Escape to the Movies: Battleship

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vxicepickxv:
It's only O-3. The hardest part about rank in the Navy is either getting a commission, or trying to make O-4 or above. Once you have a commission making LT isn't hard.

Okay, you clearly know far more about this than me. I would have thought that things like showing up late, hungover and improperly dressed to a formal event and starting fist-fights with superior officers would be a bigger deal... but I'm definitely ***puts on shades*** out of my depth

Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

Maybe Men In Black 3 will just be "so bad it's stupidly funny" bad instead of "skinny-dipping in a pirahna tank" bad.

I know this may sound odd but...does anyone think this is one of MovieBob's best reviews as of late? Okay, it's clear he doesn't like the movie (which is fine) but he's not overly bashing it or overly praising it like he does some other films.

He discusses the ups and the downs, he talks about the folks who worked on it, he makes some comparisons to other movies (actually he made comparisons to a lot of movies, I kinda wanna count how many times he references another movie in this video)

Overall, this is what I like to see from Escape to the Movies. Obviously I don't wanna see Battleship (I didn't even before watching this) but I am glad to have watched this video to help cement that thought.

Thank you, MovieBob.

THEY DON'T SAY THE LINE!!!! That's like doing a transformers movie without the theme song playing in the credits.....oh wait.

Also at 5:23, WTF am I looking at?

Man, the only reason I had any interest in this since it was announced is that I wanted to here Liam Neeson angrily yell "You sunk My Battleship!"

Seriously he has to try and throw in a Halo reference with these types of movies just to remind us how 'generic' and 'dumb' he feels Halo is. Show us on the Doll where Master Chief touched you.

Green Lateran was better HA!!!

so they don't say the line? why didn't you say that in that first place instead of making watch a whole review first :(

I will say that the premise of sailors from America and Japan, the last two nations to fight a major naval battle, uniting against a common enemy just a few miles from Pearl Harbor made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

I hadn't known about MIB 3, I kinda wished it'd stayed that way. I mean seriously are they still giving Will Smith work after his last few failures?

Just a minor point here, but it should be written "MovieBob lets you know." Let's is a contraction of "let us," as it "let us go to said location," or "let us eat this food," or "let us tell the whole world what a piece of shit Battleship is."

Also, every bit as bad as I thought it was going to be? Holy shit, that's bad!

If they want to do a really good naval battle film, why not od one about the "Battle of Jutland"

Let me set the scene. 1916. 99 German ships vs 151 UK/Canadian/Australian ships.

I am more partial to rubber duck warfare in my make belief world called "The Bathlantic Ocean."

How much faith can one man place in a movie he only knows about by some news article of Will Smith gifting the suit he wore in the movie to some tennis tournament winner?

I love the metaphor of an expert chief trying to make a Big Mac. I also like the idea that ANYTHING can be made into a good movie, with the right people and right execution.

'No such thing as a bad idea for a movie'?

Challenge accepted.

Megan Fox stars as a 90 year old man who is looking for his teddy bear which he lost in 1958. It is vital he finds it because Lionel Ritchie appeared to him a dream and told him that all along the bear had a magic compass which points to the location of Atlantis, inside its belly. After visiting his childhood home in an attempt to trigger his memory fails, he visits a wizard in Mongolia who enchants his wardrobe with the ability to travel through time. He goes to 1958 and... you know what, I'm bored of my own joke now, but it was gonna turn out Atlantis is on the moon.

But no 'good execution' could make that movie good.

kiri2tsubasa:
If they want to do a really good naval battle film, why not od one about the "Battle of Jutland"

Let me set the scene. 1916. 99 German ships vs 151 UK/Canadian/Australian ships.

The whole 'nobody actually won' thing would make a pretty suck ass ending though.

shintakie10:

Quiet Stranger:
What's his problem with Men in Black 3?

MIB 3 has basically everythin workin against it right now. The reason they even started shootin it was, and I quote "Everyone was finally free and we didn't know when that would happen again" so they started filmin. They had absolutely no script when they did this and simply said fuck it we'll figure it out as we go.

That doesn't necessarily mean it absolutely will be bad, but it does put a lot of doubt on the movie.

It probably will save it from the worst possible fate in cinema: mediocrity. Either it accidentally becomes legendary (One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest), or it turns out hilariously awful.

Crazy Zaul:

kiri2tsubasa:
If they want to do a really good naval battle film, why not od one about the "Battle of Jutland"

Let me set the scene. 1916. 99 German ships vs 151 UK/Canadian/Australian ships.

The whole 'nobody actually won' thing would make a pretty suck ass ending though.

Not like Hollywood ever felt restrained by such minor details as "historical accuracy".

Hi Bob! Will you review "God Bless America"?

Ah, and here I was with ridiculous optimism, hoping it would be good. I knew the characters would probably be worthless, but I guess I was hoping the action would play it off. No such luck, apparently. And I was really hoping someone would unironically say that line. Guess I've got some extra beer money this week.

Point the first: The best thing about that version of Batman is that Alfred will take on his activities that he was doing before he became the Wayne family's butler.

Point the second: So they make a movie "based off" a board game that the only relationship between the two is the use of the navy (and even that connection's pretty loose considering the namesake and the destroyer haven't had a serious use since WW2)and they don't even have the synonymous line for it? Not that I was going to see it anyway, but that really does clinch it for me.

Point the main: If you think the movie is bad, take a look at the video games based off of it. [shudder]

The only "Battleship" movie we needed was Jim Carry and Tommy Lee Jones in that Batman movie.

"YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!" *maniacal giggling*

saruman31:
Hi Bob! Will you review "God Bless America"?

He did a written review last week in the Intermission.

OT: Sorry Bob. We didn't even need to finish that first trailer to know this was going to be bad. You knew it. I knew it. We all knew it. Embrace that feeling of futility...

WanderingFool:
I believe I said when this was first announced, "Oh God... Really?" in a tone of "this movie is gonna suck".

I would like to say I called it, but so did everybody else...

takes all the fun out of being right doesn't it :/

Wow once Bob mentioned the lens flare, I couldn't stop noticing it in the clips.

You sank my battleshit.

Crazy Zaul:
'No such thing as a bad idea for a movie'?

Challenge accepted.

Megan Fox stars as a 90 year old man who is looking for his teddy bear which he lost in 1958. It is vital he finds it because Lionel Ritchie appeared to him a dream and told him that all along the bear had a magic compass which points to the location of Atlantis, inside its belly. After visiting his childhood home in an attempt to trigger his memory fails, he visits a wizard in Mongolia who enchants his wardrobe with the ability to travel through time. He goes to 1958 and... you know what, I'm bored of my own joke now, but it was gonna turn out Atlantis is on the moon.

But no 'good execution' could make that movie good.

To be fair, a lot of this idea has execution written into it.

The bleeping really annoys me, if you can't use a word, don't. Please.
I never understood the point of bleeping them half way through anyway, it's not like the letters in the word is the "bad" thing, it's what it implies, and you still get that across.

"the Blockbuster Zeitgeist"
I am stealing this, Bob. It has so much meaning packed into a tiny package. It explains so much.

That Batman thing looks awful, they should stick to animation and not digital animation. Know why? Oh just all those animated movies and shows of the past and present FUCKING RULE

DVS BSTrD:
Battleships, Damn.

Sometimes it's called conventional wisdom for a reason Bob. After seeing The Avengers, this movie must have seemed like it was suffering from Turrets Syndrome.

That was just awful, and I love you for it.

Okay, I did not expect Battleship to be in anyway good, but to hear its THAT bad makes me sad. No, I wasn't going to see it, but it could have pulled a "Pirates of the Carribean" and been a pretty damn awesome movie based off of a really silly idea.

Also, I WANT Men in Black 3 to be good. I really really do.

It won't, but I really wish it could be...

ZZoMBiE13:
Credit insert 1: We're all concerned about "Beware the Batman" Bob, you are not alone. Looks like they're trying to mix the dark edgy "Animated Series" vibe with the more lighthearted tone and silliness of "Brave and the Bold". Both great shows on their own merits, but not something that should be mixed. Kinda like "Hey, you got chocolate in my Preperation H! No, you got Preperation H in my chocolate!"

Credit insert 2: That is a shame. Truly.

They already tried mixing Dark Batman with Goofy Batman, in The Batman. It was halfway decent, with a really neat take on the Joker, but it didn't quite pan out.

You know what the sad thing is?

Some dumbass exec is going to be looking at this next to The Avengers and not be able to figure out what went wrong.

New pointless hope: This will be such a disaster that it will finally jar Hollywood out of this whole endless licensed movie kick.

Zombine3D:
Is "Iron Sky" banned in USA for showing the country in a bad light?

It just isn't coming out here. Movies havent been banned in the u.s in 90 years.(outside of a few cities.)

I was kinda with Bob on this one, I was rooting for this movie to be good. But I will say I'm glad the Navy got some spotlight. I was going to pass this up, but the whole bit about "Ageing vets rearming a Battleship to help fight" Kinda makes me wanna go see it, just for that part!

XD

Since the trailers did everything they could to make Battleship look like Transformers I was praying to the movie gods that it would fail. Not because I dislike anyone connected to the movie but Hollywood likes to emulate what sells tickets and they tend to avoid the things that failed. We really need the failure of some pants on head retarded movies to break Hollywood from the cycle of bad movies just to cash in on the brain dead people who only need special effects to be entertained.

I think I might go watch Avengers again this weekend just for the chance that someone in Hollywood would get the idea of more movies like Avengers instead of crap adaptions that only seem to share the names with the original property.

Also if Liam "Release the Kracken" Neeson doesn't get to say the line for Battleship then it's just an unforgivable offense.

You don't know how disappointed that is to hear. I mean, they had the pegs! The PEGS! It would of been such an easy line to add in. One ship goes down after a stupid order, the guy has a quiet moment of reflection and says "My god... they sunk my battleship."

Boom, 1 extra half-star.

Honestly, I never had high hopes for this movie myself. If anything I would have almost hoped it wouldn't be as serious as it seems to be, but it is what it is. At the very least the ships look cool.

It would have been nice is the predictions of basically the entire movie going population was wrong but it's nice to be right about these things once in a while.

They didn't even use 'the line,' that's just unforgivable.

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