Unskippable: Ar Tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel

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An odd coincidence that they do this game since I just beat it last week. Strange...

I nearly choked on my lunch after the Paper Scissors line, and that was before G&P said exactly what I was thinking.

Some day, archaeologists are going to find this game and wonder, "what the hell is this and what insane bastard would interpret this as entertaining?"

That is one muscular woman. Even I thought that was a male when I first saw here.

Aru Toneriko Surī (as in Three): Sekai Shūen no Hikigane wa Shōjo no Uta ga Hiku which apparently translates to "The Girl's Song that Pulls the Trigger of World's Demise" which SORTA (the loosest sense of the non-word possible) makes sense if the world is called Ar Ciel then a demise song could be a Knell.

Reading more into it it seems that all the "made up" words are from a language constructed for the game world. The word Qoga in this language means end, Ar means unique or only, Ciel means world, Tonelico means divine tree or tower.

Take a look. It's really weird: http://conlang.wikia.com/wiki/Hymmnos

Wow, the video really lived up to the name!
That was absolutely ridiculous! I loved it!
Do a GPLP of it! Pleeeeease??

Damn, I though Atelier Rorona:The Alchemist of Arland was the worst named game you guys would ever find.

Um, ok? Japan does it again.

One of the biggest problems in JRPG logic is that outfit is one that guy wears to sleep. In just about all JRPGs, your characters are running around in their pajamas.

And you could have probably fit at least 6 of that main character in that bed. Oh I get it... Your whole party theoretically would all sleep in the same bed.

There was a point in that video where I checked to see how long I was into it. It wasn't even halfway through. It just kept going and going, like a whale vomiting. As bad as the game was, I just couldn't stop watching. I was in awe of the sheer badness of this game...

Soviet Heavy:
Wait, that was for the PS3!? That looked like a late era PS1 game.

Have you ever played a PS1 game?

I am playing Ar tonelico II: Melody of Metafalica (PS2) right now. A really entertaining game ^^
I can't wait to play Ar Tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel but right now it is still too expensive for me.

orangeapples:

And you could have probably fit at least 6 of that main character in that bed. Oh I get it... Your whole party theoretically would all sleep in the same bed.

Ar tonelico II has quite big beds, too. There slept at least 3 main charakters in these beds...one guy and two girls...sometimes only two girls...they are doing weird stuff that makes me wonder if I have some really dirty thoughts or what the hell they are doing there?!

First thought upon seeing the title: I think they finally found something worse than "Infinite Undiscovery"

I guess for an rpg it's not unusual to have the intro talk about something completely detached from the character intros, but still...

The graphics were pretty shit for a PS3 as well and while i don't mind actually stepping away from usual rpg-women outlines that thing wasn't really what i had pictured. I guess the gorilla woman is outweighed by the woman who forgot to put on her pants so i'm still not convinced this is any less mental than your regular rpg (only thing is that this one is also illiterate)

I hate to be "That Guy" but most of it (besides the paper scissors rock joke XD) is plot, the whole title are real words in a fake language, there's a reason Mute (buff chick) looks like that, the 'maiden' being referred to is the other body the soldier chick is in.

Still this isn't a review or something, as jokes I laughed so well done :D

Oh as for the game, You know how jrpgs are so over the top, crazy, bizarre and somewhat saucy? Well where most JRPGs have backed away from that, Ar Tonelico (and most GUST games) have leaned into the skid and are the *MOST* Insane, kinky romps through insane worlds, (half of which are inside other people's *HEADS*) If you think that games are better surreal then realistic, you have a good chance of really really enjoying it.

yay Ar Tonelico Qoga! i love this game!!

Graham's furious accusations of bed length were great.

Glad we're moving from racial stereotype nonsense Call of Juarez: The Cartel to the outright nonsense of JRPGs. Also, is there some kind of prerequisite that the hero of a JRPG really, really loves sleep? I knew about the spiky hair and stupidly-large sword, but I wasn't previously aware of this one.

I heard "Dude Looks Like a Lady", but that... thing... apparently does a 180 on that. Um, Lady looks like a Dude... in a dress. And has a male voice actor to put the EPIC FAIL on top of Fail.

Woah woah woah.

This was a Ps3 game? The fuck? It was at least a downloadable title, right? From, like, 2006?

MatParker116:
image

Did I just watch?

And that was the sane part...I'll just let that sink in for a minute. It only gets crazier and full of innuendoes from here on.

You know, I saw this game in a video rental store and I thought "This game looks awful. I'm going to rent it for a week (because it was a weekly rental)." After the first two days of playing and contrived sexual innuendo, I gave up.

One thing that turns me off anything is contrived sexual innuendo. Looking at Ar Tonelico Qoga, they will shove their innuendo in our faces even when it wouldn't come across as remotely sexual if written normally. This is why I like Spongebob Squarepants; it's subtle and clever. I remember this classic moment:

SPONGEBOB: *from the roof of his house* I'M UGLY AND I'M PROUD!
SQUIDWARD: *sunbaking on his house's roof* Is that what he calls it?

Also note that there is a Sandy Cheeks living in Bikini Bottom.

Graham, Paul, I am VERY thankful that you didn't get to the part where that 'maiden' gains magical powers by stripping. I am serious.

Ooooo! I did not expect them to do this. I want this game...

I dunno about Qoga, but Ar Tonelico 1 and 2 were pretty damn good games in my opinion. Honestly you don't go into a Ar Tonelico game for fancy graphics or a super awesome story, more for the great music (Depends on your taste in that case, but all the games have several full songs, many partially or sometimes fully sung in Hymmnos) and the fun gameplay. But once again, haven't played Qoga. The intro wasn't exactly that great from what I could tell, but each game has taken place on a new "tower" and there's a shit-ton of stuff that would need to be introduced for a "newbie" to actually understand anything of the series, so not surprised people are confused and blindly jumping on the jrpg hate band-wagon.

That was quite strange...I knew I was in for something odd when I saw the games name in the title.

Speaking of strange, this also reminds me of a time many years (as in over 10) ago I stayed in a bed 'n' breakfast (expect they served you dinner as well as breakfast) that was owned by a former steeplejack. From what, I can tell, they carry out repair work on the outside of steeples and the like.

That was one huge bed though. Are we sure it doesn't actually belong to the huge manlady? That's we she's so mad, the hero of the piece is squatting in her house.

I know this is nitpicky for the game, but at first the guy has bandages on his right arm and then its switches to his left arm.

Which is it?!

Also, the whole mudslide and PaperScissors thing made me spit out my soda. Praise the Maker I was looking at my sister when I heard it.

There's a stereotype that all JRPG protagonists are spiky haired androgynes with lots of belts and buckles.

Thanks for perpetuating that, Ar Tonelico.

My bad JRPG checklist just put a gun to its head and somehow emptied the magazine.

Although I love JRPGs, I think that these guys are at their best when they make fun of them.

Lilitu:

I can't wait to play Ar Tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel but right now it is still too expensive for me.

Same for me.

That was a ps3 game!? Those graphics were awful! Flat and 2d! I've seen similar ps1 games! I need more exclamation points !!!!!!!!!!!!

The title was a warning. We did not heed it. That... cannot be unseen. Even my ears feel unclean now.

"Damn...this is annaawying."

"Fact."

Gotta admit, that was one of the strangest opening cutscenes I've seen for a game.

As one of the biggest JRPG/Anime Fantasy Adventure fans in the world, I speak for everyone when this is the only appropriate response.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OkcucXIuVI

I got this off Gamefly, heard the beyond terrible voice acting, then saw "that girl," and turned off my PS3 even quicker than G&P did. Games like Persona and Radiant Historia are to be held to god-like standards for sharing genre space with this utter trash. I feel ashamed just watching this.

Maybe he shares the bed with... like... tne other people. YOU DONT KNOW!

Though I was really hoping that this would just be six minutes of paul and graham trying to guess how to pronounce the title.

hahaha. You guys HAVE to do a lets play of this one. That is far out

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