Zero Punctuation: FIFA 13

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DugMachine:
If it's not Dishonored next week I'm going to be shocked. It seems right up his alley

Then again, I think he will do Dishonored because they advertise all over the Escapist, so he might see that as a chellenge. Remember EVE Online?

I was pretty disappoint @ no Torchlight 2 this week. I know Yahtzee's not huge on arpg's, but I played it alone, and it doesn't force the whole multiplayer thing down their throat.

Maybe after Dishonored..... which looks awesome....

I was sad when I saw the link to FIFA 13. But then happy again after I clicked it anyway. Good show.

I was hesitant to click this one, the power of my complete and utter disinterest in sports games competing with my love of yahtzee reviews. Thankfully he made it tolerable but still a little too much talk about generic ball poking simulator 13 imo.

Best ZP in ages.

Before clicking play: "Really, a FIFA game? Maybe he's on one of those "try something new" kicks again. Weird."

After: "HA!"

Best review in awhile, easily. You seemed to have had more fun with this one than with some of the other recent videos, Yahtzee. Glad to see you pepped up again.

Yopaz:

Since you are so wise here, can you explain me what changes there are in Fifa 13 compared to Fifa 12? Yes, all shooter games contain shooting. However from what I can assume about Fifa 13 is that there's some mild tweaks in graphics and maybe some in gameplay, maybe introduce new players (I know one game introduced long retired players as a tribute). However the rules are the same, there are no new maps since all football fields have to be 68x105 meters.

It's popular just like Call of Duty, but just like Call of Duty there's hardly any changes. At least Call of Duty offers a new story with the game.

I'm not trying to argue here, I'm just curious because as I see it Fifa 13 is little more than a game where you play football.

To start with, I was being a little facetious when comparing it to shooters or RTS' games, but I was just trying to make a point.

Anyway, although the rules of football, and therefore the basics of FIFA, never really change, it's about the underlying mechanics. I'm not going to say that FIFA changes drastically every year, some years very little changes (this was especially true in the mid 00's, around 2004-2007) but other years the changes are huge. For instance, as someone who played a lot of Fifa 11, the jump to 12 was incredible. The game essentially played entirely differently, the physics were completely different, the way you defended had changed. Now massive changes like that didn't come without some bugs and unforseen problems.

Fifa 13 fixes a lot of the problems that 12 had, then fine tuned a lot of aspects on the gameplay, and made some additions of its own, better attacking AI, a more realistic physics engine that makes a real difference to how the game plays. If you're someone who never plays football games you probably wouldn't realise how much of a differnece some iterations actually make.

All that said, I always play the demos before buying the full game, because sometimes there really isn't much difference apart from a player update. I won't buy a new Fifa if it doesn't make some actual improvements.

Game of the year.

Random Argument Man:

Rainboq:

Also, I wouldn't call Fifa 2013 a game, more a full priced update.

Oh I cringe when people say that about sports games.... Actually, I don't know about the FIFA license, but it certainly isn't true about the NHL license.

Ditto. But then again, 95% of people on this "gaming" site have never played or want to play a sports game, so its like me whining about the imbalance of CoD games, when I haven't touched one since CoD4.

Do us a favor and skip Resident Evil 6 next week, Yahtzee? It's pretty much been pre-emptively written of as shittier than even RE5 (which is not something Capcom should be proud of), so please find a proper shitty game to review, or a kickass one to gush about.

You poke around in cataclysm but not in mist of pandaria
Don't let the kung-fu panda part fool you, it's the better expansion
Not that Id blame you for never going back to an mmo again
Still since Ive played both, GW2 was probably better than the cataclysm expansion but objectively Wow is still the better game and for more reasons than just 'it's making the most money' and that doesn't happen for no reason

Well that was unexpected. Still, after the DayZ review I'm not all that surprised. Really good review though. It made me smile a lot.

I feel like I've heard the "you can either choose to be A or B, and them prompty beat up the losers who chose the latter" line smewhere.

I have to admit, I was looking forward to seeing how you, of all people, could talk about a sports game for 5 whole minutes, but I'm definitely far from disappointed with the end result. Pure fucking gold as usual.

Cid SilverWing:
Do us a favor and skip Resident Evil 6 next week, Yahtzee? It's pretty much been pre-emptively written of as shittier than even RE5 (which is not something Capcom should be proud of), so please find a proper shitty game to review, or a kickass one to gush about.

Agree with this. I played the demo and it was so broken that I literally couldn't play it all the way through.

DugMachine:
If it's not Dishonored next week I'm going to be shocked. It seems right up his alley

Give him two weeks, I believe that's how long it takes to play the game and write the review and dishonored only just came out. Literally, today is the release date of dishonored in Australia, where Yahtzee is based.

I enjoyed that very much, made me laugh hard! Summed up my feelings on Fifa 13 quite perfectly. Would have been hilarious if he really reviewed Fifa 13 though. Was an interesting video though as I was very interested in the game Anna. I'm glad he mentioned it as now I know it's certainly not what I thought and I know not to buy it.

Bindal:
Okay, this was even a speed-record for Mr. Motormouth. 8 Seconds to review Fifa 13? Alrighty...

I have to agree... he hit a W/s count that only the fastest rappers have even gotten close to! Being able to summarize FIFA 13 in 8 seconds is rather damn impressive!

RE:Anna
Yahtzee's school of adventure games?
1. Think of a problem that the player has to get around
2. Think of how a sensible person would solve the problem with the objects close at hand
3. Seal your head in a half full vat of boiling Chlorine for about 20 min
4. Write down another way you'd solve the problem that at that point makes perfect sense to your possiblly fatally poisoned mind
5. Repeat until you have found the most circuitous possible solution

Why does he called it football? Its called soccer.

;D

I came on the Internet after a night at work and though "hmmmm wonder what Yahtzee reviewed, well nothing special has come out lately, probably Transformers Fall Of Cybertron"

And when i saw Fifa 13, i giggled like a little kid and thought he is going to completely destroy this game. Funniest video for a while, nice one Yahtzee xD

Thanks God it wasn't what the titel predicted! I started with a chilly bad feeling and ended with 2 funny ideas what to do with the next 3 days of my emty life :D

Hitchmeister:

Football is never boring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VF_uOgyBK1c

This is the greatest video about football I have ever seen, and I thank you for that! :D

You find two halves of a mirror.
Stick them on a wall.
Slap a pinecone on it.
Set it on fire.
The door unlocks.

Sounds like Kings Quest 5 for some reason.

Rainboq:
Definitely one of his better reviews, had me laughing from intro to outro, well done!

Also, I wouldn't call Fifa 2013 a game, more a full priced update.

The reason why I don't play sports games.

yep, perfect review of Fifa 13 the only other option would be "this time it has a 13 on the end and the npcs have either got different faces or the devs have developed their characters by giving them a different coloured shirt!" :p

Helmholtz Watson:
Why does he called it football? Its called soccer.

;D

no no no no no.... i hate the game but it IS football "american football" is a load of adverts with some big men in armor in between they don't even use there feet for god's sake

(i'm assuming your winky smiley says you really know what i mean :D ;p)

I.Muir:
You poke around in cataclysm but not in mist of pandaria
Don't let the kung-fu panda part fool you, it's the better expansion
Not that Id blame you for never going back to an mmo again
Still since Ive played both, GW2 was probably better than the cataclysm expansion but objectively Wow is still the better game and for more reasons than just 'it's making the most money' and that doesn't happen for no reason

..... i was going to post a reply about how much i disagree about MoP but then i decided no, enough is enough blizzard have enough of my soul already i need to save a little bit so supermarket doors will still open when i approach.

This is literally the best video he's done in years.

Darth_Payn:
If it's not Dishonored next week I'm going to be shocked. It seems right up his alley

Yes, review a game literally the week after it comes out. When there's also XCOM and RE 6 to get through. In fact he literally said at the end of the video that next week will be RE 6.

I'd give it at least two weeks and at most a month until Dishonored comes up.

I had no idea FIFA 13 was on XBLA

Lokithrsourcerer:

(i'm assuming your winky smiley says you really know what i mean :D ;p)

Yep, there are quite a few Europeans and Australians on here and I know I would be chewed out if I was serious. hahaha

gardian06:
before video: who let Yahtzee have a sports game.

during video: Indi-wank ahead

after video: but how did you feel about the mechanics of getting that round leather sphere into the net?

He felt positively, weren't you listening?!

Lokithrsourcerer:
yep, perfect review of Fifa 13 the only other option would be "this time it has a 13 on the end and the npcs have either got different faces or the devs have developed their characters by giving them a different coloured shirt!" :p

Especially for the Wii version, which is just FIFA 12. LITERALLY.
http://www.wired.com/gamelife/2012/10/fifa-13-wii/

Anyway, I feel stupid for thinking Yahtzee was really going to do a full-on review of a sports game. Instead what do I see?

"FIFA 13 is a game where.... And here's Mark of the Ninja..."
"FIFA 13 is a game.... just like Anna..."
"I'm supposed to review FIFA 13... Tokyo Jungle..."

Only one of the greatest eps of ZP I'll ever see. Well done, Mr. Croshaw. Well done.

To be honest I was thoroughly disappointed by this review, I mean sure, indie titles or whatever, and it's still funny, but when I saw the title I was rather looking forward to Yahtzee exposing all the massive problems with sports games in a hilarious rant.

Oh well, I guess there is no use beating a dead horse really.

Speaking of dead horses, when are people going to understand that he does his reviews a week in advance and doesn't get advanced copies of the games like the mainstream reviewers?

I mean, damn. If for five years you've been seeing a pattern of him reviewing titles the week after they come out (at least the big ones he cares about) then surely it must be extremely obvious, plus I think he's stated it in ExP before.

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