Escape to the Movies: Battleship

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I enjoyed the movie. I was expecting something stupid and downright hard to watch like the transformer movies but I was very pleased and enjoyed the movie.
But I got the sense it knew it was stupid, and enjoyed it on those terms.

Qitz:
Battleship would have been 10,000X better if the bad guys were actually giant red pins

Well its what their guns fire.

PsychedelicDiamond:
I'm gonna ask because someone has to:

Which line?

captcha: rose bud. Thank you for reminding me of a good movie, Captcha. You're a bro.

I know someone already answered, I just wanted to post this because your question reminded me of this scene:

Qitz:
Battleship would have been 10,000X better if the bad guys were actually giant red pins that had to strike each other a specific number of times to make them exploderate.

Could have also been nice if they had Nappa, Aquaman and a few whales. =p

i'm from finland, so....

Haven't they already made an iconic 'Battleship' movie?

Wasn't it called 'The Hunt for Red October'?

shintakie10:

Quiet Stranger:
What's his problem with Men in Black 3?

MIB 3 has basically everythin workin against it right now. The reason they even started shootin it was, and I quote "Everyone was finally free and we didn't know when that would happen again" so they started filmin. They had absolutely no script when they did this and simply said fuck it we'll figure it out as we go.

That doesn't necessarily mean it absolutely will be bad, but it does put a lot of doubt on the movie.

Ah, so that's why they are using one of the plots from the animated series... again

I don't care, I'm sure I'll like it anyway.

I liked Men in Black when I was a kid.

And I'm glad it's coming back.

And it may mean that they'll finally stop remaking old 80s stuff and start doing stuff for 90s kids.

Eat it Bob, you and all the people who call the 80s the golden age of video gaming and generally act like it's the greatest decade ever.

Eddie Valiant walking through Toon Town looked more realistic than the effects in this movie. 10 years from now this movie is going to look like a flushing toilet bowl full of toy ships & water paints.

Sofar the only good movie based on a board game is CLUE.

Oh yeah, here's my prediction for the next game to get a movie.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKfY6SzB9D8

Oh hey, just like Avengers, the best part is the last 20 minutes!

even after watching the trailer, it never got me hooked. maybe one day i will rent it on dvd if there nothing else to watch but i can very well live without it.

regarding MIB3. it sure will not be as good as part 1 or 2 but it will be a good watch. me and my wife want to see it. comes out in hong kong next week.

Hey movie bob. today scifi channel is going to air a new original movie called american warships. has warships. and has aliens. and in the preview someone does say something along the lines of "i'm not letting them sink my battleship" which is very close to "the line." Would this possibly be a case where a scifi original movie is actually good and better than its blockbuster counterpart with the same premise? Just a thought. I doubt it. but hey. if battleship sucks so badly. at least american warships dont have to try as hard to pass them.

Taylor Kitch is best placed as a sidekick. He's pretty enough but he just isn't quite good enough to pull off main roles.
Liam Neeson can indeed do whatever the hell he wants, and appears to have a good time doing it. It's just a shame most of films he does these days are a little bit lame.

And giving characters a few snappy one liners doesn't make them rich.
And MIB3 looks like it will at least be fun.
...that is all.

VoidWanderer:
Haven't they already made an iconic 'Battleship' movie?

Wasn't it called 'The Hunt for Red October'?

They did make an iconic "Battleship" movie. It was made in 1960 and was titled 'Sink the Bismark'. You can watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054310/

likalaruku:
Eddie Valiant walking through Toon Town looked more realistic than the effects in this movie. 10 years from now this movie is going to look like a flushing toilet bowl full of toy ships & water paints.

Sofar the only good movie based on a board game is CLUE.

Oh yeah, here's my prediction for the next game to get a movie.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKfY6SzB9D8

So... a romantic comedy?

Ashley Blalock:

VoidWanderer:
Haven't they already made an iconic 'Battleship' movie?

Wasn't it called 'The Hunt for Red October'?

They did make an iconic "Battleship" movie. It was made in 1960 and was titled 'Sink the Bismark'. You can watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054310/

i read the book that was based on, back in college.

Ashley Blalock:

VoidWanderer:
Haven't they already made an iconic 'Battleship' movie?

Wasn't it called 'The Hunt for Red October'?

They did make an iconic "Battleship" movie. It was made in 1960 and was titled 'Sink the Bismark'. You can watch the trailer at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054310/

'cept the British didn't sink the Bismark. Evidence shows that the Bismark was scuttled. Either way that was an epic battle.

The Great JT:
Maybe Men In Black 3 will just be "so bad it's stupidly funny" bad instead of "skinny-dipping in a pirahna tank" bad.

I doubt that it will be entertaining-bad. It's either going to surprise everyone and be awesome/good or it's just going to be bland.

Although, I do like the idea of the most expensive movie ever made being a complete critical bomb; it would give the guys at redlettermedia something to laugh at.

SaneAmongInsane:
...It's a movie based off the Battleship board game? Was anyone expecting anything truly great from it?

I think at certain times people need to lower their expectations. I haven't seen the flick, but if I was going to I'd walk into it not expecting it to be good and hoping to be pleasently surprised a little bit.

Really you can't judge it the same way you'd just a movie like Avengers or Dark Knight. You just can't, it's fucking battleship.

Well, the thing is, it just looks to me like they copy-pasted the Transformers formula over to a different setting and using its familiar name for cheap brand recognition (they don't even say "you sunk my battleship" or anything like that? wtf?).

You know what, if this movie had done something actually neat, I would have seen it. For instance, what if, instead of setting it in modern times with all the implausible technological failures happening for no reason other than convenience, the movie was set right smack in 1940-1945. You could have the Americans battle with the aliens at Pearl Harbor, and then about halfway through the movie, the forces on both sides of WWII call off their own fighting and take on the aliens together.

To see something like the Germans fighting alongside the Russians, or the Japanese helping out the U.S. troops would be EPIC, and a WWII era would be more appropriate for the "classic" feel of the game.

It doesn't take much to make something entertaining out of an idea or brand, it's just that people don't want to do anything because they might have to "risk" the demographic; which is ironic, because I most definitely would've been more enthusiastic to see the movie in the paragraphs above than the one in theaters right now.

I really was hoping the movie would turn into "So bad it's good", but it looks like it's "So bad, it's Bay."

And that's the kind of "bad" I really don't want to see.

The never say the line, eh?

That's a shame. Had they done so, I'd have been willing to go sit through the entire movie, just to see that. What a shame

Soviet Heavy:

ZZoMBiE13:
Credit insert 1: We're all concerned about "Beware the Batman" Bob, you are not alone. Looks like they're trying to mix the dark edgy "Animated Series" vibe with the more lighthearted tone and silliness of "Brave and the Bold". Both great shows on their own merits, but not something that should be mixed. Kinda like "Hey, you got chocolate in my Preperation H! No, you got Preperation H in my chocolate!"

Credit insert 2: That is a shame. Truly.

They already tried mixing Dark Batman with Goofy Batman, in The Batman. It was halfway decent, with a really neat take on the Joker, but it didn't quite pan out.

They also had one of the best takes on Clayface I've ever seen (ok, so it's Two-Face's dynamic when they were unable to use Two-Face, but even so, it felt somehow better than that to me).

Aiddon:
God, MIB3 looks bad.

I think its more of a Craps shoot.

1:30 odds of it being good.

For basically an hour after the movie, I was arguing humans were the bad guys, and the aliens were just making a first contact, which obviously fails.

Every part of the movie basically emphasizes on humans making rash decisions devoid of any thought, and the aliens respond to what they perceive as threats with neutralization of the threat, down to the ship's component.
Hell, even in the highway scene, with the metal ball thing, the aliens make sure casualties are at a strict minimum.

I like to think that within all this naval and military porn, there was a dash of inspiration, and critique of the human nature.

"Movie Bob, I've had it with your disingenuous assumptions!"

(Bold Renegade move)

Moviebob, I just got back from watching Battleship, and I have to say, You're partially wrong.

Yes, the movie wasn't good, the acting was campy, the military bravado was a little on the heavy side, and the tie ins with the board game were corny, but it in no way did the movie "Suck".

There are far worse movies out there, and this isn't really one of them.

Movies like the Second Ghost Rider, and all the Twilight movies suck.

This was what I would call a Popcorn movie. One you see to be entertained, and I was just that: Entertained.

I laughed at the funny parts and the scenes where they showed real WWII navy vets (My grandfather served in the Pacific Theater, flying Hellcats off of the USS Bon Homme Richard), I was filled with pride (as any family who has military lineage should).

Could it have been better? Yes.

Was it bad? No. Like I said, its entertaining. Well worth my price of admission.

But damn... that scene where they Drifted the Mighty Mo, that was awesome.

Father Time:
I liked Men in Black when I was a kid.

And I'm glad it's coming back.

No, I'm sorry. MiB died when they decided to make the second movie. The first one worked amazingly well as a stand-alone movie. At the end, characters had advanced and developed and everything was going well.

But then they decided to make a cash-grab sequel, so of course, in order to do so, they had to completely fuck up the end of the first movie by dropping what I like to call the "Status Quo Bomb" (which, incidentally, hit Austin Powers when they decided to shamelessly cash grab THAT movie too). Gotta make an excuse to bring back K, so J gets turned into a prima-donna asshole and K's marriage completely falls apart. And to top it all off, they can't even come up with an original ending gag. Yes, the whole 'zoom out to show our galaxy in an alien marble' thing was great at the end of the first one, but the whole 'zoom out to show us in an alien locker' was just pathetic.

And you know what was the best part of the movie? The Statue of Liberty's torch being a memory eraser. OH,BUT WAIT!!! It doesn't make sense at all when you really think about it! What about the people who aren't looking at it when it goes off? They wouldn't be affected. At least with the handheld one, you can guarantee that the person you're trying to wipe would be directly looking at it, but with the Torch, there's no certainty it would effect everyone it needed to.

I would've seen the movie just to see someone say "You sunk my battleship" or some version of it. Just to have that nostalgia cause I LOVED the game as a kid.

DaveSull:
They kind of say the line. One of the old veterans that shows up at the end yells "they are not going to sink this battleship".
I thought it was funny that they played with people's expectations.

That's good enough I guess. It just doesn't have the same feeling to it.

This movie was great for what it is. I didn't go in expecting oscar material or anything, just a fun way to spend a Saturday evening and I was pleasently entertained. Kinda a bummer Big Mo' didn't get to fire her non 16-inch cannons.

Buretsu:
...And you know what was the best part of the movie? The Statue of Liberty's torch being a memory eraser. OH,BUT WAIT!!! It doesn't make sense at all when you really think about it! What about the people who aren't looking at it when it goes off? They wouldn't be affected. At least with the handheld one, you can guarantee that the person you're trying to wipe would be directly looking at it, but with the Torch, there's no certainty it would effect everyone it needed to.

Actually if you pay attention you will notice that the statue "Flashy-thing" has a vastly different sound to it's handheld counterpart. I suspect that the main source of memory suppression for that one was the sound it emitted rather than the flash of light.

Want a good Battleship movie? Make a dramatization of the Battle of Midway.

Qitz:
Battleship would have been 10,000X better if the bad guys were actually giant red pins that had to strike each other a specific number of times to make them exploderate.

At least then it would be funny.

And then we could hear Liam Neeson yell "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP"
Dammit why didn't they say that!?!

Its funny because after watching this review, I'm going to see The Avengers for the third time B)

Good review Bob. I understand what you mean at the beginning about secretly rooting for it to work. I could use a little surprise like that although then we'd have to deal with stuff like "Monopoly: The Movie" and "Snakes and Ladders: The Movie". Can't say a "Clue" movie isn't feasible. Also surprised about the Rhianna bit.

I was really looking forward to this movie until a friend of mine saw it and told me how bad it was. I was hoping that the movie would be made with the same design philosophy as that of the people who made the A-Team.

Crazy Zaul:
'No such thing as a bad idea for a movie'?

Challenge accepted.

Megan Fox stars as a 90 year old man who is looking for his teddy bear which he lost in 1958. It is vital he finds it because Lionel Ritchie appeared to him a dream and told him that all along the bear had a magic compass which points to the location of Atlantis, inside its belly. After visiting his childhood home in an attempt to trigger his memory fails, he visits a wizard in Mongolia who enchants his wardrobe with the ability to travel through time. He goes to 1958 and... you know what, I'm bored of my own joke now, but it was gonna turn out Atlantis is on the moon.

But no 'good execution' could make that movie good.

I would actually pay to see that. I don't know what that says about me. But it sounds so bad it could be great.

OT: I knew this was gonna be bad as soon as soon as I saw the trailer in theaters. It starts out mentioning Hasbro, so I was spending the entire time trying to figure out what Hasbro thing it could be. Another G.I. Joe? Wtf is this? Then it finally said the title and I was just like "...What? I don't remember Battleship having aliens in it. Clearly they were playing a different game than I was."

The saddest truth of all, is that this movie probably took the highest budget of this year. The reason being is that 3d animators aren't easy to come by, well, good ones aren't, anyway. It costs alot to do a bad animation job, and the people who worked on this movie did a very good one.

And that leaves me at a loss. I don't know whether to be angry that people just don't get it, just don't see the art in it, and just don't look at art the same way anyone whose pirated 3DS Max would,

or sad.

Sad that the, for a tiny bit of extra money, they could have had a story that was a thousand times better and more well executed, that would not only compliment the scenery, but actually might make a good movie.

I love Bob's reviews. Even when he's tearing apart what is clearly a forgettable cash-in piece of crap he leaves you with something to mull over.

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