Zero Punctuation: Diablo 3

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Jman1236:
I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

You can only get diablo dollars to spend on diablo again, can't make it out to your bank account.

Problem?

I never did see why everyone was so excited for this game, it looked and sounded pretty crap even when I first heard about it. Good to know I'm not missing much then.

medv4380:

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

Oh get off that high horse already. D3 had a predictable Blizzard style ending, and you had an actual final boss fight. ME3 did not actually have a final boss fight, and had an ending that was unexpected, illogical, and abrupt. Comparing games that have mediocre and predictable endings to ME3 is just plain rude.

Correction, it has a typical Metzen style ending...that is to say the usual, cliched high fantasy, chosen one, save the world and create rainbows and puppies ending.
The previous games didn't. Diablo 1 and 2 had pretty murky bittersweet endings and D2's expansion ended on a cliffhanger with it heavily hinted that your actions only made things worse.
Diablo always had a somewhat peversely satisfying approach in that way...no matter how well you do you always lose somehow in the end. Pretty fitting for gothic/pseudo-low fantasy.
Then 3 came along with a new writer, bucked out all the old tropes and story style and inserted generic black and white, chosen one saves teh wurld plot # 460175

Game's good enough, if you don't like dungeon crawlers it won't make you like them though.

LostintheWick:
This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

vxicepickxv:
If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

Really? I can't think of any playthrough of Diablo 2 where one quest was not generated. The only few I missed were always the ones I skipped on porpuse but the areas to start and end them were always generated.

Oh wow, Yahtzee I must say this is probably the first time I have completely agreed with you about a game. Especially considering that I also played a witch doctor and you just described my exact strategy. Just replace the giant spider with flaming skull bombs and we had the same thing going. Especially the whole random generated dungeon routine, where the dungeon layout makes just as little sense as before only now you turn left instead of right, and even with the whole random aspect, the dungeons still feel endlessly repeated. Honestly it just seems like an easy way to get around decent level design and also add and extra 2 levels to a dungeon without having to design anything else. Any way funny as all ways keep up the good work.

canadamus_prime:
I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

Yeah, just a question since I dont have the game.

Does the dungeon "design" change the gameplay the slightest? Or will you still just keep moving forward and clicking on the enemy to kill it.

Frozen Synapse uses random generated levels and they make sense for the style of game that it is. It does matter if the rooms are small or big due to the classes in the game

I must admit, the ability to summon spiders and explosive zombie dogs sounds really appealing to me...

NO! NO! DON'T GET SUCKED IN LIKE YOU DID IN WOW!! It was really hard to break free from that game...

Can't say that Yahtzee not liking this game is a surprise. I disagree with a lot of things he said on the basis that they are wrong (Or maybe it was the class I was playing), but he did get some things right. Like the required online, and the pointlessness of randomly generated dungeons. And the main plot may have been completely predictable, but I honestly relished the conversations between the support characters and my character. Hell, I had a lot of fun with this game in general, but then again, I was playing the monk and solving all my problems with ridiculous punches and kicks.

Edit: I guess what I'm really trying to say is my problems with the game and yahtzee's problems with the game didn't completely match up. And how dare he not think exactly like me. The nerve.

wow I was expecting much bile to be coming out of peoples mouths in the comment section than there actually is.

josemlopes:

canadamus_prime:
I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

Yeah, just a question since I dont have the game.

Does the dungeon "design" change the gameplay the slightest? Or will you still just keep moving forward and clicking on the enemy to kill it.

Frozen Synapse uses random generated levels and they make sense for the style of game that it is. It does matter if the rooms are small or big due to the classes in the game

Well I can't speak for Diablo III as I haven't played it yet, I'm still debating on whether of not I should buy it. However I have played the previous 2 Diablo games and in those 2 it didn't really seem to make much of a difference to be honest.

Meh, he didn't even play enough to find out the real reasons why D3 sucks, instead he stuck to "I don't like those kind of games". Now that I think about it however, there was no reason to, the bottom line is the same and he saved a lot of time...

I agree with Yahtzee. I played for a while to find out that dungeon crawlers bore the hell out of me. Not saying it's bad. It's just not the genre for me

I was actually considering buying this, but the word 'dungeon crawler' stuck out at me. I liked Warcraft 3, but I don't really see substantial appeal in Diablo 3.

Elective mode, Yathzee.

Goddamn, d'you think Yahtzee ever going to grow out of putting gratuitous pictures of spiders everywhere!?

my biggest problem with diablo 3 is that there's no real lasting decisions, nothing other than the character you chose. everything else can be changed arbitrarily, so there's really no reason to put thought into anything.

not that diablo was ever a thought provoking game. but whatever strategy there was, they got rid of.

witch is kinda my problem with modern 3A games as a whole. they get "stream lined" witch as far as i can tell just takes thinking out of the formula.

BlueKenja:

medv4380:

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

Oh get off that high horse already. D3 had a predictable Blizzard style ending, and you had an actual final boss fight. ME3 did not actually have a final boss fight, and had an ending that was unexpected, illogical, and abrupt. Comparing games that have mediocre and predictable endings to ME3 is just plain rude.

Correction, it has a typical Metzen style ending...that is to say the usual, cliched high fantasy, chosen one, save the world and create rainbows and puppies ending.
The previous games didn't. Diablo 1 and 2 had pretty murky bittersweet endings and D2's expansion ended on a cliffhanger with it heavily hinted that your actions only made things worse.
Diablo always had a somewhat peversely satisfying approach in that way...no matter how well you do you always lose somehow in the end. Pretty fitting for gothic/pseudo-low fantasy.
Then 3 came along with a new writer, bucked out all the old tropes and story style and inserted generic black and white, chosen one saves teh wurld plot # 460175

Game's good enough, if you don't like dungeon crawlers it won't make you like them though.

All True. If you're going for everyone dies then you're going for the twisted ending they came close but are probably saving that for the expansions. It's still no where near at bad as ME3. A cookie cutter rainbows and lollipops ending is still better the ME3

Loved this review so funny, especially the money comment!

I too am oblivious to the appeal of Diablo 3, glad people are enjoying it though just not my sort of game. Also disagree with a lot the company is doing such as releasing the game with so many bugs and online DRM.

Na, I'll pass.

Also - pants.

Robert Kotick isn't secretly maybe a Bond villan, he is a Bond villain, albeit a fat ugly stupid one.

canadamus_prime:

Grey Day for Elcia:

canadamus_prime:

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

Well one time I didn't. Don't ask me to explain it, 'cause I don't really understand it either.

That's because the Butcher is not a main story quest. There's a 1/3 or so chance that it's left out of a character's playthrough. The only main story quests are Archbishop Lazarus and Diablo. Grey just doesn't know what s/he's talking about.

Hitchmeister:

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

Actually, only a very minor point was slightly changed, but overall, all major criticisms remain. Sorry.

Grey Day for Elcia:

canadamus_prime:

vxicepickxv:
If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

I played the heck out of Diablo 1 as a kid/teen (although I never beat Hell. Waaaay too hard for me at the time).

And I can tell you that I have, on multiple occasions, not gotten the Butcher quest.

Sometimes I got the Poisoned Water Quest, followed by some other random quest. One time I got a quest to slay the skeleton of the old dead evil king. The Butcher was the most common early quest, but there were plenty of times I didn't get it.

EDIT: DAMN NINJAS!!

Hitchmeister:

LostintheWick:
This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

Yeah... I get it. Money money money. It's all we measure success by and all we value. But something tells me they would make enough doing ANYTHING. They got that name, Blizzard, ya know? People worship them.

I just see the missed opportunity of making something great instead of just, well, a money making grinder. By why do that, right?

Hitchmeister:

LostintheWick:
This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

We must have watched different reviews then.
He said, that he does not get the appeal of dungeon crawlers, and that the leveling, whilst being addictive, does not a great game make.
He only said, that he managed to get the controls to almost work properly and that he was actually able to play the game on his laptop.
Whoop-de-friggin-do.
His complaints:
1.Game is too easy.
2.Aquiring trousers not his cup of tea.
3.Fighting becomes a routine, aka boring.
4.Always online sucks. So do latency issues.
5.Does not get Dungeon Crawlers.
6.Does not ger randomly created dungeons.

End credits:
He managed to fix the controls.
Laptop managed to do a fine job of running D3
Why don't enemies simply give you their pants?

Sooo, what review exactly were you talking of?
Since it is very clear that he had more than enough points to critizise, and in the end, he makes it very obvious, that dungeon crawlers are not getting in his pants any time soon...

I'd play diablo3 if I knew that there was a way to finish it, but there isn't you just play through once then get sucked in to an endless grind and upgrade cycle that will end when Blizzard unleashes it's cyber army and destroys the earth.

i kinda thought that he wouldn't like this game

canadamus_prime:
I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

Except random generated dungeons on a prerendered game mean the rooms have to be prerendered themselves and the only random thing about it is the corridors. using his analogy, you're not writing a new book, you're just shuffling the chapters.

josemlopes:

canadamus_prime:
I could be wrong, but I think part of the idea of randomly generated dungeons is, besides replayability, is that your experience will be different than your friend's experience so you can stand around the water cooler comparing.

Yeah, just a question since I dont have the game.

Does the dungeon "design" change the gameplay the slightest? Or will you still just keep moving forward and clicking on the enemy to kill it.

Frozen Synapse uses random generated levels and they make sense for the style of game that it is. It does matter if the rooms are small or big due to the classes in the game

Speaking as someone who's made it all the way into inferno(ridiculously difficult highest difficulty where everyeone's tactic is this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEyk63UaBI4 ), the random generation does matter. It's not just the dungeons, literally everything, including the tactics of what you fight, is randomly generated.

Where the open space, choke points, and high ground in relation to the champion packs and what those champions spawned with can make hard fights much easier or vice versa.

Yahtzee actually might have liked the multiplayer in this. Pretty much no one ever speaks and the amount of monsters multiplies to the point where if you're alone you might get a teeny challenge even on Normal. Might.

scw55:
You can fully customise your action bars by havingboth evil dogs and the ability tomake enemies shit themselves.

Options -> Gameplay -> Bottom Right Option whose name I forget because it's a shit term.

It's a shame Blizzard doesn't exactly tell anyone this. The only way you discover this is by accident or Chinese Whispers; which is what i'm doing now, rather a CHINESE SHOUT.

He mentions that in the credits.

I'll take this quotes thank you:

"Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of all my money~♫!"

Spinhorse:
Elective mode, Yathzee.

I really wanted to "inb4 people who cant read"

But the people who cant read beat me to it... damn.

Thank you for taking the piss out of disproportionately popular things Mr. Croshaw.

Jman1236:
I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

BlueKenja:

Correction, it has a typical Metzen style ending...that is to say the usual, cliched high fantasy, chosen one, save the world and create rainbows and puppies ending.
The previous games didn't. Diablo 1 and 2 had pretty murky bittersweet endings and D2's expansion ended on a cliffhanger with it heavily hinted that your actions only made things worse.
Diablo always had a somewhat peversely satisfying approach in that way...no matter how well you do you always lose somehow in the end. Pretty fitting for gothic/pseudo-low fantasy.
Then 3 came along with a new writer, bucked out all the old tropes and story style and inserted generic black and white, chosen one saves teh wurld plot # 460175

Game's good enough, if you don't like dungeon crawlers it won't make you like them though.

Correction, most Blizzard games have a Metzen ending. Metzen's been involved with most of the stories for the games ever since Warcraft 2. And ALMOST ALL Blizzard games have pretty much had bittersweet endings, especially when taken with their expansion packs.

Diablo 3 is a conclusion (probably), the ending probably isn't going to be bittersweet, otherwise people would complain that it wasn't very conclusive. Or they'd be pissed cause it's an obvious hint at another sequel.

That's what I hate the most about video game stories, no ones ever happy if the story evolves or if the characters grow. They want the status quo. Take the Sands of Time trilogy. Everyone ragged on the Prince's "darker" look despite the fact that he was constantly hunted and it was clear after the third one that he had begun to develop his darker half at that time.

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