Critical Miss: Conan the Barbarian

 Pages 1 2 3 NEXT
 

haha at Erin's face xD. Also love the use of 'The Quote'. I'm not sure Conan is something that can be carried off seriously in this day and age but we will see.

I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

No. No, no, no. No. Assuming you mean Conan the Destroyer, just....no.

I'm not usually a fan of these, but that was actually kinda funny.

...

I think a Conan movie could work, just not an Arnie type one...the original stories were very different, like a watered down Lovecraft with more muscles and less clothes.

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

NO GOD!! No God please no, NO!! No!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO-!!

but to me, Conan has always been about Darth Vader as Thulsa Doom

Funny I dont remember Dave Prowse in Conan ;)

Susan Arendt:

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

No. No, no, no. No. Assuming you mean Conan the Destroyer, just....no.

What? Watching Conan the Destroyer is perfect for putting people in an accepting frame of mind for the new movie.

But I doubt the new movie will have anyone half as good at pulling a "I'm shitting a razorblade" face as Mako.

thaluikhain:

I think a Conan movie could work, just not an Arnie type one...the original stories were very different, like a watered down Lovecraft with more muscles and less clothes.

Not remarkable the similarities since Lovecraft and Robert E Howard were friends who undoubtedly had a major influence on each other.

From the stories I've read it'd be hard to describe anything about the Conan stories as 'watered down' after all, there was far too much pulp in them...

---

The films were something different to the stories but they were both (there I said it) wonderfully silly - something which I am sure will not be replicated by this new, eye shadow wearing incarnation.

mmmmmmmmmmm... butt popcorn...

my predictions are they will fail, Conan books rock hard, the film will not. AOC was pretty decent but funcom are fail and pretty much did nothing to it, they pretty much ruined the IP.

Red Sonja > Conan

But there may be two big reasons for that...

Heh, I've got a better one.

To the people in charge of the new Conan movie:

Money pleases you guys, so in order to get mine, grant me one request, grant me a good movie. And if you do not listen, then to hell with you.

I didnt give a crap about Conan until recently when I decided to give him a chance and read the entire collection of Conan stories by Robert E Howard now im actually looking forward to the film in a way (even though I know its not going to touch the original tales for quality).

I would also like to see a decent offline (or online but free) Conan game because that universe has a such a rich scope for history and while not quite in the same league as Tolkien it would make a nice change.

dimensional:

I would also like to see a decent offline (or online but free) Conan game because that universe has a such a rich scope for history and while not quite in the same league as Tolkien it would make a nice change.

didnt age of conan go free to play?

dimensional:
I would also like to see a decent offline (or online but free) Conan game because that universe has a such a rich scope for history and while not quite in the same league as Tolkien it would make a nice change.

Age of Conan went free to play recently http://www.ageofconan.com/playfree

To be honest Im psyched about the new one, the ones with Arnie were just pants.

Operations:

dimensional:
I would also like to see a decent offline (or online but free) Conan game because that universe has a such a rich scope for history and while not quite in the same league as Tolkien it would make a nice change.

Age of Conan went free to play recently http://www.ageofconan.com/playfree

really? ok cheers for the heads up I will check it out as long as my crappy pc can run it.

Susan Arendt:

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

No. No, no, no. No. Assuming you mean Conan the Destroyer, just....no.

Isn't that the one where Conan fights the mirror monster? if so DO,... NOT,... SEE,... IT seriously, my lord is that one bad. Conan in the first film (played by Arnie) had to good sense to keep his mouth closed for a good amount of it (seriously, he doesn't speak all that much in that movie) however in the sequel, he won't shut up, he as a plucky (read annoying) side kick and... and... its just awful.

Sovvolf:

Susan Arendt:

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

No. No, no, no. No. Assuming you mean Conan the Destroyer, just....no.

Isn't that the one where Conan fights the mirror monster? if so DO,... NOT,... SEE,... IT seriously, my lord is that one bad. Conan in the first film (played by Arnie) had to good sense to keep his mouth closed for a good amount of it (seriously, he doesn't speak all that much in that movie) however in the sequel, he won't shut up, he as a plucky (read annoying) side kick and... and... its just awful.

Truth. When Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is one of the leads in the film, you know it's not going to be good.

That said, it does, at least, have some decent eye candy. It's pretty to look at in places.

Conan has always been about Darth Vader as Thulsa Doom and the Terminator as Conan

No love for Gerry Lopez? Mr. Pipeline? The Goofyfoot Guru? The man who discovered G-Land? Greatest Surfer who ever lived and the best thing in that damn movie.

I do so enjoy when a classic movie quote and critism on said movie franchise's downfall come together.

Why is Erin eating butt popcorn?

dragongit:
mmmmmmmmmmm... butt popcorn...

I'm glad someone else spotted that too, otherwise I'd just feel immature...

K4RN4GE911:

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

NO GOD!! No God please no, NO!! No!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO-!!

No no! Nono! NO NO NO NO NO!!!

Susan Arendt:

Sovvolf:

Susan Arendt:

No. No, no, no. No. Assuming you mean Conan the Destroyer, just....no.

Isn't that the one where Conan fights the mirror monster? if so DO,... NOT,... SEE,... IT seriously, my lord is that one bad. Conan in the first film (played by Arnie) had to good sense to keep his mouth closed for a good amount of it (seriously, he doesn't speak all that much in that movie) however in the sequel, he won't shut up, he as a plucky (read annoying) side kick and... and... its just awful.

Truth. When Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is one of the leads in the film, you know it's not going to be good.

That said, it does, at least, have some decent eye candy. It's pretty to look at in places.

Are we talking about the set design or that fact that Arnie was still in his physical prime at this point and the flab hadn't started to creep in just yet :D. True some of the sets were okay but the production values look much lower than the original and everything had that painted polystyrene look to it.

Though to give it the benefit of the doubt, at least they didn't end up putting him in modern day L.A -cough- Beastmaster 2 -cough- :)

DazBurger:

K4RN4GE911:

NLS:
I remember wathcing the first conan movie. Maybe I should go get the 2nd one.

NO GOD!! No God please no, NO!! No!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO-!!

No no! Nono! NO NO NO NO NO!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Sovvolf:

Susan Arendt:

Sovvolf:

Isn't that the one where Conan fights the mirror monster? if so DO,... NOT,... SEE,... IT seriously, my lord is that one bad. Conan in the first film (played by Arnie) had to good sense to keep his mouth closed for a good amount of it (seriously, he doesn't speak all that much in that movie) however in the sequel, he won't shut up, he as a plucky (read annoying) side kick and... and... its just awful.

Truth. When Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is one of the leads in the film, you know it's not going to be good.

That said, it does, at least, have some decent eye candy. It's pretty to look at in places.

Are we talking about the set design or that fact that Arnie was still in his physical prime at this point and the flab hadn't started to creep in just yet :D. True some of the sets were okay but the production values look much lower than the original and everything had that painted polystyrene look to it.

Though to give it the benefit of the doubt, at least they didn't end up putting him in modern day L.A -cough- Beastmaster 2 -cough- :)

Set design and scenery. The effects are definitely weak, but there's some pretty decent glitz in there. I never thought Arnold was even slightly attractive.

Well done, I laughed my ass off.

xXxJessicaxXx:
haha at Erin's face xD. Also love the use of 'The Quote'. I'm not sure Conan is something that can be carried off seriously in this day and age but we will see.

i disagree and heres my proof

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBGOQ7SsJrw

Yeah, that's pretty much my reaction. I don't know, something about the '82 movie just seems better.

thaluikhain:
I'm not usually a fan of these, but that was actually kinda funny.

...

I think a Conan movie could work, just not an Arnie type one...the original stories were very different, like a watered down Lovecraft with more muscles and less clothes.

Yeah, and although nobody realizes it, the character conveyed a lot of straight-up "civilized people are the real barbarians" moral commentary by the author. Bet we don't see that in the movies.

Regarding the "more-or-less faithful adaptation of the books" - why the heck is there still a "my village was slaughtered and I must avenge my father" plot? That's as far from the books as you can get fgodssakes. The character left his completely alive village and father for two reasons:

1. he had a "wandering foot", so he liked to explore and see new things, and
2. Cimmerian women were as adapted for survival in the wild as Cimmerian men. And about as attractive.

To me, that actually makes the character more interesting than the whole "forced vengeance" thing.

w00tage:

thaluikhain:
I'm not usually a fan of these, but that was actually kinda funny.

...

I think a Conan movie could work, just not an Arnie type one...the original stories were very different, like a watered down Lovecraft with more muscles and less clothes.

Yeah, and although nobody realizes it, the character conveyed a lot of straight-up "civilized people are the real barbarians" moral commentary by the author. Bet we don't see that in the movies.

Regarding the "more-or-less faithful adaptation of the books" - why the heck is there still a "my village was slaughtered and I must avenge my father" plot? That's as far from the books as you can get fgodssakes. The character left his completely alive village and father for two reasons:

I think you misread there, mate. I said "more/less" which is very different from "more-or-less" in context. I haven't seen the new film yet, so I can't comment on how close to the books it is.

Operations:

but to me, Conan has always been about Darth Vader as Thulsa Doom

Funny I dont remember Dave Prowse in Conan ;)

I always thought Star Wars would have been a better movie with body of James Earl Jones and voice of Dave Prowse. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSm9DDxQv8E

xXxJessicaxXx:
haha at Erin's face xD. Also love the use of 'The Quote'. I'm not sure Conan is something that can be carried off seriously in this day and age but we will see.

He's not supposed to be. The original Robert E. Howard stories are pulp yarns. It's just the Arnie/Milnius/Ollie North movie that had this Nietzchean meta-commentary on hippies and shell-shock, complete with Wagnerian soundtrack (RIP, Basil Poledouris).

But the typical Howard story had Conan the barbarian/thief/pirate/mercenary/bandit/soldier pick a couple fights with guardsmen or blowhards, then stumbling across some monster/lost civilization/god/Lovecraftian horror, somehow managing to kill or escape it, then celebrating with alcohol and buxom lasses.

It'd be nice to see some action movies return to some sense of fun, and Conan would be a perfect vehicle for that.

Grey Carter:

w00tage:

thaluikhain:
I'm not usually a fan of these, but that was actually kinda funny.

...

I think a Conan movie could work, just not an Arnie type one...the original stories were very different, like a watered down Lovecraft with more muscles and less clothes.

Yeah, and although nobody realizes it, the character conveyed a lot of straight-up "civilized people are the real barbarians" moral commentary by the author. Bet we don't see that in the movies.

Regarding the "more-or-less faithful adaptation of the books" - why the heck is there still a "my village was slaughtered and I must avenge my father" plot? That's as far from the books as you can get fgodssakes. The character left his completely alive village and father for two reasons:

I think you misread there, mate. I said "more/less" which is very different from "more-or-less" in context. I haven't seen the new film yet, so I can't comment on how close to the books it is.

No, I misremembered when writing my post, my bad. I'd personally describe it as way less than more, given that it's got a plot premise from the first movie :(

Operations:

but to me, Conan has always been about Darth Vader as Thulsa Doom

Funny I dont remember Dave Prowse in Conan ;)

I think you mean Hayden Christensen.

>.>

What?

Anyway, Ronon Dex as Conan?

Weeeeeeeeeird.

 Pages 1 2 3 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here