Escape to the Movies: Breaking Dawn, Part 1

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Breaking Dawn, Part 1

The talking wolf scene is almost worth it.

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Ah, Twilight... i've only seen the first movie and the best thing i could say about it was, that it was much better than the book it was based on... which is kinda admirable, in a way. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was still bad, but they were at least trying to make something good out of a really, really horrible book.

Haha nice. I've never seen, nor have any intention of seeing any of these movies, but it's still fun to hear you rip on them. Nice review Bob.

My sister and two of her friends camped out in lawn chairs for three hours to get into the opening midnight show of this movie.

Sometimes I worry about her.

Bob

I feel sorry for you

I really wish they hadn't made a movie out of the series.

Yes, the series sang it's siren song at me when I was a tween, but I snapped out of it fast.

But to make a movie??

That's sick people.

Couldn't Bob review the penguin movie and summarize this blasphemy in a sentence at the end? :(

Bob, for the sake of your sanity I think we'll all understand if you skip out on the finale. I think we all know what you're gonna say about it, and there's no chance in Hell more than a few of us would see it anyways. You don't have to hurt yourself for our sakes anymore. It's time to heal.

OT: No surprises here. I'll be spending my time doing other things that are more condusive towards a Utopian society. Like clubbing baby seals, selling crystal meth to toddlers, and shoving carrots into random people's ears while whistling the 'Doug' theme song.

Toothbrush... WTF?! D:

BTW, I'm still on the fence about abortion. I'm leaning more toward pro-choice, though.

Wait. If the wearwolves despise a vampire/human hybrid then why did they invest so much time and effort into protecting Bella? They had to have known that a half breed was one potential outcome of Bella and Edward being together. This makes no F-ing sense.

Why would we go down this twilight track again? Good lord, I still have flashbacks from the thread that spawned from the New Moon review.

Well hey, that Rampage one looks pretty good.

But yeah, thanks for putting up with this, Bob. Go and get back to Mario 3D. You deserve it.

Damn. I'm just getting an error message when I try to play the vid.

Was so looking forward to one of Bob's apoplectic hate rants.

It's almost over just one more movie and it's eventual dvd release, and then we can all move past this... right?....right?

Well, that wasn't quite as venomous as I expected.. though Bob does have a point, at this point there really just isn't anywhere near as much pro-Twilight zeitgeist as there used to be on any front, so there's not much point in stating it's clearly problematic existence. Those who do still care about it are even further beyond "help" than could ever be offered.

For those who are looking for a more scathing review, however, I recommend the excellently written one done by Hitfix's Drew McWeeny:
http://www.hitfix.com/blogs/motion-captured/posts/review-the-twilight-saga-breaking-dawn-part-i-is-beautiful-but-hard-to-watch

The penguin movie.

I laughed.

So, Bob. Was it anything like what Devin over at Badassdigest wanted to see?

http://www.chud.com/21684/the-devins-advocate-why-breaking-dawn-must-be-made-into-a-movie/

Wait wait wait wait, you mean Twilight pushes traditional gender roles? Damn it!! Now I'm going to have to jump on that hate bandwagon. I'm all for abstinence, but I hate traditional gender roles.

at this point, I don't think Mrs. Meyer could even count on her Fellow LDS members for ticket sales. let's hope she invested her returns well.

Tuesday Night Fever:
My sister and two of her friends camped out in lawn chairs for three hours to get into the opening midnight show of this movie.

Sometimes I worry about her.

My wife's friends begged her to go see this with them, so she did. She said that apparently there were people on line at 2 p.m. to get into the midnight showing. So yeah, ten hours. Sitting in line. For Twilight.

Dammit, they phoned in the stupid stuff?
That would've actually made this movie worth seeing. Well, I guess there's little hope for me to see the Vampire C-section in part 2 in all its moronic glory now.

Thanks for the synopses, i never saw any of them but can actually hold a conversation with some1 that has thanks to these reviews XD

canadamus_prime:
Wait wait wait wait, you mean Twilight pushes traditional gender roles? Damn it!! Now I'm going to have to jump on that hate bandwagon. I'm all for abstinence, but I hate traditional gender roles.

Not sure if serious.

OT: Bad book series, pushing 1800's era morals on teens, creates bad movies, pushing 1800's era morals on teens.

Why do we drag this into the "hate what's popular" thread again? Modern Warfare 3 is unoriginal but fun. Lady Gaga is unoriginal but decent to listen to if you don't have any better music lying around like Delain. Twilight is a pure steaming turd through and through.

And the sexism continues

What, you're not even going to mention Tintin? Seriously, there's been posters for it for ages and it's been sponsoring Blip via M&Ms. All the newspaper critics are saying it's really good and you only off-handedly mention a CGI sequel to a film I only found out about last week?

Kicking off the video with a whine about how you have to work instead of have all the fun you want to have is pretty weaksauce, man.

Let me introduce to you people who also have to do work before they get to have they fun they want: Everyone.

I stand firm on two points with the Twilight movies:

1) The movies *have* to be better than the books because the movie didn't have me reading hundreds of pages - with a wee too many words dedicated to either someone's sexiness or how shallow Bella was. I swear New Moon killed me in this regard.

2) Breaking Dawn's climax. That one was actually fine to me. Best part about the entire series. If not for the fact it actually had some of the best tension in the series (do note there wasn't really any to begin with), then for the fact it means Meyer doesn't write about another fight scene on how Edward looked like "he could have kissed her". Ugh.

Err...I mean.....I *never* read the Twilight books because I promised a girl I would read them. Never did that at all. >_>

imei2011:
It's almost over just one more movie and it's eventual dvd release, and then we can all move past this... right?....right?

Nope, something as popular as Twilight is going to get a game.

CrankyStorming:
What, you're not even going to mention Tintin? Seriously, there's been posters for it for ages and it's been sponsoring Blip via M&Ms. All the newspaper critics are saying it's really good and you only off-handedly mention a CGI sequel to a film I only found out about last week?

Tintin doesn't come out in the US until Christmas, so he probably hasn't seen it yet.

Why didn't you review the penguin movie? You know we are all just man-children anyways and would throw up at the thought of watching the twilight movies.

Next time could you ACTUALLY post this at 12:00 so I can watch at lunch instead of putting the rest of my day on hold. Sorry but but I was really looking forward to this being up on time and now I'm in a bad mood and my schedule has been completely fucked/rant

OT: So your NOT supposed to have sex before being turned into a vampire? Hell, I already learned that from Van Hellsing. Surprised the penguin movie was actually good.

Thunderhorse31:
My wife's friends begged her to go see this with them, so she did. She said that apparently there were people on line at 2 p.m. to get into the midnight showing. So yeah, ten hours. Sitting in line. For Twilight.

The sad thing is that I completely believe it.

I'll admit that I've gone to midnight shows before, so in that regard I'm not any better than either of our relations. But I've never camped out hours in advance, and certainly not for a movie that I know is going to be cheesy as all hell going into it, seeing as how from my experiences all but the most ravenous of Twilight fans will admit these are B-list movies at the best of times.

Anne Rice's vampires are the only real vampires in my mind.

ProjectTrinity:
I stand firm on two points with the Twilight movies:

1) The movies *have* to be better than the books because the movie didn't have me reading hundreds of pages - with a wee too many words dedicated to either someone's sexiness or how shallow Bella was. I swear New Moon killed me in this regard.

2) Breaking Dawn's climax. That one was actually fine to me. Best part about the entire series. If not for the fact it actually had some of the best tension in the series (do note there wasn't really any to begin with), then for the fact it means Meyer doesn't write about another fight scene on how Edward looked like "he could have kissed her". Ugh.

Err...I mean.....I *never* read the Twilight books because I promised a girl I would read them. Never did that at all. >_>

I have never read or seen the movies but while my little sister was a twihard for the 6 months it took her to actually read the series again and stop 2 chapters into the first book I heard a shit ton and from genralizing about most of the shit in the series I can pretty much hold a conversation with someone who has actually read the books.

[obligiatory praise of video in hopes of getting another next week]. [joke about how breaking dawn being PG-13 is kinda stupid]. [paragraph where i skewer twlight for bad writing, etc]. [conclusion and wrap up, possibly with a joke].

Holy crap, a movie based on rampage?! that game is so old. and wasn't it just the game form of godzilla vs. king kong? i always felt like it was something that just didn't get the licensing permission but were already halfway done so just changed some names... this is a movie that will be the extreme one way or the other, if it's good it's going to be superawesomegreat, if it sucks we are going to be looking back on breaking dawn and green lantern fondly. it's not the sort of thing that'll be middle ground moderately successful...

I actually saw this movie yesterday set up by my damn sister...
and I gotta say, as stupid as it is, I had a bunch of fun doing smartass comments on every stupid shit that was spouted from their mouths
so yeah, the entire movie

also, kinda surprises me that in a twilight movie, scooby-doo boy only took his shirt off
and it was as pointless as ever before

Does Vampire Dakota appears in it? XD

can't wait for Brad Jones's satirical review of this movie! :P

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