Escape to the Movies: Battleship

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Battleship

MovieBob let's you know who sunk whose Battleship.

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I'm from the UK so I saw this film a few weeks ago, and while i'll never say it was a great film but I felt it was a good popcorn flick. I appreciated the use of tactical warfare as opposed to incoherant explosions and the action was pretty good. Although the story sucked and Liam Neeson was criminally underused.

Great, hell no but I enjoyed it and it had a certain charm to it. But you made a fantastic point about a smart person trying to make a dumb person's product.

Battleships, Damn.

Sometimes it's called conventional wisdom for a reason Bob. After seeing The Avengers, this movie must have seemed like it was suffering from Turrets Syndrome.

Battleship would have been 10,000X better if the bad guys were actually giant red pins that had to strike each other a specific number of times to make them exploderate.

At least then it would be funny.

God, MIB3 looks bad.

I'm gonna ask because someone has to:

Which line?

captcha: rose bud. Thank you for reminding me of a good movie, Captcha. You're a bro.

Thanks for that 30 second unskippable ad for alcohol guys. Looking forward to more of those.

PsychedelicDiamond:
I'm gonna ask because someone has to:

Which line?

"You sunk my battleship"

You've got a bad feeling?

B-but... they're using PROFESSOR PYGG!

I believe I said when this was first announced, "Oh God... Really?" in a tone of "this movie is gonna suck".

I would like to say I called it, but so did everybody else...

Credit insert 1: We're all concerned about "Beware the Batman" Bob, you are not alone. Looks like they're trying to mix the dark edgy "Animated Series" vibe with the more lighthearted tone and silliness of "Brave and the Bold". Both great shows on their own merits, but not something that should be mixed. Kinda like "Hey, you got chocolate in my Preperation H! No, you got Preperation H in my chocolate!"

Credit insert 2: That is a shame. Truly.

PsychedelicDiamond:
I'm gonna ask because someone has to:

Which line?

captcha: rose bud. Thank you for reminding me of a good movie, Captcha. You're a bro.

"We sunk their battleship" You know, that boardgame thing.

OT: Uggghhhhh... Not watching this.

Edit: DAMN, Ninja'd by Serenity!

Actually I'm quite glad it's a failure of a movie and I hope it's a failure at the box office as well.. Forget the counter culture wanting something destined to be bad to actually be good. This was a terrible idea from the get go and the worse a daeth it dies, the better. Potentially clever ideas or nifty execution shouldn't save something with a concept this terrible.. so I'm glad that they don't.

When you're a bad imitation of the Transformers movies.. yeah.. you pretty much have to actively work to be that bad.

Plot twist: The smallest destroyer ship stays safely tucked right alongside the carrier the whole game--err, movie--and buys the Earth forces just enough time to find the last alien ship, which was crammed in diagonally because the aliens are bad-guy cheaters.

And then we get "the line" -- "I'm sick of these mothaf***n' Battleships on my mothaf***n' coordinate plane!"

Nice that you answered the one question I had (whether or not the 'zinger' was used), Bob.

And MIB3 might not be complete garbage... at least when compared to this offering (offaling?). You can always do the "WILL... SMITH!" from the 'Shaft Wedding' episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Aire every time he comes on the screen to keep yourself entertained, at least.

No comment that the aliens don't start shooting till the US fires first?

(captcha "hear hear")

McMarbles:
You've got a bad feeling?

B-but... they're using PROFESSOR PYGG!

Alfred with guns.

The reviews for MIB3 sounds pretty good so far.

Nobody actually says "the line"?
That's kinda bullshit

I'm still very happy after finally getting myself to watch The Avengers yesterday and I'm certainly not interested in watching anything else this month... maybe I'll just watch The Avengers again and wait until Prometheous, The Dark Knight Rises and The Hobbit comes out.

RTR:
Nobody actually says "the line"?
That's kinda bullshit

It shows how unironicly thay must play it if they didn't include the line.
I mean, if you are stuck with calling your movie 'Battleship' you HAVE to say the line.

I have to say, the scene where they managed to cram enough ridiculous exposition and wildly implausible plot twists that the "heroes" has to play Battleship was by a wide margin the best in the whole movie. Still not any good, but it verged on having tension. Almost.

I'm surprised that the US Navy were okay with the final cut of the movie. With the exception of hero-worshipping the real-life veterans in the final act, Battleship made the Navy look terrible. Like, completely and utterly incompetent. It's baffling how someone with as little discipline or even basic knowledge of military hierarchy as Taylor Kitsch's character made Lieutenant. The only half way sensible naval officer involved in the plot was Japanese.

While the military in Transformers bore little resemblance to reality, at least they looked cool.

MiB3 might be terrible but god damn every time I hear MiB their awesome theme song gets stuck in my mind.

Wow even you think the upcoming Batman show could be bad? Either way surely it can't be as bad as Ultimate Spiderman.

Don't care much about Battleship and Bob pretty much confirmed everything I was thinking about it. Men in Black though was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid, I was looking forward to putting my nostalgia glasses on. I'm gunna be so sad if it sucks :/

Is "Iron Sky" banned in USA for showing the country in a bad light?

Qitz:
Battleship would have been 10,000X better if the bad guys were actually giant red pins that had to strike each other a specific number of times to make them exploderate.

At least then it would be funny.

I agree! I kept looking at the trailers, thinking they were kind of dull, with maybe the only interesting thing was the construction of the grinder-cannonballs I saw in one trailer. But then I would see the yellow peg missiles I guess the aliens had and I kind of chuckled at that. It's a pity they never went further with the idea.

Also, Battleship sunk my interest for not including that "line". Well, sunk it lower, as I am probably only going to watch it when it comes to my local library or something.

Liam Neeson has a lifetime pass to do anything he wants in cinema because of Schindler's List? I am perfectly fine with that he can make as many Takens and other silly action movies he likes.

Also MiB3 will be terrible just like MiB2.

tensorproduct:
I have to say, the scene where they managed to cram enough ridiculous exposition and wildly implausible plot twists that the "heroes" has to play Battleship was by a wide margin the best in the whole movie. Still not any good, but it verged on having tension. Almost.

I'm surprised that the US Navy were okay with the final cut of the movie. With the exception of hero-worshipping the real-life veterans in the final act, Battleship made the Navy look terrible. Like, completely and utterly incompetent. It's baffling how someone with as little discipline or even basic knowledge of military hierarchy as Taylor Kitsch's character made Lieutenant. The only half way sensible naval officer involved in the plot was Japanese.

While the military in Transformers bore little resemblance to reality, at least they looked cool.

It's only O-3. The hardest part about rank in the Navy is either getting a commission, or trying to make O-4 or above. Once you have a commission making LT isn't hard.

The fact that Taylor Kitsch's character clearly started a war with a group of aliens accidentally crashing into out planet was definitely my favourite part of that movie.

What's his problem with Men in Black 3?

They kind of say the line. One of the old veterans that shows up at the end yells "they are not going to sink this battleship".
I thought it was funny that they played with people's expectations.

DVS BSTrD:
Battleships, Damn.

I think he was referring to "You sunk my battleship" but, man...when I read that in Rush's voice that just makes it awesome.

captcha: taken aback

Somewhat.

Dastardly:
And then we get "the line" -- "I'm sick of these mothaf***n' Battleships on my mothaf***n' coordinate plane!"

If someone actually did said that in the movie, I would be happy with that line. Unfortunately, we are not lucky enough for it...

Quiet Stranger:
What's his problem with Men in Black 3?

MIB 3 has basically everythin workin against it right now. The reason they even started shootin it was, and I quote "Everyone was finally free and we didn't know when that would happen again" so they started filmin. They had absolutely no script when they did this and simply said fuck it we'll figure it out as we go.

That doesn't necessarily mean it absolutely will be bad, but it does put a lot of doubt on the movie.

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