes on every character so he could decide if they are likable, and then rants about how he didn't like the characters that they did spend time on.

He cried about how he doesn't like the designs of the robots. He cried because he already has to review too many military/gun toting movies. He cried because the plot used a betrayal twist. He even cried because he is tried of reviewing "summer blockbuster" movies. The end of the video he made sure it so ridiculously clear that he came into the review with bias against it to begin with.

Not one of those things is a text book, concrete, factual, or technical reason a movie is "bad." He didn't like them. Not they are "certifiably" or universally agreed upon to be "bad." What evidence, or concrete proof did he provide? What evidence do you provide to support his claims? I didn't know movie reviews had provable criteria? Must have missed that memo somewhere.

Boo hoo hoo he is tired of reviewing movies he doesn't like. Get used to it, it is your job a reviewer. That doesn't give him the right to insult people for differing opinions. Review the movie, not the audience.

I will admit that Bob does seem to be a bit weary and cynical. I'm frankly a bit disappointed he even bothered to review the movie at all, as anybody could tell he was just going to say the same thing and tread the same ground he covered in the reviews of the earlier Transformers movies. The bit about driving or voting was a bit much of a hyperbole but I see where he is coming from. If somebody absolutely unapologetically likes this movie and can see absolutely no fault (or even the possibility of flaws) in it then that is a person I would very much like to avoid. A movie with weak cinematography, poor artistic design, lackluster plot and writing raise issues that you cannot defend without being wrong. The Intermission article Bob wrote for the week is a good start and underscores a lot of issues in regards to the plot and story. I don't think the issues being raised about this series are about preference in this case, there are basic principles of art, film, and writing that this film breaks and defies and it does not work. I can respect your anger at feeling 'called out' by Bob's comments, I think that is completely understandable. I just can't handle people who defend things that seemingly have no redeeming quality without giving clear and concrete reasoning for their opinion. I'm all for a lively debate, but the 'just cuz' argument has never held any weight with me and probably never will. Also I am sorry for calling you a name in my previous post. That wasn't cool.

Still Life:

koroem:

All of his points were opinion and opinion only.

No, the movies suck. That's not opinion. They're a glorified show-reel and U.S. military showcase.

You want to argue semantics?

opinion (əˈpɪnjən) [Click for IPA pronunciation guide]

- n
1. judgment or belief not founded on certainty or proof
2. the prevailing or popular feeling or view: public opinion
3. evaluation, impression, or estimation of the value or worth of a person or thing
4. an evaluation or judgment given by an expert: a medical opinion
5. the advice given by a barrister or counsel on a case submitted to him or her for a view on the legal points involved
6. a matter of opinion a point open to question
7. be of the opinion that to believe that

Heh, I got an ad before this vid. It was an ad for Dark of the Moon. Rude coincidence. I do agree with Bob, not on That awful piranha movie but it hurts when these ordinary films make bucket loads and good films barely break even.

My "friends" dragged me to this one. Oh god thank you MovieBob for putting what i think of this movie into words. This movie is terrible in every sense of the word and watching people laugh at this bs is enough to make me want to punch something. even for "i want to see robots fight" argument this is bad, the robots do very little fighting and were left with human military while the autobots get captured off-screen, I wanted to see that fight not these people who we have only just meet and never cared about.

How ironic, the advert before the review was for Transformers: Dark of the Moon.

Quite right, though - agree with most of what you said. I watched the old Transformers.
Somehow I can't get any of my mates to think of it the same way ... they all love the movies. :/

koroem:
--

There's no semantics to argue over. They're poorly constructed films; there's literally very little to defend them over. The only thing that ties the narrative together is wafer thin exposition that jumps from one convoluted extreme to another, followed by bombastic hero shots and action sequences. Those are facts.

Instinct Blues:
Also if you can find me evidence of any of those plots that you point out actually appearing in the old cartoon then maybe I'll see that as a legitmate way these movies could have gone.

You probably won't find the examples you demand. A twelve year old boy doesn't care about diplomacy, he just likes robots. The cartoons were made for twelve year olds, therefore they were simply plotted and full of robots.

A thirty year old man who likes robots might also like something a little more complex than ninety minutes of overwrought transformation sequences and pew-pew. I guess you missed the part where I said the movie should have been written for people who loved the toys/cartoon when they were kids, but who are now adults capable of handling more mature subject matter.

You have to consider that the source material might not be good or well-thought out idea in the first place because it was just meant to sell toys to kids.

A race of living machines disguising themselves as vehicles here on Earth for the purpose of continuing a millennia-old conflict over control of their home planet and the resources of the universe? Works for me, man. There have been *way* worse premises made into successful entertainment.

Maybe you and MovieBob don't like having that thrown in your face that you were basically sold the exact same thing as a child and you actually fell for it in your youth.

I am aware they wanted to sell toys. That doesn't make the toys worthless. I am aware the cartoon was an extended advertisement. That doesn't mean it had no entertainment value. People watch the Super Bowl just to see the commercials. Why? Because it entertains them.

"Fell for it" isn't the right phrase. I had fun. I spent my money the way I wanted to. If I had it to do over again I would do the same thing. Falling for it implies I was somehow shortchanged, victimized. It implies if only someone were to explain the scam to me I would be outraged. Sorry, no. Transformers was a part of my childhood. I did not give up my fond memories upon learning the meaning and implications of the word "franchise."

If you are really going to make the claim that all the toys and entertainment ever made are nothing more or less than the physical manifestation of corporate greed, the distillation and packaging of evil, worthless glitz pushed on us by soulless money-sucking megabusinesses out to pry lunch money from the fingers of little children, then I would like to take this opportunity to call you on your hypocrisy. Can you honestly say you have never felt the magic that comes from playing with a cool toy? Can you honestly say to me you have never purchased a single game console, fancy cell phone, pair of brand-name sneakers, or hideously overpriced cup of gourmet coffee? Can you honestly say you have never seen a toy or piece of entertainment you wanted for yourself, whether advertised or not?

I very much doubt you can.

*major spoilers ahead*

Condor219:
Can somebody, anybody, explain to me why the US was apparently the only country with any kind of military force whatsoever in the final battle? Or why they disregarded physics entirely in the last segment? I suppose this is the norm in Michael Bay films.

First question: It was in the United States of America? and earlier the Decepticons threaten the rest of the world into a stupor. If sh!t wasn't going down in your country, and an apparent truce was made why would you bother sending troops? Plus it was only a handful of seals and 'bot' specialists (minor correction: there where apparently U.S. infantry, I'm assuming National Guard that were already stationed in Chicago, which I will remind you is fairly towards the center of the U.S.). And all the action was in Chicago.

Second Question: They vaguely established that the portal already BENDS THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AS HUMANITY KNOWS IT. Yes, the second Cybertron showed up it should started smashing earth or vice versa, gravitational pulls, yadda-yadda. In a movie where GIANT TALKING ROBOTS WHO TRANSFORM INTO MOTOR VEHICLES. I can suspend my belief that the portal system (which exact name escapes me atm) can sustain another world in a pseudo force field that won't destroy the other local planet. They did this in SW:Return of the Jedi, why are we arguing this now?

MovieBob:
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Bob actually has a few good things to say about Transformers 3.

Watch Video

Sorry, Bob. Just can't go with you on this one. And we agree on nearly everything else... except your irrational (and yeah, man, it is) hatred of Michael Bay. This movie, like Cloverfield did something terribly right in my eyes:

Sorry, but new audiences just aren't going to relate to archetypally "heroic" robots... but that's what the robots needed to be. So the movie connects us to the human drama instead. We see things through the eyes of the men and women on the ground. And you know what? It worked.

Not because it broke new ground or really made me think. But because when Shia is telling everyone off at the beginning, I know I've been that frustrated--and I know I would be if I'd gotten done saving the world twice and was still a mailroom clerk. The fight scenes are confusing and overwhelming because that's what I would see if I were watching two giant robots from space fighting.

I'm not saying they're great. I'm not saying your criticisms aren't well-founded, in most cases. I'm saying the degree to which you hate these movies is unwarranted, which means it can only really be fueled by personal bias. The problem you're having with these movies is that they're not being told from the point-of-view that you would prefer, and that creates an irreconcilable difference from the get-go.

Rather than try to engage this movie on its own terms, you've chosen to stubbornly hold your ground. That's your right, sure... but it's just not always productive. Bay made a strategic choice--will more audiences relate to the robots, or the people? The people--so we'll go with that.

The movie is a blast to watch. The characters aren't groundbreaking, but they feel real. The peril is pretty perilous, and the victories satisfying. It's not as awful as you want it to be.

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