I Wrote That Crap!

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SirDerick:
"Ten Nights of the Weed"

Ok, someone needs to make that movie ASAP.

I'm sure Uwe Boll could make that happen.

And the sad part is I'd watch that shit so hard!

And they're still better films than Twilight.

Though seriously, they're IMPRESSIVELY bad. Couple either of them with the Garth Marenghi school of film making and you've got a so-bad-it's-good winner!

rickthetrick:

I'm sure Uwe Boll could make that happen.

Or that, though I'd worry the combination of the two would push past bad-it's-funny territory and into that scary place you find the Star Wars Christmas special. *shivers*

I hope you worked out whatever shit you were trying to work out there.

You know, if you stripped out all of the juvenile bullshit in these they both contain the potential to be a decent story. In particular if you used just this bit from Pursuit of Happiness:

The main story turns on a Columbine-style massacre/suicide at a high school. The perpetrator turns out to have been a game tester who'd been working on our heroes' upcoming title, and he'd left graffiti and audio recordings indicating that he was unquestionably acting out behaviors, catchphrases, etc., from the game. Having been handed their smoking gun, the pro-censorship lobby passes sweeping laws and the public turns against the gaming culture

I don't think any story about video game violence and censorship has ever focused on the actual developers before, so showing the moral panic from their perspective could be interesting.

Ever since I heard that Bob acted in a couple of short films, I spent a while trying to find one, so this is awesome to finally see one!

Bob:
There was a sequence parodying the "D.A.R.E." program ("S.C.A.R.E.," aren't I a clever boy?) which involved the anti-drug lecturers pantomiming a prison rape as part of their presentation to grade-schoolers.

Now THAT would have been funny!

I found the Justin Bailey password very odd. My old neighbors kid was Justin Bailey.

As for the screenplays? They sound like they would fall in the "So bad, it's good" Category. Perhaps if they were ever written someone would give them the MST3K Treatment if they were that bad.

Until the description of the bad guys came up I was thinking I'd watch "Ten nights ..." Nice and over-the-top. I don't think anything can be salvaged from the second, though I like "world-wide (christian) theocracy" as a bad guy plan.

I think it's just going to help my sanity if I just assume Bob was high as fuck when he wrote any of that.

Susan Arendt:
And this is one of the reasons I love Bob so much: He has absolutely no qualms about pointing out his own foibles. He knows his strengths, he knows his weaknesses, and he's honest about both.

Also, as I was editing this, I read portions out loud to the Escapist offices. Because...well, how could I not?

The better question is did you read it out in his big picture/escape to the movies voice? and if so which of his accents?

And wow those were just.... yeah I can't judge as I've written/dreamed up some really weird stuff thinking "this is just awesome!" at the time *shudders*

The Gentleman:
*Backs away slowly not taking his eye off the crazy writer...*

Hey! That's my Avatar!

On topic...

Actually... I think the one about the Druglords has some promise as an entertaining satire of the subject matter.

I would LOVE to see Ten Nights of the Weed. Could have been a Troma classic!

That zombiething is half decent :P
Scripts were fun to read.

image

Bob, why have you kept Ten Nights of Weed from the world for so long?

You know, if I had to cop to writing that, Bob, or raping puppies, I think I might have to choose raping puppies. At least with that I could claim I was drunk and it was only a one-time deal!

Still, kudos for being brave and honest. You should just take one of your film analyses, change the names and settings of the target movie, and presto, you would have a decent film. You are a good critic and can correctly point out the weak and strong points of a movie, I think.

Film (and fiction in general) is all derivative anyway--there's not been an original story since at least the Greeks.

Nurb:

Bob:
There was a sequence parodying the "D.A.R.E." program ("S.C.A.R.E.," aren't I a clever boy?) which involved the anti-drug lecturers pantomiming a prison rape as part of their presentation to grade-schoolers.

Now THAT would have been funny!

When I was in school (Middle not Grade School mind you) the threat of prison rape and AIDS was actually one of the things that teachers and speakers used most frequently to scare us off drugs.

Bob, get those made into films. The first one more than the second, because admittedly the Mary Sue character in the second would probably drag the movie down.

But seriously, those sound fun... in the fun kind of way. They're horrible, but it's the fun kind of horrible, not the "Oh god more of this." action schlock with obvious pandering to sex symbols or the army.

I would genuinely go out and watch Ten Nights of the Weed.

I feel as though I have grown as a person by gaining this knowledge about Bob Chipman.

In all honesty though, I kind of want to see the drug-war movie in real life (ok, so maybe only a small part wants to endure it but still). I mean, you can make a "good" movie out of anything, and I think if it was played straight-face as if it didn't reek of utter insanity, it could easily become the next "The Room". Except better. Or would that be defined as worse?

Hey, at the very least, the coin causing a continue which allows the hero to win happened in the novel Ready Player One. Which was a fantastic novel that I'd recommend to anyone born in the 80s. It probably helped that he was actually in a video game and therefore it kind of made sense, but the general imagery works.

Also, I can see why you were so excited about the 1-up reviving Scott Pilgrim now.

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