Beauty Isnít Just Pixel-Deep

Beauty Isn't Just Pixel-Deep

We learn that being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be.

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Sexual preferences are normal but the problem is it's imprudent to be ruled by those preferences because it makes dating harder. It's like saying you only want to out with a girl with ginger hair- not only are you restricting yourself to what.....1/20th of the female population? (Depending on the ethnicities of those you live with). Unless you are some sort of Casanova, narrowing yourself to so many options will only make it harder to meet someone.

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Beauty Isn't Just Pixel-Deep

We learn that being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be.

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re: Otaku - A lot of folks have this same problematic perception. When we look at other cultures, no matter how deeply we may try to look, we're still only able to see what they export. That's why many non-American folks have wildly-skewed views on America (either we're all the worst people in the world, or we all live in a magical world of opportunity and plenty).

Most of the "exports" we see from "East Asia" (by which you almost certainly mean "Japan, or something that looks close enough") are heavily sexual in nature. That colors our subconscious perception of the culture and its women. We may see a few features we like (submissive women willing to act out our fantasies, for instance) and grow to believe that women from this culture embody those features.

At the same time, we see America as empowering women to go after what they want (at least to a larger degree than many countries)... and wouldn't it just be nicer not to have those conflicting wants? At least, that's the thought that may be going on in the subconscious. The same thing happens with "Eastern European" women -- hence the proliferation of the "Russian mail order bride" image.

It's entirely about you, though. You have some fundamental misunderstandings about the culture, and these cause you to idolize the women from this imagined and constructed culture you hold in your mind. Look into what the defining features of that self-created culture are, and you'll begin to see what it is you're really looking for. Only once you face that can you start to unravel the knots it has tied in your mind.

^ Is it possible that maybe he's not just attracted to them because of societal misconceptions? I too am attracted to "East Asian" women but I know that they're not actually submissive real dolls that cater to my every need. I think that they are just very beautiful the same way that a straight man finds a woman (of any type) beautiful. I see "East Asian" as a sub-attraction of my attraction to women in general. I like women of all races but there's just something I find very beautiful about "East Asian" girls. Like I said, (for me) this isn't rooted in a desire for submissiveness or servitude or a rose-tinted view of "East Asian" culture.

Micalas:
^ Is it possible that maybe he's not just attracted to them because of societal misconceptions? I too am attracted to "East Asian" women but I know that they're not actually submissive real dolls that cater to my every need. I think that they are just very beautiful the same way that a straight man finds a woman (of any type) beautiful. I see "East Asian" as a sub-attraction of my attraction to women in general. I like women of all races but there's just something I find very beautiful about "East Asian" girls. Like I said, (for me) this isn't rooted in a desire for submissiveness or servitude or a rose-tinted view of "East Asian" culture.

There's a difference between "...being attracted to..." and "...ONLY being attracted to...", though

^ I apologize for the fact that I'm not using the quote function. For some odd reason it doesn't work while I'm at work.

I suppose that's true. But let's hypothetically say that he has the same mindset as me. Is it not possible that his appreciation of their physical features is so strong that he finds them more appealing than others to the point of aversion?

Also, Alan Turing was a good man.

Actually, East Asian is a more proper term, since that really only covers China, Korea and Japan. Geographically, they share similar racial and physical features than with people from South and South-East Asia, such as Thailand or Laos. So him being attracted to people from a specific region isn't that unusual.

Also, so what if the initial attraction is something about eye shape or food preferences? That's why it's initial attraction, it doesn't have to be rational it just has to be something that sparks interest. Can you build a relationship off of someone's culture? No, but that can be a great starting point. I mean, chastizing him for being attracted to slanted eyes or black hair also translates into chastizing men for being initially attracted to boobs or for a woman being interested in a man's bank account.

Attraction is attraction, it's not really rational and even if he "Has a thing for asian chicks" doesn't mean that is all the relationship is going to be about.

Nickolai77:
Sexual preferences are normal but the problem is it's imprudent to be ruled by those preferences because it makes dating harder. It's like saying you only want to out with a girl with ginger hair- not only are you restricting yourself to what.....1/20th of the female population? (Depending on the ethnicities of those you live with). Unless you are some sort of Casanova, narrowing yourself to so many options will only make it harder to meet someone.

I heard someone say "choosers dont get laid" or something... i guess that rings true in this context :P

JaredXE:

Attraction is attraction, it's not really rational and even if he "Has a thing for asian chicks" doesn't mean that is all the relationship is going to be about.

well... my guess?? he has never had one and keeps getting more and more desperate

sooo.... yah... just an unfulfilled fetish

BTW! I find that last guy hilarious because he keeps lumping together SEX with EMOTIONS, I mean Sexually?? yeah, I LOVE BIG BREASTS and MILKY WHITE SKIN and I find slit eyes SO DAMN HOT and well... everything in a Japanese girl to be precise, (yes, I can tell the difference thanks to the thousands and thousands of Asian women I have seen in the web... yes I am a weird porn loving guy... yes I know not all Japanese women are big breasted but the ones i have seen are) but my current girl is dark skinned and 32 B and couldn't have her eyes more open if she tried with "Ulzzang" do I shy away from sex because she doesn't fulfill every physical fantasy I have?? hell no! its even hotter to be with someone that you love and you know she loves back

My advice?? go to Vegas, get in a cab and ask to be taken to a sex ranch, rent an Asian girl (Its legal there and you must be 21 but hell i would do it if i felt the way you do), get over with your urges and once you realize its just another female vagina regardless of race, you will be able to connect with someone more emotionally... regardless of race... again...

mmm... does preferring one race over the other makes someone "racist"????

Dastardly:

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Beauty Isn't Just Pixel-Deep

We learn that being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Read Full Article

re: Otaku - A lot of folks have this same problematic perception. When we look at other cultures, no matter how deeply we may try to look, we're still only able to see what they export. That's why many non-American folks have wildly-skewed views on America (either we're all the worst people in the world, or we all live in a magical world of opportunity and plenty).

Most of the "exports" we see from "East Asia" (by which you almost certainly mean "Japan, or something that looks close enough") are heavily sexual in nature. That colors our subconscious perception of the culture and its women. We may see a few features we like (submissive women willing to act out our fantasies, for instance) and grow to believe that women from this culture embody those features.

At the same time, we see America as empowering women to go after what they want (at least to a larger degree than many countries)... and wouldn't it just be nicer not to have those conflicting wants? At least, that's the thought that may be going on in the subconscious. The same thing happens with "Eastern European" women -- hence the proliferation of the "Russian mail order bride" image.

It's entirely about you, though. You have some fundamental misunderstandings about the culture, and these cause you to idolize the women from this imagined and constructed culture you hold in your mind. Look into what the defining features of that self-created culture are, and you'll begin to see what it is you're really looking for. Only once you face that can you start to unravel the knots it has tied in your mind.

I agree! and if a Japanese woman (for the sake of example iīm going to focus on them)is exactly what he wants, the odds are she is not interested in him, and if one DOES shows interest in him the odds are she is nothing like what he imagined :P (anyone heard about "Xenophobia"??)

PS: Sorry, dude. Unless you can show me a PET scan indicating your brain is genetically hardwired to respond only to Harujuku girls...

This. You come up with the best things sometimes, Lara. Hope you don't mind me saying this to a buddy of mine. He more or less has the same "problem."

Dastardly:

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Beauty Isn't Just Pixel-Deep

We learn that being skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Read Full Article

re: Otaku - A lot of folks have this same problematic perception. When we look at other cultures, no matter how deeply we may try to look, we're still only able to see what they export. That's why many non-American folks have wildly-skewed views on America (either we're all the worst people in the world, or we all live in a magical world of opportunity and plenty).

Most of the "exports" we see from "East Asia" (by which you almost certainly mean "Japan, or something that looks close enough") are heavily sexual in nature. That colors our subconscious perception of the culture and its women. We may see a few features we like (submissive women willing to act out our fantasies, for instance) and grow to believe that women from this culture embody those features.

At the same time, we see America as empowering women to go after what they want (at least to a larger degree than many countries)... and wouldn't it just be nicer not to have those conflicting wants? At least, that's the thought that may be going on in the subconscious. The same thing happens with "Eastern European" women -- hence the proliferation of the "Russian mail order bride" image.

It's entirely about you, though. You have some fundamental misunderstandings about the culture, and these cause you to idolize the women from this imagined and constructed culture you hold in your mind. Look into what the defining features of that self-created culture are, and you'll begin to see what it is you're really looking for. Only once you face that can you start to unravel the knots it has tied in your mind.

I'm guessing it is the exports coloring the writer's mind with ideals of what "East Asian" girls are/act like. I've known a couple girls of Japanese descent who have gone out on dates with white guys, and even though they thought the date was going fine they were essentially told that they weren't "Asian enough" for the guy and never heard from them again.

On the one hand, that's seriously offensive. On the other hand, thank god they weren't "Asian enough" for the guy's fetish needs.

I am a white male who is attracted to everything East Asian: East Asian food, East Asian culture... but worst of all, I am attracted to East Asian females. Unfortunately, they do not seem as interested in me. I have made numerous attempts to introduce myself to some of them before, but they are either very ethnocentric, or they simply walk away when I say anything to them.

Perhaps walking up to them and yelling

"HI, ME BOB, YOU BOOTIFULL"

Isn't the best approach.

Disclaimer - and that right there folks is the reason i'm not a therapist .... i'd pretty much suck giant hairy monkey balls.

daftalchemist:
I'm guessing it is the exports coloring the writer's mind with ideals of what "East Asian" girls are/act like. I've known a couple girls of Japanese descent who have gone out on dates with white guys, and even though they thought the date was going fine they were essentially told that they weren't "Asian enough" for the guy and never heard from them again.

On the one hand, that's seriously offensive. On the other hand, thank god they weren't "Asian enough" for the guy's fetish needs.

Of course. It's, in large part, the old "exotic = erotic" phenomenon. Couple that with how what we see of the (exported) culture is so heavily sexual, and you're in dangerous territory.

And there's also the notion that Japanese women are more submissive to men, which is borne out in a lot of the exported media (whether it is true or not). And the fact that a foreign women would, in a sense, more heavily depend on an American man to help her get around...

It's a cocktail that strikes right at the most basic male instincts, so it's no wonder it grips as many men as it does. But as long as we (as men) recognize that instinct is almost always selfish, we can work to prevent it from coloring our perceptions of other people -- and turning them into the (potential) objects of our own fetishes.

How are the list of related articles chosen? Keywords? Because the top one is about a Korean marrying a body pillow and I'm a bit ashamed to say it made me giggle.

As far as the first one... I'm REALLY hoping that's a typo, because six-foot-three and 104 pounds for a man isn't just underweight- that's skeletal. The body needs at least a certain amount of fat reserves to be able to operate, and if "Red Warrior" would like to live to see more Christmases with his girlfriend, he'll seek some sort of medical help immediately.

Granted, if your partner is willing to change something about the way they look because they'll enjoy how happy you are, that's a big turn on. For instance, I generally prefer medium-length hair on a guy, and I don't like beards. That's not to say I'd avoid a bearded guy with a pony tail, but if he decided he wasn't attached to the beard and the ponytail and decided to trim, I'd be delighted and he might also be delighted that I was delighted.

The idea is, if you decide to change something, do it for your own sake (because you're feeling adventurous, or whatever), not for your partner at the *expense* of what you want.

In my experience, guys tend to be MORE attached to their look than women are--possibly because no look really ever turns a woman into the goddess of unfathomable beauty she wants to be, so she's always willing to try something different in the hopes that it'll be better. Guys, on the other hand, find a style that suits them and stick with it. Changing things up feels, to them, like they're occupying somebody else's unfamiliar (and itchier) body.

That's a broad generalization and probably not true for remotely everybody, but I've almost never heard of a guy wanting his gal to change things about herself--well, unless she's fat and he's decided he'll "settle" because she's "such a nice girl" or similar, which is the worst kind of ugly delusion. Guys are much more likely to be startled and perhaps even put off when their fem decides she wants a different hairdo or clothing style or whatever.

It's pretty concerning that in Fat-Bottomed Girls Lara makes a passing mention of fat fetisization in neutral tones and then quickly moves on to encouraging the guy to own what he's attracted to, whereas in Otaku's case she does the reverse and makes a passing mention of how some people may just have normal sexual attractions before tearing into him for a bunch of personality issues she just presumes he has.

I've witnessed that it is not unusual for western women to demonize western man/Asian woman relationships. Which always strikes me as odd because where I come from when a white guy has a thing for black women or Latina women it rarely gets treated like he has a condition stemming from personal issues. It's especially disappointing that Lara mentions the submissive stereotype. I've heard many other Western women make the charge that a given Western man must only dig Asian women because they are submissive, which is unfortunate because after having lived in East Asia for many years now I'm pretty convinced that the western notion of submissive Asian women is just completely wrong-headed. At least she didn't cite those other two claims that I've heard come up when western women complain about WM/AF relationships- that either the western man only likes Asians because he's can't get any sex with his own kind or that Asian women all look like 12 year old girls. It's odd that attacking the sexual development of an entire ethnicity is often seen as an acceptable way to attack supposedly male sexual-racial stereotyping.

Otaku didn't do himself any favors with his presentation (particularly his "why don't Asian women fall for me when I introduce myself to them?"), but I think Lara should have given him a little bit more benefit of the doubt. I don't know if Lara's hostility is the same hostility I described above or motivated by some other cause, but I think it puts this article well below her usual level of quality.

Sad to say that I'm the poor sap that sent in the question. To the doubters: I really wish it WAS a typo, screw-up on the scale, whatever. I actually just got out of the hospital for- guess what? -heart problems and fainting. I'm not missing limbs yet, though!

Looking for my camera right now. Pics or it didn't happen, yeah?

EDIT: Oh, here we are. Hoping that shows up.

Sorry... Like I said, I wish it were a typo.

Sincerely,
Not An Otaku, Really

Dear Otaku,

Anyone else find this subtle dig terribly amusing?

With that said, I'm not entirely sure that the response to the East Asian question was in-depth enough to be helpful. There are a number of ideas that could have enriched the response.

For instance, it may be worth mentioning that if you have a thing for people broadly from East Asia, then you should perhaps learn about the individual cultures more extensively and make your preference more specific. At least in this way, you know what you want, and you can open with "I am fascinated with X culture" when you meet someone from that country, and have a serious conversation about it, possibly even in their native language (after ensuring that they know the same one as you do).

That kind of learning really helps you to cross cultural divides and any other barrier that may be stopping you. A real interest in culture is different from a real interest in race, and clever women can often tell this difference on your first meeting - if it is true of you at the time and not just a fad. Be real. Don't pretend that you are what you're not - become what you want to be.

Another idea which could have been mentioned is that you could be approaching your target in a way considered rude in the person's individual culture. There are many different ways to say "hello", and being a classic Westerner, you may assume that the casual, Western style will be attractive to them. Though the differences may be subtle, subtlety is immensely important in coming across as a man of finer tastes and ideas, so learn, learn, learn until you know what is going to work for all sorts of East Asian cultures if you find you really like all of them that broadly.

So while I think that the article is on the right track that there is a change of knowledge needed to surmount the issues discussed, I feel that there are many more ideas which can help the subject along.

Otaku,

When you make it known that you are only attracted to a woman because of her race, it makes her feel uncomfortable. It makes her have difficulty seeing you as anything other than a threat. I don't want to presume too much, but you might have difficulty finding an East Asian woman because you're seeing them in that way as opposed to viewing them as individuals-as Mary, Kim, Keiko, etc. Or it could be because they feel as if you're exoticizing them and only being interested in them because you think they're strange and distant- as a transwoman, I get that second one a lot. By doing this, you not only disrespect the women, but you also disrespect their cultures by treating them as strange and only judging them by media tropes. If you're only attracted to East Asian women, fine, but treat them like people, like individuals. Don't sit at the bar and think "Ooh, an East Asian woman! I hope I get lucky." Think "Oh, this woman seems attractive. I'll go ask her what's up." Because, at the end of the day, she's not just an East Asian woman. She's a person with hopes, dreams, habits, pet peeves, etc. and she deserves to be treated as such. Don't treat her like a curio. Treat her like you would any attractive woman, regardless of race.

Sigh....lara is back to her judgmental and unhelpful self again.

To the otaku guy, if you like east asian girls so much why not go to their breeding ground? I can guarantee you that you'll find one and more.

Lara said they can "sniff" you out from a mile away, while I can't comment on that since I really don't know. But if it's true then just go to somewhere with the girls that are not used to your scent.

Believe it or not, there're alot of east asian girls that want a white guy because he's white too. You can try searching for them online. In this day an age no one should be complaining they can't find their significant other because there is always someone for you out there and the net is your bridge to them.

Wow way to be agressive Lara. Trust me east-asianlover, someone who doesn't respect your desires is not worth listening to.

Your problem has nothing to do with ethnicity.

It's just that you seem to have trouble introducing yourself to girls you find attractive. It's always harder than doing so compared to girls you don't find attractive. Try internet-dating or try approaching more people conversationally. Learn to talk to anyone anywhere. That will teach you how to talk to girls you find attractive, because the 'i want love/sex' message won't lay so thick in your interaction.

Be prepared to fail a lot, but aim to succeed. You'll learn something each time and before you know it, you'll ace ninja gaiden with a single life.

This is what lara should have written.

I've noticed the little conversation on the Facebook comments about how it's 'impossible' to be 6ft and only weigh 100lbs...
My best friend is 5'10 and weighs 88lbs, sure it's unhealthy but not life threatening and by no means impossible :/

I think the issue here is not that he happens to like Asian girls (I mean who doesn't, they're hot), the problem is that he's not good at picking up girls he likes. We shake our heads with disapproval, yet if he was telling us about how successful he's been with them, we'd want him to share some tips.

Ultimately, girls don't like dudes that they find to be creepy. If you're creeping girls out, you're doing it wrong; you're not being attractive. That said, Lara's kind of right here. Part of the reason this guy isn't attracting the Asian chicks he loves so much is that he's going around with this complex, thinking he has some genetic condition that's keeping him from liking other women. He's imagined this rock and a hard place and stuck himself in the middle as if he were a victim of his own cursed desires, oh woe is him. But that's bullshit. He needs to work on attracting women, all women. He needs to work on himself and his confidence and his game in general. He can't keep telling himself that other women don't attract him because that's a bullshit smokescreen for his own failings. I know. I've done that kind of shit. I used to tell myself that I was waiting for just the right girl. If I didn't have the nerve to ask a particular girl out, I'd just convince myself I didn't like her anyway. Or I'd do other crap, like only falling for girls I knew I couldn't have so that I could blame my problems on some situation I couldn't control.

Once he admits that he's only making excuses and resolves to do better, he'll fix his own problem. Maybe he'll even meet some nice brunette from Illinois and realize that yeah, she's pretty fucking gorgeous. Or maybe it will be that Asian girl he's had his eye on. Either way, he's gotta start with himself.

A guy with an eating disorder is quit rare... Do yourself some good and try to get treated for it and have your girlfriend join you in the process. Support and undestanding are two things you need from her if you want to survive and from the fact she asks you to gain weight she either doesn't know you have a disorder or doesn't understand what it means.
There is a lot of ignorance about eating disorders in the population, if Mr. wants his girlfriend to help him get better rather than pressure him into something that he is terrified of she needs to do some reading on the subject.

Did a seminary paper on eating disorderes during my degree. The most depressing reading material I ever came across. 20% death over a period of 10 years, 80% of remission goes into relaps. And that is without talking about the damage you do to your body in the process...

Now, that isn't to say you are doomed. Women with anorexia live with their disorder, some even become mothers and live health lives to old age. But they do that while being aware of their own condition and having a supportive community around them.

As for the Asia-phille, get a life. No support for you :P Stop sounding so desperate and creepy and the Asian women around you might actually give you a try.

Silva:

Sincerely,
Not An Otaku, Really

Dear Otaku,

Anyone else find this subtle dig terribly amusing?

Amusing? No. Disrespectful? Yes. This being said, signing "not an Otaku" when nothing in the message sounded like he was one did encourage teasing. If I say "I like fish. By the way I'm not Belgian" people are going to suspect I AM Belgian.

Anyways. NAO, if you are physically attracted to East Asians (and as an ethnicity, it's not a more offensive word than Caucasian), that's not a problem, everyone has different attractions and it's not weirder than only liking tall people or people with meat on their bones. However I don't think you should mix ethnicity and culture, depending on their background many East-Asian women might not have much to do culturally with the country they're biologically from (whether their family immigrated generations ago or someone was adopted along the line or something), and as Lara said East-Asian covers a whole cultural range.
So, I find it weird that you put liking a type of women on the same rank as liking aspects of a culture such as the food or something. It makes it sound like you have a boner not for the women, but for the media and want a girl that matches the ones found in said media.

I also find you're generalising a lot. Saying "women of that ethnicity are like this" is, well... if you think in those kinds of terms I think you have your explanation of why they're not interested in you. You should really try and see them as individuals and their own person.
And if you're really only attracted to them, you might consider moving to a part of the world where they are more common. Just saying, that would make it easier for you to find someone you're compatible with without having to worry about the ethnicity issue (not hers at least. You'd still need to find someone who's into whatever ethnicity you happen to be).

Silva:

Sincerely,
Not An Otaku, Really

Dear Otaku,

Anyone else find this subtle dig terribly amusing?

I laughed so hard at that, and came to the comments just to post about it, but I read to make sure no one else had.

I'm not too sure about the eating disorder, unless you are not eating normally and you cannot eat a reasonable amount of food it could be due to other factors not related to eating. The 16th president of the US had a genetic disorder where he maintained similar height to weight ratios. Unless your not eating or actually vomiting or whatever then it is going to be very difficult to see eating disorder simply based off of weight and height which is only unhealthy for NORMAL PEOPLE and you might be like Abe Lincoln and be ABNORMAL PEOPLE.

See Genetic Disorder - Marfan Syndrome

SoulSalmon:
I've noticed the little conversation on the Facebook comments about how it's 'impossible' to be 6ft and only weigh 100lbs...
My best friend is 5'10 and weighs 88lbs, sure it's unhealthy but not life threatening and by no means impossible :/

That's because BMI is a 200-year-old formula with a lot of limitations. It's almost useless for serious athletes, for example, because it's based entirely on weight and doesn't distinguish between body fat and lean body mass. I wouldn't be surprised if it breaks down at the low end of the scale too. The main reason it's perpetuated is because unlike more accurate measures of overall health (e.g., body fat percentage), it doesn't need special training or equipment.

Falseprophet:

SoulSalmon:
I've noticed the little conversation on the Facebook comments about how it's 'impossible' to be 6ft and only weigh 100lbs...
My best friend is 5'10 and weighs 88lbs, sure it's unhealthy but not life threatening and by no means impossible :/

That's because BMI is a 200-year-old formula with a lot of limitations. It's almost useless for serious athletes, for example, because it's based entirely on weight and doesn't distinguish between body fat and lean body mass. I wouldn't be surprised if it breaks down at the low end of the scale too. The main reason it's perpetuated is because unlike more accurate measures of overall health (e.g., body fat percentage), it doesn't need special training or equipment.

Yeah I'll be one of the fastest people to agree that BMI is a spectacularly broken formula

Last time I was checked I had a 16% Body Fat Percent (Probably closer to 20% now :/ I grew a bit of a gut since then) yet I have a BMI of 35 (About 6 ft tall and just under 120kg), WELL in to the obese range, because I have a naturally muscular build.

But regardless, I just wanted to point out the ludicrous argument that a 6ft person can't weigh 100 lbs >.>

For the record, your hip-to-waist ratio, although not perfect either, is usually a more reliable measurement of healthy or unhealthy weight, and can also be measured without special equipment (just need to know how to measure your hip size and your waist size, and own measuring tape or something that can do the same job).

" Sincerely,
Not An Otaku, Really"

And in the next line:

"Dear Otaku,"

I lol'd.

My ex-husband was 6'3" and 110 lbs soaking wet with rocks in his pockets. Yes, folks, it's possible, I assure you.

 

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