Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed 3

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SnakeoilSage:
I have to assume that because half an hour has passed since this video went up and there aren't 400+ comments already plastered all over it that the fans of this game are still sitting in abject shock with their lower jaw hanging somewhere past their solar plexus. From what I heard from everyone's friend who has a friend who owns this game it was some kind of gift from the gods and Yahtzee just gave it the worst review a game can ever get: B for Boring.

I doubt anyone didn't see it coming, after the rather entertaining flame-fests that were the reviews for the last two AC games.

Can someone please tell me why they left out the mechanic where you can automatically follow someone that's talking to you. Seriously, it shouldn't be an objective you have to complete!

Yeah, more or less.
I was kind of stunned when I realized that the game was ramping up to its conclusion, and I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually assassinated someone. 'Cept that bloke at the start in the theatre.

Also:
I want a t-shirt with that 'what is it with you and stabbing/not stabbing' bit on it. Like, right now. Hurry up and get on that, whoever-does-the-merchandise-for-the-Escapist.

I had to choose between AC3 or AC3L on Vita, go with the later, I was having second thoughts, not so sure now.

Also regarding this game.

I was in love with the Assassin's Creed franchise until it went downhill starting with revelations. There literally was only one mission in AC3 where the only objective was to assassinate a target...the rest of the game was boring

Games that are just mediocre I can handle. But when a series fumbles great ideas, it really, really, gets my goat!

You know what the next Assassin's Creed really needs to set it apart? A strawberry jam scented apocolypse. It would really make use of all the jumping from building to building mechanics.

P.S. Really suprised Croshaw didn't make a similar reference himself <_<

P.S.S. Loving the book so far, was NOT expecting any refrences to Mogworld haha.

I have to agree with him about the sidequest thing.

Quick, get these Almanac pages! Why? To unlock inventions you can craft! Why? To hang them around the homestead! Why? Because! Also, you get a trophy.

Liberate the areas from Templar influence! Why? To get more Assassins! Why? So you can use them during the story (probably) and send them off to do missions elsewhere! Why? To get money, some items, and XP for them! Why? So they can reach Master Assassin Rank! Why? For a Trophy! Also they may last longer in a fight.

Find all the Peg Leg Trinkets! Why? To go on specific missions! Why? To get money and a cool item! Why? The cool item will help you with something that you can do quite easily! Also...Trophy!

Make sure to get the Homestead to grow! Why? So you can craft better things and unlock more recipes! Why? So you can sell things at better prices! Why? So you can get money! Why? To buy more ingredients and get more money! Why? To get better weapons even though you probably preordered the game and got Captain Kidd's sword which is one of the best weapons in the game! And even if you didn't, think about this: A Trophy!

Kill Animals! Why? To get items to sell! Why? For money, even though you have at least 3 different ways to make money. Don't forget about the Trophy!

And I'm sure you can go on and on. Still playing the game (about sequence 9 or so), but it just annoys me that the sidequests...don't give me too much motivation. I still do them because...well, I need to. That map aint going to clean itself!

I'm not exactly wasting money or see the need to spend money in this game though, not compared to AC2. In AC2, you were constantly buy little things to improve the Villa so that you could gain more money, but it never felt like you were gaining too much (until the end anyway). This changed from Brotherhood on, and making money was just so easy. For AC3, I have all this money I could be making (which isn't a lot since I don't actually send out Convoys that often), but I really have nothing to spend it on, nothing important anyway save for pouch upgrades or whatever.

Still having a blast though.

canadamus_prime:
Sounds to me, from this review anyway, that the developers got confused about what kind of game they were making, some thought they were making Farmville, some thought they were making Port Royale, and some thought they were making Age of Empires; and in the end they decided to hybridize them all together and see what happens.

Nah, Ubisoft simply reckons that in order to improve upon a franchise all you need to do is add more stuff each sequel. Doesn't matter if the initial gameplay focus goes completely out the window, as long as there's more meaningless stuff to do. After all, that's the only way to create engaging gameplay, right?

Also setting it in colonial America didn't help much either. Oh man, woods and shacks - can't wait to parkour through that shit.

Finally someone points out all the shitty stuff that got me frustrated enough to punch my sofa. Every other critique I've read gave it a "good" or 80/100ish which made me doubt my own sanity as well as everyone else's ability to differ good from mediocre and bad.

I never really understood why Ubisoft didn't make this game more like the Hitman Franchise. I mean, when I first heard about Assassin's Creed that's what I was expecting...

It seems like it would be a natural fit - I big open world, with lots of potential, free-running, Assassinations (left up to your own devices), interesting historical time periods. That sounds like the kind of game I'd want to play.

Alas, opportunity missed, but the sad thing is that Ubisoft will probably never even recognize it as a missed opportunity since they are rolling around in a swimming pool full of money...maybe I'm the one who doesn't understand...?

/wanders off into the wilds of the internet...

There are some things I agree with and some I don't. I thought there would be more of a comment about the pacing in the game actually being good for once. Is this the best in the series? No. Does it have the best plot? No. But for once I did actually begin to side with the templars. This may be a trivial thing but after playing every game there is very little characterisation of the templars you fight? Why am I doing this I asked myself in AC 1 and brotherhood (AC 2 I understood as revenge). There was a much greater showing of morality and that everything is not what it seems to be. The world isnt black and white or in this case assassin vs templar. That is what I took away from the game...Combat was it did try and break up the constant counter counter counter strategy in the previous games but its idea of difficulty was more enemies. I agreed with the money issue as that's what it is but remember that is in every AC game is AC2. Think about build my villa up Why? more money. Repair Rome Why? more money Buy Istanbul Why? more money. The benefits have always been money = more money that has been a fundamental since day 1.Really to sum it up the game isn't the best but it isn't terrible. It is a fair or good game not great not the next big thing since ever but unfortunately gamers and people in general in our time have 0 patience for pacing and timing. There is no such thing as letting a story evolve into something greater because if there isnt explosions or something right now i.e. Cod or Halo its boring and stupid etc... This is why people cant sit through metal gear solid or these types of games.

Anyone else notice that there was no mention of what many other reviewers are claiming? How big of a jerk Connor is? I did not think he was and I think like me Yahtzee did not even notice.

Thank you for reminding me of The Magic School Bus. I took a hit right in the nostalgia.

Anyway, yes I've played about 6 hours of this game and I think I'm done. It's just SOOOO BORRRRING.

You know what really bugged me, yet I've hardly anyone else point out? So that whole crafting mechanic where you can build sofas, chairs, table, and whatnot and then sell them, well, save for a few "delivery missions" it's all completely pointless. You can sift through menu after menu to build and sell this stuff, but it still isn't as profitable as simply buying pelts from your hunter and selling them instead. What is the point of having all this extra stuff to craft when it isn't even the best way to earn money?

Otherwise, I liked the game. Not my favorite entry in the series, but I liked the setting and I for one didn't find the story to be even remotely boring. Now Revelations, on the other hand...

Kargathia:
I doubt anyone didn't see it coming, after the rather entertaining flame-fests that were the reviews for the last two AC games.

I'm sure they expected him to hate it, but to hate it because it was boring might rankle a few players.

erttheking:
Or...maybe people aren't going to explode because some people disagree with them. I mean come on, not everyone is like that.

You're an optimist, kid. I like that. But this is the internet. People come here to rage. Or to boast about not raging.

You know, there's something really weird going on when the game looks more sensible than Yahtzee.

Assassin's Creed III: ... What is it with you and stabbing people?
Yahtzee: What is it with you and NOT stabbing people?!

Strange how our desire for games to be more mature about themselves has lead to this.

Porecomesis:
You know, there's something really weird going on when the game looks more sensible than Yahtzee.

Assassin's Creed III: ... What is it with you and stabbing people?
Yahtzee: What is it with you and NOT stabbing people?!

Strange how our desire for games to be more mature about themselves has lead to this.

Well I could understand your point of view if the game wasn't called, you know, assassins creed. Which implies being an assassin which normally implicates some form of stabbing and or killing. People play assassins creed to be an assassin, not a fetch quest/farmville minigame.

Yahtzee Croshaw:
Assassin's Creed 3

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Assassin's Creed 3.

Watch Video

Oh boy, I'm so glad I didn't buy this game.

Would somebody please get rid of the world's longest fucking ad?!

You know, I got this game on release and enjoyed it for the first weekend that I had it, but somehow I just can't bring myself to play it again, and this has only just made me realise that it's because of the lack of actual assassinations. Every time I think about the game all I remember is 20 minutes of running through forest land, 5 minute combat mission, then 20 minutes of running back.

But there's always one thing that's really got me about AC - it's not a stealth game. I have no idea why Ubisoft decided the best way to characterise an assassin is to put them in a very conspicuous robe and have them run about the place. I never really noticed this in previous games but since Brotherhood I've actually played a few stealth games and it's made the series seem really odd in my eyes.

Do you know what would be a lovely start? A crouch button, functioning like in the recent Batman games. I noticed this in an early mission when you have to infiltrate a snowy fort as the Templar and I couldn't stop noticing after that, and I know it's not because Connor has diseased knees because he crouched when in tall grass. It just seems so odd that I have to position a pillar or box between me and a guard as opposed to crouching behind a nearby wall. At least if I could crouch I could pretend the missions I'm on involved stealth.

I think Yahtzee is slipping. He used that Braindead lawnmower joke twice so far :P
Enjoyed the review, but I'm still waiting to try the game.

Britain didn't have as valid a political grievance as America. American states realized they didn't need Britain's support anymore and Britain wanted to own them anyway. Like the pitiable Basque region of Spain which props up the rest of the country or Germany keeping te EU aloft.

Main character's a halfjun. How multiculural this presentation of the American revoltuon.

AssCreed, like Fable and Skyrim, know what you really want is a Decarator Tycoon simulator.

Funnily enough, AC3 is my top game of the year..I guess some people don't see what I do.

WaitWHAT:

DVS BSTrD:
An here I was all ready to make a joke justifying the Assassins' participation in the revolution because they wouldn't want to be part of a nation where everything is De-creed.

But it appears the series already has been :(

Enough with the lame wordplay at the end of every ZP. It's just getting pun-ful.

Ah-HA! Nobody escapes PUNishment!

I have to say, "Hey hooded knife covered man on a bench did you see a hooded knife covered man run through here" might just be the most accurate summary of the Assassin's Creed franchise I've ever seen.

I still love it, though. But I do hope in the future that the whole property management thing gets removed or at least majorly scaled back.

Tony2077:
I'm having fun with the game and I've felt there is something missing from these videos lately, remember humour?

This was one of my favourite episode.

I hope you don't mind, I corrected your spelling and made your sentence more coherent.

Evil Smurf:

Tony2077:
I'm having fun with the game and I've felt there is something missing from these videos lately, Remember humour?

This was one of my favourite episode.

I hope you don't mind, I corrected your spelling and made your sentence more coherent.

its fine and people like you can just go away god your starting to get annoying

Yahtzee needs to play one of the Tenchu or Shinobido games, where the whole emphasis is, indeed, on stabbing people.

Tony2077:
It's fine and people like you can go away. God you're starting to get annoying.

So what did you like about Assassin's Creed 3? Seriously is it worth buying?

I thought the game had learned it's lesson during AC:Brotherhood when we spent way too long fucking-around on rooftops, interviewing people, etc and not enough STABBING.
And it seems AC3 has gone even further downhill.

To quote Yahtzee from one of his earlier Assassin's Creed reviews, "Ubisoft can't seem to grasp what makes their game FUN".
Pro tip Ubisoft: It's the assassinations in Assassination Creed that made it fun. I KNOW, it's CRAZY isn't it?
Not dick around in pointless minigames and farming money, not being surrounded by 20 guards and playing the "how awesome are you at hitting the counterattack button" game, get back to the fucking ASSASSINATIONS.

Good news everyone! This also doubles as a review for AssCreed Liberation on Vita! Seriously, I might actually like this game if it would just let me go around and sneakily assassinate people, but every time I'm just about to start having fun, it wants you to go do some other stupid stuff instead.

And why does it want me to go buy rival shops up? I don't seem to be getting a damn thing for it, not even a mountain of pointless money.

It sounds like I should just bin Liberation and go play Assassin's Creed 1. I might actually get to assassinate people in it!

Evil Smurf:

Tony2077:
It's fine and people like you can go away. God you're starting to get annoying.

So what did you like about Assassin's Creed 3? Seriously is it worth buying?

more assassins creed and the new features aren't that bad either and i like this new setting

Yeah, when I bought this I wasn't expecting some bizarre mixture of Pirates of the Caribbean and f*cking Tarzan
Not to mention the tedious first few missions painfully spent developing the pointless background of our less-than-riveting protagonist.

I strongly believe historily significant goose needs to be a thing. a goose in a napoleon hat showing up in paintings and photo's of historical events, get on it magic internet photoshop gnomes!!

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