Your (Fat) Princess is In Another Castle

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Your (Fat) Princess is In Another Castle

Can you ever really trust a girl who lies about her age?

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Good advice on both accounts.

Particularily guy number 2. Look dude, if you like the bigguns, just god damn wear it with pride.

They'll make fun of you for it for... oh... a while. But who gives a shit, you'll be happy and secure in the fact that hey... they're not going after your play.

To suckered by sweet sixteen you are only a pedophile if you want someone before puberty after is biologically acceptable just you can still be punished for it by the courts.

Guy number 1, honestly, you arent THAT much older than her, i myself am from denmark where the legal age of sexual consent is 15, so admittedly my viewpoint on this may be different than yours.

Now, if you care about this girl, then by all means keep contact with her. Do the right thing, and don't actually date her untill she's of a legal age, and blam, no problem.

Everyone lies a bit in the start of a relationship. Whether a relationship starts in a bar, first date in a coffee-shop or through the internet, then in the beginning of a relationship people always tend to show their good sides only.

She lied about her age, and that's a bummer, but if you're willing to wait till you are sure she's legal, then by all means, go for it.

i'd be concerned about the lying but it's totally fine for a 20yo to go on dates with a 17yo

just because you can't get physical with her is no reason to avoid interacting together in person.

Great advice for the first guy. Well for the second guy too, I just enjoyed the first one a little more.

"(But the courts can. Don't forget that.)"
It's a serious statement with a hint of humor. Love it.

Back to the subject, it's hard to know if someone is telling the truth (especially about age) over the internet. I don't want to say "move on!! She's lying!!" because it's obvious sbSS cares about her, but at the same time, maybe sbSS should look for someone around his own age...JUST IN CASE she really was lying again.

Yeah, I really don't get the whole Idea of pretending that 17 and 20 are entirely different Worlds...I'd say that has alot to do with the 20 yr old in Question. Also, 17 is far beyond the realm of pedophile...there is pretty much nothing keeping you from dating her...unless ofcourse you're afraid you can't keep it in your pants until she has reached the legal age...by the way, I just wanted to throw this out there, while it is certainly something you should keep an eye open for, just thought I'd say that I personally wouldn't have any kind of moral qualms with both of them doing it aslong as they both want to...

About the whole lying thing...well, I'd say just bait her, not like you really have any means of knowing without actually meeting her or atleast doing a Cam-Chat.

Don't really see anything I could add to 2.

GrandmaFunk:
i'd be concerned about the lying but it's totally fine for a 20yo to go on dates with a 17yo

just because you can't get physical with her is no reason to avoid interacting together in person.

This. To Suckered By Sweet Sixteen, I had a situation almost exactly like yours, except she was two years younger instead of three. A lot of it boils down to the age of consent in your state/her state if she lives in a different state, and if you've had talks about sex with her and having sex with her and whatnot, because even talking about having sex with her is something that the courts can get you for.

I am also 20, with my gf turning 18 this year. We met online, much the same as you and your girl. I have to say that I disagree with the people that say that you're a pedophile, and that the courts can get you and lock you up and whatnot.

Like I said though, look up the age of consent in your state and hers if she lives elsewhere. It's fine to visit and be friends, but never be alone with her if she's considered under the age of consent in whatever state you are in when you're visiting.

Some examples, Florida's AOC, 18 with 2 year age gap, Texas AOC, 17 with 3 year age gap, New Hampshire, 16, but I don't know the age gap. Some states have the AOC as low as 15, but most keep it around 17-18, and some states don't have the age gap. If you really like this girl, as it sounds like you do, just be smart and don't do anything that would get either of you in trouble.

I would advise caution to the first guy. If she lied about one thing theres a good chance that she has lied about another. She could even be a much older women who likes to prey on younger men. You could be one of several she has on a line so just don't give her any finical information.

Also if she is telling the truth about her age now then deffinetly stay away. As Lara said the law CAN hurt you and will. I had a friend how was 18 and dated a girl that was 17. Long story short her parents pressed charges and now he has to live with sex offender status. It has screwed his life hard.

Little do we gullible saps know Lara Crigger actually only just turned sixteen herself.

For guy 1 I present the age-comparison creepiness equation: [(your age x .5) rounded down] + 7 is the minimum age of someone you can date without it being creepy

At twenty, 17 is your absolute minimum. Also, you should check the age of consent laws in your given area.

Guy #1, you're not a pedophile. That said, move on. Her personality hasn't crystallized yet, and when it does she won't be the person she is now.

Who cares if it's fine, she's a girl who isn't mature enough to be honest about her age to someone around her same age.

It's a trap. Run.

You Guys just connected over the internet and that is a tricky one.
But i wouldn't give her up because she is too young. (Come on 17 to 20 isn't that much)
If it's illegal in your country, then wait a year till you get busy with her, but that doesn't mean that you cannot meet her.
In fact, you guys just met over the internet, so you don't REALLY know her.
Let her visit you, or visit her and see if she is really that what you imagined.
Just get to know the person and don't stop it because of the age. Maybe my View is different because i live in Germany and we can do what we want when we are at least 16 (When both want it, of course), but i don't think that age should be the problem here.

For number, the girl is only 3 years younger. That really ain't that much. In most places in the world you'd be allowed to be with her anyway (by which I don't mean you should do anything, because you should obey the laws of your country. Just saying)

I know a guy who used to date a girl who lied about her age... He was 20 and she was 16. He only learned her real age through her grandmother who was surprised he dated someone so young. He got really pissed and when he confronted the girl about it she said she lied because she was afraid he wouldn't go out with her if he knew her real age (which was pretty much accurate).

He decided to keep being with her because he figured if he left her now, he'd just be acknowledging the fact that her age was more important than her personality (after all, he obviously liked her since he was attracted to her in the first place without knowing her age).

What happened in the end was that she grew so afraid that he'd leave her for someone more his age that she progressively turned into a jealous, possessive girlfriend, and effectively contributed to the end of their relationship after a long and painful agony.

And I agree with other people who said that if a girl lies about this, she can lie about much else.

Wouldn't be so direct at the first guy.

17 and 20 ain't that bad. That's only 3 years. There's plenty of 17 year olds acting more mature then any number of 20 year olds.

As for her lying about her age, she's 16-17. She's at the point where everyone expects her to act like she's 18 but nobody wants to treat her like she's 18. I honestly can't blame her for adding a single year. Sure it's not the most mature thing ever but it's not like 20 is THAT mature.

Guess how many 20 year olds are lying about being 21? I'd probably go as far as saying that it's more then the amount of 16 year old lying about being 17.

I'd say give her a chance. Be wary about it, but I don't see a reason to just chuck it all out right now.

As for the second guy, can't say much that hasn't already been said.

razer17:
For number, the girl is only 3 years younger. That really ain't that much. In most places in the world you'd be allowed to be with her anyway (by which I don't mean you should do anything, because you should obey the laws of your country. Just saying)

She lied and had to be caught on it. Who knows what else she was lying about...
Keep away from people who lie on things as insignificant as age (17 is just as illegal as 16 in most countries) because you don't want to know what else they are lying about.

As for the second post -
Being skinny and fit when I was young I just assumed fat was something everyone found disgusting. And how wrong was I? :D
To my great surprise I found out most guys like a woman who isn't made up of matchsticks and a lot of guys love their women large.
"More to love" isn't just an expression, guys actually dig that.
So don't feel like liking something that is other that a top-model makes you weird or perverse. Come out of the closet and tell everyone you like your girls XL.

Hagi:
Wouldn't be so direct at the first guy.

17 and 20 ain't that bad. That's only 3 years. There's plenty of 17 year olds acting more mature then any number of 20 year olds.

As for her lying about her age, she's 16-17. She's at the point where everyone expects her to act like she's 18 but nobody wants to treat her like she's 18. I honestly can't blame her for adding a single year. Sure it's not the most mature thing ever but it's not like 20 is THAT mature.

Guess how many 20 year olds are lying about being 21? I'd probably go as far as saying that it's more then the amount of 16 year old lying about being 17.

I'd say give her a chance. Be wary about it, but I don't see a reason to just chuck it all out right now.

As for the second guy, can't say much that hasn't already been said.

Afraid I'd have to agree here. Is she likely to change in the next few years? Of course, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be willing to give her a chance regardless. If you're someone who's already waited this long, I don't see any problem in waiting longer. Perhaps that's just because I've been in a long-term relationship with someone before and can understand how close you can be to someone who you've never 'met'.

I think the biggest problem with SbSS' case is that he met the girl on the internetz. And she lied. And he still thinks the world of her. Even though he's never seen her. Or probably heard her. Or smelled her. Yeah the last one is a bit weird, but smell is important to attraction. Sometimes, with girls and the internet, guys tend to make up images comprised partially of reality but mostly of their fantasies on the girls with whom they are talking. This is bad. This pedestolizes the woman and can set the guy up for atrocious failures of reality in terms of living up to expectations. Don't do this.

It's kind of like the problem I have with certain Christians and their views on the world. They think that they don't need to worry about this life because the next life will be everything they ever hoped for and more. Well, this girl is blasphemously close to being this guy's heaven and instead of living life to the fullest and enjoying the heaven that can be found here on earth, he's waiting for something that may or may not be a complete fabrication of the desperate human mind. I'd rather live than wait for possible false promises to be fulfilled.

Ophenix:

(17 is just as illegal as 16 in most countries)

I agree that he has to be carefull because he met this girl online, but this statement above is just not right.
In nearly every european country the age of consent (Age in which you are allowed to have sex) is 16. Even in some states in the United States the Age of Consent is 16.
But still, SbSS, if it's illegal in your country, then dont do it.

To the first guy, you never mentioned in your letter if you have actually seen this girl (in video chat of some kind, or multiple pictures over time etc). If you have not, it may not even be a girl, or she may be much older etc. There is nothing wrong with having a relationship with someone online, but I would not plan for it to go any further then that until you have either met them in person, talked to them with video chat or at least talked to them on the phone quite a bit. Even talking on the phone isn't really enough in my opinion, although it's certainly enough to identify their gender, and to allow you to take the next step and try to see them in person etc.

With so many cheap methods to set up video chats now there is really no reason for ANYONE to go into a relationship without seeing the person they are dealing with. Age is just one of the factors here that could be a problem to be honest. As far as her being too young, If she is 17 now and you are 20, and you already have developed feelings for her etc, then I don't think she is too young at this point, especially not if you are far away and mainly having an online relationship at this point. Don't do anything illegal, and verify the other things she has told you about herself etc, but if you have a connection with her then don't let a few years age difference hold you back. When she is 18 and your 21.....it's not really going to be that huge of a difference.

I met my wife online 11 years ago (our 11th anniversary is 11/11/11!!) and we initially just communicated through boards, then started calling each other (constantly heh) and finally after a few months I flew up to meet her. We had only exchanged physical pictures at that point but both were honest and everything worked out well for us. I've heard many stories that do not end that well though so be careful, confirm any information you are given, and don't get too involved until you have at least talked to the other person over the phone for awhile and hopefully seen them through video chat as well.

Internet dating is great, but we are long past the point where it's hard to really see who you are communicating with over the internet. If things go past the "friend" point with someone online there is no real excuse for not setting up a webcam even if you don't have any other video device. Facebook is another good tool as most people will have their real age and plenty of other information on their facebook account.....so asking for someone's facebook account is another way to get to know more about them.

As far as feeling like a pedo......honestly there is a world of difference between sicko's who are interested in children who havn't reached puberty even, and someone who is interested in even a 16 year old girl (I believe such relationships are even legal in a few states). Follow the laws of your state, but I don't think there is anything morally wrong with someone in their early 20's dating someone in their late teens. I would say that it's seems strange that a 16 (when you met her) year old girl was looking for older men on the internet. I think it's very important you verify her information before you waste too much time and emotion on someone who may be lying through her (or his) teeth.

Age is an important consideration, but I don't think a guy should drop a girl he likes just because there's some legal hangups. He doesn't have to bang her or anything (though some laws of consent would allow it, depending on the state). At the same time, he shouldn't blind himself to better opportunities because of one girl who happens to like him. Having to wait a year to get serious could end up turning into an excuse instead of an opportunity. Because if she's fickle and moves on, he screwed himself. That's a whole year he could have been putting himself out there for girls his age. Obviously not everyone is a Don Juan who can just pick up women wherever they go, but don't wait for a train that might not come.

Stop right there criminal scum! Show us some i.d. missy. Move along citizen.

I don't really like how the writer thinks that the underage girl is really bent up on Chemistry tests and such when no where in the guys message does he mention such things. I'm only 19, but last year I wasn't going on and on about school and nothing else. I assure you your problems are just as petty and whiny at any age. Frankly, a 3 year difference isn't much. I would definitely make sure she is how old she says she is, but if you like her for her personality, there's no reason to disconnect all ties with her as the writer suggests. You are in no way a pedophile for liking her. If you were, you wouldn't have written a message about it and she'd probably be 12.

I know lots of people that are around the 17/20 thing and it's really no big issue. Of course, I'm no big fan of those 20-something guys that pick up younger girls, but if they can work it out, then so should this guy.

Personally I first dated a girl who was 16 when I was 19. But I live in Britain and more specifically a county in Wales where people could not give two shits.

As has been stated the girl#s personality may not have solidified but for me as my then girlfriend lived with me hers was kind of inadvertently molded by me and my mother. Saying that though being there for someone to see how they turn out as a person isn't all bad, you may kick yourself for not being there regardless of having a relationship.

When I was a 16-year-old girl I had friends who dated guys the age of Letter Writer #1, and even slightly older. 16 is the Age of Consent in the UK, but even so I don't think there's anything creepy about a small age difference. The only thing I'd say is, respect the law, but age of consent is about sex, there's nothing illegal about dating, kissing, getting to know each other.

A 20 year-old going out with a 17 year-old? That's perfectly fine. She's not going to magically become mature and know exactly what she wants in a mere year's time. You can meet but it doesn't have to get physical.

If you're sure that you're both doing exactly what you both want, do it; don't let other people tell you what you "should" and "shouldn't" be doing.

Joe Byron:
For guy 1 I present the age-comparison creepiness equation: [(your age x .5) rounded down] + 7 is the minimum age of someone you can date without it being creepy

At twenty, 17 is your absolute minimum. Also, you should check the age of consent laws in your given area.

Exactly this.

Guy #1: Your crush is a guy.

Guy #2: You are very, very lucky. Cherish that. There's nothing to be ashamed of.

I agree with her advice on the second guy, just forget about the peer pressure and go for it. Not so much with contestant #1 though, not necessarily because she's saying not pursue a relationship with someone you have never seen and has already lied to you. But rather that smug sense of moral indignation regarding the age gap. Maybe it's because I'm from the UK and 16 is the legal age, but I really don't see too much of a problem with a 17yo and 20yo being together. Personally I much prefer to date someone closer to my own age, but I wouldn't completely rule anythng out and I'm not going to judge others for who they pursue a relationship with. Sure a lot of 16 year olds can be rather immature, but the same could be said of many 20 year olds. We're all individuals and it's down to us to try and educe if someone is of a desireable/appropriate maturity level. End rant.

The age of consent where I live is 16. In most of the rest of Europe, it's 15 or even 14. And yet "we all know" that a 20 year old boy having a relationship with a 17 year old girl is wrong?

Please speak for yourself! Your standards are not inherently THE standards.

I'd be more worried about the obsessive lying than about the age.

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Your (Fat) Princess is In Another Castle

Can you ever really trust a girl who lies about her age?

Read Full Article

Sucker-16:

Please realize that at this point, for you, it's not about age anymore. After all, in what other situation in your life could someone pull bait-and-switch this many times and still have you on the hook? Could a car salesman keep changing the price on you like that? Could the plumber keep changing the day he's coming to fix your pipes? Of course not. You'd go elsehwere, likely after the first time.

She's changing her age, and you're still around. That means that this issue has nothing to do with age. This is both good news and bad news. The good news is that people should have no trouble believing that you're not fixated on this girl because she is young. I can say that as you get older, differences in age mean less--it's differences in experience that matter. It's just that, when you're in your teens and early 20's, each year of difference can potentially represent massive differences in experience.

But remember the good news? This isn't about age anyway, so inquiring any further about age is asking the wrong question. What you need to be asking is, "Why has this age thing and the fact that she has misled me not turned me away?" And that's where the bad news comes in:

There are many benefits to meeting people online. There are also many hazards. You've found two of those hazards: 1. people can misrepresent themselves, and 2. we can misrepresent them, too. The fact is that a relationship with no face-to-face component has a lot of empty spaces... which our imagination, fueled by emotional frenzy, is more than willing to fill in for us. And the material we use to fill those gaps will nearly always be favorable, to an incredible degree.

You're fixated on the image of her that you've constructed over all of this time. I know this because I've done it myself, minus the age run-around. At this point, meeting her is going to challenge that image you've constructed, which will lead to one of a few conclusions:

1. You ignore the new information and plunge ahead, to the peril of all.
2. You work hard to reconcile the new information with the old illusion, putting aside fantasy for reality.
3. You realize she's not nearly as magical as you thought, and you move on.

While #2 can often work well if two people are genuinely compatible, and just have to work through a bit of "reality shock," I don't think that's where you are. You're already discovering that she's lied to you, about something that could potentially cause legal troubles for you, all to protect her own feelings. Surely that shakes your image of her, and you're trying to reconcile it by transferring the trouble to another issue: age itself.

Pack it in for now, mate. Maybe in a few years, when she knows a bit more about herself, maybe you could get to know her, too. Don't do yourself the disservice of waiting around for that, though--odds are, she's not going to live up to the version you've created for yourself.

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Your (Fat) Princess is In Another Castle

Can you ever really trust a girl who lies about her age?

Read Full Article

Oh, and to the "Fat Bottom Lover," it's about personal intent. Liking a woman because she is fat really isn't any different than liking a woman because she is skinny. Neither of those is inherently good or bad, either.

Someone who likes skinny chicks, and doesn't date the chubby ones... well, he's seen as a superficial jackass who can't recognize "real beauty." The opposite is often touted as someone who understands that "real women have curves," or some other such nonsense that indicates there's something inherently "fake" about skinny women. However, both can be examples of natural preferences or selfishness.

Think of it another way--most people only date folks of their own race. It's often just a matter of our tendency (as a species) to prefer familiar things--someone who looks like us and shares similar cultural roots fits that bill, usually. Other people are, in fact, racists. The behavior looks the same--only dating within the race--but the reasoning is different.

If you find yourself looking down on skinny women, judging them in some way, assigning negative personality characteristics to them... then, well, you're just as superficial as someone who does the same thing to fat women. Similarly, in both cases you've got someone who is after the body, not the person (as evidenced by their willingness to assign traits rather than discover them).

If, however, you just personally find the "bigger" ones more attractive, then go for it. You wouldn't apologize for liking blue more than orange, or preferring Snickers to Twix, why apologize for a legitimate difference in preference? Just don't let it define you--or the women you prefer.

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