Zero Punctuation: FIFA 13

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The last 8 seconds summarise all FIFA games nicely: the mechanics do their job, it's pretty unoffensive and fun to play with some friends.

who else was hoping that he'd review RE6? anyone? helloooooo....bugger.

So next week is RE6, folllowed by Pokemon White 2.

JUST KIDDING! It's gonna be XCOM

Next week is RE6 then... the fact im looking oh so forward to it says terrible things about me.

OT, that Tokyo Jungle sounds freaking fun.

Whatever happend to Ricicles anyway? Nowadys all you can find around the shop is Rice Krispies, AND NO THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Althought i do not know why this is...

Anyone?

Best Yahtzee review in a while. The concept of reviewing a game having not played it definitely harks back to previous classics such as the first Duke Nukem review (contract: review games that actually exist). And that's great.

Hah, that was a nice change of pace. And really, how else could he have reviewed it? Sports games are pretty much the same thing over and over and over again. I don;t get why they're so popular when, I dunno, you could just go outside and actually play them?

Word on the street is that Resident Evil 6 is nothing to get sober over.

I'll admit it- for half a second I thought I was actually going to have to endure a review of FIFA 13, perhaps even discover Yahtzee's previously unheralded love of soccer. This was a very pleasant (and funny) surprise.

OuendanCyrus:
*Goes in video with mindset "Hah, yeah right!"*

*Leaves video going "Called it!"*

btw, Tokyo Jungle IS pretty damn charming.

Damned if he wasn't dead on about animals in post apocolyptic Tokyo having ridiculous metabolisms. My greatest enemy in completing the mastiff survival was the fact that those dogs have to eat like pigs..wait, no, WORSE than pigs as pigs have a higher Hunger stat...just to cross one zone.

That was one of his best for a while. :)

If it's not Dishonored next week I'm going to be shocked. It seems right up his alley

I saw the title "FIFA 13" and thought, "No... this can't be all it is." Glad I was right. LOL! Great review, start to finish.

"A tassle on a stripper's tit" will always echo in my head from now on whenever I channel surf and find a soccer match on TV.

Hehe, good one as always!
Sorry, after moving house I'm too tired to make a joke here...

*Phew* I knew there was something to it. :p Also, good on Yahtzee for "trying" to come back to FIFA 13 throughout the video. Now I just have to remember what this video's actually about whenever I'm bored at my desk and I wanna marathon all the XBLA/PSN/Steam videos.

Yahtzee reviewing Tokyo Jungle? I don't care if he said it was meh, I'm just happy he actually looked at it. Though I guess I should've taken the clue since the thumbnail was of a tiger being nommed on by a raptor.

Soccer.

I'm disappointed I was expecting Yahtzees review on the crap box factory that is RE 6.......

Oh well hopefully next week.

Why would Yahtzee review RE6? Haven't there been enough reviews already telling people that the game is crap? I mean come on, what else can he say about the game?

I actually looked forward to Fifa13 review.
One of the few games I've played that he should've reviewed.
And to everyone saying it's just an update... You sure have not played the Fifa10,11,12 or 13 games to know the difference. If you don't care fine by me but saying it's just the same just showes the ignorance.
and ignorance is bliss I know. But don't say anything about something you know nothing about.

to everyone who came here for fifa 13... you got trolled and thats delightful because fifa is terrible... just terrible

Yopaz:

razer17:

And to all the hilarious people saying "what else is their to say about a sports game?" Please be quiet. You could say the same thing about any genre "oh, no point reviewing FPS's it's all just shooting guys in the face, what else is their to say" "Why bother reviewing Starcraft 2? It's just moving soldiers from one place to another and watching them fight" etc. etc.

I'm not saying you need to care about football games, but don't mock them when you don't know anything about them.

Edit - I actually found the review really funny, one of the best in a while.

Since you are so wise here, can you explain me what changes there are in Fifa 13 compared to Fifa 12? Yes, all shooter games contain shooting. However from what I can assume about Fifa 13 is that there's some mild tweaks in graphics and maybe some in gameplay, maybe introduce new players (I know one game introduced long retired players as a tribute). However the rules are the same, there are no new maps since all football fields have to be 68x105 meters.

It's popular just like Call of Duty, but just like Call of Duty there's hardly any changes. At least Call of Duty offers a new story with the game.

I'm not trying to argue here, I'm just curious because as I see it Fifa 13 is little more than a game where you play football.

But then comes the question.

Why change it?

I mean it's like trying to me a game about the 24 Hours of Le Mans without any of the cars, drivers or most importantly the track (Circuit de la Sarthe for those heathens who don't know Le Mans).

People who want Fifa want to play football not something else. Why would you then want to change the rules or the field?

Believe me I have a cousin who's a big fan of the Fifa games, and the reason for buying the latest installments are usually improvements in either the physics or the general gameplay.

First thought: Why would Yahtzee review a sports game? Is this a joke?

Then I watched the video "and thus were proven my powers of clairvoyance."

CAPTCHA: i'm sorry dave

Creepy.

Wow Yahtzee said absolutely nothing negative about Fifa 13. Everything about it was positive. Must be the best game he has ever played

Now I want to play Tokyo Jungle.

MrFalconfly:

Yopaz:

Since you are so wise here, can you explain me what changes there are in Fifa 13 compared to Fifa 12? Yes, all shooter games contain shooting. However from what I can assume about Fifa 13 is that there's some mild tweaks in graphics and maybe some in gameplay, maybe introduce new players (I know one game introduced long retired players as a tribute). However the rules are the same, there are no new maps since all football fields have to be 68x105 meters.

It's popular just like Call of Duty, but just like Call of Duty there's hardly any changes. At least Call of Duty offers a new story with the game.

I'm not trying to argue here, I'm just curious because as I see it Fifa 13 is little more than a game where you play football.

But then comes the question.

Why change it?

I mean it's like trying to me a game about the 24 Hours of Le Mans without any of the cars, drivers or most importantly the track (Circuit de la Sarthe for those heathens who don't know Le Mans).

People who want Fifa want to play football not something else. Why would you then want to change the rules or the field?

Believe me I have a cousin who's a big fan of the Fifa games, and the reason for buying the latest installments are usually improvements in either the physics or the general gameplay.

You are completely right, it's a game about playing football and they should do their to uphold that. Not change the rules, not make it unrealistic by adding bullshit. It's for the football fans. That was in fact exactly my point.

People say it's ignorance to claim it doesn't change and this guy even said the same thing could be said about shooters. I don't see a reason to change them, but when someone says it's ignorance to claim they stay the same I want to know what exactly changes.

A stealth review of a stealth game?

Clever stuff.

Yopaz:
snip (quotes getting a bit longwinded)

But then comes the questions of roster updates, hardware progression, new jerseys, new programming, more realistic physics, better controls, new features (like the new defensive gameplay in FIFA 2013).

Personally I think when it comes to sports games (be they football, motorsports, olympics or whatever) that sort of changes over the ages would warrant a new iteration of the game (a Le Mans 2012 or a FIFA 2013).

This is an easy candidate for Top 10 ZPs ever, right along with Wolfenstein, Monkey Island, Duke Nukem (the first one) and the Halo Wars/Unskippable crossover.

I really wonder how he compares Mark of the Ninja to his own game, Trilby. I really think he did a great job with it, and hopefully his Extra Punctuation will handle it.

Man. If Yatzee had a show called "8 second reviews" I would totally watch it.

MrFalconfly:

Yopaz:
snip (quotes getting a bit longwinded)

But then comes the questions of roster updates, hardware progression, new jerseys, new programming, more realistic physics, better controls, new features (like the new defensive gameplay in FIFA 2013).

Personally I think when it comes to sports games (be they football, motorsports, olympics or whatever) that sort of changes over the ages would warrant a new iteration of the game (a Le Mans 2012 or a FIFA 2013).

You would have had a point with this if hardware updates actually happened. Fifa 13 is going to be released for Wii U and that will be the first hardware update since the release of Playstation 3 to actually matter when it comes to Fifa (PC versions have been terrible ports).

New jerseys aren't as normal as you'd think.


20 year and there's only been minor changes in appearance. The colours are iconic and doesn't change from year to year.

There are changes in players on the teams, I mentioned that in my first post so I am aware of that. I just consider that a minor change because it doesn't affect how the game plays. Most of the time you can't see all the faces clearly anyway.

I did not know about the additional gameplay mode, I guess there is a small change then. Now it seems like you did not read any of my posts properly since you missed the point of all of them. I asked out of curiosity not because I wanted to rip on sports games. I wanted to know why every football game is as different (or as much alike) as every shooter game.

Aaaand.... next week you are going to review Dishonored... right? RIGHT?!?!

Yopaz:

MrFalconfly:

Yopaz:
snip (quotes getting a bit longwinded)

But then comes the questions of roster updates, hardware progression, new jerseys, new programming, more realistic physics, better controls, new features (like the new defensive gameplay in FIFA 2013).

Personally I think when it comes to sports games (be they football, motorsports, olympics or whatever) that sort of changes over the ages would warrant a new iteration of the game (a Le Mans 2012 or a FIFA 2013).

You would have had a point with this if hardware updates actually happened. Fifa 13 is going to be released for Wii U and that will be the first hardware update since the release of Playstation 3 to actually matter when it comes to Fifa (PC versions have been terrible ports).

New jerseys aren't as normal as you'd think.


20 year and there's only been minor changes in appearance. The colours are iconic and doesn't change from year to year.

There are changes in players on the teams, I mentioned that in my first post so I am aware of that. I just consider that a minor change because it doesn't affect how the game plays. Most of the time you can't see all the faces clearly anyway.

I did not know about the additional gameplay mode, I guess there is a small change then. Now it seems like you did not read any of my posts properly since you missed the point of all of them. I asked out of curiosity not because I wanted to rip on sports games. I wanted to know why every football game is as different (or as much alike) as every shooter game.

I'm sorry.

I might have misunderstood something (being tired and writing in your second language doesn't always translate well)

I guess when it comes to this we're only slightly disagreeing on small nuances (like say small markings or sponsors constituting it being a new jersey).

Well nice talking to you.

So that explains the image on the Escapist's home page: Yahtzee with a tiger head. Brilliant stuff! Those fake outs to digressing about other indie games really got me!

erttheking:
That was confusing but fucking hilarious. So, taking bets here, is it going to be Dishonored or XCOM next week?

I'm kind of hoping he'll rip into XCOM, like what he did to Syndicate.

That was pretty damn funny. Love the meta-humor going on right before the end.

I must say, there needs to be more schizophrenic reviews on the internet. certainly would make most of them a lot more purposeful. ZING!

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