Jimquisition: The Ten Worst Games of 2011

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The Ten Worst Games of 2011

The year is almost out, and we must celebrate it by publishing meaningless award ceremonies. In true Jimquisition style, our noble hero celebrates the crappest of the crap, with the ten shittiest games to have been released in 2011. Oh, revel in the glory.

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Hey, aside from the horribad-Batman he was, Val Kilmer is awesome.

Here's a list of great movies with Val Kilmer in no order in particular:

HEAT
Felon (hell you don't even know its Val Kilmer til you see him in the credits, which in that movie reminds me of Gary Oldman, an actor who you don't always recognize in a movie because he's just that awesome)

True Romance

Willow (Madmartigan anyone?)

Real Genius (best Val Kilmer Movie EVAR)

Top Gun (ok, I'm a Top Gun fan, fuck you all if you flame me for it)

Prince of Egypt (he was fucking MOSES)

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans (yes it was a Nick Cage movie, but despite people's hate for Nick Cage, I love him, and this movie was great as was Val Kilmer)

and finally....

Tombstone (BEST Doc Holliday EVER)

Now... Jim, I love your show, I love your ideas... but please don't use actors being voice actors in a videogame as a reason the game is shit unless you can honestly back that statement up with good reason).

Agree almost entirely, apart from your opinions of Assassin's Creed, because those are just wrong. WRONG DO YOU HEAR!!! :P

Sure, opinions are opinions and therefore subjective, but still...

Cursed Crusade wasn't that bad. Seriously, it was an adequate game. Nothing awesome, but as an effort of a small no-name studio and a budget title, it's fairly nice. The visuals are not bad, the gameplay is ok, the plot is at least making an effort. I'm not quite sure when we got to the point that every game that doesn't have, say, Arkham City's production values has to be considered rubbish...

Funny about The Cursed Crusade, I think i first heard of it right on the Jimquisition, in a 'games to keep an eye on' type of episode or something like that. Anyway, the intro to the episode was funny, but later it turned from what I thought was going to be a parody of end of year award giving to an actual rant, which was kind of disappointing. Still an enjoyable watch though. :)

Amazed that Mindjack and Venetica didn't make the list.

No Brink makes me sad.

Worst game I bought this year.

amaranth_dru:
Hey, aside from the horribad-Batman he was, Val Kilmer is awesome.

Kilmer wasn't even particularly bad as Batman, despite the movie being particularly bad. That is, the fault really comes down to writing and such more than Kilmer. Though he should probably have never taken the job.

hurricanejbb:
Amazed that Mindjack and Venetica didn't make the list.

Mindjack was pretty forgettable. I forgot it until I saw this post.

I'd have thought that if DNF was getting the #1 slot for those reasons CoJer Cartel would be #2 since it also did some of crap.

That said, thank god for Jim.

but

what was that ending about??

Nice list, Gears of War 3 is my honorary worst game of the year.
It was even bad enough to overcome my dizzying hatred of the Modern Warfare games.

I haven't played 6 of the games on your list and frankly I count my self lucky in that regard.

I don't feel like I need to stretch this comment into a couple of paragraphs to avoid the appearance of trolling, but let me just say this. I used to hate this show, I now quite like this show, one thing that is very quickly starting to grate on my nerves is this shticky *let's be quiet for a few seconds, and then make some noise, or face, or cuss a bit, and hope everyone laughs*

Look Jim, it was fucking hilarious in the Skyrim episode, but not every running gag is funny, so just quit it. I mean if this is your attempt at a catch phrase of sorts, or some sort of well "shtick" go back to the drawing board.

PS: Luckily I haven't played, or wanted to play any of the games on this list. Even with DNF being the price of pocket lint these days, I'll still pass. So yeah, I completely believe this list is probably populated by the hands down worst games of the past year. So kudos.

That bloodrayne game LOOKED good. That lucha game with no online, what were they thinking? I guess they knew if they made it it would have sucked.

Why didn't you talk about the third game on the list? I was curious as to why you said only two words and moved on. No matter, I can pretty much agree with you that a lot of big titles tend to be made into games with little care like Spiderman/X-Men because the producers think everyone will be crazed to buy them anyhow.

It'd be so much better if they tried, like.. actually go "Guys, why did we come up with this? I'm not even a fan and this isn't what Spiderman is like at all!" Or something like that. Good review I must say and happy birthday Jim when it hits New Years.

Seriously Jim?, not even an honorable mention of Brink as one of the shittiest games of the year?, I'm just as dissapointed at you as I was at the game.

But otherwise, a solid steaming pile of shit list.

I saw Duke Nukem Forever coming a mile away, but what rape is he talking about? I played that game and saw no rape. I saw topless women who had panties on trapped in some kind of alien slime piles or something, but it was no different than what was seen in Duke Nukem 3D. It was just better graphics.

Also, he forgot inFamous 2. That did come out this year, right? Let me check. ... Yes, it did.

Assassin's Creed ain't S***, Jim.
Otherwise, yeah DNF was a flop.

I actually thought Cursed Crusade looked pretty cool...

Also, what was wrong with Knight's Contract? The gameplay video I saw of it looked good.

hurricanejbb:
Amazed that Mindjack and Venetica didn't make the list.

I don't know about Mindjack, but I think I know why Venetica wasn't in the list.
Yes, Venetica's combat was repetitive and umimaginative; it's story wasn't at all epic as it was trying to be; the character models for NPCs made them look like friggin' cartoons; and the writing OH GOD THE WRITING! MY EYES! MY EARS! THEY'RE BLEEDING!
But the thing about Venetica is that where-ever you went in the game you saw effort. Even though you knew you were playing a failed attempt at an RPG, you could tell that the developers really wanted to make an epic and fun RPG and actually tried. You could feel the care that was put into the game (even though, you know, it failed). The games Jim listed, on the other hand, actually show that the developers didn't really give a shit and actually wanted to make other games.
The games Jim listed are hated because the developers also hated them. A game like Venetica, where the developers cared, you just feel sorry for.
And just one point in Venetica's favor: the art for the game was really pretty.

Edit: There's also the possibility that Jim hasn't played Venetica yet.
Edit 2: I'd like to make a slight amendment concerning the writing. I had JUST found out the game was developed in Germany. So, while the dialogue is still bad, for us English speakers it's due in part to the German-to-English translation. Since I can't speak any other language than English, I really can't make a solid judgment since I don't know how "good" the translation is, other than flow.

Everyone seems to forget the next few thing Duke says is filled Duke Rage after that line. As far as I know that was the only instance in any Duke Nukem game that Duke actually was angry and rage filled in regards to anything. Otherwise his 'angry' voice simply sounds more like an annoyed voice.

Say what you want about DNF, but I had fun playing it.

As much as I did like Duke Nukem Forever (And I liked it enough to actually buy the new DLC that came out for it, and actually bought it on both PC and PS3, since it would be easier to store on steam than my shelf), this is a very fair list and mostly agree with it. I see why people don't like Duke Nukem Forever, and understand completely. I guess nostalgia of Duke Nukem 3D might be clouding my judgement a bit, but I found the game fun and funny in a fair number of places (Not the rape part, that part made me feel more than a bit sick.

I would have put Call of Juarez higher though, because of how the characters were nothing but annoying, how the story was just downright offensive and in general, how it barely functioned as a game. Bound in Blood was a damn fine game, but this one was an insult and a spit in the face.

Calumon: I don't know any games that are bad, 'cos Jack won't let me play most of them! D:

Jack: If they make more kid friendly games, you'll get more of games to play!

I would have put Call of Juarez at the top of this list, not only for being a horrible game, but for completely spitting in the face of a horrible, ongoing tragedy.
I also didn't hate DNF. It was nice to play an old school shooter, even if it was a bad one.

Bullshit, Mr. Sterling, bullshit! Duke Nukem was not the worst piece of entertainment of the year! It was the worst piece of "entertainment" in the last ten years! You were far too kind to it!

No Dragon Age 2? Lame.

mjc0961:
I saw Duke Nukem Forever coming a mile away, but what rape is he talking about? I played that game and saw no rape. I saw topless women who had panties on trapped in some kind of alien slime piles or something, but it was no different than what was seen in Duke Nukem 3D. It was just better graphics.

Also, he forgot inFamous 2. That did come out this year, right? Let me check. ... Yes, it did.

Well the reason inFAMOUS 2 isn't on here is because this is a worst games of 2011 list not a BEST games of 2011 list

Zachary Amaranth:

amaranth_dru:
Hey, aside from the horribad-Batman he was, Val Kilmer is awesome.

Kilmer wasn't even particularly bad as Batman, despite the movie being particularly bad. That is, the fault really comes down to writing and such more than Kilmer. Though he should probably have never taken the job.

I'll admit he was the best Bruce Wayne of that series...

amaranth_dru:

Real Genius (best Movie EVAR)

Slight correction to strengthen your statement.

I, as well, love Val Kilmer. The man is just awesome. Val Kilmer is, by far, the most underrated actor in Hollywood. His performances are legendary and his method acting ways are akin to Daniel Day Lewis. Perfect example is the shockingly spot on performance of Jim Morrison. I personally thought the movie was just okay, and I can't stand the Doors, however, Kilmer's acting was eerie. He became Jim Morrison (his singing was phenomenal as well). His only downfall is the disturbing amount of weight he has gained.

OT: I really want to know more about game number three. I tend to think I'm in "the loop" about games, and it was nothing I've heard of or seen. To skip entirely is puzzling. The still shot looked interesting and now I want to know!

I've enjoyed Duke Nukem Forever. And I liked the character and obnoxious jokes. Well, to be honest I hated regenerating health and 2 weapon limit, but managed to tolerate them.
Now Dragon Age 2... Now if you say DNF is not good, then you should just kill every person guilty of DA2 creation for crimes against humanity.

Naaah, Mindjack was worse than DNF. It was a buggy, unplayable mess.

No Dragon Age 2 or Brink? Those were my two major dissapointments this year.

Rex Dark:
Say what you want about DNF, but I had fun playing it.

I agree. It was fun. The Hive level sucked, but the driving and shrunken sections of the game were fun and interesting. Felt like it had a point and that I hadn't done anything like it before. Duke was pretty terrible in the plot/dialog portions of the game, but then I really liked the minigames that involved finding more "ego." That shit was sort of clever. For a game released in 2011, that cost me ten dollars, I felt it was worth it. Not that it makes any difference, but all the creepy misogyny present in this game was actually written by WOMEN. I noticed that in Dead Rising 2 Off the Record, too. I saw a girl wrote it in the credits, after hearing groan inducing lines like "I knew she had a crush on me" after a woman is killed by falling debris. Women just hate women, I guess, or are filtering what they think men who play videogames feel about women.

PeePantz:

amaranth_dru:

Real Genius (best Movie EVAR)

Slight correction to strengthen your statement.

I, as well, love Val Kilmer. The man is just awesome. Val Kilmer is, by far, the most underrated actor in Hollywood. His performances are legendary and his method acting ways are akin to Daniel Day Lewis. Perfect example is the shockingly spot on performance of Jim Morrison. I personally thought the movie was just okay, and I can't stand the Doors, however, Kilmer's acting was eerie. He became Jim Morrison (his singing was phenomenal as well). His only downfall is the disturbing amount of weight he has gained.

OT: I really want to know more about game number three. I tend to think I'm in "the loop" about games, and it was nothing I've heard of or seen. To skip entirely is puzzling. The still shot looked interesting and now I want to know!

Well, you get older your body does weird things, like weight gain... no matter how much you try to work out or diet. It happens, its genetic. My grandfather was a Marine, did his Marine workouts every day even after being out of service for 20 years and still had a holly-jolly Santa Claus belly. Tell u this much though, I was wrestling with him one day and accidentally punched him in the gut and damn near broke my hand... LOL.

And you're right, it was the best movie EVAR, sorry for my typo.

heh, X-men did suck and the last boss was a sad, sad joke. good list of shitty games.

and o.0 christ Jim, but MORE arrogant, cause that intro has to be the most self absorbed bit of self ego stroking i've seen. and i watch your show every week!

>.>
<.<
*steals the intro to us later*

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