Unskippable: Final Fantasy Crystal Bearers

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Final Fantasy Crystal Bearers

It's not that it's a bad game, it just wasn't the game Graham and Paul were expecting.

Watch Video

200: Stream not found. EDIT: All better.

Wow.

I have no idea what the hell I just watched.
I do know I laughed my ass off however.

and this is why i don't play jrpg's nothing in that cutscene made any kind of logical sense

Was anyone else surprised when the brown-haired pilot started talking in a male voice?

Eh, JRPGs. They have do a reputation to uphold, after all.

Zhukov:
Was anyone else surprised when the brown-haired pilot started talking in a male voice?

Eh, JRPGs. They have do a reputation to uphold, after all.

Had to check it happened after reading this. Somehow, I remained convinced the pilot was a girl even after he spoke.

Hehe. Boxing.

After watching that, I'm very confused as to wtf that game is about.

Aaaaah. Remix the channels, please! I'm listening on headphones and it sounds like Graham and Paul are right next to each of my ears.

Which is a bad thing, just to clarify.

Wait...that character that was piloting the small..flying aircraft thingy that wasn't a ship in a flying ocean...was actually a male?

Also... i watched it twice. I still have no idea what was it all about. The dramatic silence was the only bit that made any sense whatsoever. Good job. I guess.

Oooh! A Final Fantasy game which has a plot revolving around crystals? Square Enix really know how to innovate.

That was a very good unskippable, but the cutscene itself was already very ridiculous.

Tons of awesome quips this episode!
Best one in a while.

Good job.

I... how... no, wait. Ok, this androgynous thing has been always been a part of JRPG, fair enough. But in this game, all the humans with male voices had completely feminine facial features. They are simply women with male voices. This is getting ridiculous.

A well dressed ostrich, quoting Dickens, the whole escort thing. This show really works best with fantasy games!

I must play JRPG's too much. Everyone here is amazed the brown haired guy is in fact a guy. It didnt even cross my mind that it could have been a girl. I'm gonna have to watch it again to see what your all on about.

Edit: Ahh he has long hair, I wasnt paying it much attention. I heard the voice and accepted it was a male characeter speaking before he was even shown on screen.

Reptiloid:
I... how... no, wait. Ok, this androgynous thing has been always been a part of JRPG, fair enough. But in this game, all the humans with male voices had completely feminine facial features. They are simply women with male voices. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeeep. I was about to say the same thing. I thought the dude with the red brown hair flying the ocean ship was a girl...until he spoke.
Then I thought the blonde one could have been a tomboyish girl. To top it off, the weird creature thing has a female voice? Yeah...what?

I've played plently of JRPGS, but this is still a big question mark.
(I've never played Crystal Bearers though.)

Zhukov:
Was anyone else surprised when the brown-haired pilot started talking in a male voice?

Eh, JRPGs. They have do a reputation to uphold, after all.

I'm an avid JRPG fan and even this surprised me.

But yeah, usual Final Fantasy affair, confusing cutscenes full of pretty boys and girls who claim to be girls (i'm looking at you, pilot)
and yeah, Action scenes in which you don't do anything.

He threw that gun away... WASTE. And I think Jer should run a Temple of the CRYSTAL bears campaign. for desert bus.

I trtied guessing everyone's gender before they talked.

Missed every single time. And yes, I too got jumpy when the girl at the controls started talking with a deep voice.

He he, boxing match.

Well, Kathleen at least is happy there are no bears.

Shakomaru:
He threw that gun away... WASTE.

They skipped some gameplay where he uses the gun to shoot the dragon-things while free falling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLC30zqd_tQ&feature=related
About 3 minutes in^

It's a good thing G&P were making fun of that, I don't think I could have stayed awake otherwise.

Oh my god, it's a Shadok ship !

image

And I'm the only one getting that reference because I'm probably the only shmuck still watching french cartoons from the 60s...

I swear japan doesn't know jack about story structure. Either that, or localization has warped the story structure into something that's no longer interesting.

"What? A __(exotic noun)__ in a place like this?"
"How can a __(never before heard of exotic noun)__ do that? It's impossible!"

These are two generic examples found in the intro. These are story pet peeve of mine, and they only show up in japanese story games. I LOVE story, and once upon a time loved story games out of japan. But now it feels like it's all futile; proper or even enticing story structure is all gone from these games. (I'd hate to imagine how the rest of the game holds together.)

FinalFreak16:
I must play JRPG's too much. Everyone here is amazed the brown haired guy is in fact a guy. It didnt even cross my mind that it could have been a girl. I'm gonna have to watch it again to see what your all on about.

Edit: Ahh he has long hair, I wasnt paying it much attention. I heard the voice and accepted it was a male characeter speaking before he was even shown on screen.

Yeah...I immediately knew the genders of everyone involved as well. Besides the Yuke. I didn't realize Amidatelion was a woman until after she started speaking.

AbstractStream:

Reptiloid:
I... how... no, wait. Ok, this androgynous thing has been always been a part of JRPG, fair enough. But in this game, all the humans with male voices had completely feminine facial features. They are simply women with male voices. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeeep. I was about to say the same thing. I thought the dude with the red brown hair flying the ocean ship was a girl...until he spoke.
Then I thought the blonde one could have been a tomboyish girl. To top it off, the weird creature thing has a female voice? Yeah...what?

I've played plently of JRPGS, but this is still a big question mark.
(I've never played Crystal Bearers though.)

Watch more anime/play more JRPGs. You'll learn to tell the difference. Also, the 'weird creature' is a Yuke. Her name is Amidatelion. Yes, it's a woman. The animated suits of armor have genders. They can also change gender by switching to a suit of armor with a different shaped head.

Ellen of Kitten:
I swear japan doesn't know jack about story structure. Either that, or localization has warped the story structure into something that's no longer interesting.

"What? A __(exotic noun)__ in a place like this?"
"How can a __(never before heard of exotic noun)__ do that? It's impossible!"

These are two generic examples found in the intro. These are story pet peeve of mine, and they only show up in japanese story games. I LOVE story, and once upon a time loved story games out of japan. But now it feels like it's all futile; proper or even enticing story structure is all gone from these games. (I'd hate to imagine how the rest of the game holds together.)

Usually because they explain it after the fact so that they don't have to clog up the intro with a ton of exposition. After about 10 minutes of gameplay, all of the races and such get explained to you. Also, Crystal Bearers is technically the fourth(?) game in a series. So yeah.

So I'm guessing Blondie McTear-Face is supposed to be the main protagonist? He doesn't set himself up as being very likable. (I'm assuming it's supposed to be male, the hair kinda throws me off a bit though)

"This flyingship conveniently comes with its own ocean"
Uh, yeah, that type of technology and they talk through AIR TUBES?...
Wait... AIR TUBES!? To a SEPARATE plane?? Wait, WHAT?!?

(*takes a moment to catch his breath and gather his bearings from that mindscrew*)

Anyway, Bering Crystal Bears?... Sounds like a Vans Warped Tour band.

Off-Topic: Okay, people, how's THIS for a CaptCha:
image
Left word appears SIDEWAYS......yeah.

Wait, so it's not bird's poo on his chick? I'm confused.
That was almost as bad as the Sonic they did not long ago.

^
Holy crap dude. The captcha... ITS LEARNING!

Kopikatsu:

Ellen of Kitten:
I swear japan doesn't know jack about story structure. Either that, or localization has warped the story structure into something that's no longer interesting.

"What? A __(exotic noun)__ in a place like this?"
"How can a __(never before heard of exotic noun)__ do that? It's impossible!"

These are two generic examples found in the intro. These are story pet peeve of mine, and they only show up in japanese story games. I LOVE story, and once upon a time loved story games out of japan. But now it feels like it's all futile; proper or even enticing story structure is all gone from these games. (I'd hate to imagine how the rest of the game holds together.)

Usually because they explain it after the fact so that they don't have to clog up the intro with a ton of exposition. After about 10 minutes of gameplay, all of the races and such get explained to you. Also, Crystal Bearers is technically the fourth(?) game in a series. So yeah.

Just because something is in its 4th installment doesn't mean it's good practice to limit its accessibility to new people. Story structure builds interest so that people are interested first, and learn more later. The way localization* builds the script to have perplexing questions the character asks themselves with no real chance of being answered builds confusion, not interest. I am living proof- I am 100% not interested in this game. Had it been made more accessibly to new people, I may be interested regardless of those pet peeves I mentioned earlier.

I blame localization because for all I know it's all set up right in the japanese script, but maybe the elements fell apart in translation. I don't really know- all I know for sure is the script work shown in the above video is of poor quality.

I was really surprised to head the stick talk... it was so feminine...

This week on Unskippable: Fun With Homonyms(tm)!

canadamus_prime:
So I'm guessing Blondie McTear-Face is supposed to be the main protagonist? He doesn't set himself up as being very likable. (I'm assuming it's supposed to be male, the hair kinda throws me off a bit though)

Have you played many Final Fantasy games? I haven't seen a likeable character yet. Among protagonists, nearly all fall into the "whiny, gender-confused idiot-child" category.

And what if those Bering crystal bears bearing crystals are named Barry? And what if those Bering crystal bears bearing crystals named Barry are barons...?

Callate:
And what if those Bering crystal bears bearing crystals are named Barry? And what if those Bering crystal bears bearing crystals named Barry are barons...?

And naked, no less?

Baron Barry the bare Bering crystal bear bearing crystals.

*undoes knotted tongue*

Many jokes make me chuckle, but I burst aloud at the "boxing match" one. XD

I think they catch up on explaining the story later... I think I saw a review of this one and they had a cutscene sometime in that was 10 minutes long.

I seriously wonder why the blonde guy got this female crystal bearer out of that glowing hole thingy, this clearly didn't seem to do much good for the situation... but maybe he's either an idiot or maybe the universe would have collapsed otherwise.

jonyboy13:
Wait, so it's not bird's poo on his chick? I'm confused.

Actually, blame my filthy mind, but first thing i thought about wasn't bird poo... nor tear on that matter. It seemed more like he got a little, uhm, happy with his hands and aimed too high <.<

Yeah, yeah...we get it. JRPGs have a history of characters that are slightly on the androgynous side. But honestly, I don't see the big deal. Believe me, a JRPG fan, when I say, "You haven't SEEN androgynous yet!" In one manga I read, simply titled Tsubasa, I couldn't actually tell if one character was a girl until the creator actually proved she had breasts. Now THAT is sad.

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