Marital Problems

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Marital Problems

Divorce comes to Skyrim.

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Unexpected, out of the blue, but very funny.

Reminded me of Yahtzee's old written piece on 'Animal Crossing' actually, in a good way.

I was not expecting this and I had a very good laugh. Thank God my Khajiit won't be getting married, don't need all that drama.

And Lydia is totally a passive-aggressive bitch, why do I keep her around again?

I totally thought this was going to be a piece on gaming and marital problems. This was much more amusing.

A very entertaining read. I love video game narratives. Not the stuff the designers come up with but all the spaces between the cracks in the game's story. Warts, bugs and all the explanations and backgrounds we come up with to give context to our actions are what truly breath life into these worlds.

Not sure I understand the title. I was expecting some sort of fighting..

I think there is something that you deserve to know.

Darkeethus and I... we met on his trip back to Darkwater Crossing. It was his eyes that first captivated me, and his silly questions about the color of my fur. We had many great adventures together... but then something just... happened. Soon after we ended up at the Temple of Mara ourselves. Darkeethus and I spend a lot of time together, assisting each other in our endeavors; adventurer and entrepreneur.

I'm sorry you have to hear this.

Kwil:
Not sure I understand the title. I was expecting some sort of fighting..

I'm not sure either whether the title is some sort of pun, or merely a typo.

Minor confusion notwithstanding: it certainly is a great read. Please do post more often.

Kwil:
Not sure I understand the title. I was expecting some sort of fighting..

Martial and Marital do look awful close and won't set off a spell check since both are technically correct.

Oh man, that was awesome. Brilliant, I loved every second of it.

For everything that can be done in Skyrim, there never is any kind of change to the world. No matter how many guilds you lead, or how many people you kill, or how many houses you own, the residents of Skyrim just could not physically care less. One would think wooing a pretty lizard would be easy, with all the prowess Dovahkiin has collected, but noooooo.

If there was an option for divorce, or at least remarriage following their tragically fatal accident. Pity, really.

The picture and name of this ad on the main page is either wrong or very misleading.

EDIT: Article, not ad, sorry. Having to look at ADs for MANDITORY CAPTCHAS will do that to you.

I read the article and saw the Skyrim image. I thought, "Hey this is going to be an article discussing the problems with the combat system, cool."

Instead I got a funny story about the problems with the romance system.

Gah! My fault. I entered the title in wrong this afternoon and, as is it not misspelled, it made it through our usual proofing process.

Yeah... I sympathize. I married Farkas with my stoic Nord lady and... well, I thought we'd be a good match, but he turned into such a house-pet once we'd actually tied the knot that I felt bad about "taming" him. I ruined him.

Mylinkay Asdara:
Yeah... I sympathize. I married Farkas with my stoic Nord lady and... well, I thought we'd be a good match, but he turned into such a house-pet once we'd actually tied the knot that I felt bad about "taming" him. I ruined him.

You're a monster.

OT: don't know why I clicked on this article or what I was expecting, but it was funny.

+1

Grey Day for Elcia:

Mylinkay Asdara:
Yeah... I sympathize. I married Farkas with my stoic Nord lady and... well, I thought we'd be a good match, but he turned into such a house-pet once we'd actually tied the knot that I felt bad about "taming" him. I ruined him.

You're a monster.

OT: don't know why I clicked on this article or what I was expecting, but it was funny.

+1

I know I am. /shame

I ended up sending him back to the Companion Hall... but it didn't fix him, he was still all gooey eyed when I stopped by and it was unbearable. I left the Companions hoping that he'd get back to himself eventually. No idea how that turned out, because then I rolled up a Khajit who poured herself into her work at the Thieves Guild and nothing else.

I thought this was a new feature coming in an update, but then I found this awesome story!

I have to admit that I felt guilty for dragging Brelyna away from the College when I married her, but I hope that she'd learn more following me on adventures and with all of the books I've been getting for her.

Great story, though I never had such issues. My dashing Khajiit rogue fell for the wonderful innkeeper-in-training Ysolda. She goes about keeping up appearances in Whiterun while I perform my, "less scrupulous" way of earning a living.

In Skyrim, "divorce" is just a name for what happens when the locals see a fresh dirt mound behind a house one morning.

This was very amusing, I hope we get more stories from you in the near future~! (From a good variety of games~!)

I want to marry, but I'm not limiting my options till I see some expansions. xD

Loved it!
It certainly is true that the marriage mechanic in Skyrim is more than a little underwhelming.

I married Mjoll because she seemed like a badass and had a sword named Grimsever. Nowadays I either have to take her with me at all times and hear the same two stories about a bandit shitting himself or about her dad wanting her to be a fisherman, or I come home to my house in Riften, all hugs and smiles and dragon bones, to see Iona sitting moodily in the kitchen, Mjoll passed out on the bed and Aerin guiltily roaming around the bedroom, knocking ornamental dragon claws off shelves and jibbering about how awesome my wife is.

I would move back to Whiterun, but I can't stand the baleful look the old steward's daughter gives me every time I walk through the gate, or the pointedly loud conversations in the marketplace about how boorish the new stormcloak guards are.

My character is good at decapitating people with an axe. Unfortunately this skill does not transfer well to relationships.

There's an easier way to get a divorce!

Step 1: find a high cliff
Step 2: bring your spouse
Step 3: FUS RO DAH
Step 4: profit

Had to marry Ysolda for the lazy bitch to finally open a store. I say it in the most loving manner, though. I still long for Brelyna's loving caress, but I couldn't stand to get in the way of her progress as a mage, or tamper with her lovely temperament.

Fleetfiend:
I think there is something that you deserve to know.

Darkeethus and I... we met on his trip back to Darkwater Crossing. It was his eyes that first captivated me, and his silly questions about the color of my fur. We had many great adventures together... but then something just... happened. Soon after we ended up at the Temple of Mara ourselves. Darkeethus and I spend a lot of time together, assisting each other in our endeavors; adventurer and entrepreneur.

I'm sorry you have to hear this.

but..
but...

He said I was his only love...

(runs away to cry into pillow!)

Wow this is a good piece.

putowtin:

Fleetfiend:
I think there is something that you deserve to know.

Darkeethus and I... we met on his trip back to Darkwater Crossing. It was his eyes that first captivated me, and his silly questions about the color of my fur. We had many great adventures together... but then something just... happened. Soon after we ended up at the Temple of Mara ourselves. Darkeethus and I spend a lot of time together, assisting each other in our endeavors; adventurer and entrepreneur.

I'm sorry you have to hear this.

but..
but...

He said I was his only love...

(runs away to cry into pillow!)

Damn, that lizard sure gets around!

Very well written piece, had me chuckling right out of the gate simply with the line "I'm having marital problems." For one, someone shouldn't post anything about their marital problems on a gaming site, but of course I knew before clicking on the link that this would be dealing with marriages in Skyrim...of which I've had my own share of problems. Like apparently the beautiful and sexy-voiced Priestesses of Dibella love their goddess' naked statues far more than they love me! Despite going all the way to Riften to marry me, they refuse to leave their temple!

Blew those little bastards up with a master level fire spell, that's what I did. "IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU THEN I'LL SEND YOU TO YOUR DAMN GODDESS YOU TWO-TIMING JEZEBEL!!!!!"

Really needs to be a re-marry option in Skyrim. Should your current meet with an "untimely accident." The marriage in game is very underwhelming, you move mountains and then its the occasional pie.

Truthfully, I hope someone is making a "Married, with children" mod for Skyrim where I get to be a Norse Al Bundy. That would at least make the whole marriage idea less of a waste of time.

ELCTea:
I thought this was a new feature coming in an update, but then I found this awesome story!

That was exactly what I was expecting too... supposedly divorce was originally in the game ( there are console commands for it, but they don't work, to divorce you must murder.)

008Zulu:
Really needs to be a re-marry option in Skyrim. Should your current meet with an "untimely accident." The marriage in game is very underwhelming, you move mountains and then its the occasional pie.

Truthfully, I hope someone is making a "Married, with children" mod for Skyrim where I get to be a Norse Al Bundy. That would at least make the whole marriage idea less of a waste of time.

What would the kids look like if an Argonian and a Khajiit mated?

The Mighty Mur comes to the Escapist? Woo hoo!

(LOVED Playing for Keeps)

I enjoyed reading this very much. It was hilarious!

Why, oh why people keep doing same mistake again and again?
When people will realize that every single argonian is a scum?
There are no good ones, none. You should never trust argonian.
I learned it the hard way :(

P.S. Good article :) , hopefully author will soon find some nice bosmer that will agree to deal with that unworthy boot material

I brought my wife to the battle with Alduin, atop the Throat of the World. I foolishly believed it would be my and Alduin's first and last confrontation, and I wanted her to be a part of it.

I got through the entire fight, all was well, and then with Alduin down to a sliver of health, I threw up a slow time shout and charged in for the killing blow.

And Brylena stepped into it, and I watched myself cave her skull in, in slow-motion.

In an instant, I lost my wife, my arch-magehood, and Alduin just...got up and flew away. It was all in vain. And the worst part? The weapon I had equipped was a soul-trap weapon. Brylena didn't even get to go to Dark Elf Heaven -- she was trapped in a goddamn rock in my backpack, for all eternity.

So I tearfully arranged her body against the dragon wall, while Parthuunax sympathetically intoned, "Speak...I will listen..." And when he told me I would have to go to Sovngarde to track Alduin down, I said, "Alright...now it's personal."

Then I crafted a lightning-greatsword from the gem containing Brylena's soul, named it "Blade of Brylena," chased Alduin to the ends of the cosmos, and stabbed him in his big stupid face.

And even though it was a sad event, and I still look back on it sadly, I absolutely don't regret playing it. It's one of the most interesting game experiences I've ever had. And it makes me realize how much more effective a series of modular narrative "puzzle pieces" are at letting me put together my own emotionally-affecting story than something like Mass Effect. Skyrim approaches storytelling like building blocks; Mass Effect approaches storytelling like a mad lib.

And while EVERYBODY played through the tragic death of

only *I* had the exact narrative experience described above. Not a single person in the world had the same experience. Not one single other person who played Skyrim got the "avenge my wife and regain my honor" quest.

And that, to me, from a games-as-art perspective, is A HELL of a lot more impressive.

Where Mass Effect's design causes it struggle and groan with the effort of accounting your every choice into its narrative, in Skyrim, all your choices ARE your narrative. Fundamentally. You build your experience from the ground up. You're an Orc, in elven armor, who kills things with his giant fire-hammer named The Equalizer that he smithed himself after the first time he killed an Elder Dragon -- and that NPC right there? That's your wife, that you CHOSE to marry; and this is the enemy that you CHOSE to come out here and fight today; and, oh shit, look, now your wife is dead and you're a grieving Orcish warlord widower. How does that make you feel?

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