Don’t Put the Kart Before the Koopa Shell

Don't Put the Kart Before the Koopa Shell

Afraid of needles and commitment? Look no further.

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That last one seems like it could just as well be fear of coming out than disinterest. Either way hiding a relationship becomes trouble at one point or another so it is still a matter of being honest about it or ending it.

Also its good to clarify that the friend zone isn't a set in stone "rule" about a time limit on dating as much as it is just a tendency. People have different ways of thinking after all.

I'm a nerd chick as well, and I was a late bloomer. For a long time I didn't appreciate guys flirting with me because I thought they were making fun of me. It took a friend of mine telling me that had he met me under different circumstances (as in, not in first grade because by the time hormones kicked in, we regarded each other more as siblings than anything else), I would be his dream girl for me to realize that guys might ACTUALLY find me halfway attractive. The advice you gave Morrigan is spot on in my experience :)

Also...sleeping with your roommate? Awkward. I feel like boundaries and intentions probably should have been established after the first time.

Yikes. Sleeping with a roommate sounds like it would be a minefield or something.

To the nerd chick, it's difficult getting accustom to someone flirting with you after going so long without it, but don't worry. They're compliments :D Someone digs you.

I have always hated guys flirting with me or giving me "attention" in that manner. There's no complex to it, there's no underlying issue, I just hate it. I don't know you; I want to be left alone. I'm going about my life at school, at work, or at the bus stop, so leave me alone.

At the same time, I've also never had an issue with asking out a guy I liked. None of that nervous waiting around stuff. I just go and ask. So I guess I just prefer to be the one to show interest.

Lara Crigger:
But when they do, the rewards are so very, very worthwhile.

By all the gods in Arcadia, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. One of the greatest periods of my life was when that that shift paid off for me. It was a big risk, but like big risk, the reward was amazing. Yes, there is the chance that it could go badly, but you just have to make sure you don't seek to make it go badly. A strong friendship means a strong base between you, and using it to the advantage of both sides makes things all the better.

runnernda:
For a long time I didn't appreciate guys flirting with me because I thought they were making fun of me.

I can buy into that. It makes sense, since I recall feeling the same way.

Though I think they really WERE making fun of me.

Lara Crigger:
Love FAQ: Don't Put the Kart Before the Koopa Shell

Afraid of needles and commitment? Look no further.

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Wow, quite a mix this time around.

Our needle-phobic friend just seems to be projecting too far into the future here. I'm all about "start with the end in mind" in most situations... but if you're interested in the girl, focus on that.

Have you considered that, perhaps, she won't want you to visit the hospital if you end up dating? Some people may be okay mentioning it in conversation, but it's another thing entirely to have someone there, witnessing it. Another possibility -- she's cool with sharing, but she's also cool with you not wanting to (being mature and aware that you haven't had the presumed years she has to "get used to it"). I'd say you're not giving her enough credit on this, but really it doesn't seem like much consideration has been given to the fact that she can react in different ways...

It's impossible to predict what's going to happen. So just go find out.

Morrigan should just go ahead and admit she likes the attention -- and who wouldn't? You put a fair amount of stock in the "geek" identity, and you obviously want to draw attention to the fact that you're beginning to receive this attention... both perfectly normal human responses to a situation like this.

So enjoy the attention, and don't feel the need to disguise that enjoyment as confusion or disgust. That does not mean you have to "do" anything in particular about the advances. Compliments aren't currency, and they do not entitle the bearer to anything. Accept the compliment and reject the suitor... or accept both... or whatever you want.

Cautious isn't bad, though (in moderation). When you first start getting attention like this, and you really begin accepting and owning it, it's easy to get caught up fast. So, be totally open to accepting compliments... just be cautious about what you do about them.

As for Friendship's situation, a certain amount of what we can loosely call "fate" comes into play here: if you get "Friend Zoned," then you were always going to be Zoned. The only alternative is, what, to try to "beat the clock" by forcing a romantic relationship before being Zoned?

Here's the problem with that: Now, instead of being put in the Friend Zone, when s/he realizes there's no long-term "spark," you're in the Ex-Zone instead. The kind of quick "attraction" that you can use to stay out of the Friend Zone does not last, and it will not prevent the inevitable.

The big question is to decide whether you're happy in the Friend Zone or not. If you are, then don't rock the boat. If you aren't, you will never be able to help trying to rock the aforementioned boat. Sticking around, trying to "convince" them you're not Friend Zone material... well, it's not only ineffective, but it would also be a bit inconsiderate of the other person's ability to judge what they do or do not want. It's just never a good situation.

Don't dread the "Friend Zone." It can be a very comfortable place, because it's not overflowing with all the sex-oriented emotional baggage that plagues so many cross-gender interactions. You can learn about yourself and the other gender, and you can do it in an environment less "tainted" by hormones. You learn how to build long-lasting, deep connections to other people, and that is valuable in all relationships. Nothing to dread here, if you're not looking to "break free."

And Porn, you fell for one of the classic blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: "Sex without feelings" isn't a dependable situation. Not because it's impossible, but because we cannot control our feelings.

Despite the clearest plan and the best of intentions, you can't prevent yourself from feeling this sleep-around should represent something... and similarly, your roommate can't help not feeling the same thing. Your feelings are the voice of your subconscious, and that voice will always be around to disrupt the best-laid plans of your conscious mind.

Sex means more to you than you're willing to openly admit. That doesn't have to mean "love." It might just mean that sex is something you believe should be exclusive between two people. It might just be that you don't like the idea of the other person sleeping with other people (We're human. We can be hypocritical sometimes.). But your subconscious definition for "sex" isn't the same as your roommates. Classic incompatibility.

Short answer: Make a graceful exit now. You can't control your feelings, but you can control how much influence they have over the outcome -- for now.

Sir Trypanophobia (syringe fear) here is actually in a very similar situation to one that I was in... quite recently, actually. I, too, have a fear of needles and was crushing on this one sickly girl. Weird, huh? I was going to talk to her about going out, but then it turned out that she had a boyfriend already.

Sometimes I question why I even bother to try getting a date. Every time, without fail, there has been something in my way. It kind of sucks, but I guess I'm alright with being alone for now...

Hmm, my issue is a combination of a couple of the letters.

I'm a somewhat nerdy guy whose often interested in somewhat nerdy girls who don't like the attention and therefore won't date me. So I always get friend-zoned. Help!

"Normal" non-nerdy girls don't really interest me because we have little in common and frankly they don't like guys like me either since I'm not a player which is different issue.

I would love to date a nerdy girl but I don't know how to get one. I also don't really understand how sexual tension works.

I've already sent in a very similar letter to love FAQ but it wasn't chosen. Which I think is very surprising because the internet if full of guys like me who just can't figure the dating thing out.

Maxtro:
Hmm, my issue is a combination of a couple of the letters.

I'm a somewhat nerdy guy whose often interested in somewhat nerdy girls who don't like the attention and therefore won't date me. So I always get friend-zoned. Help!

"Normal" non-nerdy girls don't really interest me because we have little in common and frankly they don't like guys like me either since I'm not a player which is different issue.

I would love to date a nerdy girl but I don't know how to get one. I also don't really understand how sexual tension works.

I've already sent in a very similar letter to love FAQ but it wasn't chosen. Which I think is very surprising because the internet if full of guys like me who just can't figure the dating thing out.

im starting to think these letters are fake, they dont even read the actual ones as itd take too much time. i dont mean to offend but i hear this a lot about advice collums

RaikuFA:

Maxtro:
Hmm, my issue is a combination of a couple of the letters.

I'm a somewhat nerdy guy whose often interested in somewhat nerdy girls who don't like the attention and therefore won't date me. So I always get friend-zoned. Help!

"Normal" non-nerdy girls don't really interest me because we have little in common and frankly they don't like guys like me either since I'm not a player which is different issue.

I would love to date a nerdy girl but I don't know how to get one. I also don't really understand how sexual tension works.

I've already sent in a very similar letter to love FAQ but it wasn't chosen. Which I think is very surprising because the internet if full of guys like me who just can't figure the dating thing out.

im starting to think these letters are fake, they dont even read the actual ones as itd take too much time. i dont mean to offend but i hear this a lot about advice collums

I had a letter published in this column, so I can personally tell you that these are real

artanis_neravar:

RaikuFA:

Maxtro:
Hmm, my issue is a combination of a couple of the letters.

I'm a somewhat nerdy guy whose often interested in somewhat nerdy girls who don't like the attention and therefore won't date me. So I always get friend-zoned. Help!

"Normal" non-nerdy girls don't really interest me because we have little in common and frankly they don't like guys like me either since I'm not a player which is different issue.

I would love to date a nerdy girl but I don't know how to get one. I also don't really understand how sexual tension works.

I've already sent in a very similar letter to love FAQ but it wasn't chosen. Which I think is very surprising because the internet if full of guys like me who just can't figure the dating thing out.

im starting to think these letters are fake, they dont even read the actual ones as itd take too much time. i dont mean to offend but i hear this a lot about advice collums

I had a letter published in this column, so I can personally tell you that these are real

i just got a notification that mine never reached the address that they provide. its making me even more suspicious that they dont read them and yours was just a coincidence

either way theyd just ignore mine, people usually do

RaikuFA:

artanis_neravar:

RaikuFA:

im starting to think these letters are fake, they dont even read the actual ones as itd take too much time. i dont mean to offend but i hear this a lot about advice collums

I had a letter published in this column, so I can personally tell you that these are real

i just got a notification that mine never reached the address that they provide. its making me even more suspicious that they dont read them and yours was just a coincidence

either way theyd just ignore mine, people usually do

As in it was a coincidence that they got it or it was a coincidence that it looked like my letter?

Coincidence theirs looked like yours. It just seems weird that mine can't reach them and a question that I'm sure a lot of guys have asked won't get answered

 

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