Xbox Live: Harder, Faster, Dumber

Xbox Live: Harder, Faster, Dumber

I had hoped that this was just a bad dream. A rumor masquerading as news. Gas that felt like a heart attack. But sadly, it's true.

Somebody made a device that will attach to your Xbox360 controller and play up to five pre-recorded audio clips at the touch of a button. Audio clips that are pre-recorded "from any audio source".

It's called the SmackTalk, from Digital Innovations, and it costs $29.99. This is one of those things that no one ever knew they needed, but now will have to have. Like airhorns at ball games, trunk-rattling woofer cabinets and ringtones "personalized" from insidiously catchy television theme songs, there is no purpose for this kind of thing, other than to allow people to "express themselves" by aping the worst-ever contributions to the social meme. Which means that it will sell like hotcakes.

At 30 bucks it's priced-to-move in the gamer market, and its plug-and-play ease of use will make it the must-have stocking stuffer this holiday season. I write this, knowing it's true, but dreading it nonetheless.

I sincerely hope that Microsoft introduces a switch or inhibitor into future games or Xbox Live "zones" which will prevent the use of these devices. I'm not sure if anything like that is even possible, but I do so dearly hope that it is. For as much as I love both games and audio clips from porn movies, I'd prefer the option to keep the two separate.

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Surely you don't believe that gamers will use this accessory for porn.

We are truly living in the future when angry, high-voiced 14 year olds can pre-record their racist slurs and drivel for instant, push-button use.

This totally reminds me of those keychains that would spout foul-mouthed phrases at the push of a button. My friends and I used to think they were pretty funny back in high school. You know, when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Anyway, I am completely ready for any technology that relieves me from the tedium of swearing at random strangers over the internet manually.

Archon:
Surely you don't believe that gamers will use this accessory for porn.

... well ... it was MY first thought ... :/

Fletcher:

Archon:
Surely you don't believe that gamers will use this accessory for porn.

... well ... it was MY first thought ... :/

you also wrote the teledildonics article.............

Having any user who wants to add their own audio clips seems like it could get really annoying. At least there is the mute player option.

well at least it will be fun when all the non sound effect players gang up n the sound effect players, maybe it will become so dangerous to use one that people will stop doing it

Goofonian:

Fletcher:

Archon:
Surely you don't believe that gamers will use this accessory for porn.

... well ... it was MY first thought ... :/

you also wrote the teledildonics article.............

Touche.

And I have to say, that's a mighty big ellipsis you've got there, cowboy.

 

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