Don’t Stick It in The Crazy

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Don't Stick It in The Crazy

How to deal with an abusive ex.

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"Finally, in the future, try not to stick it in the crazy anymore"

Total win. Although I would point out that "crazy" is sometimes really good at being stealthy.

I think i'll just keep reading this column, because as bad as my love life is, it reminds me that it could indeed be much, much worse.

I like to live by the line that "Exes are exes for a reason."

I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

While I have experience a tamer version of what the first guy was going through I realized that both cases apply to one of my best friend's most recent relationships. She seduced the poor inexperienced man into cheating with her on her husband (which resulted in a divorce) and then went on to do pretty much the exact same thing to him as what happened to the first guy in this column. Poor guy :(

Anyway, good advice. You have my approval. :3

saregos:
"Finally, in the future, try not to stick it in the crazy anymore"

Total win. Although I would point out that "crazy" is sometimes really good at being stealthy.

Indeed up until:

"She then made it her goal to get herself pregnant, because, as she said to a mutual friend, "he could never leave me if I did."

She really didn't sound all that crazy, just needy and co-dependent. Hell I've been that person before, and I've dated girls like that - usually it just means the person isn't emotionally ready to be in a serious relationship, and is using the relationship as a crutch for their other issues. Never in all my years of dating, or my friends dating have I heard it turn into "Pokes holes into condoms to try and get knocked-up".

Fact of the matter is the crazy usually doesn't show until its too late.

Holy crap, the Escapist just did an article on me, one year later..! D:

These are both funny and informative! I think I'll keep watching these :D

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Don't Stick It in The Crazy

How to deal with an abusive ex.

Read Full Article

I had a crazy ex-fiancÚ awhile back. Yeah, I was that far in before it came to light--that's why God invented the "diamond" as a magic lens that forces crazy women to reveal themselves.

This is sound advice--completely break contact. In this case, buddy, you're heroin. It's not your fault or anything, but you are the subject of her addiction. And it doesn't matter how well-meaning the heroin might be, or how much it really just wants to help her feel better, it's still fueling destructive behaviors.

And as much as sometimes we want to help these people become self-sufficient, heroin can never be aspirin. She has put you in a position from which you cannot help her. And worse? Even trying to explain that to her is still "being her heroin." Just like drug addicts will do crazy and self-destructive things to get more drugs (or just to make the drugs seem less awful by comparison), she will do the same.

The good news? Crazy is like fire--in the absence of fuel, it will burn itself out. The longer that takes, the more damage is done, so don't fuel it, and you'll be doing both of you a huge favor.

-----------

To the recent divorcÚ:

You're her parachute--meant to cling to her back impotently, only to be used in the event that she doesn't make it to her real destination. Either that, or you're just her in-flight snack. Either way, don't do it.

You know....maybe being single isn't really such a depressing prospect.

It can always be so much worse.

BAH!!!!

Thats pretty uncalled for... Crazy girls need love too yanno. If every one took this advice and "Didnt stick it in the crazy" Then would there be enough sane people left to continue populating the planet?

Look as someone who is flypaper for freaks, let me explain the flaw of your logic. Your giving advice to people based on what is rational and logical. If they follow that advice that means Miss batshit will inevitably be forced to take things to a more insane level of which no one will be able to predict. The best thing you can do is out insane them to the point it scares them shitless and they think YOUR the freak. Its really the only way, because Crazy moves forward like a juggernaut.

Anyway, best of luck to the letter writers, and Best of luck to the responder.

While not at that particular level of crazy, other kinds of crazy can be quite fun. Speaking as a veteran of quite a few crazies, there is a reason we keep going back to crazy. The bodies, the minds, the adrenaline rush as she threatens to leave you/stab you/cook you dinner...nothing quite like it. I mean, yeah, the girls who are just the normal amount of crazy, over normal things, yeah, they're wonderful too. But you just don't get that same rush, that same feeling. In that regard, sticking in it crazy is a bit like a drug. You hear people say not to do it, but once you do, you see all the benefits--then, after a few months of ruining your life, you realize why you shouldn't have done it in the first place. So, after some more less troublesome booze and/or counseling and support from everyone you care to be supported by, you stay clean, and away from crazy for awhile, and life is great.

But, you still remember. You remember the time you almost got arrested. You remember the time you did get arrested. You remember breaking into that public pool at three in the morning because she wanted to go swimming. You remember that night at the hotel, for that occasion. You remember sneaking onto the grounds of her old middle school at night, and playing on the old playground. You remember the fights, and the make up sex. And while you'll get in a fight in any relationship, there's a different kind of emotion behind it all. You start to gloss over the bad bits, and glorify the good bits. Maybe you even think the bad stuff was good, and soon enough, you go back, and you find some more crazy. Because you like it, you really do. It's wonderful stuff. Whole emotional ranges you never knew you had, whole sensations you never knew you could experience.

But, after a few runs, you develop some rules for yourself. It becomes like living in the slightly run down part of town--you wanna get by, you gotta be smart about it. Live your life normally, but don't go down dark streets alone. Don't take your wallet out where it can be lifted from you. Don't say stupid things, or make promises you can't keep, or extend yourself when you really don't want to. You gotta know how to handle the crazy.

Though, fairness to him, holes in the condoms mean bail. And bail as fast as you can. That isn't a "oh, well, we'll mop this up when we get to shore" kind of bail, or even a "quick, get a bucket" kind of bail. This is a "well, so much for that boat" kind of bail, the kind where you dive into the water and get as far from it as you can. Good luck, man. Sometimes, you get those. Best to just cut your losses, separate anything it was attached to, and put it the hell down.

CIABR, you're "lucky" that she did something as noticeable as poking holes in your condoms. I've known women who impregnate themselves with used condoms while nobody's looking. Much more stealthy. They just need to take the condom to the bathroom right after the fact then do it there.
So I would say, guys, use your own condoms and get rid of them yourself, if you want to be sure.

Anyways, sounds pretty harsh. Good luck with getting rid of her, maybe you can get a restraining order on her if she won't leave you alone?

Hahaha, the response to TLJ was just awesome! I love it.
Actually, both responses were really good. Keep it up!

I'll be honest, I was skeptical when I saw this column announced. But that was pretty good advice and "Finally, in the future, try not to stick it in the crazy anymore," alone is enough to justify all future articles.

Donnyp:

Thanks for my new wallpaper. :P

Donnyp:
I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

Dastardly:

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Don't Stick It in The Crazy

How to deal with an abusive ex.

Read Full Article

I had a crazy ex-fiancÚ awhile back. Yeah, I was that far in before it came to light--that's why God invented the "diamond" as a magic lens that forces crazy women to reveal themselves.

This is sound advice--completely break contact. In this case, buddy, you're heroin. It's not your fault or anything, but you are the subject of her addiction. And it doesn't matter how well-meaning the heroin might be, or how much it really just wants to help her feel better, it's still fueling destructive behaviors.

And as much as sometimes we want to help these people become self-sufficient, heroin can never be aspirin. She has put you in a position from which you cannot help her. And worse? Even trying to explain that to her is still "being her heroin." Just like drug addicts will do crazy and self-destructive things to get more drugs (or just to make the drugs seem less awful by comparison), she will do the same.

The good news? Crazy is like fire--in the absence of fuel, it will burn itself out. The longer that takes, the more damage is done, so don't fuel it, and you'll be doing both of you a huge favor.

-----------

To the recent divorcÚ:

You're her parachute--meant to cling to her back impotently, only to be used in the event that she doesn't make it to her real destination. Either that, or you're just her in-flight snack. Either way, don't do it.

I like the way you talk. That heroin metaphor was appealing, straightforward and accurate. 11/10

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, I really like this column so far. I didn't expect advice on this emotional level, and it again disproves the idea of the foreveralone game geek.

Dastardly:

To the recent divorcÚ:

You're her parachute--meant to cling to her back impotently, only to be used in the event that she doesn't make it to her real destination. Either that, or you're just her in-flight snack. Either way, don't do it.

hehe, thank you man, thats something that never crossed my mind when i was talking with that girl, Lara actually opened my eyes never imagined the "ITS A TRAP" line, i was expecting the part about not mingling in the relationship, but never seriously considered being thought of like some kind of "escape"

@Lara Crigger THANK YOU SO MUCH, this was an eye opener, i┤m going to stop this the next time she calls me, i have enough baggage in my back from my divorce to even consider adding a few more from that girl

Love Lovefaq... and now i want to change my nick to The Loneliest Jedi XD

Avistew:
CIABR, you're "lucky" that she did something as noticeable as poking holes in your condoms. I've known women who impregnate themselves with used condoms while nobody's looking. Much more stealthy. They just need to take the condom to the bathroom right after the fact then do it there.
So I would say, guys, use your own condoms and get rid of them yourself, if you want to be sure.

Anyways, sounds pretty harsh. Good luck with getting rid of her, maybe you can get a restraining order on her if she won't leave you alone?

yuck!.... good thing i always flush my condoms after the fact... but that image will haunt my dreams forever!

"Don't stick it in crazy" is really, really good advice. You should really make an aside column about how to detect the crazy ones, because it's hardly ever obvious until all of a sudden BAM. Like getting gutpunched with one of those boxing gloves on a spring that you see in the cartoons, only the boxing glove is made out of insanity and the gut is really your dignity.

I'm happy to see others sticking up for the crazy (and sticking up for those who love on the crazy). I was about to add the disclaimer that not all of us who are crazy are dangerous or even bad relationship fodder.

And yes, some of us are crazy, while others of us are crazy, but there's a wide threshold where it's really fuzzy what is crazy and what is crazy.

So let me offer a few thoughts regarding dating the mentally disturbed.

~ A mutual devotion to recovery makes for an awesome foundation for a relationship. Most relationships start with common hobbies, activities that are mutually enjoyed and so on. [1] A relationship based on a mutual path of recovery not only lends some impetus to stay on the proverbial wagon (Your partner really wants sober Bobby and not Fun Bobby), but provides support toward that end, yet also a degree of empathy and understanding when it comes to relapses and bad decisions.

~ Crazies are generally forgiving when you have to express your crazy. We are more than aware of the that gray-zone between our true selves and identities, and the person we project to the universe. We are very aware that sometimes That was messed up for me to do that; I'm sorry. comes out as Drop your panties, Sir William; I cannot wait until lunchtime! or that we're too ashamed, frightened, enraged, paranoid, confused or aphasic to express ourselves in a rational, well-adjusted manner.

~ Crazies can (and will) improve. My key to maintaining a relationship with a crazy is first getting her to own her crazy, which starts with clarifying that I'm not going to abandon her once I discover she's crazy.[2]Contemporary psychological theory has a functional model that works remarkably well for most people (that is, those that are sane enough to stay in civilized society without being a threat to themselves or others), provided that someone is driven to change. It comes down to owning you bullshit, understanding your bullshit, and then changing your responses when your bullshit is triggered.

238U

[1] This is the basis of the eternal coveting regarding gamer girls. Some partners will game with you because it's okay as hobbies go, but their drive to play is only because you like it. And that is, at least, a step up from those who resent your hobby. Female gamers, though, are just as much into the game as you are, sometimes more so. And they'll be searching out the secrets and ways to glitch the tank. True gamer chicks still remain an uncommon breed, though gender balance steadily increasing with each year (despite efforts online to slow the trend).
[2] e.g. No; it's transparent that you're a nutjob. The question is, are you going to let your crazy ruin this relationship, or are you going to deal with me straight?

saregos:
"Finally, in the future, try not to stick it in the crazy anymore"

Total win. Although I would point out that "crazy" is sometimes really good at being stealthy.

Whoo boy, I can attest to that. The good crazies know how to keep that shit locked down until after the first few dates or so...

It's stories like this that make me take the time to become good friends with a girl before dating her.

DracoSuave:

Donnyp:
I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

MaxwellEdison:

Donnyp:

Thanks for my new wallpaper. :P

Welcome lol.

I had a girlfriend who stabbed me twice in a row. I dealt with big time crazy. Oh well shiv and learn i guess. Forever alone :(

I think I have to disagree with one point in your first letter. Although that girl is batshit-crazy and should be avoided like the plague, nothing she did counted as abuse. Not until and unless she starts laying on the emotional guilt trips, right?

And as a word of warning to everyone else: These crazy stalkers exist for more than boyfriends or girlfriends. I know two girls who constantly latch on to a friend, drive them away with their nasty behaviour and then beg and guilt and stalk and abuse until they're 'friends again'.

I feel like there should be a public service announcement about them or something... :S

Hilarious! :)

I don't know if this is serious advice or not but either way it a major win for humour.

Donnyp:

DracoSuave:

Donnyp:
I don't know about everyone else but saying "I touch myself at night thinking about you." can be pretty romantic lol.

So far i'm starting to like this stuff. I already had the basics down but seeing someone else reiterate what i already knew makes me happy lol.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you dumped because they were sabotaging birth control. That's actually an act of sexual assault in some jurisdictions.

It's not romantic when it's someone who you're trying to delete from your life, and the thought of them doing so is creepy.

It's never romantic when it's completely unwanted.

I know. It was more of a joke what i said. I was hoping it would be seen as that.

I'm sorry, we at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of.

So, I have masturbated thinking of you sounds crazy? I thought it was just creepy, down a pick up line now, kind of lucky to learn this before I got a good chance to use it too.

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Don't Stick It in The Crazy

How to deal with an abusive ex.

Read Full Article

I dated a girl back in highschool who ended up being bipolar and schizophrenic. While I was interested in psychology, and has done research on botho of those disorders, I was obviously not a professional in highschool.

Getting to my point, however, I had no problem with her, and hadn't known about her disorders (her parents knew she had somethng a little off in the head but never had her tested even though it was well within their means to do so) until after I had broken up with her about two or three months of dating, until the last three weeks or so of us dating.

She desperately wanted me to sleep with her because she said that she loved me and wanted me to be her first. But here's something that I found odd. The year before, she claimed to have been sexually assaulted by a close friend of mine, as did my gf before her and another friend of mine. My crazy gf's story was the only one that didn't match up, and every time she told it, it only got worse. So, in trying to get me to sleep with her, she wanted me to do the same things to her that my friend allegedly did to her.

Needless to say, this is when red flags started going up, and I broke up with her about a week later after my talk with her about how I liked her, but didn't think that I loved her, and that we shouldn't jump into things that quickly seemed to have a "Negative, negative, didn't go in, just impacted on the surface." effect.

I broke up with her, but I tried to remain civil to her. She caused so much trouble with my group of friends that we finally just had to ditch her in a group effort to maintain our sanity. She caught me some time later on facebook and told me that she had been diagnosed with bipolar disorderand schizophrenia, as well as having been Baker Acted a few months before hand. I haven't spoken to her since, thank God.

Although I've gone through some extreme lengths to disappear when I ran into her at a clothing store one day with my mom, but that's a story for another time. XD

Donnyp:

Best thing I have seen in a very long time.

I dated a guy back in highschool who ended up being bipolar aswell. Everything seemed fine through the first month, he was kinda clingy, needy and dotey but it was okay. It started getting unhealthier and unhealthier though. By the end of the first month he was basically a zombie and just always wanted to talk about feelings and wrote poetry (really corny poetry). Though that isn't the worst.

The worst of it happened in the next four months. He would try and make me jealous, constantly telling me other girls were so beautiful and asking why I didn't look more like them or dye my hair and getting mad when I didn't react claiming I didn't even like him. It was ridiculous. Every week there would be a new problem with him and when something was wrong with me, he didn't care over time. Finally he broke up with me because I was 'crazy' apparently. Yep. Crazy. Totally.

Abusive relationships are horrible. Get out of them when you can.

It's reasons like this why I abstain from relationships, throughout my teenage years at least.

Edit: I got into a relationship with a person this past september who was crazy. Started out that she was fine with us dating, but didn't want anyone to know about it. This included her own parents, which should have been a red flag, but I've never been smart when it comes to women. Eventually devolved to the point where she admitted that she was leading me on and broke it off because she 'couldn't be in a relationship right now'. Which is fine, I got over it, but she remained incredibly needy and clingy, and when I told her so, she acted like I was the one abusing people and we haven't spoken since. Which is kind of awkward because she rooms with some of my friends. Anyway, she was a nutcase and pretty abusive, most of her friends have stopped hanging out with her, and she continues to deny that anything is wrong with her. Some people....

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