Love FAQ: Grab Bag
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For No Girls Allowed:
I'm going to go with the unpopular advice here. It's not about whether or not you can be friends with the opposite sex--it's entirely possible, as long as both people have matching expectations (or lack thereof). In this case, it's about whether or not your new girlfriend is being 100% honest with you.
Just because we start dating someone doesn't mean we "show our hand" all at once. We keep a few things (especially opinions) to ourselves. Were you friends with these girls before dating her? Sometimes we'll say we're "okay" with things because we don't want to start off a relationship with an unpleasant opinion (or worse, a demand).
Now, if she's not really okay with it, that doesn't mean you have to stop immediately. Forcibly adjusting your personality for the benefit of your partner is exactly the (possible) problem I'm talking about, in fact. It's important that you learn to be honest with each other, including when you're not okay with things.
Don't belabor the point by asking for permission all the time, but do watch for signs. At least for awhile, while you're still learning each other. If she's truly comfortable with it, then the only thing stopping you is potentially yourself. If she's not, that should come out into the open and be discussed.
to Happily Single, I know that growing up introverted makes situations like this difficult--situations in which you have to assert yourself before a handful of more extroverted people. One of the reasons we can be introverted is the uncertain nature of social interactions. We can be nervous about someone reacting negatively to what we say or do, so we avoid the situation altogether.
That won't work here. You want something different from what they want, and they are pursuing what they want. That means, like it or not, you're either standing in their way or going along with them. It's not about confrontation or ultimatum or anything like that, though, don't worry. It's just about stating what you do or don't want, simply and honestly.
If you don't, it's possible you'll find yourself attracting the sort of guy that prefers a passive girl who can eventually be influenced (even controlled) into doing what he wants--that's a recipe for destructive relationships. Sounds like your ex may be in that camp already, if there is any problem with "hands off." You do not want or deserve that from any guy, so you want to make it clear to all involved that your opinion is the one that will decide the outcome here.
Bags, man... It's unfortunately simple: shit or get off the pot. If you're into her, be into her. It's too early in a relationship to start fretting flaws. If it's getting to you that much, it might mean that you're already eyeing the exit. Of course, it might also mean that you're on the verge of learning (by experience) that some of your adolescent hangups aren't nearly as important as you used to think.
It's not an easy thing to learn, and there's risk involved, but if you're willing to completely give up on "fixing" her and instead just be with her, you may find yourself rewarded with a great relationship and a measure of personal growth.
If you're not, it's cool. Just leave now. That's the important part. It's possible that this little emotional spark you've got going feels a whole lot hotter on her end. If that is the case, and you try to "friend" her, it won't take. She'll pretend to go along with it, but she'll secretly carry that torch until one of any number of bad endings.
(Not everyone with a problem like acne wrestles with insecurity, but many do. If it made her middle/high school social life problematic, some of that may have transferred into adult life, and it may be that she's putting even more stock in this because it's new. Situations like this are tricky enough when that isn't the case.)
Bottom line, make your decision and go all the way with it--in whichever direction.