Zero Punctuation: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

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Honestly can't believe our dear friend Yahtzee passed up the opportunity to troll and piss off such a large number of people.
Oh what might have been...

So, paying for a horse to help you kill things is better than paying for skill points to help you kill things? I disagree, in fact I think paying for something that dies so easily to giants is not a good idea.

Is it wrong that I find skyrim boring and looks ugly, say compared to batman....

BlackWidower:
HA! Fanboys prepare to weep as Yahtzee reviews your holy work! HA!

Maybe you should watch the video before posting on it next time. You might not look like such a chode.

I'll be honest, until now, I didn't give a single shit about Skyrim. Now... call me intrigued. Yahtzee giving a positive review to ANYTHING not named Silent Hill 2 is rarer than a unicorn with 4 horns, so this at least deserves a closer look.

But, to be fair, this is Bethesda, makers of the buggiest games since cockroach checkers, so I'll wait a bit to give them time to sort out their patches first.

"Radioactive Lasers" would be the most epic deathmetal bandname!!! :D

The horses in this game are BOSS. I don't even have the special demon pony, normal Blackhorse kicks literal ASS. Screw you Sven, you get in the way of my flamethrower, I'll take the horse over you any day.

DonTsetsi:
So, paying for a horse to help you kill things is better than paying for skill points to help you kill things? I disagree, in fact I think paying for something that dies so easily to giants is not a good idea.

Everything dies to giants. Dragons die to giants, heck I had a giant take my dragon kill away from me because it dared chew on its precious mammoth. There's only so much AWESOMEHORSES can do.

oh, and now those resist potions don't even work. Fuck you bethesda.

Well thanks yahtzee for pointing out more things that make it boring. Being very easy, with just a few monsters with ridiculous damage and about the economy being pretty broken. Really nothing of the inventory items is really worth having. I have like 50+ Enchantment gems and im wondering whats the point. Also the hundreds of potions and most of them being utterly useless. He could atleast have complained about the weightsystem, somehow i think he isnt running around in heavy armor like me with extra resistance gear to keep stuff from instakilling on cast on the highest difficulty. have like barely any space for loot. VERY ANNOYED. yeah will mod the weightlimint when i bother playing if ever.

Aprilgold:

FEichinger:
Wait ... Yahtzee actually did a critique on a classy Western RPG within weeks of its release? ... He actually did a critique on a TES game within weeks of its release?! ...

The Storyline was speed rush and only lasted about 2 hours or so. It was speed rushed by the Developer no less. Heres the Article: http://www.geek.com/articles/games/skyrim-completed-in-2-hours-16-minutes-by-determined-game-testers-20111013/

I'm thinking it took Yahtzee about 2 hours longer because of buying shite, but probably didn't have trouble with the story, since it tells you where to go everywhere.

Eh, seems like he sorta liked it but thought too easy, but still, if you want it, go pick it up.

No, I mean like "Why did he even touch it this soon?", given that it's a goddamn RPG.

I have to wonder: was his mention of Ghost Granny was inspired by his Desert Bus call in, or if that was already in the script when he called? (By the way, he did the best Desert Bus call-in. Completely trolled the LRR crew. It was glorious.)

MowDownJoe:
I have to wonder: was his mention of Ghost Granny was inspired by his Desert Bus call in, or if that was already in the script when he called? (By the way, he did the best Desert Bus call-in. Completely trolled the LRR crew. It was glorious.)

It's a glitch in the game. I had the same thing happen to one of my companions just yesterday (Real-time, not game time)

Apparently the Dragonborn was friends with Conan, awesome.

Casual Shinji:
I never really saw much use for a horse when you can fast travel, unless one could use it as a packing mule...

And when I'm actually out exploring I rather keep a low profile instead of having a big stomping Clydesdale give away my position. Plus, the view on horseback feels a bit too distant.

You can fast travel while on a horse while being over your carrying capacity. Very useful for dungeons.

hovering ground lady for the win

Man, he is so right on today. Accurate and amusing. I loved the bit about the horse.

Just noticed that you snuck Missingno into the video. Nice.

Wait. The game doesn't have mounted combat? Wasn't that by and large the biggest complaint about Oblivion?

Athinira:

Doom-Slayer:
Actually watched it. And im still confused whether he liked it or not. Strangely being the magically space god I am, I havent had a single glitch or bug in the game just like Fallout3 and New vegas before the uber patchs, so I find it strange when people comment on that.

But..he was gentle to it and said he was immersed so Im not sure whether he was just forgiving the gltiches and tolerating it or genuinely liking it.

Maybe you're just not very good at spotting glitches then, because they pop up like targets at a shooting range? :o)

Still a good game though.

Actually I tend to notice them a lot, I started noticing graphical things in the first 5 minutes, but so far no glitches or bugs as of yet. The main oens Ive heard of are the floating bug like Yahtzee got, the room glitch wher eit takes 10 minutes to load and people spawning with no gear. The first two would be incredibly easy to spot but I have yet to encounter them, second one I havent had a problem with.

Also Im 50+ hours in and have explored like 100+ locations sooo...Im concluding Im magic.

Nasrin:
<3

I agree, it hurts my feelings that Ulfric won't pal around with you.

Why would you want to pall around with a fantasy Hitler?!

Jennacide:
I love in the end credits he knows that there will be nude mods and child murder mods. The second one having been already made. The mod community can be nice, but also stupidly predictable at times.

dude the nude mod was out within the first 10 days the game came out.

I don't understand how people are so rich in Skyrim if they aren't stealing.

Also, there's barely anything wortwhile in shops, all the best loot comes from adventuring, so I don't really get why being rich is such a problem.

Seems like not even Yahtzee can withstand the apparent awesomeness that is Skyrim. Unfortunately, I haven't had a chance to try it out myself yet, because I need to acquire a new PC. However when I do, this will most likely be the first game I'll get.

Plurralbles:
oh, and now those resist potions don't even work. Fuck you bethesda.

Not really. Snowberries (easy to find) bonemeal (also easy) and hawk beak (so hard to find your eyes will bleed, but there's a mod for that) creates a resist all elements potion. Much higher magnitude than the easier to brew resist magic with largely the same net effect. Really cuts down on damage from enemy mages and enchanted weapons.

Also, restore magicka potions are even more important when playing a mage. Destruction has a few issues and magicka regen is strung up by its toes and beaten to death as soon as you enter combat. Invisibility, always a good panic button.

Everything else is pretty much crap though.

On the choice of following the Empire or Luke Skywalker after your near-beheading:

Yeah, joining the Stormcloaks is a no-brainer when you're playing a Nord but my Khajiit thief found it easy to forgive a slight misunderstanding like an execution when every Nord you encounter is a bigoted fascist who never hesitates to throw racial slurs your way.

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty. You'd make a nice rug."

Wow, it's like me and Yahtzee had the same Skyrim experience. I totally collect way too many potions, most of which I never use because smacking things with a sword and gulping health potions every now and then is far quicker than trying to apply the correct 'fortify' this or 'resist' that potion. I also spend way too much time selling my accumulated loot to vendors, waiting 48 hours for their gold to regenerate, and continuing the process until my carry weight is down to an acceptable level.

I even once ended up walking encumbered through an entire Dwemer ruin in markarth just collecting all the scrap metal until getting back to a smelter like 2 hours later and creating over 300 metal Dwarfen Ingots for my trouble. I ended up making a small fortune, but the very fact I was willing to do that for about 3 hours (including one hour making and selling bows) rather than actually adventuring and killing stuff is quite depressing to recollect.

42:

Jennacide:
I love in the end credits he knows that there will be nude mods and child murder mods. The second one having been already made. The mod community can be nice, but also stupidly predictable at times.

dude the nude mod was out within the first 10 days the game came out.

If my name doesn't make it glaringly obvious, I'm not a dude. So why ever would I know there are nude mods out? I keep the Nexus sites turned on no adult content, because it's always stupid.

Leemaster777:
I'll be honest, until now, I didn't give a single shit about Skyrim. Now... call me intrigued. Yahtzee giving a positive review to ANYTHING not named Silent Hill 2 is rarer than a unicorn with 4 horns, so this at least deserves a closer look.

Wouldn't that be a Quadracorn? Uni means single.

Double post because the refresh on this board is AWFUL.

BALEETE ME.

DonTsetsi:
So, paying for a horse to help you kill things is better than paying for skill points to help you kill things? I disagree, in fact I think paying for something that dies so easily to giants is not a good idea.

Yeah, especially when you can get the four legged highlander Shadowmere for absolutely free.

I liked this review, it was one of the funnier ones.

Zanaxal:
WHe could atleast have complained about the weightsystem, somehow i think he isnt running around in heavy armor like me with extra resistance gear to keep stuff from instakilling on cast on the highest difficulty. have like barely any space for loot. VERY ANNOYED. yeah will mod the weightlimint when i bother playing if ever.

That's kind of a moot point because one of the heavy armor skills makes heavy armor weigh nothing, so you can't complain about heavy armor weighing too much when the game lets you fix that

Kanatatsu:
I don't understand how people are so rich in Skyrim if they aren't stealing.

Also, there's barely anything wortwhile in shops, all the best loot comes from adventuring, so I don't really get why being rich is such a problem.

The Dark Brotherhood gives you a fuckton of money. Just one of their quests gives you 20,000 gold.

It sounds like Yahtzee enjoyed Skyrim in his own whiney, bitchy little way.

Awkward moment when you follow the imperial guy in your first run through...
Hey I thought I'd get good armor and stuff from it! He seemed friendly enough...

CODE-D:
Is it wrong that I find skyrim boring and looks ugly, say compared to batman....

Must be fanboy... Must be offended...

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