A Tribute to Goons

A Tribute to Goons

The faithful cannon fodder that refuses to die.

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This article made me chuckle. I remember playing MGS as a wee lad and thinking 'man these guards are hardcore' during VR Training. They walk that exact same boring path ad infinitum. Something exciting like a knock on the wall around the corner? Go check it, go back to your standard patrol.

A nice little read. I was going to perhaps question if the popularity of online gaming didn't indicate a lean towards favouring thinking targets over non-thinking ones, but then I remembered the satisfaction of stealthing high density realistic Terrorist Hunts in RS:V2. Good times...

And please, nobody make any comments along the lines of "Not to mention the majority of online players classify as non-thinking anyway!". We're above that kind of thing. Seriously, don't do it.

Jesus christ i'm cynical. This was a great article and the only thing I can think about after reading is "I swear you can't use an energy sword on a hunter".

Bah, I need to go outside.

I was originally going to post and ask if all of this gory detail was necessary in the current sociopolitical climate, but then I came up with a better question:

Why would you ever dual-wield Dragunovs, and why would they be sawn-off?

*trollface*

Eppy (Bored):
I was originally going to post and ask if all of this gory detail was necessary in the current sociopolitical climate, but then I came up with a better question:

Why would you ever dual-wield Dragunovs, and why would they be sawn-off?

*trollface*

Well, they're swan-off to make them lighter and more maneuverable. And you dual wield them because that allows you to head-shotty more noobs...

Anyways, loved the article, was a good laugh. But just something to say, whilethe goons job is to eat my bullets, they can sure belt it out themselves on the higher difficulties...

Captcha: like the dickens

...what?

Grouchy Imp:
And please, nobody make any comments along the lines of "Not to mention the majority of online players classify as non-thinking anyway!". We're above that kind of thing. Seriously, don't do it.

Sneaking the "joke" in yourself as a plea for others not to say the same thing doesn't count as being above it :-P

OT: Nice little article. I never really thought about how much even the modern cover-loving goons are geared to prevent player boredom and alleviate difficulty with their refusal to stay in the same bit of cover for too long or their propensity for leaving a foot or an elbow sitting out in the open. On the one hand it's a little tragic that games still need to be designed with a 5-second window of attention span in mind, but on the other I know I'm no better and get pissed off when I can't get the last bastard hiding behind cover. An actually intelligent NPC would be a nightmare; he'd just have to sit in a corner with a shotgun and wait for me to inevitably get bored and come charging around the corner.

SonicWaffle:

Grouchy Imp:
And please, nobody make any comments along the lines of "Not to mention the majority of online players classify as non-thinking anyway!". We're above that kind of thing. Seriously, don't do it.

Sneaking the "joke" in yourself as a plea for others not to say the same thing doesn't count as being above it :-P

That was the joke. I figured someone would say something like that some point, so I may as well get it in early in a humourous way before someone wrote it in an inflammatory sense. If we can't laugh at ourselves and all that jazz...

Grouchy Imp:

SonicWaffle:

Grouchy Imp:
And please, nobody make any comments along the lines of "Not to mention the majority of online players classify as non-thinking anyway!". We're above that kind of thing. Seriously, don't do it.

Sneaking the "joke" in yourself as a plea for others not to say the same thing doesn't count as being above it :-P

That was the joke. I figured someone would say something like that some point, so I may as well get it in early in a humourous way before someone wrote it in an inflammatory sense. If we can't laugh at ourselves and all that jazz...

I laugh at jazz all the time. Silly jazz. Thinking it's so cool.

RobfromtheGulag:
This article made me chuckle. I remember playing MGS as a wee lad and thinking 'man these guards are hardcore' during VR Training. They walk that exact same boring path ad infinitum. Something exciting like a knock on the wall around the corner? Go check it, go back to your standard patrol.

What makes those guards even more laughable, is that they were supposed to have an IQ of 180, yet for some reason they still say "What was that noise?" in such a ridiculously stupid way. Oh Metal Gear Solid guards, I love you. Now come over here so I can snap your neck. *knock knock*

The article got me thinking of a game where all the enemies are SomethingAwful forums denizens and administrators.

elvor0:

RobfromtheGulag:
This article made me chuckle. I remember playing MGS as a wee lad and thinking 'man these guards are hardcore' during VR Training. They walk that exact same boring path ad infinitum. Something exciting like a knock on the wall around the corner? Go check it, go back to your standard patrol.

What makes those guards even more laughable, is that they were supposed to have an IQ of 180, yet for some reason they still say "What was that noise?" in such a ridiculously stupid way. Oh Metal Gear Solid guards, I love you. Now come over here so I can snap your neck. *knock knock*

Huh?
*Looks up to see a question mark over my head*
Let us not forget the cardboard box apparently being perfectly fine in an all metal nuclear storage facility. And the fact that it keeps changing position when they look back is of no importance.
As a memorable goon, I'd like to mention sectoids from Xcom. Yes, they'll mess you up early on. But blowing up a wall, and watching the little grey alien step out into the killbox you set up with your rifleman gives a certain joy. Of course, then the cyberdisk decides to ruin everyone's day...

image
Not what I was hoping for.

I loved this article, because it made me remember those fun times I slew goons with my favorite weapons. Perfect Dark, Vampire TM: Bloodlines, timesplitters, FEAR, Fallout 3, Rainbow Six: Vegas, the list goes on. It amazes me that many devs can't get this simple act of design down right. I look forward to seeing more of your articles Ed.

 

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