Jimquisition: Mass Effect 3: A Gay Erotic Love Story

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Apparently slash fiction is what happens when Jim has too much time on his hands. Though I must admit, for someone as onanistic as Jim, you'd expect a more hands-on approach.

Quickly Ubisoft or EA, do something assfuck retarded, so Jim may satisfy his desire to release his white hot rage!

No no, Jim. Thank you.

The deadpan delivery was great. However, it just went on and on. An eight minute lead up for a "Mass Effect won't turn you gay" punchline is at least seven minutes too long. Add a little brevity to your sarcasm.

I didn't find that funny at all. And no, I'm not trying to be mature, that episode was just trying to make the viewer laugh, it didn't work for me.

8 mehs/10

That was surprisingly good literature and actually had a point to it at the end (no pun intended)..

In fact its almost as good as some of that Yaoi stuff on the inter-webs..

Funniest video you've every done. Bravo, your gayness is godly.

That was so odd. I was horrified, and yet I could not turn away.

Bravo Jim, truly your heady recitation has the gravity to alter the course of the very stars.

--

Well done, Jim, that was a... moist mushroom... roiling salad dressed in wank... BULbous defLOwEriNG sHaft...

Why can't I stop, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?

Stevepinto3:
I could not stop laughing. That was one of the best things I've ever seen on the internet. Thank you Jim. Thank you.

same i completely lost it :D

Therumancer:
-snip-

I am not particulary trilled by a gay shepard, my problem is that it feels like retconning. I also don't like the video, between EA's buisness practices and the whole Hepler's issue, gay shep feels like the less important of ME3 you can talk.

That said, if you are going to have a "romance" option on a videogame and it includes woman-man, woman-alien woman, man-woman; it's only natural to have man-man, it has nothing to do with left or right wings or with entitlement, with your players being gay or straight (I like pussy, not even going to say women, because at this point in life I am just looking for their body without any commitment due me sucking hard when i try to commit; but as an ex-tabletop RPG veteran i have played both girls and guys with every sexual orientation quite well, or at least thats what the other players tell me). It has nothing to do with being entitled, lesbians are even less common than gays and you didn't saw this for the fem shep on hot pice of blue ass action, it just makes it has more choices and be more free, maybe deeper for some RPG plots, to have a gay shep.

As for being liberal... that might be, but not because liberals are soo interested in what their male voters do with their asses, instead it has more to do with republicans being interested in such subjects; liberals don't run on "you have the right of inserting a dick up your ass", it's republicans that run on the "gays are evelspaws trying to destroy our lifestyle" forcing liberals to take a stand on that (and surprisingly the normaly pussy liberals grow the balls to take a stand there).

As for the 0.1% gays, shrug, as a teen always thought the 30% gay pop that gays say was way over the top, that it was 1% was more the right number. Then went to study math, and there, among my math friends 23% is gay so... no wonder math keeps it's population low! lolz.

Summarizing, I agree with you, but not with your reasons, actually think they are wrong :P

Edit: Also OMFG! As a non english speaker nor gay dude, the use of the sustantives in such ways!!!! Silky.... WTF... my ears -.-''
Didn't liked it, but good work Jim.

beatrice theme from ff9 was a nice touch

So, basically E.U. wants some more free publicity as they tried to do with the gay option in DA2, if so i am very under whelmed with there 'taboo' subject matter. Jim though very funny!

Ok that one made me giggle while squirming uncomfortably as it got more graphic. I also appreciate the underlying sentiment of the video. Maybe stick to an old fashioned rant next time Jim.

It was difficult, but I managed to masturbate to it.

Syntax Man:
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, lemme get this straight, Jim and Yahtzee can cus like sailors and the thing is fine with that, but an the mere mention of homosexuality it age gates the fucking thing?

Real mature, seems that this world still has a long way to go.

As for the actual episode...what the flying fuck was that?

Well he does go into a long tangent involving gay masturbation, Shepard performing homosexual acts on other crew members, ect.

LazyAza:
If I had my way my femshep would be whoring herself out to just about everyone on the normandy. She's already banged Liara and Garrus. lol

Great vid Jim, loved the original article over at destructoid and this video version made it that much funnier. To think their are actually people in the world who think having the option of being gay in a game somehow forces them to become gay while playing said game, amazing.

I know, remember the outcry about New Vegas...even though, for the gay options to be apparent, you had to specifically take a perk identifying your character as gay?

Jimothy Sterling:
I understand some of you complained about not seeing the point in this video. I had thought the point was perfectly clear, but the camera was aimed too high to get my penis in shot. Sorry, I really screwed the shot up.

Ok, I was with you after the video, but now I fucking love you.

So not only Yatzee, but also Jim sees homosexuality beaten down in a corner and lends a hand to help pick it up with a brotherly sense of empathy and respect. And it's all through the medium of a Bioware game, no less.

I'm not very fond of it, though. Homosexuality creeps me out, thanks to my parents never speaking a kind word about it.

That was extremely boring. I got the point of it but I just couldn't bring myself to care. It was very meh. Not interesting and very pointless. I normally like the points Jim tries to make but here I couldn't care less.

So it seems when Mass Effect 3 comes out...

...

So will I.

"The mental image of Shepherd chowing down on a tumescent Turian tree trunk" I have no idea why I laughed for so long at this.

You're so weird Jim, gotta love it... no homo of course.

connall:
When I was asked to do some age verification, I knew. This would be the greatest episode ever. Bravo Jim, I have wet myself laughing and had my roommate walk in at the wrong time. BRAVO! xD

you know ... your avatar fits the themeing of this vid perfectly .... XD

other then that o.o? the point was what? ME turning people gay cause there's optional gay content? are people still butthurt about that? really? >.> its kinda not a new thing in the ME games ....

I will never be able to listen too "rose of may" the same way again p_q

But good episode none the less.

Syntax Man:
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo, lemme get this straight, Jim and Yahtzee can cus like sailors and the thing is fine with that, but an the mere mention of homosexuality it age gates the fucking thing?

Real mature, seems that this world still has a long way to go.

As for the actual episode...what the flying fuck was that?

Not quite. "Explicit sexual content" was the trigger, regardless of the orientation.

ahahaaha
wtf was this all about.

That was, wow, what was that?

I mean, I liked it I think. I sat here with a stupid smile plastered on my face while shifting uncomfortably at a few parts, so that's a good sign. Still, I think I just watched like six minutes of Mass Effect 3 slash fiction and liked it.

Jim, you are a wizard or something, aren't you?

wow that was weird o_O , also strangely arousing :3

"Bucket of mansex"
And
"Dainty dish of gay"

Are two phrases that I will be saying very often now.

That was hilarious, and sadly(or not?) quite good. If it weren't for the fact that Jim's voice is so damn unsexy and the really cheesey music, well... Lets just say I'm really looking forward to ME3 now... Unf Garrus <3

I was grinning the whole time. Also I loved the aliens action figures in the background

I lol'd when I saw what Jim was doing, but got bored and zoned out before the half-way mark.

McMarbles:
Yeah, so, I watched, like, half of this.

Does it get funny at some point? Is there some clever twist? Or is it just an eight-minute troll?

*sigh* I was just starting to like him, too...

No it doesn't get funny at any point, a minute in I realized that the rest of the video would be like that minute. I skipped sections and listened to ten second sections and every section was the same drivel. I skipped to the end and saw that there was no real explanation.

I know what the underlying point was, and understand, but I'm glad I didn't waist my time watching the whole thing. I didn't find it funny, and I really think it was rather sick. This is not the quality type of video I expect from the Escapist. I'm actually surprised the Escapist let him put it on here, because it really does go beyond the joking sex terms banter that Jim has in his Escapist videos, and far beyond what is in Yahtzee's as well.

Hopefully things get back to normal in future installments.

i tried but it couldn't grab my attention, skipped this one.

ahahahaha. Loved it. Just like those d-bags who hate Dragon Age 2 because Anders made a pass at them. "A video game character hit on me and now I think I'm gay! WAAA! Fuck Bioware!"

fucking toolboxes.

The Pinray:
So it seems when Mass Effect 3 comes out...

...

So will I.

That's good. Give yourself a pat on the back and a nice chocolate biscuit.

Anyways so his point was that Mass Effect won't turn me gay? Hosana! The Scale has fallen from my eye, I was once blind but now can see!

I thought it was pretty self evident.

Heaven's Guardian:
Not that it wasn't funny, but it really was a strawman argument; I think we've had enough threads about this already, but most of the objections are about canonical authenticity and over when gay relationships were introduced.

What, so if a strait femshep decides to bat for the other team in the second installment, that's acceptable?

But when a male Shepard does it, then OMG CONTINUITY FUCKUP?

That makes no sense to me.Is femshep allowed to get away with it because they're more used to seeing girls go both ways in their porn? Has no-body told these people that men can be casually bisexual as well?

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