Escape to the Movies: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part Two

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Come to think of it, Michael Sheen also seemed to be the only one having fun in TRON: Legacy, as well. Don't get me wrong, I liked TRON, it's just he was the one guy to really make his character stand out. I mean, think about it, name the characters in the movies. Well, there's Jeff Bridges, digital Jeff Bridges, son of Jeff Bridges, 13's skintight outfit, and that guy who ran the club; he was pretty cool.

That's when you know you have a wicked talented actor, when he can alter your overall impression of a movie just by being in it for ten minutes. See also: Jack Nicholson getting an Oscar for nomination being in the first and last scene of A Few Good Men.

IT WAS ALL A DREAM?!

This review was very different than what I was expecting it to be.

No seriously, I thought MovieBob was going to tear this movie with a hatred like never seen before. As soon as I heard "Hahaha, guys you must go watch this movie" in the intro... my brained derped.

Hearing how excited, if not overall happy, Bob was as he explained why we should go see this movie- I want to see it. Usually am a curious fellow, but this review convinced me that I shall have to see it because never did I imagine Bob to recommend a Twilight movie. No disrespect to the fans of the series.. but, I really can't stand nether the books or the movies. Even my girlfriend despises it and won't step 10 feet close to the series. SO yeah, also read the first two books and saw the two first movies... ugh, just... ugh.

But this, I must attend. I want to see that, to see the epic fight. If Bob got REALLY into it, that must mean it's as brutal as Mortal Kombat if not worse which is shocking since the movie rating is PG13. What am I waiting for? Got to attend the movies now!

Can we just get back to having awesome vampires now?

Can someone just make a Legacy of Kain series of movies.... and have it stick to the games plot? Because that would be swell.

Sorry I cannot in good conscience financially support a horrible movie, despite how unintentially "fun" it turns out to be. Simply due to the mindset of Hollywood, "look it made money, lets make more of the same." NO! FUCK NO!

I'm glad it seems to be over, but people seem to forget, the main characters have a kid and these films have been on giant cash cow that they could still milk if they want.

It would not surprise me if they find an excuse to make more.

Abandon4093:
Can we just get back to having awesome vampires now?

Can someone just make a Legacy of Kain series of movies.... and have it stick to the games plot? Because that would be swell.

No, I think Vampires need to stand down from fiction for a little while to let this set of films/books be forgotten.

As for your suggestion, yes I would love it, no it wouldn't happen. People can't get a simple video game plot to work in films, so one as complicated as LoK, nah. Don't see it happening.

I'll probably go see this movie with the gf. And from the sound of it, the end of this movie might make it pretty interesting. Although I've never really sat down and fully watched any of the Twilight movies so maybe i don't know what i'm getting into.

Much like was the case with Spoony, the damned Twilight movies have been some of the best date night movies I've ever experienced. It really is the only time I've had a genuine self made MST3k session in a movie theater and it be completely warranted. To hear this thing not just go off the rails, but fly off so hard that it lands on the other side just makes me want to see it even more.

And once again, through the whole series, not a single centuries old person, some with military experience allegedly, thinks to bring WEAPONS.....

Abandon4093:
Can we just get back to having awesome vampires now?

Can someone just make a Legacy of Kain series of movies.... and have it stick to the games plot? Because that would be swell.

The thought of "Kain kills the Twilight universe" all done to a BGM of Black Sabbath's "Heaven and Hell" album gave me my happy thought for the day. Thank you <3.

...Wow, I kinda want to see this movie now... preferably when the Rifftrax version comes out (though I'm also anticipating what certain other movie reviewers have to say on the matter).

But seriously, I'm so glad this franchise is finally at an end. There's nothing good about it, and yet millions of stupid tween girls actually like this shit.

(Say what you will about "Vampires Suck", the bit with "Team Edward" and "Team Jacob" fans duking it out is wonderfully carthatic, at least to me, anyway.)

I already loved the original four movies in the series. What's more fun that watching even noted bad actors Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson realize that they could do better than this movie but who don't so as to avoid squashing the retarded goose that laid the golden egg? Who didn't enjoy the loud denials that dreamy suitors Edward and Jacob loved penis and only penis, or could avoid noticing the off-camera erection that Bella's dad, Charlie, got every time his daughter was in the room?

This one just...tries to be good. It's not people turning in worse work than their best and biting their tongue just to keep from laughing at their own audience of ridiculously misguided tweenage girls and fanfic-writing middle aged women with a very elementary idea of how sex works, but an attempt to make a watchable movie. Well I didn't want a watchable movie, I wanted Twilight!

I don't know if I'll bother with the movie. I've been known to see bad movies knowing exactly what they were going to be from time to time, but going in to see a bad blockbuster still feels like I'm voting for the suits to make more bad blockbusters.

But the review was a hell of a lot of fun, so thanks for that.

Oh, and incidentally- I saw Stewart in Snow White and the Huntsman at the local second-run theater not too long ago, and she was... okay... as long as all she had was an individual line or two and everyone around her was spending all their time glowing about how shucks-darn special this Snow White is. But then she has her "rouse the people to fight tyranny" speechlette, and I was genuinely blitzed as to how much of the scene's utter failure was bad writing and how much was Stewart. It's the only such scene where I expected the peasants to go, "Hip-Hip- Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout! Hip-Hip-Wewouldlikesomeclarificationplease!"

Man I can't wait for this movie to come out on The Movie Network so that I can change the channel to Honey Boo boo!

It is so awesome that it is finally over. Now we can look forward to the 50 Shades of Grey movies. Yay!

Once you cut out the silent moments--mostly in the credits--I figure MovieBob is talking for about six and a half minutes in this review, and almost every second of it has his voice quivering with barely suppressed laughter. That is amazing to me. Have you ever been able to suppress your laughter for that long? How many cobbled-together takes did this review take?

I love this review without irony or mockery. His voice being right on the edge of completely losing his shit for the entirety of it is just funny to me, is all.

I've only seen the first one on HBO because I wanted to see what all the fuss is about. I barely made it. Fuck you Bob, now I have to go see this. I laughed the whole time while listening to your review.

Rblade:
I can't help it, any time someone says "deus ex Machina" I can't help but imagine JC Denton coming onto the scene and just kicking the required amount ass to make everything OK

Either him of Adam Jensen, what with his arm-swords for lethal takedowns.

How does this series still have any sincere fans? I know it's died down quite considerably already but this is a MASSIVE theartical release. My nearest Cinema won't even show (the by all accounts stunning) "The Master", a film I'm having to travel 25 miles just to see, because they are showing this shit literally every 20 minutes.

"Look you Twilight retards! Look at what you did to cinema! LOOK AT IT! FUCKING LOOK AT IT!!"

Twilight is the worst thing in cinema history, I'm calling it right now, simply for the amount of it there is and the sheer amount of money both spent making it and that it has raked in. This will set back the image of female focused media for decades to come. "Films aimed at women are always shit" has never seemed more of a tempting fallacy.

We live in a world were Ben Affleck is directing historically significant, intelligent, tense, and beautifully restrained masterpieces. How can this crap be the box-office Juggernaut. Everyone even tangentially involved with the series needs to have their noses mercilessly and remorselessly rubbed in the steaming turds they have helped create. Twilight was and is a special kind of horrendous.

I find it funny that last year during Desert Bus, you mentioned something about Bella going Super Sayian, and then I see this on Twitter in the morning:

In fact, god dammit - THAT'S "Breaking Dawn: Part 2" in one sentence: It's Douglas Sirk directing an episode of Dragonball Z.

Bob you're giving me a heartattack here saying it's good!!! >:()
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!

Althou I think I'll have to watch the fight scene at some point.

Now I never have to hear anyone talk about twilight ever again... w00t!

I am surprised to hear that these movies finally got one so bad it's good.. er hmm well mostly. I won't watch it, ever, but that's because I don't want to encourage this pile of a series.

so you are saying this movie finally penetrated the barrier between "mediocre to just bad" and flew into the heights of "room-level hilarity" the GF wants to watch this anyway so i may just have fun

KeyMaster45:
Ladies and gentlemen, we have found the black hole of movies. Its star burned brightly and swiftly; then it collapsed under it's own weight and took everyone involved with it.

If you ask me, it's like Fight Club where Tyler slips images of porn into kids movies for the fuck of it. Doesn't change anything, just fucks with people.

It's the giant passive aggressive middle finger of comparison if you ask me. This isn't the shoving one middle finger in the face of the fans, this is shoving the middle finger of a good ending, and then the second middle finger of showing the shit one and why it is utter, utter shite. Honestly, it's still passive aggressive, but I enjoy that much better, because when done properly, a good passive aggressive attack can be much better than a straight forward "fuck you" to something.

So basically, if you're the kind of person that enjoys The Room and Birdemic, go see this?

Dammit, might have to finally see one of these stupid movies.

Abandon4093:
Can we just get back to having awesome vampires now?

Can someone just make a Legacy of Kain series of movies.... and have it stick to the games plot? Because that would be swell.

Lok movie I can see. Sticking to the plot I can kind of see, It actually selling well?

Ehhh....

Look, I love the LoK series, it's awesome (well most of it, BO2 can go to hell) and I am a big proponent of it's story. It breaks the stereotypes but keeps the concepts and it does it in a way that makes sense.

But the plot itself is a literary equivalent to a Charlie Foxtrot. It is a MASSIVE headache trying to sort it out. I can see many a filmgoer coming out with their head permanently lopsided as they try to sort out the plot.

Back on Topic now..

So Bob, you are essentially saying that while the ticket price isn't justified by the movie itself, it's justified at being pure unintentional schadenfreude?

Well THAT was certainly unexpected. I was prepared for Bob to unload his usual "my GOD this shit is awful" tirade, I NEVER expected he would have recommended we go SEE the damn thing, even if it is only because it's So Bad It's Good.

Also surprised that he genuinely LIKED the action scene. Previous Twilight movies had action scenes in them and he always lambasted them as being awful. I'm surprised he didn't talk more about the firector responsible for the movie, whoever it is they must have had SOME talent to get that to work, even if it was completely undone by the reveal that it's "all just a dream".

LordLundar:

Abandon4093:
Can we just get back to having awesome vampires now?

Can someone just make a Legacy of Kain series of movies.... and have it stick to the games plot? Because that would be swell.

Lok movie I can see. Sticking to the plot I can kind of see, It actually selling well?

Ehhh....

Look, I love the LoK series, it's awesome (well most of it, BO2 can go to hell) and I am a big proponent of it's story. It breaks the stereotypes but keeps the concepts and it does it in a way that makes sense.

But the plot itself is a literary equivalent to a Charlie Foxtrot. It is a MASSIVE headache trying to sort it out. I can see many a filmgoer coming out with their head permanently lopsided as they try to sort out the plot.

When you get to the Soul Reaver stuff..... yea, maybe. But the original storyline with Kain's fall then rise is fantastically simple, but still fucks around with the archetypes enough for it to mean something.

When you bring the whole lack of freewill, and Raziels unmaking and remaking. And how that alters his lack of agency. And the elder Gods, and the ancient races..... well yea. I could see people getting lost there.

But I bet they said the same thing about Inception and Looper, even the Matrix. But look how popular they became.

I think people are ready for more convoluted plots, especially the type of people that a century spanning, tragic hero cluttered, vampire empire epic would appeal to.

On a side not, BO2 was what got me into the series. It was the first game I played, so I'm always going to be a little biased when it comes to judging it's worth. But I can see why you wouldn't like it. With it having little to do with the rest of the plot and a pretty boring combat system..

......Dafuk did I just watch?
And Dafuk did Moviebob just Watch?

Still, the idea of the entire cast of this god-awful franchise dying painfully sounds like something so awesome I can't even begin to imagine.

Just this ending sucks because of one massive plot hole:
If the villains were going to kill the heroes then....Then what is stopping them from trying again later with more men on their side.....

OH DEAR GOD! THERE MIGHT BE ANOTHER MOVIE!

Darth_Payn:

Rblade:
I can't help it, any time someone says "deus ex Machina" I can't help but imagine JC Denton coming onto the scene and just kicking the required amount ass to make everything OK

Either him of Adam Jensen, what with his arm-swords for lethal takedowns.

This is what comes to my mind.
image

Nghtgnt:
So... what you're saying is... this movie is potentially the best episode of MST3K ever?

Pretty much

they wouldnt even have to look far for someone to riff it, Robert Pattinson already does a pretty good job

image

If that battle is nearly as good as Bob and some other reviewers make it out to be, 20th Century Fox would be stupid not to approach Bill Condon with one of those gigantic novelty paychecks to get him to direct a proper X-Men movie.

This review is one for the archives, Bob. Thanks!

I laughed my head off just watching the review. I don't think I need to see the movie now.

And I don't know why people are saying the movie "almost" gave Stephanie Meyer the finger. It DID. Maybe not intentionally (though how they could possibly not realize what they were doing, I can't imagine), but by actually showing the climactic battle and then revealing it all to be a dream, they showed every single person who went to see the movie because they genuinely like Twilight how bad the series' canon really is compared to what any decent writer would have come up with.

If it was done on purpose, congratulations, creative team. You have eternally won my respect. If it was by accident... you have my sympathy. You've still done the world a great service, and for that I cannot bring myself to criticize you. And good luck living down being responsible for the worst film franchise to become this popular in possibly forever.

I didn't know that turning a child into a vampire was supposed to be a heinous crime in the Twilight universe. I'm sure she stole that bit from Anne Rice.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll watch it when the Rifftrax comes out. I'm going to spend as little money as possible on this movie, since I really don't want to support them.

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