Jimquisition: Mass Effect 3: A Gay Erotic Love Story

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I said "no homo" before starting the game and that cancels all they gayness in it! :D XD

Grammar nazi reporting in for duty sirs! Am I the only one who noticed that he/the description said/says "magnus opus" when it's "magnum opus", right?

Listened to about a minute of it before skipping to the end to see if he ever made a f***ing point. Nope.

If I want to watch some guy read bad fan fiction I'd watch some Bennett the Sage.

Two things;

1) I want some Scooby Doo pajamas.
2) I'm glad I felt no stirring in my pants

What the fuck did I just watch?

So, ME3 will have gay romance options and some people are in an uproar? I don't remember people complaining about it in the Dragon Age games.

On an unrelated note, any chance Jim could make a similar story only with Femshep and Lesbianism while he wears a wig and talks in a girly voice?

Eh, weird double post....

Hilarious video. I actually thought it was one of the better Jimquisitions.

That being said I can understand people not being keen on there being man on man lovin' in ME3. I just can't imagine anyone sitting around playing the first two and thinking to themselves "Ya know this is a pretty good game but dammit all if it wouldn't just be about perfect if I could just bugger the Hell out of Garrus".

But I guess while we are giving people options I think it's only fitting that we let our Commander Shepards lay the wood to one of the many corpses that cross his path so that the necrophiliac Mass Effect fans don't feel left out. Of course we'd be leaving out all the Mass Effect Fans that are into beastiality so we better let Shepard bring some livestock on board his vessel for a little late night slap and tickle.

Now understandably a good many people that read that and think it's horrible and doesn't have any place in a game like Mass Effect. Well that's pretty much the same way a lot of the people that are upset over the changes allowing the gay relationships in ME3 feel. It's all just a matter of degrees. Some people are more easily offended than others. What might be totally fine with you may offend others quite a bit.

Personally though I think that all the romance options in Bioware's games are total shit as they feel terribly shoe horned in and add nothing to the game as a whole. None of them are terribly in depth. It's nothing more than a mini game of picking the right gifts and choosing the right options in conversations all coming to a head in a badly animated "love scene". You could replicate a more realistic relationship with a fucking blow up doll.

the funniest damn thing i've watched in a good while. i tip my hat to you Jim, thank the gods for you!

it won't take ME3 or that video to turn me gay, i was gay already (though i do have a thing for Tali. no idea why)

Syntax Man:
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, lemme get this straight, Jim and Yahtzee can cus like sailors and the thing is fine with that, but an the mere mention of homosexuality it age gates the fucking thing?

Real mature, seems that this world still has a long way to go.

As for the actual episode...what the flying fuck was that?

Easy there, Armchair Warrior. I'm pretty sure the problem here was more the very detailed erotic story, rather than the relatively minor detail of it being homosexual...

Incidentally, this was uncomfortable for me to watch. I was expecting it to be like an elaborate intro to the "actual video". Instead it went on and on and on...I get it, the point was that he think it's ridiculous that people are so upset about the homosexual paramour options in the game (which they are apparently). But he could've made that point in a fraction of the time, and a fraction of the awkwardness.

Chairman Miaow:
I get it, but surely there was a less horrifying and shorter way of doing it?

Actually I think that was the point. As much as the extended description of gay sex was a turn off to straight guys, it also proves that straight guys are not going be turned gay by a gay story line in Mass Effect; they're just not interested.

Doug:

GonzoGamer:
I'm not exactly an expert on erotica but don't give up your day job Jim...this didn't get me excited at all.

or is it a parable on how all the ME fans are getting fucked by EA?

Its actually abit of satire on a bunch of homophobes from who declared that allowing gay romance options in Mass Effect 3 would 'ruin the game for them' and they declared Shepard couldn't possibly be gay, no matter what.

The fact that very few people seem to know that this is what its about shows that Jim messed this one up and should have just done a normal video.

Probably the same bozos who think gay marriage will ruin regular marriage. I actually live in NYC and we've had the gay marriage thing for a little while now but nobody has tried to get me divorced from my wife and married to a guy, so it doesn't bother me.
There are a lot of (supposedly) straight people who think about gay people more than actual gay people do...most of them are republicans. I'm not saying that they all are closet cases (probably only a good 80% of the really obsessed ones) but they definitely got issues.

Yea. I think there are enough ripoffs being aggressively perpetrated on gamers lately that Jim doesn't need to do something like this.

Though I like the irony in this it dragged on a little too long. I like his usual videos better even though this was probably the best video when considering the pure satire.

It does seem a little strange that all of the sudden we have to verify our age just because there is homosexual content in this one, and other than that the usual amount of obscenities.

It's not porn because it is not intending to titillate but rather make a point, probably around the recent events with the Mass Effect writer. Actually I'm not sure what the point was, but there was some point in this trying to make itself.

If the point was, like, being exposed to violence in games does not a violent person make, he is already preaching to the converted.

Jim, you are one beautiful bastard. I'm so glad I didn't go into work today because of me feeling like crap otherwise I would be watching this there.

Your straight face while reading that made it even more hilarious. So glad I wasn't drinking anything while watching this.

I think Jim put more effort in that video than everything he has ever made to date. lol. An as much as people concentrate on the Gay aspect....what about the Lesbian aspect? Im a straight guy that plays Mass Effect, and my characters are either straight or lesbian.

It's funny, because I'm preparing a rainbow MShep as I watch this video?

There's another controversy about gayness in games?

Can we take all of the homophobes and their conservatism and drop them back in a simpler era, with Pong and Jumpman?

My captcha blames it all on the untaught and youth.

Ukomba:
Listened to about a minute of it before skipping to the end to see if he ever made a f***ing point. Nope.

If I want to watch some guy read bad fan fiction I'd watch some Bennett the Sage.

He made a point, it's hidden throughout the whole video though.

OT: Lovely bit of Satire, thank Jim for Jim.

I would greatly appreciate if I was never subjected to erotica on the Escapist again. I'm fine with crude and sexual jokes in general, but I don't come here because I want to vomit.

Chairman Miaow:
I get it, but surely there was a less horrifying and shorter way of doing it?

GenericAmerican:

Ukomba:
Listened to about a minute of it before skipping to the end to see if he ever made a f***ing point. Nope.

If I want to watch some guy read bad fan fiction I'd watch some Bennett the Sage.

He made a point, it's hidden throughout the whole video though.

OT: Lovely bit of Satire, thank Jim for Jim.

Ya, I got his 'point' in the first quarter of the video. It wasn't subtle. It wasn't entertaining either. At least Sage's readings were amusing.

Okey Jim... What the hell? That seriously offensive and disgusting... Why?? Seriously i dont get it? Is it eant against all mess Effect fans? Is there a editorial behind that... an attack against Origin, serously why?

that was something.freaking hilarious and only a bit disturbing

I think you should write a erotic novel. Also please make recording of you reading it out please if you do.

it's ironic man,relax

did I mistype "escapist"...

Wtf? Good joke, but the people that must see it wont, because they will turn off the video by the 1 minute mark.

El Luck:
Ok this doesn't have anything to do with the video but why am I being asked to verify my age?

As far as the video now knows I was born in 1912 (or was it 1921?).

And I must say in the 100 or so years I've been alive this is the most unusual video I have seen (about video games).

Edit: Also the youngin's here apparently don't understand Satire. I'd hate for any of them to end up watching an authentic Greek play, they'd be mortified.

praus:

Chairman Miaow:
I get it, but surely there was a less horrifying and shorter way of doing it?

Actually I think that was the point. As much as the extended description of gay sex was a turn off to straight guys, it also proves that straight guys are not going be turned gay by a gay story line in Mass Effect; they're just not interested.

I've wondered if I'm just not "straight enough" or something. I didn't find this offensive at all, I'm not about to go dating another man, but it just read like a silly satirical sex story.

Last time gayness mortified me I was in Elementary school.

Do people really not understand that the "age verification" was part of the damn joke??

It wasn't an actual age verification (everybody, including The Escapist know they don't actually work) - it was just setting the scene for what would follow. It had nothing to do with homosexuality or explicit content.

Also, I always read my erotic literature on a PSP. It's just not the same otherwise.

Bujiraso:
did I mistype "escapist"...

oh ok, no I spelled it right.
First 6 minutes though I was not sure what the heck was happening, not being a ME fan at all :P

Fearzone:
It does seem a little strange that all of the sudden we have to verify our age just because there is homosexual content in this one, and other than that the usual amount of obscenities.

It's not porn because it is not intending to titillate but rather make a point, probably around the recent events with the Mass Effect writer. Actually I'm not sure what the point was, but there was some point in this trying to make itself.

If the point was, like, being exposed to violence in games does not a violent person make, he is already preaching to the converted.

Jim is basically a left winger in support of the gay rights movement trying to make a point about the "stupidity" of people objecting to Mass Effect 3 having gay content. His point takes place in his snarky comments about this now being canonical, and Mass Effect "turning everyone who plays it gay" like that's the concern. Sort of insulting the people who would be offended by this through portraying it.

As much as I agree with a lot of Jim's points, I disagree with this one (obviously) and feel that he is missing the entire bloody point, while getting caught up in his own liberal rhetoric. He's basically argueing in an offhanded way from the perspective of what his "side" wants to believe the other side is like, instead of facing the realities.

Even those who aren't anti-gay men oppose this because it's about entitlement, basically the gay rights movement having gone from a "we have the right to exist and not be actively hunted down and prevented from holding jobs" to a demand that despite their tiny numbers they have an ACTIVE prescence in pretty much everything. The basic arguement being that despite tiny numbers they believe that there should be gay sex in any product that touches on the issue of sex or romance at all.

A logic which if followed means that you can't create anything without every group being represented. A lot of the opposition comes from the insitance of entitlement, rather than the content itself. This is why you didn't see the same kinds of protests over the gay men present in say "Dragon Age: Origins", they were intended to be there by Bioware as that is how those characters turned out. In "Mass Effect" there was no such intention from the creators and the demand is to create such content specifically due to entitlement when it was never intended to be there to begin with. Sort of like calling the makers of a popular TV show racist if they don't introduce mor minority characters and give them substantial screen time, even if it ruins the entire show... this is the sexual version of it.

This is to say nothing of the entire issue of "tolerance vs. acceptance" which I think is be an increasingly nasty battleground in the next few years. Getting past my own personal opinions, this is no longer about as gay supporters would say "not caring about what people consentually do in their own bedroom" it's about people wanting to bring that behavior literally into the homes of those who aren't interested and wave it around. Taken to it's conclusion the demands for inclusion would mean no romantic media without equal amounts of gay content. That's pretty much what we're seeing with the demand for such content in Mass Effect 3. Forcing homosexuality onto people who aren't interested is incidently EXACTLY what the gay rights movement was calling ridicuolous and saying wouldn't happen a decade or so ago.

The bottom line is that like 99.9% of the population are not gay, homosexuals are a very tiny group despite how much noise they make. Nobody is concerned gay media will turn them gay, so much as they find it disgusting not being wired that way. People do not want to be grossed out in order to play a video game, watch a movie, or experience any kind of normal romantic stuff due to the requirement this also be present.

Ultimatly a lot of the opposition over Bioware inserting male homosexuality into these products is because it's being done out of demands of entitlement (as opposed to being intended to be there to begin with), and because while a lot of the gamers might not care what people do on their own time, they really don't want to have people waving homosexuality in their face during their escapism. It doesn't have to be intense gay porno, simply having homosexuals make passes at them and sit around pining and making it clear the option is there is enough.

My basic attitude, my whole opinion about gay-men aside (which can probably be found in some old back posts)is that if Bioware decides to write gay characters, so be it. They obviously don't shy away from this when it fits. As soon as people start demanding they be there out of entitlement, when they weren't intended ot fitting into the intended story balance to begin with, that's just wrong.

The problem with Jim's rant, is that I think he's characterizing the majority of the opposition entirely wrong, which kind of ruins what otherwise might have been a pretty impressive way of making a counter arguement about it's ridiculousness. But then again one of the problems with the left wing and those defending left wing issues is that they tend to create an image of the enemy in their own mind, and beat up straw men, without ever dealing with the actual issues.. and that's one of the reasons the US at least remains so polarized despite the left wing blowing it's own horn and trying to act like it represents a massive, clear majority when it doesn't (which is an issue well beyond this)

EDIT: Holy double wall of text batman, my apologies fellow escapists.

I like the subtleness you've got going, but I'm afraid Jim sterling has just spent 8 minutes bashing strawmen. Nice little bit of prose there, but it hardly made my Mass Erect. (note to mods: I'm quoting Yahtzee. That allowed?)

I doubt any significant number of people has been upset that playing ME3 will turn them gay. It has more to do with canon, and how Bioware is fudging the canon in favour of political correctness. There are many factors that go into making anything awesome, and it has to just right most of the time; any changes can upset the delicate balance and fans don't approve of change, especially when it's for the sake of mass appeal.

Whether or not an option for homosexuality has any effect on canon (which is already loosely defined for the sake of choice), I don't know, but that is what the fans are REALLY concerned.

Pretending to know the motivations and insecurities of (a large and diverse group) of other people is offensive and reeks of hubris.


Pre-emptive argument 1: Shepard is already gay (see Femshep + Liara romance)

A: Asari don't have gender. They are asexual, and they scramble their offsprings' DNA through psionic connection. Intimacy helps the "father" relax and be more receptive to the psionic intrusion. They only look like females because Bioware wanted to include blue skinned space babes (or they're projecting a personalised attractive image to everyone around them)

I'm also guessing Liara was more interested in Shepard's brain - she is a huge Prothean geek, after all. She technically (by Asari standards) has sex with Shepard at least twice, in public even (though she was defiantly not impressed by your ability to last).

At any rate, that romance option felt like it was tacked on = "here the obligatory sexy blue alien chick, and she's also a huge geek girl. what do you mean it's not sexy?"

Pre-emptive argument 2: Shepard was supposed to be gay (see cut Ashley and Kaidan same-sex romance options)

But it was cut, wasn't it?

At any rate, even the straight romance options don't feel right.

Ashley is a well disciplined Christian (I think), and you can find an email where she clearly disaproves of superior-subordinate hook-ups.

Kaidan is an L2 biotic, which means he constantly gets head-aches and migraines (plus he always seems a bit reclusive. Or is that just me?), and what is more telling is that Alliance starts to recognise L2 users as mentally crippled by the device. Besides, if there is one thing we know about sex, it's that headaches are a big turn-off.

This is most certainly the weirdest boner I've ever had...

... I'll never look at Shepard the same way... ever...

Thank God for you Jim, you made the shittiest day of the week, the brightest day of the week.

Hilarious! That is all...

Syntax Man:
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, lemme get this straight, Jim and Yahtzee can cus like sailors and the thing is fine with that, but an the mere mention of homosexuality it age gates the fucking thing?

Real mature, seems that this world still has a long way to go.

As for the actual episode...what the flying fuck was that?

Yeah I agree, shit I have to hide my homosexuality IRL because I live in the bible belt..I don't want the escapist to make it feel like its a bad thing too :(

As for the video, unfortunately I can't watch it on my lunch break, but I'll be checking this out first thing went I get home.

Sandytimeman:

Syntax Man:
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, lemme get this straight, Jim and Yahtzee can cus like sailors and the thing is fine with that, but an the mere mention of homosexuality it age gates the fucking thing?

Real mature, seems that this world still has a long way to go.

As for the actual episode...what the flying fuck was that?

Yeah I agree, shit I have to hide my homosexuality IRL because I live in the bible belt..I don't want the escapist to make it feel like its a bad thing too :(

As for the video, unfortunately I can't watch it on my lunch break, but I'll be checking this out first thing went I get home.

Don't worry, its not due to the homosexuality; its because its essentially erotic satire :P

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