Zero Punctuation: Diablo 3

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Calibanbutcher:

Hitchmeister:

LostintheWick:
This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

We must have watched different reviews then.
He said, that he does not get the appeal of dungeon crawlers, and that the leveling, whilst being addictive, does not a great game make.
He only said, that he managed to get the controls to almost work properly and that he was actually able to play the game on his laptop.
Whoop-de-friggin-do.
His complaints:
1.Game is too easy.
2.Aquiring trousers not his cup of tea.
3.Fighting becomes a routine, aka boring.
4.Always online sucks. So do latency issues.
5.Does not get Dungeon Crawlers.
6.Does not ger randomly created dungeons.

End credits:
He managed to fix the controls.
Laptop managed to do a fine job of running D3
Why don't enemies simply give you their pants?

Sooo, what review exactly were you talking of?
Since it is very clear that he had more than enough points to critizise, and in the end, he makes it very obvious, that dungeon crawlers are not getting in his pants any time soon...

So you've never watched a Yahtzee review before?

DVS BSTrD:
But Yahtzee, changing out the pants is the part of dungeon crawlers that really drawers you in!

ahhh ha. ha.

I like bad puns.

Hitchmeister:

LostintheWick:
This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

durrr copies sold=good game

Not saying D3 wasn't good, just saying that sales =/= goodness. Look at Transformers 2.

While I do enjoy Yatzee's rants I do find him to be oddly narrow in the taste department.

He hates RPGs, MMOs, MMORPGs, RTSs, TBSs, QTEs, Multiplayer games, Games on the PC and Games on the Wii to name a few.
So basically he hates quite large percentage of the alphabet.

It's similar to having a Movie Reviewer who hates Comedy, Horror, SciFi, Drama and Romance films. In short, he'll only watch a film starring Jason Statham.

To narrow it down to what Yatzee does like; He likes Single Player First/Third Person Shooters/Combat Games. ...and Silent Hill 2.

Well actually, to say that he likes FPS games is also a stretch. I guess you could say that he tolerates them more than most other games.

So he likes Silent Hill 2.

Chairman Miaow:

Kalezian:

Jman1236:
I'm waiting till the real money auction house opens up and if it's really that good to buy Diablo 3. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a second job.

I think somewhere they said that it is going to be suspended indefinitely due to player concerns about it.

and so the reason for always online is?....

because if the servers go down they dont want anyone playing.

I mean, think about it, if people cant play Multiplayer then is it fair to let people play single-player?

... That is the best excuse I can think of, the idea of it being DRM be damned.

Seriously though, that is what I read from another article that was pro the Always Online argument is that Diablo III is really a MMO and should be played that way, single player be damned.

mrdude2010:

Hitchmeister:

LostintheWick:
This review sums up why I don't want to play Diablo 3. I can still respect why others like it, though. Although... I part of me still doesn't understand the MASS appeal or why Blizzard uses it's endless resources to make THIS vs. ANYTHING ELSE IMAGINABLE.

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

durrr copies sold=good game

Not saying D3 wasn't good, just saying that sales =/= goodness. Look at Transformers 2.

And you're seriously questioning why a corporation would choose making huge profits over game quality?

Blunderboy:
I'll keep an eye out for Jeff when he visits me in Southend.

Ooh er Mrs.

By the way most people complained about how randomly difficult it was to get to play D3 I wonder if that itself was not a planned skinners box.

Grospoliner:
You can bind any attack to any key. You have to find the option in the gameplay menu. If you'd bothered to explore the menu you would have found this option.

And if you'd bothered to read the credits, you'd know that he already beat you to acknowledging this fact. Whoops.

Mostly likely due to development deadlines that come with this sort of job, he didn't have time to re-do the voice over for the entire video just to satisfy you and the rest of Blizzard's fans, who seem to already be out in droves over this video. You'd think he insulted your mothers or something.

Also loot drops are set up so that only the player that they drop for can collect them. You'd have found this out if you'd actually played a single game of multiplayer and watched an object for all of 3 seconds.

New to Zero Punctuation, are we?

Yahtzee *never* plays multi-player because it is his belief that a game should be able to stand on its single player. Agree or disagree, that's how it is. I personally think it's a short-sighted opinion in some respects, and I agree that him making a inaccurate complaint about a mode he hasn't played is a bad call, but it doesn't really matter. He's the one making money from this, not you or me.

Besides, in theory Diablo 3 should be playable and enjoyable in single player anyways. Otherwise it probably shouldn't offer the option. It always annoys me when people say that you have to play multi-player to truly "get" a game or enjoy it, yet the game has both single and multi-player options. So if the multi-player is the only "good" option, why bother having the single player if it's as half-assed as you imply?

I have to ask Yahtzee, did you actually even play this game? Or did you run through half a level on someone else's computer and then decide to post this?

The fanboi is strong with this one. You're making assumptions about how much of the game he played without even half a clue what you're talking about.

Yes you have to log into the battle.net server to play, no you don't have to play multiplayer. There's a button in the goddamn menu that specifically says Open Game to Public.

Obviously he knows this, otherwise he wouldn't have commented on the fact that he was playing it in single player and didn't want to play in multi-player. For someone insulting him for not playing the game, you sure didn't bother to listen to his review all that well.

Finally, equipping weapons INCREASES YOUR ATTACK REGARDLESS OF THEIR USE. This means that giving someone a big shiny sword, still makes your little spider more powerful. You'd know this too if you'd ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO PLAY THE GAME.

....which isn't what he's saying. He's commenting on the fact that it seems idiotic to carry around a sword and then not have a melee option available to you at all times in addition to the various skills.

For shame. For shame.

Ah, finally, a point we agree on. Your post was pretty shameful and pretty fanboi-ish.

Lemme ask you two questions:

1) Exactly how much does it hurt that Yahtzee doesn't like your waifu?
2) Why exactly does his dislike of the game frustrate you so much that you're feeling the need to post in an angry huff to dismiss his criticisms?

If the answer to either question is that this review does, indeed, rustle your jimmies so much, then perhaps that's because deep down in your brain somewheres, this review made you realize that it's not the flawless masterpiece you thought it was and that perhaps you're not enjoying the game as much as you think you are. Especially if you feel the need to get so hyper-defensive of it to the point where you're not even listening to what he said.

Yahtzee's criticized a lot of games I happen to enjoy (Smash Bros, for example), and I just sorta laugh and go back to enjoying the game. There's no reason to get so hyped up over a negative review of a game you enjoyed unless the review is pointing out some inconvenient truths to you that you're desperate to shove out of your mind.

Wait, the necromancer class has a spell that chucks spiders at enemies, and if upgraded the spell just conjures up a giant spider? .. That's actually cheesy if not lame. I understand this is a voodoo type necromancer but come now- that's just silly. Instead the spider spell should of been replaced with a spell that conjures dead bodies and linking them into the centipede...... if you get this reference I am so sorry for giving you that awful image in your head.

I laughed when Salman Rushdie showed up.

Have to agree that Diablo III is far easier than previous titles, and that if all you want to do is play singleplayer, the online requirement is a bitch. I had a nice hole cleared in my schedule the other day and I couldn't log on because the game went offline for over 12 hours while they patched it and then tried to fix whatever the patch broke.

Also the writing is laughably bad: "You cannot judge me! I am justice itself!"

So Croshaw hit the nail on the head again.

Its a good game but yea everything he said was true. I HAVE IN FACT been looking for a better pair of pants for the last 6 level ups. I DID IN FACT hate that second act boss because of the laggy-jumpy-thingy that grew tiresome everytime i saw it...which was every time i saw a new group of enemies.

On another note, HE SAID "/" THAT IS A PUNCTUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hilarious. I feel very much like a rat in a cage. I hit a bar in the cage and a pellet drops out. Yum yum. The real shit thing about it is sometimes a pellet drops out, yum yum, and sometimes a line of goddamn cocaine drops out, up up and away. It's almost as bad when nothing drops out. "Just one more mob".

Hmm interesting. You don't share loot with other players online. Wonder how much of his review is based on actual game time.

Oh well, I'm here for the comedy, not the "review". Could have been funnier. Lot's of really bad spots in the story and dialog that could have served as a jumping-off point for some ball-busting.

In the end, I think everyone who was going to buy D3 already bought it. No point in swaying opinions either way. Time to go back to my HC Demon Hunter.

BlueKenja:

medv4380:

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

Oh get off that high horse already. D3 had a predictable Blizzard style ending, and you had an actual final boss fight. ME3 did not actually have a final boss fight, and had an ending that was unexpected, illogical, and abrupt. Comparing games that have mediocre and predictable endings to ME3 is just plain rude.

Correction, it has a typical Metzen style ending...that is to say the usual, cliched high fantasy, chosen one, save the world and create rainbows and puppies ending.
The previous games didn't. Diablo 1 and 2 had pretty murky bittersweet endings and D2's expansion ended on a cliffhanger with it heavily hinted that your actions only made things worse.
Diablo always had a somewhat peversely satisfying approach in that way...no matter how well you do you always lose somehow in the end. Pretty fitting for gothic/pseudo-low fantasy.
Then 3 came along with a new writer, bucked out all the old tropes and story style and inserted generic black and white, chosen one saves teh wurld plot # 460175

Game's good enough, if you don't like dungeon crawlers it won't make you like them though.

That's a real good way to describe the differences in story. At some level I think the developers didn't understand the initial appeal that Diablo I and II had (which are both really different games anyway). On top of that they changed it for the worst to get a new audience, leaving old and new fans kinda dissapointed.

The game is like a really well made copy by someone that can't analyze the original. A copy-paste with all the good bits missing.

R1ou:
But man, at least it's not like duke nukem.

At least Duke Nukem only takes 6 hours of your life. How many hours will D3 take from people?

Havent purchased a single blizzard product in over ten years. My last was warcraft 2. The sun outside is great and this review makes the world a slightly happier place. Grin.

Sadly my brother is a blizzard fanatic. His wife does keep him in check though.

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

If they gave you a conclusive ending, they wouldn't be able to keep churning out sequels over and over again.

trollpwner:

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

OK, but seriously, who plays Diablo for the story? Literally your only interactions with the world are clicking things to death and selling their trousers to the merchants. It's not like your character has any personality.

Which is kind of why I now feel compelled to go and play Diablo 2. I would play Diablo 1 but the version I actually have on CD stopped working about 3 versions of Windows ago. I'm hoping a pirated version of D2 might be more likely to run.

Dr Jones:

scw55:
You can fully customise your action bars by havingboth evil dogs and the ability tomake enemies shit themselves.

Options -> Gameplay -> Bottom Right Option whose name I forget because it's a shit term.

It's a shame Blizzard doesn't exactly tell anyone this. The only way you discover this is by accident or Chinese Whispers; which is what i'm doing now, rather a CHINESE SHOUT.

He mentions that in the credits.

Nope. He talks of "Reassign the Primary Attack" which is very vague. So I assume it's swing the weapon equip.

DVS BSTrD:
But Yahtzee, changing out the pants is the part of dungeon crawlers that really drawers you in!

I might have to send a ninja assassin after you for making that pun.

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

I'm not entirely sure he did play it.

This isn't a troll. The review is pretty on the money. I started with a witch dr... and i played it on a lap top and i'm a little confused how he didn't die till half way in.

Like really confused. I think he had a friend play it for him and summed up a review.

Again, he doesn't really make anything up, but I purposely played the witch dr to get the pain in the ass class out of the way first.

But I wouldn't base the game around the witch dr LOL.

Kermi:

trollpwner:

Jas0913:
It's a shame Yahtzee didn't play it through until the end. The final boss fight was so anticlimactic and the ending comes close to mass effect 3 bad. I was really looking forward to him bashing on that part.

OK, but seriously, who plays Diablo for the story? Literally your only interactions with the world are clicking things to death and selling their trousers to the merchants. It's not like your character has any personality.

Which is kind of why I now feel compelled to go and play Diablo 2. I would play Diablo 1 but the version I actually have on CD stopped working about 3 versions of Windows ago. I'm hoping a pirated version of D2 might be more likely to run.

Ever watch the nazi parody on yahtzee? You know the one where the game rags on Ben for whining about plot instead of "is the game fun."

It's generally something ben fails to do. it's critic with 0 enlightenment, never watch a 0 punction with out ever playing the game first.

I haven't played the game yet, but from what I've heard, the story is pretty crap. That's too bad though, because the story and the atmosphere were always the two things I found the most appealing about Diablo 1 and 2. It's only made worse by the fact that, even though it does seem to have a very distinct "Neo Blizzard" look, the game's atmosphere seem to be pretty much spot on.

Hitchmeister:

Calibanbutcher:

Hitchmeister:

6.3 million retail copies sold within 24 hours of release. Anything else you don't understand?

I can only assume Yahtzee loved this game, since he makes a point of invalidating most of his criticisms during the end credits. He just knows no one wants to listen to him not complain.

We must have watched different reviews then.
He said, that he does not get the appeal of dungeon crawlers, and that the leveling, whilst being addictive, does not a great game make.
He only said, that he managed to get the controls to almost work properly and that he was actually able to play the game on his laptop.
Whoop-de-friggin-do.
His complaints:
1.Game is too easy.
2.Aquiring trousers not his cup of tea.
3.Fighting becomes a routine, aka boring.
4.Always online sucks. So do latency issues.
5.Does not get Dungeon Crawlers.
6.Does not ger randomly created dungeons.

End credits:
He managed to fix the controls.
Laptop managed to do a fine job of running D3
Why don't enemies simply give you their pants?

Sooo, what review exactly were you talking of?
Since it is very clear that he had more than enough points to critizise, and in the end, he makes it very obvious, that dungeon crawlers are not getting in his pants any time soon...

So you've never watched a Yahtzee review before?

So your saying he shouldn't complain because Ben does this all the time?

I'm not Gonna defend d3 as perfect. nonsense.

But The Jim quistion honestly does a fair job on the game and still manages to be helpful were as is
"oh it's yahtzee being' yahtzze".

Ben is the gaming, to what the daily show is to news. It covers the same material as the real thing, but don't expect to learn anything.

beefpelican:

canadamus_prime:

Well one time I didn't. Don't ask me to explain it, 'cause I don't really understand it either.

May I pretend that you found the secret diplomacy pathway, creating a splinter universe where everyone just talks out their problems over tea and the Angels, Demons and Humans all realize that there wasn't really any purpose to the Eternal Conflict and then they all go home and leave each other alone except for once a year when they have a picnic and water balloon toss?

(captcha: like the dickens)

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

WDK89:
It's always fun to read the forum after Yatzee gives a popular game a bad review.

At least wait for people to start whining in the comment section before you start mocking them. The front page of posts consists of people being patient, understanding and in agreement. Boring really.

Grey Day for Elcia:

canadamus_prime:

vxicepickxv:
If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

I just registered an account to explain this to you. The Butcher is not "the main story quest" of Diablo 1 any more than the poisoned well, the missing sign, or the Skeleton king are "the main story quest." They are all randomly generated Act 1 quests... for single player. In multiplayer, presumably because the other quests often involved picking up items and returning them to NPCs or moving items around the world or using levers or who knows why, they hard coded the Act 1 quest to always be The Butcher.

My point being that I believe the only reason The Butcher is the Act 1 quest for multiplayer is due to some technical reason or because it was the one least likely to cause problems in a multiplayer game, not necessarily because it was "the main story quest." In terms of the game's overall plot, The Butcher isn't even that pivotal to the story. "Lazarus led some guys into the dungeon to save the prince, but it was a trap and the monsters got them" is plenty sufficient for the overall story. The Butcher is cool and all but in terms of "normal" people versus the hero player character, it might as well have been a pack of skeletal archers that killed the rescue party.

Also since posting this morning I logged in to discover my account had been hacked and they'd made off with everything. Never been to any dodgy sites where I could be keylogged, only ever played with my brother.

Great job Blizzard, loving how the whole 'online only' routine has made the game experience so much more secure. Think that's my cue to not waste 80 dollars on any more of your crap.

Li Mu:
While I do enjoy Yatzee's rants I do find him to be oddly narrow in the taste department.

He hates RPGs, MMOs, MMORPGs, RTSs, TBSs, QTEs, Multiplayer games, Games on the PC and Games on the Wii to name a few.
So basically he hates quite large percentage of the alphabet.

He doesn't hate them - though there are some genres he doesn't bother to review at all (especially strategy games). To be honest, that is typical for critics, and for audiences too. The thing is that on, say, IGN, they have a battery of reviewers so as to cover all genres and platforms, whilst Yahtzee is just one guy with only enough time to play a couple of games per week.

As me and my guildies would chant on raids back in the old days, "DROP MY PANTS!"

Abedeus:
Steam games don't have real money auction house to protect, you can't dupe items because those are server-side as well. You are comparing tomatoes to hamburgers.

The question you were initially answering was "If the real money auction house is being suspended indefinitely, what is the point of having always-online?"

Im not sure that an answer of "they need to protect the real money auction house" really works to explain why they cant use a Steam-style system in that context ;)

Grey Day for Elcia:

canadamus_prime:

vxicepickxv:
If they made it at all like Diablo 2, then sometimes you won't even fight some bosses, or have some quests available, because they weren't generated. It does make for different games.

I remember on one playthrough of the first Diablo I didn't have to fight the Butcher.

You always have to kill the Butcher in Diablo 1--it's a main story quest.

He's always there in single player. Not always in multiplayer. Some quests appear only in single player (think veil of steel or poisoned water) but never showed in multiplayer. No quests were multiplayer only. D1 was a damn fine game. D2 damn fine game. D3 is making me not want to play it :| Got two 60s, both in act 3 inf, and there's so many cheesy ways to get gear / ah mats that it just doesn't even feel like playing anymore.

Caffiene:

Abedeus:
Steam games don't have real money auction house to protect, you can't dupe items because those are server-side as well. You are comparing tomatoes to hamburgers.

The question you were initially answering was "If the real money auction house is being suspended indefinitely, what is the point of having always-online?"

Im not sure that an answer of "they need to protect the real money auction house" really works to explain why they cant use a Steam-style system in that context ;)

D3 is setup to give the player only a small portion of the data client side to help prevent hacking and such :3 They need to remain that integrity because of the RMAH.

If they have random ladder resets with RMAH, the amount of rage among the playerbase, my god...

~ buys 15$ sword
~ ladder reset week later

That said, getting all 5 classes to 60 takes maybe 20-25 hrs each, casually. Gonna be a short game without ladder resets.

HeallunRumblebelly:
They need to remain that integrity because of the RMAH.

My point was that the post Abedeus was responding to was asking the question "Why do they need it if the RMAH isnt being used". You cant answer the question of "why do they need it apart from the RMAH" with the response "because of the RMAH".

The restrictions and measures make some sense to protect the RMAH (although many question whether the RMAH is worth the effort), but somebody in the thread here mentioned a rumour that the RMAH was going to be delayed indefinitely because of player concerns. Somebody responded by asking in that case why they needed the always-online: the implication being that if they arent going to have the RMAH after all then their justification for needing always-online goes away.

reasoning cemented to hold off on getting this game. Until I'm so bored I want ALL THE PANTS!!! mwahahaha!!!

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