I was hoping to see him write a post release article on his poacher game. I guess the escapist is not the place for it.

Damn it Yahtzee, why'd you have to go and write a serious article?

Susan Arendt:

Formica Archonis:

LTK_70:
I think you just gave Steve Butts a heart attack.

I thought it was Susan who handled the pitches and new submissions. Which explains her highly-practiced ability to say "Aw, hell no!"

Ayuh. Though the skill it's developed is more of an open-mouthed stare, followed by "You have got to be kidding me."

In truth, the vast majority of the pitches I get are fairly ordinary. I reject about 96% of pitches I receive, but usually for very mundane reasons - it's not a good fit for the audience, it's something that's been done to death, we've already run something along those lines fairly recently, or the writer just isn't all that good. The jaw droppers are relatively few and far between, but they do certainly leave an impression.

Could you share the juicy ones or is that legally not allowed?

HA! Do this again please. I haven't had enough hernias from falling to the ground laughing.

Signed,
J.J.R.H. N' Slew
(Dictated, but not read.)

Susan Arendt:

370999:

Susan Arendt:

Ayuh. Though the skill it's developed is more of an open-mouthed stare, followed by "You have got to be kidding me."

In truth, the vast majority of the pitches I get are fairly ordinary. I reject about 96% of pitches I receive, but usually for very mundane reasons - it's not a good fit for the audience, it's something that's been done to death, we've already run something along those lines fairly recently, or the writer just isn't all that good. The jaw droppers are relatively few and far between, but they do certainly leave an impression.

Could you share the juicy ones or is that legally not allowed?

Tell you what - give this a listen. It'll provide some insight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZqHoSrrS28 (Apologies for the audio, there were tech issues at the panel. This was the best we could get.)

Cheers!

While this advice does seem most helpful, I think I'll stick to my guns and wait for the editors to discover me by chance, then contact me while entranced by my rapist wit.

when I drown myself in the pond do I record it and get sent to editor?could I just send it to you Yahtzee and you can pass it forward on my behalf for me andf would this do me good for reviewer job?

Reply pls via Xbox GT: XiiX CodMaisterMajiiksShotStealthSnIpEQuIcKBoii1234954 iXix

As I write game reviews on my blog and I don't even have eight comments, this kind of hurts...

Man, I need a life.

Cecilthedarkknight_234:
Hell read one of my reviews if you care to take look "shameless shelf promotion"

http://cecilsanimevisualnovelreview.blogspot.com/2011/06/review-of-clannad-visual-novel-true.html

http://cecilsanimevisualnovelreview.blogspot.com/2011/07/this-is-science-and-drpepper-review-of.html

May I be so rude as to provide my own tip?

That first review is nearly 2000 words. For a reviewer just starting out, you can't expect most people to follow a tract that long. Only the most well known reviewers would get away with something so wordy, and even then, they tend not to try. Roger Ebert, for example, writes to around 700 words - and that is far more than most reviewers get in columns or print. tvtropes.org, by comparison, restricts reviews to just 400 measly words. That does a great job of keeping reviews focused and easy to read. I recommend you limit yourself to a similar word count, just to train yourself to get to the point quickly.

But what if you can't express everything you want to say in just 400-500 words? Than you have no business being a reviewer. A good reviewer can even summarize their opinion in a single sentence. Try it!

I only got the sarcasm towards the end.

It was so silly I actually thought it was plausible for the gaming "press" to work like that.

Kinda like Poe's Law.

This is a required read for this column: http://pavlovblogs.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/rejected-and-review.html (link originally provided by Yahtzee's tweeter)

I kindof wish you did this in a Zero Punctuation episode because it seems to be exactly like your webcomics episode and the tone is very different from an Extra Punctuation article.

Giving us smart people fun things to laugh at. You, Yahtzee, are a force for good.

OK, so I take some bananas stuffed with sardines and send them the Escapist? Gotcha. Thanks.

Susan Arendt:

Formica Archonis:

LTK_70:
I think you just gave Steve Butts a heart attack.

I thought it was Susan who handled the pitches and new submissions. Which explains her highly-practiced ability to say "Aw, hell no!"

Ayuh. Though the skill it's developed is more of an open-mouthed stare, followed by "You have got to be kidding me."

In truth, the vast majority of the pitches I get are fairly ordinary. I reject about 96% of pitches I receive, but usually for very mundane reasons - it's not a good fit for the audience, it's something that's been done to death, we've already run something along those lines fairly recently, or the writer just isn't all that good. The jaw droppers are relatively few and far between, but they do certainly leave an impression.

So you requested that Yahtzee write this because you don't get enough truly entertainingly bad submissions?

Dastardly:
Plus also I have this idea for a game too. Its like a FPS but wait! When you shoot the player becomes the bullet and you can steer it to hit the target or other stuff! It will also has RPG elements so you can level up you're bullets with more speed or hats or sounds. It could even be an MMO!

Job, please!

I think you can improve this.
When you shoot and become the bullet, have a gauge that fills up over time from successful attacks and the like. When it's full you can trigger a slow-motion effect, gun-time if you will, that slows everything but you down.
This allows you to get a greater degree of accuracy and when you strike someone's head, you get a free turn in the turn-based battle that follows between you and their brain!

Also, don't forget that these bullets need giant swords if it's going to be a good RPG. Or freakin big breasts and a bikini for armor, if its a girl bullet.

"Are you being sarcastic?" "I don't know anymore."

The multiple levels of irony and sarcasm in the article caused my computer to explode. It is currently melting like sugar in the rain. AHH THERE'S SIMPSONS IN MY HEAD GET IT OUTTT-

lacktheknack:
Um... Not to poke holes in your advice, but if you have about four people claiming that your writing is perfect, doesn't that mean that your writing isn't terrible enough?

But you forget that those 4 people are Modern Warfare contaminated gamer. Their understanding of the word perfect grammar is... perfkt.

Susan Arendt:
Tell you what - give this a listen. It'll provide some insight: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZqHoSrrS28 (Apologies for the audio, there were tech issues at the panel. This was the best we could get.)

59:58 of the video.
Soooo much win.

Also, why does it have so little views? The video is great. I don't even consider being a writer, jet I listened to it. Left the video in the background and enjoyed it while doing other things.

It was great.

I'm going to do the exact opposite and land a plum job.

I hate it when Yahtzee gets all serious like this. He just had to give all the dirty secrets. I'm going to have so much more competition now!

You know, I would love if Yahtzee made a Zero Punctuation video version of this article. It could be like his rant on webcomics from before.

Good article exactly what I wanted to read. I imagine that game journalism, although much less professional than real journalism, would still be very difficult to get into

o.O

>.>

Not sure if serious. Experience has taught me to take everything Yahtzee writes/says with a boulder of salt.

Curse your passive-aggressive tone of voice Making it difficult for me to figure whether your giving honest advice or sarcastically messing with me!

And yes, I did read his disclaimer on page 1, but his ending sentence gave me the impression that he was just fucking with my head.

CAPTCHA: ball of confusion

Pretty much sums up my feelings right now.

Y.C you diabolical bastard.

This is Yahtzee's way of being nice and giving advice. You just got to remember to do the opposite of everything he says here (unless he's been crafty and slipped in some genuine advice).

maninahat:

Cecilthedarkknight_234:
Hell read one of my reviews if you care to take look "shameless shelf promotion"

http://cecilsanimevisualnovelreview.blogspot.com/2011/06/review-of-clannad-visual-novel-true.html

http://cecilsanimevisualnovelreview.blogspot.com/2011/07/this-is-science-and-drpepper-review-of.html

May I be so rude as to provide my own tip?

That first review is nearly 2000 words. For a reviewer just starting out, you can't expect most people to follow a tract that long. Only the most well known reviewers would get away with something so wordy, and even then, they tend not to try. Roger Ebert, for example, writes to around 700 words - and that is far more than most reviewers get in columns or print. tvtropes.org, by comparison, restricts reviews to just 400 measly words. That does a great job of keeping reviews focused and easy to read. I recommend you limit yourself to a similar word count, just to train yourself to get to the point quickly.

But what if you can't express everything you want to say in just 400-500 words? Than you have no business being a reviewer. A good reviewer can even summarize their opinion in a single sentence. Try it!

I have over the past year that was from a year ago bluntly put i have gotten better at doing it. The problem was I rambled on way to much since that was 300 hr game which had way to much info to convoy in 500 words or less. This would be like doing a in-depth review of fall-out 3/NV due to large amount of material. Fine I also accept your challenge.

Hell when the time comes I will copy paste most of those reviews to Microsoft word and set myself to 650 word limit and cut out chunks of material. However I will say this I do not count synopsis or info on the source material/adapts legit parts of the review. Those are just there to inform the reader what it's based on, however I can do two separate post seeing what you mean now. It took nearly 2 pages to reach just the beginning of the review.

The clannad visual novel overall is one of the greatest love stories ever told in any form of media.

Hey, I have a pond! I'll be sure and send my full review of Diablo 3 in with a picture of my leech-covered corpse floating in my pond. Did I mention my pond has leeches?

If the word "butthurt" appears in the next edition of the Oxford Dictionary, I am going to blame you, "Yahtzee" Croshaw.

Then I'll be forced to burn you in effigy. And your little dog imp too.

And here I was under the misapprehension that British humour was dry. Too much time spent down under, Yahtzee.

I see what you did there.

*Gives a smug grin, then gets mauled by a raccoon that pops out of Yahtzee's hat* OHGAWDHELPME