Jimquisition: Will Grand Theft Auto V Have No Balls?

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This week on the Jimquisition, DICKS!

you've got a point and i myself have made before,but it's another thing to have an edgy overarching plot,and another to have a boring main character.i'm mostly talking about red dead though,gta is extremely well in my books

One thing that San Andreas did that was revolutionary and I'm shocked doesn't appear anywhere else is the body modification.. Remember how if you ran everywhere, CJ got faster and could run farther in foot chases, and if you lifted weights he could climb over fences faster and if you swam, etc.. the activities you engaged in SHAPED your character.. it made it feel more alive. I still remember the very early part of San Andreas because it did unfold like a movie.. you live in that little cultesac, at any moment some punks could drive by shoot at you, you didn't venture too far from home in case one of the other gangs might be around, you had limited types of weapons, and the police could be a major problem if you weren't careful. Then, if you sat around eating junk food every time your health was low you'd get fat and chunky which limited your abilities. THAT was the best life simulator ever to appear in a sandbox action game.

Then came Niko Bellic. Who never got more muscular, or leaner, never got fatter or faster.. just surlier and with more annoying friends and relatives. They spent more time making the city appear visually realistic and less time making the GAME interactive and fun. It just felt like "drive here, do that, drive there, do something else." I felt little impetus to "play" in the sandbox because it was boring and no different than the sandbox I had back at home.

The problem with the split between the Dark and Grittyness of GTA4 and the silliness of the Saints Row series is that it has left a void in the market for those who liked the middle ground. Something where you could have all the wrong fun, but not that it feels too artificial.

San Andreas and Vice City occupied that vault. Nothing was too over the top and immature but it was still silly like how you could torch the Village People with a molotov cocktail and run out with little consequence.

That said, this is all still speculation and GTA V may surprise me and hit the sweet spot, but to fully do that the cars must handle slightly better than utter arse.

@HyenaThePirate: long story short, GTA:SA had RPG elements.
Anyway, the thing about GTAIV (and probably V) is that for all its "artsy fartsy" storytelling and "deep narrative", its storyline and character development was absolutely terrible. I wouldn't have minded if indeed they would have presented gamers an alternative to wacky far out shit which is somewhat more thoughtful, but it didn't. It wasn't wacky yet it couldn't be taken seriously.
That said, gameplay was still fun, but I'm looking forward to Saint's Row the Third more than to GTAV.

HyenaThePirate:
One thing that San Andreas did that was revolutionary and I'm shocked doesn't appear anywhere else is the body modification.. Remember how if you ran everywhere, CJ got faster and could run farther in foot chases, and if you lifted weights he could climb over fences faster and if you swam, etc.. the activities you engaged in SHAPED your character.. it made it feel more alive. I still remember the very early part of San Andreas because it did unfold like a movie.. you live in that little cultesac, at any moment some punks could drive by shoot at you, you didn't venture too far from home in case one of the other gangs might be around, you had limited types of weapons, and the police could be a major problem if you weren't careful. Then, if you sat around eating junk food every time your health was low you'd get fat and chunky which limited your abilities. THAT was the best life simulator ever to appear in a sandbox action game.

Then came Niko Bellic. Who never got more muscular, or leaner, never got fatter or faster.. just surlier and with more annoying friends and relatives. They spent more time making the city appear visually realistic and less time making the GAME interactive and fun. It just felt like "drive here, do that, drive there, do something else." I felt little impetus to "play" in the sandbox because it was boring and no different than the sandbox I had back at home.

To be fair, the development of your character in that way WAS a feature a lot of people hated.

Of course, it's more likely that the more "mature" focus on storytelling Jim's championing in the series precludes making you want to sandbox, as that takes away from the shallow narrative and surly characters.

But the one thing I agree with Jim on is that if you want to play, Saints Row's got your back.

GTA is becoming less a sandbox and more merely an open world.

I might be getting both. I'm certain i'll be getting SR: The Third on release date, but with GTA i'll have to wait and see. Diving into american college is probably gonna eat up most of my money D:

But yeah, i'll just show people this when they ever start mentioning GTA vs. SR because i'm really tired of all those stupid arguments when the games are worlds apart in what they want to be.

That was a rather roundabout way to reach a conclusion. Oh well, I agree.

Was it just me or the title hinted to a crass way to imply the next GTA main character is going to be female? Maybe it was just me. Still, I'd really like a female GTA main character.

Zachary Amaranth:

To be fair, the development of your character in that way WAS a feature a lot of people hated.

Of course, it's more likely that the more "mature" focus on storytelling Jim's championing in the series precludes making you want to sandbox, as that takes away from the shallow narrative and surly characters.

But the one thing I agree with Jim on is that if you want to play, Saints Row's got your back.

GTA is becoming less a sandbox and more merely an open world.

But it seems like an open world filled with mundanity.
They say that art reflects life... well if that is true and we accept that video games are indeed art, then GTA is a masterpiece in that regard. It is such a reflection of real life that it's actually managed to become as boring as real life. The open world is more detailed but it still feels empty. Being able to go to a comedy club or watch tv in an open world game isn't the kind of "realism" that I think gamers want. If I wanted to hang out with my "friends" killing time and throwing darts, I'd rather go do it in real life.

The trend concerns me because instead of more inventive missions and a more reactive vibrant world (like how in San Andreas, the idea that a passing gang member might just decide to start trouble with you out of the blue) made it feel more alive. In GTA, just walking around on the streets didn't invite any interesting distractions like "what the heck just happened over there", with the exception of those little side quests you could get by running into random people hanging out on corners but those were too few and the missions weren't anymore than glorified taxi runs. The one little story about that girl with the drug habit that had come from out west.. that had substance for a moment, a fleeting moment. I actually cared about what might happen to her and was interested in her story, but the story went no where. You take her drop her off then pick her up and drop her off somewhere else and that's it. Just someone passing through in your virtual life and a sorely missed opportunity for a little redemption in my eyes for Nico. Even the DLC cocks things up a bit.. in the beginning of the Lost and the Damned I really was getting into the characters but then things went nowhere. There was no redemption for the main character, he was just a dick to the end. The missions, the club (I'm a big Sons of ANarchy fan so that's what had me really wanting to play the DLC).. it was all a yawn-inducing diversion to stretch out an already way too over-extended stay in a city I had seen all that there was to offer in.

I think Rockstar needs to start putting in more random encounters and such like what Skyrim is attempting to do with the dragons or like they did in Red Dead Redemption. Just make them far more varied. The dating website thing had potential but then you realized you couldn't actually date any of the people. It would have been cool to have a craigslist sort of site that you could find unique things to buy from time to time.

I guess what I'm saying is, if you are going to make the world more "realistic" then don't just paint the surface with realism, actually add some DEPTH. Otherwise, once you get beneath the surface it just disappoints you more than you already would have been had they just never bothered dressing it up at all.

Hahahahaha, ahh... oh. I guess I wasn't expecting such a funny, sophomoric joke after such an intelligent breakdown. I am curious, however, where he got the giant floppy dildo.

HyenaThePirate:

But it seems like an open world filled with mundanity.

Trimmed for length. The bottom line is, I agree with you, pretty near 100%. That's kinda what I meant by calling it "merely" an open world.

It's funny, because RDR is far more empty, but it feels more alive. It doesn't quite have the level of activities to make it as sandboxy as I'd like, but it's still a more organic world, which worked better than trying to make a pretty, but sterile world.

Good points and...
*puts on ironic sunglasses*
Nice dick, Jim!

Zachary Amaranth:

HyenaThePirate:

But it seems like an open world filled with mundanity.

Trimmed for length. The bottom line is, I agree with you, pretty near 100%. That's kinda what I meant by calling it "merely" an open world.

It's funny, because RDR is far more empty, but it feels more alive. It doesn't quite have the level of activities to make it as sandboxy as I'd like, but it's still a more organic world, which worked better than trying to make a pretty, but sterile world.

LOL yeah.. the sound of a cougar can still get my heart beating.

HyenaThePirate:

LOL yeah.. the sound of a cougar can still get my heart beating.

Which brings me to my solution for GTAV:

Cougars.

So what if it's an urban area? >.>

Anyway, I really do hope GTAV is good, but I'm cautious for the reasons we've discussed. Loved RDR. Love sandboxes in general. Wanted to love GTAIV. I just....Couldn't. I still didn't even finish it, though I was like 90% done according to a mission list I looked at. Hated the characters, was bored by the world.

I want them to do better this time. I hear they did better with the two expansions, but I couldn't justify the expense when I already had paid full price for a game I didn't enjoy. Maybe they learned.

However, when they're pushing the size of the city as a major point, I worry not. Liberty City was big and pretty, but dull and empty. And if that's what we get on V, I'm giving it a pass.

Excellent point Jim.

But on an all together different note, Remember that one scene when Saints Row 2 tried to be serious?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKSmGhjRXU4&feature=related

It wasn't pretty.

SteelStallion:

Aureliano:
Man, I'm relieved to hear that things with outlandish dick jokes can't also be intelligent bits of satire and humor. Otherwise it might be possible for this very show to have intelligent criticism. But luckily for everyone, SR2 was clearly not thoughtful or interesting at all aside from just being wacky.

Thank God for Jim indeed. Now I can go back to playing Bach Bach Revolution on my piano with a metronome while sawing off my testicles. No fun ever needs to invade my life with all the thinking going on in it!

[F'ing /SARCASM]

No one said it can't, it certainly can. But it doesn't. SR2 is not thoughtful or intelligent. It's definitely satirical, and I guess you could think about it being sort of intelligent in that way, but there is a clear difference between how GTA 4 presents itself and how SR 2 presents itself. The Jimquisition is satirical and features dick jokes, but it can also be thoughtful and intelligent, and it does.

I don't know what boiled up all that fiery rage. He wasn't ragging on SR2 or anything.

Also, I don't want to inquire as to how and why Jim got a giant purple dildo, but I'm certainly curious.

Bit of suggestive ending bit there, Jim.

Meh I disagree. The death of Carlos made me infinitely more sad than anything that could happen to Roman in GTA 4. The characters in SR2 were just so awesomely characterized, I mean after hearing Pierce awkwardly try to sing Neyo's "So Sick" I liked him more than anyone in GTA 4. But I also loved the characters in San Andreas though. Being betrayed by Big Smoke still upsets me when I replay it. I guess I just didn't feel compelled to care about the characters in GTA 4.

Another great video, but Jim's lack of pronouncing t's was really getting to me by the end of it.

ACman:

And while I'm ripping on Rockstar games; you know what Red Dead redemption needed?

A PC version.

Didn't even know that 4ft dildos were sold...

Rockstar has gone back into their hyper violent routes with the GTA 4 side games. TLaTD had you play as a sociophic biker who is more than willing to take the violent way out of a problem. TBoGT:had you piloting attack helios, tanks and base jumping and one mission had you throwing a blogger out of a helicopter in order to intimidate him to stop him from insulting the title character. and Chinatown Wars had an entire economy system based on drug dealing.

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