Ten Movies That Will Never Be

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Ten Movies That Will Never Be

Sadly, realism and originality often get in the way of movie making.

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If I just put "Brofist" Ill get modded, so instead Im gonna say that was bloody hilarious.

Thank you bob for the good laugh. I would actually see these pitches being made into movies.

A couple of those sound kinda boring (The Asian, The Gay), but for the most part, those sound like premises for cool movies. I can totally see The Misunderstood Scientist working out, with the protagonist struggling to keep his research afloat, battling bad publicity, fear-mongering media and such, only to be vindicated by the fruits of his labor in the finale.

"An angry, directionless young man rebels against the stifling conformity of his comfortable upper-middle-class suburban existence by aligning himself with an anarchic/underground art/music/sport culture that includes acts of petty public nuisance. He is arrested and sent to prison where - in a shocking twist - he meets many people who've faced actual hardships and lived truly dangerous lives, which shames him into realizing how lucky his spoiled, entitled ass has been the whole time."

Minus the go to prison part that's almost the plot of SLC Punk.

Jandau:
A couple of those sound kinda boring (The Asian, The Gay), but for the most part, those sound like premises for cool movies. I can totally see The Misunderstood Scientist working out, with the protagonist struggling to keep his research afloat, battling bad publicity, fear-mongering media and such, only to be vindicated by the fruits of his labor in the finale.

I pretty much agree with that.

I'd definitely go see the last one - only if it didn't have Jackie Chan in it though.

I count at least 4 that the extreme religious people )that give good religious people a bad name) would attack. All of these movies would push the boundaries, and possibly not make money. I would hate that, if only because we would have to hear you whine and complain about it with your Anti-Expendables stamp for a couple weeks.

"A portrait of a young gay man making his way through his life and career in the early 21st Century. In a shocking twist, he is not employed in the fashion or music industry, has a best friend who is not a high-strung narcissistic young woman who regards him as a "girlfriend," has a healthy relationship with his parents, and has many, many conversations involving topics other than body issues, workout regimens, trendy foods, clothes shopping and other things that heterosexual movie writers assume are all that gay people talk about."

While it would be set in the 20th century,I'd love to see a movie about Alan Turing , although it would probably be pretty depressing

"A poor citizen of a small, war-torn nation rises up to fight against the forces of chaos in the region; hoping to bring some semblance of order for his family, friends and country. He does this without seeking or receiving help from a visiting American hero - in fact, there are no Americans are involved on either side, nor does anyone mention Americans or offer up any strong opinions "for" or "against" America ... it is possible that this is due to America not being the center of everyone's universe."

I think that's ennemy at the gate (not exactly the greatest movie, but still)

"An idealistic campaign staffer for a popular Presidential candidate has their idealism shaken to the core when it is discovered that the candidate, while still a sincere proponent of all the causes and policies that led the staffer to join the campaign in the first place, has committed various moral indiscretions that violate the staffer's personal code of right and wrong. After a dark period of deep, introspective soul searching ... the staffer decides to continue supporting the candidate anyway - because this is the real world where a leader's 'niceness' or 'good intentions' don't mean jack squat if they're going to support wrongheaded policies."

Primary colours

Actually the sad thing about the Asian... a movie that would have been about crazy mathematics got WHITE WASHED (21) and another about martial arts too (Last Airbender). Looks like we.. ya know might have to actually give them BACK the stereotypical roles and expand from there.

As for the gay man thing... eh bob there are dozens of gay male coming of age dramas by and for gay men or the general public. They just aren't marketed as big sellers (most of the time). Less of the best pet gay friend though that's awesome.

I am pretty sure the political one got made it was called Edit: ninja'ed and it was Primary Colors.

Yea I have to agree with some of these comments here. A good portion of these won't get made, not because it's "above" Hollywood. But because it's frighteningly boring.

"A man of spiritually devout persuasion is critically injured in a terrible car accident. Though he is brought to the hospital in time for doctors to save his life, his injuries are such that he is actually 'dead' for several minutes on the operating table, during which time he experiences ... nothing. No tunnel, no light, no angles, no dead pals, nothing. In a shocking twist, his newfound sense that the life he has is quite definitely all there is does not turn him into a bitter nihilist, but rather spurs him to become an infinitely better, freer and happier person who's determined to make the most of whatever time he has."

I'd so watch this movie.

God that was pretentious. You aren't being creative Bob, you're just taking the same tired stereotypes and adding "AN UNEXPECTED TWIST" to them. Frankly I wouldn't want to see them made because I'm sure Hollywood would just make them as boring and plastic as the standard UNTWISTED stereotypes.

The first one would be considered a "black" movie and be disregarded by half your potential audience. Second one lacks conflict. Idea number 3 is just you venting and doesn't deserve being addressed. Number four sounds like Oscar bait. I could see that one getting made. If you use Jandau's description for idea 5, it might fly. It just sounds like a better pitch the way he said it. Idea 6: I like the message but just ending up with the status quo in the end is a little anti-climactic. Idea 7: Again just you ranting about Asian actors not getting less stereotyped roles. Idea 8: I can see it getting made and I can see it bombing at the box office. Idea 9: Will probably win at some film festivals. That last one seemed a little ethnocentric.

Could we combine these movies:

"A portrait of a young gay man making his way through his life and career in the early 21st Century. In a shocking twist, he is not employed in the fashion or music industry, has a best friend who is not a high-strung narcissistic young woman who regards him as a "girlfriend," has a healthy relationship with his parents, and has many, many conversations involving topics other than body issues, workout regimens, trendy foods, clothes shopping and other things that heterosexual movie writers assume are all that gay people talk about."

"Portrait of a man (or woman) of Asian descent living and working in the early 21st century. They have a series of escapades leading to sundry moments of personal growth ... none of which involve high-level computer hacking, superhuman mathematics skills, mastery of the martial arts or stereotypically strict, tradition bound parents. Also, his/her skills at speaking English are flawless, naturalistic and do not involved inexplicable lapses into heavily accented hip-hop slang."

"When crooked thieves steal an ancient religious artifact from a primitive rural village, their greatest warrior must travel for the first time to the strange and unfamiliar world of The Big City to retrieve it. He fights many, many elaborate battles and succeeds in locating and defeating the sinister thieves, but ultimately does not bring back The Artifact. Instead, he discovers that in 'The Big City' people do not die constantly from common germs and minor injuries as they do in his primitive rural village on account of having access to modern medicine, health-standards and communication. He then sells the damn artifact at a huge profit so as to bring life saving medicine, superior farming equipment, food and a phone/internet connection to his people."

Gay and Asian; martial arts student looking for place in the world does so by pleasing his home village by going to big city to recover stolen sacred artefact.

Ends up convincing elder to sell the artefact to museum to set up a business in London (America not centre of the world) selling tourist holidays, and lives happily ever after with their same sex partner.

(PS: I have a sneaking suspicion this film may already have been made)

Hey guys, I think I get it. Maybe these aren't actual movie pitches but are some form of social commentary.

it is possible that this is due to America not being the center of everyone's universe."

Finally sombody gets it god damn am I tired of trying to point this out just to have it fly over peoples heads. Once again movie bob you hit the nail on the head.

Yeah...most of those sound boring as hell. Good, inspirational stories? Realistic stories? Yeah, sure. But nobody wants to read or write realism. Real-life, as you yourself have stated many, many times, sucks. If you want real life, you can get it for free by, you know, living. We go to the movies for the stuff that we can't get in real-life, whether it is true or not. No matter how much you want to "stick it to" whatever group of people or stereo-typers is pissing you off this week, or thumb your nose at people who want to fulfill their own strange fantasies through the medium of film, you have to realize that you are basically being them by doing this, you just think you have some sort of moral or intellectual high ground. So do they. It's called being human, Bob.

So basicaly he wants holywood to make movies that agree with his ideals and not the ones the popular ones.
I kid, I get that he is more making a criticism on the recurring cliches and ideals that Holywood comforms to then actualy trying to pitch film ideas.

There's a very good reason why none of those pitches should ever be made into movies: because if they're successful someone will try and immediately turn around and make cash-in sequel ;)

Redem:

"A poor citizen of a small, war-torn nation rises up to fight against the forces of chaos in the region; hoping to bring some semblance of order for his family, friends and country. He does this without seeking or receiving help from a visiting American hero - in fact, there are no Americans are involved on either side, nor does anyone mention Americans or offer up any strong opinions "for" or "against" America ... it is possible that this is due to America not being the center of everyone's universe."

I think that's ennemy at the gate (not exactly the greatest movie, but still)

I was thinking 'Defiance' myself as an example.

NameIsRobertPaulson:
I count at least 4 that the extreme religious people )that give good religious people a bad name) would attack. All of these movies would push the boundaries, and possibly not make money. I would hate that, if only because we would have to hear you whine and complain about it with your Anti-Expendables stamp for a couple weeks.

Who cares about money when it could Oscar Bait!

THAT sells films, because when the producers then whore out the same cast and crew it won't just be:

"From Director John Smith"

rather

"From ACADEMY AWARD WINNING DIRECTOR John Smith"

That will really help make them money further down the line. The problem is that at the moment, "while woman motivating dumb black guy" is more of an Oscar bait than self-motivated black characters.

(though it is a dilemma, as the civil right movement IS precipitated by white people, how many racist white people subjugated and segregated society along racial lines.)

Erja_Perttu:

I'd definitely go see the last one - only if it didn't have Jackie Chan in it though.

If you haven't seen it yet, that's almost the exact plot of Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior. He doesn't sell the sacred MacGuffin at the end though, but he does wreck many, many people's shit in a very brutal fashion along the way. Full contact fighting too. The acting and writing is....well, pretty crappy, but nobody watches action porn for Oscar caliber performances. It's definitely worth checking out.

Okay Bob... we get it: you're a bitter cynic. Would you mind if I asked you to stop rubbing it in our faces every waking second you get? Do you mind actually contributing something meaningful, insightful, or humorous instead of spewing bile and hate?

Here's another twist for your scientist movie Bob.

The scientist has a Christian co-worker who helps him accomplish his work by making sure that the scientist's ego/drive doesn't get away from him. He dose this by making sure safety rules are followed because of the patience granted by his religious background. He is also Bible- literate enough to realize that the "God's domain" argument is a load of crap. Oh and said co-worker provides plenty of scientific help on his own as he's about as good as the main scientist.

Also won't happen because Hollywood believes that every Christian is a Corrupt Catholic or a Protestant Jack Chick Clone. Combined with the fact that they refuse to do biblical resurch means that my character will never make the screen.

Yep. Moviebob was feeling bitter today (or more so than usual). So, he went and wrote down the movies that pissed him off lately, came up short, then added the usual tripe that pissed him off, went over to tvtropes.org, and re-formulated the movie tropes into an article, taking at most an hour to complete.

Generally I agree with Moviebob of course, but that's what this feels like.

Pro Challenge to readers: replace all pitches in Moviebob's article with hyperlinks to tvtropes articles of where this all applies.

Also:
"A brilliant scientist is conducting a radical experiment that brazenly defies societal taboos and moral boundaries. Some say he is a genius ... others say he will bring ruin by tampering in God's Domain! As the minutes count down and results are unveiled ... it turns out that the 'tampering in God's domain' folks were 100% wrong! He was right, the experiment was a success and the results will help untold millions of people and make the world a far better place."

Not a scientist (and not Hollywood), but Code Geass, anyone?

Chefodeath:
God that was pretentious. You aren't being creative Bob, you're just taking the same tired stereotypes and adding "AN UNEXPECTED TWIST" to them. Frankly I wouldn't want to see them made because I'm sure Hollywood would just make them as boring and plastic as the standard UNTWISTED stereotypes.

Crikey, they weren't meant to be serious creative pitches.

Treblaine:
Could we combine these movies:

"A portrait of a young gay man making his way through his life and career in the early 21st Century. In a shocking twist, he is not employed in the fashion or music industry, has a best friend who is not a high-strung narcissistic young woman who regards him as a "girlfriend," has a healthy relationship with his parents, and has many, many conversations involving topics other than body issues, workout regimens, trendy foods, clothes shopping and other things that heterosexual movie writers assume are all that gay people talk about."

"Portrait of a man (or woman) of Asian descent living and working in the early 21st century. They have a series of escapades leading to sundry moments of personal growth ... none of which involve high-level computer hacking, superhuman mathematics skills, mastery of the martial arts or stereotypically strict, tradition bound parents. Also, his/her skills at speaking English are flawless, naturalistic and do not involved inexplicable lapses into heavily accented hip-hop slang."

"When crooked thieves steal an ancient religious artifact from a primitive rural village, their greatest warrior must travel for the first time to the strange and unfamiliar world of The Big City to retrieve it. He fights many, many elaborate battles and succeeds in locating and defeating the sinister thieves, but ultimately does not bring back The Artifact. Instead, he discovers that in 'The Big City' people do not die constantly from common germs and minor injuries as they do in his primitive rural village on account of having access to modern medicine, health-standards and communication. He then sells the damn artifact at a huge profit so as to bring life saving medicine, superior farming equipment, food and a phone/internet connection to his people."

Gay and Asian; martial arts student looking for place in the world does so by pleasing his home village by going to big city to recover stolen sacred artefact.

Ends up convincing elder to sell the artefact to museum to set up a business in London (America not centre of the world) selling tourist holidays, and lives happily ever after with their same sex partner.

(PS: I have a sneaking suspicion this film may already have been made)

as an American i must protest!!

>.> I'd have gone with somewhere in Italy over England, over all neater place

OT: interesting, i take note all are against the normal stereotypes, which would be refreshing to see actually

Bob, these are movies are not going to be made not because Hollywood does not have any balls, or because they are too prententious, but because these movies are too low concept to be worth the studio's time.

As a critic, you should know the difference': high concept can be described in one sentence, while low can take two or three.

Basically, Diehard is high concept "Terrorists take over a tower, and one cop tries to stop them." All of the Oscarbait movies of the last 25 years are low concept.

I know that the line is kind of thin between high and low concept, with a tighter script, Titanic could have been a high concept work. Instead, it is a low concept one.

The last entry on page one is pretty much the premise of "Kinsey", isn't it? Or does it only count if it's entirely fictional?

"Double Happiness" comes pretty close to filling the "Asian movie" docket, but it does, of course, have the traditionalist parents.

Yeah, we've heard most of this from Bob before and it's getting a little boring. While I agree that some of those wouldn't be made due to the nature of hollywood, mostly the ones involving non-white actors, most of these are just you sounding off on stuff you don't like. Again. We get it, you don't think science should be held back by "pesky morality" (thus negating the entire field of bioethics). We get it, you think that so called "middle America" is a bland and ultimately soul crushing place. You don't need to remind us every chance you get.

I will admit though that last one made me laugh out loud.

"A man of spiritually devout persuasion is critically injured in a terrible car accident. Though he is brought to the hospital in time for doctors to save his life, his injuries are such that he is actually 'dead' for several minutes on the operating table, during which time he experiences ... nothing. No tunnel, no light, no angles, no dead pals, nothing. In a shocking twist, his newfound sense that the life he has is quite definitely all there is does not turn him into a bitter nihilist, but rather spurs him to become an infinitely better, freer and happier person who's determined to make the most of whatever time he has."

That idea strikes me as a way of saying 'See? Atheists are better people! Religion is stupid, become an Atheist!'. Though it can work if you add a second perspective to the movie. Have a bitter nihilistic atheist be in the same accident, receives equal injuries (spends the same amount of time 'dead') yet experiences some of the typical 'near death' things. After his/her recovery, they have a new found sense/belief that there is a higher power/afterlife. You won't have to get into specifics of the religion, maybe even make the atheist an agnostic theist (believes there is a god, but doesn't know for certain). Each person comes away from the accident with differing opinions yet they both go on to live much better, happier lives. Have the movie show that atheists aren't inherently better or worse than theist.

So basically, make fun of cliches.

Okay, half of those pitches would be rejected because they're marginally less boring than two hours of paint drying or grass growing.

How about we replace them with a standard movie featuring a standard white male protagonist and making the main character anything else without lapsing into cliche and making it seem like this is groundshakingly innovative. The main character is female, or gay, or any non-white ethnicity but that's not important.

Treblaine:
Could we combine these movies:

"A portrait of a young gay man making his way through his life and career in the early 21st Century. In a shocking twist, he is not employed in the fashion or music industry, has a best friend who is not a high-strung narcissistic young woman who regards him as a "girlfriend," has a healthy relationship with his parents, and has many, many conversations involving topics other than body issues, workout regimens, trendy foods, clothes shopping and other things that heterosexual movie writers assume are all that gay people talk about."

"Portrait of a man (or woman) of Asian descent living and working in the early 21st century. They have a series of escapades leading to sundry moments of personal growth ... none of which involve high-level computer hacking, superhuman mathematics skills, mastery of the martial arts or stereotypically strict, tradition bound parents. Also, his/her skills at speaking English are flawless, naturalistic and do not involved inexplicable lapses into heavily accented hip-hop slang."

"When crooked thieves steal an ancient religious artifact from a primitive rural village, their greatest warrior must travel for the first time to the strange and unfamiliar world of The Big City to retrieve it. He fights many, many elaborate battles and succeeds in locating and defeating the sinister thieves, but ultimately does not bring back The Artifact. Instead, he discovers that in 'The Big City' people do not die constantly from common germs and minor injuries as they do in his primitive rural village on account of having access to modern medicine, health-standards and communication. He then sells the damn artifact at a huge profit so as to bring life saving medicine, superior farming equipment, food and a phone/internet connection to his people."

Gay and Asian; martial arts student looking for place in the world does so by pleasing his home village by going to big city to recover stolen sacred artefact.

Ends up convincing elder to sell the artefact to museum to set up a business in London (America not centre of the world) selling tourist holidays, and lives happily ever after with their same sex partner.

(PS: I have a sneaking suspicion this film may already have been made)

I'm wondering if we could combine ALL these movies with an ensemble cast, and make a stylized action comedy like the early Guy Ritchie movies, but with Kung Fu...

11th idea: The Mountains Of Madness.

I still think what happened is the film industry equivalent of a tragedy.

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