Escape to the Movies: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part Two

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Well... Didn't see that coming.

The rifftrax for this one shall be GLORIOUS!!!

Bob you arn't allowed to make any more reviews.

Seriously this one could not be topped by anything else you might do in the future...ever. Everything about this review was correct and i loved every second of it :D

Wow Bob actually managed to watch all the Twilight movies? After the first 20 mins of the first one I was thinking of ways to hurt myself.

I don't need to watch Breaking Dawn Part Two to laugh at Twilight.

KeyMaster45:
Ladies and gentlemen, we have found the black hole of movies. Its star burned brightly and swiftly; then it collapsed under it's own weight and took everyone involved with it.

I think that was the point. They knew they couldn't end the movie any differently than the book did, but as Bob pointed out, the ending was a tremendous disappointment. So the least they could think to do was to actually give us the fight, even if it couldn't actually happen.

This is one of the greatest reviews of all time! It's hilarious and brilliant!
Well, I never thought I'd even think about watching a Twilight movie, but now I am. Well done, Bob, well done.

I knew you'd have to find some way of making this more entertaining than just 'this sucks and I'm only reviewing it 'cause it's in the schedule but YAY I'm finally free of Twilight'. Fortunately it looks like the movie actually provided you with that, being actually a pretty amusing-looking battle sequence surrounded by all the wank. Are all the crazy action sequences in Sucker Punch made any less awesome by most of it being the dreams of a madwoman? Thank you Alice!

Strangely, the 'Mark Reads' blog trashing the book didn't really mention Mr. Deus Ex Machina much, instead focusing on Bella suddenly gaining some kind of force field powers to protect people and prevent any combat from taking place between the two sides. So do both of these Deus Ex Machina(e?) happen in the book within moments of each other? Machinaception?

Ah well, it's all over now. I can't help but wonder what could have been made of this if the director(s) were permitted full creative range to minimize the flaws they would surely recognize and develop more interesting vampires. Or maybe not. Let's never talk about this series again.

Hmm, so thereīs a big overblown and loud action sequence, and itīs supposed to be a good thing? As a guy who nearly feel asleep during the last 50 minutes of Avengers, this doesnīt sound too promising :p. Though it does sound pretty damn stupid, didnīt know that the ending to this series was this daft.

In my opinion. The New james bond was soooo much better.
Funny review though.

canadamus_prime:

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

I really hope it's not too awful. Hopefully I'll get a good laugh at it and won't get stabbed by everyone else in the theater.

maidenm:

canadamus_prime:

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

Yeah, that's a mistake. You have to be pretty damn arrogant to assume your work is perfect without the need for outside input.

Then again considering how huge this bloody thing has become I guess she knew what she was doing, for better or for worse. There's no accounting for taste though.

I was cleaning around my room while watching this video and I stopped dead in my tracks when Bob said the twist ending.

I've actually been trying to think when doing something like that is ever all right. I think the audience is always going to feel gypped in some way. I've seen a lot of student films that have that ending and I feel like that always discounts the rest of the film. How can I trust anything that you've already told me if you've just proven it a lie?

Maybe I'm way over thinking it, but I almost get offended when I see it. Is there a movie anyone can think of when it works? I'm actually really curious.

Gearhead mk2:
...Ladies and gentelemen, I think we've finally found the movie equivalent to Sonic 06.

See, the problem with that is that Sonic 06 was just all-around mediocre. Score aside (because Solaris Phase 2 is officially one of the greatest Final Boss Music scores ever), there was nothing "fun" about it. The plot was mediocre or boring or... weird, and the gameplay... sucked fun right out of it.

This sucks so bad it's downright hilarious. Plus, we aren't trying to control a godawful camera.

maidenm:

canadamus_prime:

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

Yet, she still got some praising reviews from some critics and Publishers Weekly chose Twilight as the best book of the year 2005. I haven't read the books myself, so can't really say my own opinion about them, but some critics seemed to like the books. Which is why I don't believe them to be that bad. I only think that most of us here aren't the target audience.

Ok, I admit - the main reason I even clicked on this was that the front-page assembled cast picture was so horribly and thoroughly photoshopped it stopped resembling anything human.

Sorry, but MovieBob failed a spot check, which is strange since he said it himself: The vampire child is a pretense used to wipe out the Cullens and acquire Alice (one vampire - no idea - who says that the Volturi have been killing covens and pardoning the one gifted and conveniently especially repentant vampire). Given that Alice's vision shows that this is not possibly without significant casualties, backing off is a sensible decision. [With jungle vapire serving as a convenient excuse to let them go home with their reputation intact]

Whether or not that makes for a good movie plot is debatable, but it is not illogical as such.

Saw this saturday night... simply amazing, Bob did not do it justice

Does anyone else think that Edward's face on the cover is freaking hilarious?

"Genie, I want to watch a movie where a guy punches the ground so hard it causes a Volcano to erupt."
"Done."
-later, at the premiere of Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2-
"I hate you genie."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSz-XxixYBU

link to the fight. found it already up on youtube lol. dont know how long it will be up but i doubt it will be the last.

SonOfMethuselah:
First thought when seeing this week's Escape to the Movies topic: Breaking Dawn Part Two? Oh, no, Bob: you didn't!

First thought upon seeing the video description stating that Bob enjoyed the movie: Oh, no, Bob: you didn't!

First thought upon hearing the short version of the review telling us to go see it for ourselves: Bob, if you honestly just recommended that I go see a Twilight movie, I'm going to have to redefine the parameters of our relationship.

First thought upon realizing Bob had laughed when he said we should see it for ourselves: Are you being facetious, Bob? Please tell me you're being facetious, Bob.

First thought upon coming to the conclusion that Bob was calling it one of those "so bad it's good," movies: Thank God, Bob. You really had me worried for a second.

First thought upon finishing this week's Escape to the Movies: Well... I kind of want to see this, now. Not in the theatre, obviously, but maybe later on.

Second thought upon finishing this week's Escape to the Movies: Don't talk to me until Tuesday, Bob: I'm extremely upset with you right now. Thinking you of all people liked a Twilight movie is the closest I ever want to be to having an aneurysm.

In all seriousness, though, during the middle, when he was describing the fight with that unequaled, child-like, (and almost churlish), glee, I was laughing my ass off. I enjoyed the video, Bob. Just don't ever scare me like that again.

My thoughts exactly... and probably the same thoughts as many others here.

Lykosia:

maidenm:

canadamus_prime:

That still doesn't account for how she got published in the first place. Like if she's such a terrible writer then how is it that her publisher didn't slap her with a big fat rejection slip? I don't know, I haven't read it, I'm just going on everyone else's word here.

She did get a rejection letter, or rather she got 9 of them (!!). Five letters she sent to publishers went unanswered. Then she sent the script to Little, Brown, the company that accepted her crap. A company that back then had a... bad reputation. Suprised? She also refused to let a proof-reader edit her "work" because they might "ruin" it.

Yet, she still got some praising reviews from some critics and Publishers Weekly chose Twilight as the best book of the year 2005. I haven't read the books myself, so can't really say my own opinion about them, but some critics seemed to like the books. Which is why I don't believe them to be that bad. I only think that most of us here aren't the target audience.

As someone who have read it myself I can somewhat confirm what you say, it is not that bad. But then, it's really not good either. My problem comes mainly with its authour and the fans. And the fact that people have actually hurt people physically and emotionally(girlfriends cutting themselves and forcing their boyfriends to drink their blood, or flat out insulting them/leaving them for 'not being like Edward'). Also, the positive review where focused mostly on "this is what it's like to be a teenager with your first crush", and the first book is like that, the rest is just fap material without anything to fap to.

I should stop now, before I start ranting...

Gearhead mk2:
...Ladies and gentelemen, I think we've finally found the movie equivalent to Sonic 06.

Oh God XD

Hahahhahahahaha. Seriously oh my stomach. I don't know what's funnier.
The fact that you might be right or the fact that Movie Bob got me hyped to go see this movie just for the ending fight.

DAMN YOU BOB

I feel bad laughing at this. It's like laughing at kids running in the special olympics. They're trying SO hard, it's not their fault everything around them is so stupid.

... I want predictions here: whose career is going to sputter out and die the fastest and hardest after this?

Michael Sheen gets a pass due to being awesome in most movies and at life (did YOU reproduce with Kate Beckinsale? No? Didn't think so!)

I find it funny because I actually read the books (DON'T JUDGE ME!) and whenever I saw the trailer with the epic battle at the end, I kept saying "That's not how the book ends! Fuck Hollywood!".
(See, I believe the movie should stay loyal to the book regardless of how crappy or good the book is).

But that whole dream thing...wow. It literally just made things worse. I mean, WHY?!

At any rate, I always thought Stephanie Meyer's books had some potential if she had focused on the X-men-meets-vampires plot rather than that lame supernatural love triangle that every single show and book after Twilight feels like they must emulate.
Think about it. A normal guy dies and becomes a vampire. But wait! Depending on your personality and qualities, you can develop a special superpower. Each superpower is different from the other because we're all different. So...boom! Don't tell me that has no potential!

But both the book and the movie completely ignore that and other vampires who seem more interesting that possessive Edward, obsessive Bella and mopey Jacob.

I got dragged in the movie, and for half a second I thought they were deviating from the source material, and I got really excited. And then I got pissed off.

Honestly the only redeemable part of the movie is the actors playing the extra vampires, but it's not enough to save this train wreck. Also Lee Pace plays one of the extras, (the vampire who's only personality trait is "fought in the American revolution, hates the British") and it makes me worried about him playing Thranduil in the Hobbit. Hopefully he does well with a script that doesn't suck.

Beautiful End:

At any rate, I always thought Stephanie Meyer's books had some potential if she had focused on the X-men-meets-vampires plot rather than that lame supernatural love triangle that every single show and book after Twilight feels like they must emulate.

I agree. The series is halfway decent when it's not about Bella and Edward. A story about different vampire covens and the politics and history between them? YES.
A story about a bland, lifeless, personality-less girl and the be-all end-all perfect man who inexplicably falls in love with her and by the way also has superpowers? NO.

I came in fully expecting Bob to hate this movie and tear it apart, maybe give some cynical rant about the state of Hollywood blah blah blah. This however was a pleasant surprise, and I'm definitely going to see it when it hits the $3 movie theaters. The battle sounds epic.

On another note, I've never seen/read the Twilight movies or books so I want to know what the misogyny is in them (I'm not saying it's not there, it's just that Bob is the first person I've seen to mention it so I'm curious).

i think spoiler warning was not needed, as it is impossible to spoil twilling movies.

Father Time:
I came in fully expecting Bob to hate this movie and tear it apart, maybe give some cynical rant about the state of Hollywood blah blah blah. This however was a pleasant surprise, and I'm definitely going to see it when it hits the $3 movie theaters. The battle sounds epic.

On another note, I've never seen/read the Twilight movies or books so I want to know what the misogyny is in them (I'm not saying it's not there, it's just that Bob is the first person I've seen to mention it so I'm curious).

The misogeny in the books is more visible than in the movies, to summarise:
A woman is not compleate unless she has a man
A woman who tries to be independent must be "wrong" in some way
A woman who cannot reproduce is not a woman (yes, the characters in the book actually support this bloody theory)
Having a child is the purpose of a woman's life
A man must be in charge of his woman
A man is never at fault if he hurts his woman (a wherewolf ripps of half of his beloved's face at one point, Bella's reaction: Poor him who has to be reminded of that everytime he sees her. No sympathy is given to the girl)

That's just a handful of the examples in the book, that together with the fact that Edward displays the same behaviour as those men irl who abuse their partners does not make it better.

Sorry, I said I was going to stop before I rant. Mission failed...

Am I glad that my girlfriend is into horror and hates Twilight :p

SAMAS:

KeyMaster45:
Ladies and gentlemen, we have found the black hole of movies. Its star burned brightly and swiftly; then it collapsed under it's own weight and took everyone involved with it.

I think that was the point. They knew they couldn't end the movie any differently than the book did, but as Bob pointed out, the ending was a tremendous disappointment. So the least they could think to do was to actually give us the fight, even if it couldn't actually happen.

Given the way the ending of other books have been changed (is there ANY movie version of Hugo's _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ that ends the way the book does?!?) I find this "they couldn't end the movie any differently than the book did" concept to put it bluntly...weird.

I guess the fans would have a fit but those of us who have been scratching our heads like befuddled chimps over why Twilight has been so popular would have liked a Charlton Heston-like ending where they couldn't be any more sequels without some really goofy explanation. Well at least we get to see the majority of the cast get turned into worm food even if it is only in a vision-dream.

Need to watch this review. Too bad, at work. No sound .__.

Escape TO the movies?

Why not, for this once, call it: "Escape FROM the movies"

holy balls, Spoony and the Cinema Snob spending about two hours riffing this movie. AWESOME:

http://spoonyexperiment.com/2012/11/17/breaking-dawn-part-2/

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