Zero Punctuation: Hitman: Absolution

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Furrama:
Yes Yahtzee. Listen to your inner ocelot. Burn them. Burn them to the ground!

Mwahahaha!

<_> Ummm...The ocelot said to get therapy actually.....

Imp Emissary:

Waaghpowa:

Imp Emissary:
If not I agree with the person saying; "Why can't he just put on a wig?". Because even if he did cut it off, I think he could still be soptted by the pretty big scar cutting it off would leave.

He wouldn't look like a bad ass if he wore a wig, imagine if he wore a Owen Wilson wig.

Oh come on, Judge wigs make anyone look like a bad ass.

I burst out laughing when he ripped on the scoring system. It's true... I really hate it as well. It would force me to want to reset every goddamn time I was spotted or did something 'wrong', not because I was trying to get challenges or anything, but because I would look up in the corner, see the negative score, and sigh heavily. It's worth noting, however, that if you knock a guy out and then hide his body, the negative score you get will be balanced out by the score received for hiding a body.

To play Devil's Advocate, I'll say that the 'US Average/World Average Score' posted at the beginning of each level was kind of nice. It gave you an idea of what you were in for and kind of encouraged me to explore a bit more before leaving a level. A post-game score wouldn't have done that. So I guess I'd say to post the averages in the beginning of the level, and keep the player's score secret until the end.

I agree that this is not really the best Hitman, nor is it the worst. Absolution has a surprising emphasis on stealth, one that shocked me just a bit. I kept thinking, "Soon these tutorials will end, then I'll get my sandbox." The Sandbox never really comes, at least not on the scale of anything in Blood Money.

I know, I know... part of me wants to like Absolution better because there is a more obvious attempt at telling a story than in the past games, and it certainly affords the player more choice than other modern games do, but Blood Money is just better. I suppose I would say that Absolution is a great game, but only an okay Hitman title.

Waaghpowa:

Imp Emissary:

Waaghpowa:

He wouldn't look like a bad ass if he wore a wig, imagine if he wore a Owen Wilson wig.

Oh come on, Judge wigs make anyone look like a bad ass.

Hmmm. Okay.
THe sentence is reduced to Agent 47 trying to beat you for one hour.

After weeks of hearing Yahtzee preach about how much he dislikes the 'spunkgargleweewee' genre, this review was pleasantly enjoyable.

Funny? Check.

Honest? Check.

Actually talks about and reviews main aspects of the game? Praise tha Lawd, check!

Does that mean he thought Hitman 2 was the worst one? Cuz I agree and relate to him even more now.

I also like how when he said "only a few missions are like the traditional Hitman games" he had two imps representing the missions, which is also how I felt, that only The King of Chinatown and arguably Shaving Lenny were actual Hitman levels, and even then Shaving Lenny had that annoying second half of the level that was annoyingly impossible on hard mode if you didn't get a disguise in the first half. Maybe you could count the second half of the hotel level where you murder the lady, but bleh, I really don't.

This engine coulda worked a lot better if they used it to make a Hitman game instead of a Splinter Cell game with Hitman levels in it.

Funny review. I've found myself torn by Absolution as many reviews are praising the story and what not but I don't play Hitman games for small linear levels. Perhaps I'll just reinstall Blood Money.

Preacher zer0:

Big Fat Edit: ...oh and dudes, he didn't mutilate the barcode to HIDE anything.

Symbolisim ffs!

He did it for himself.

To symbolically feel that he has literally severed his connection to the agency.
Like a cop handing in his badge... except when your badge is inked into your head, you may need to take extreme measures.

It's a moment designed to let us see a little more of how 47 views himself as a person.
It's a warrior making a gesture to himself, a promise to himself and Diana and the girl marked in the only real currency he knows... blood and pain.

This is another major reason why games are being dumbed down... it's not always the developers or publishers who are to blame. >.>

Also symbolized by how, over the course of the game, his iconic suit gets broken down. From the third level where it's all untidy and the collar is put up and his tie isn't clipped in, till it's nothing but a jacket and a button up shirt. He's losing himself in his quest when at first all he wanted to do was distance himself from his connections with the Agency. Then by the end he suits up and starts fighting as himself again, not for the Agency exactly, but reclaiming his identity as an Assassin. The reclaiming of the Silverballers helped with that too. Until finally at the end he's back in business *spoilers, but you should know what that means ;3 *

The Artificially Prolonged:
Funny review. I've found myself torn by Absolution as many reviews are praising the story and what not but I don't play Hitman games for small linear levels. Perhaps I'll just reinstall Blood Money.

Spoilers: the story is actually dog shit. The reviews are lying to you. Contracts had a better fucking story then this tripe.

Roman Monaghan:

Preacher zer0:

Big Fat Edit: ...oh and dudes, he didn't mutilate the barcode to HIDE anything.

Symbolisim ffs!

He did it for himself.

To symbolically feel that he has literally severed his connection to the agency.
Like a cop handing in his badge... except when your badge is inked into your head, you may need to take extreme measures.

It's a moment designed to let us see a little more of how 47 views himself as a person.
It's a warrior making a gesture to himself, a promise to himself and Diana and the girl marked in the only real currency he knows... blood and pain.

This is another major reason why games are being dumbed down... it's not always the developers or publishers who are to blame. >.>

Also symbolized by how, over the course of the game, his iconic suit gets broken down. From the third level where it's all untidy and the collar is put up and his tie isn't clipped in, till it's nothing but a jacket and a button up shirt. He's losing himself in his quest when at first all he wanted to do was distance himself from his connections with the Agency. Then by the end he suits up and starts fighting as himself again, not for the Agency exactly, but reclaiming his identity as an Assassin. The reclaiming of the Silverballers helped with that too. Until finally at the end he's back in business *spoilers, but you should know what that means ;3 *

The Artificially Prolonged:
Funny review. I've found myself torn by Absolution as many reviews are praising the story and what not but I don't play Hitman games for small linear levels. Perhaps I'll just reinstall Blood Money.

Spoilers: the story is actually dog shit. The reviews are lying to you. Contracts had a better fucking story then this tripe.

Okay thanks for the heads up, reinstall Blood Money it is :D

"Lonely jizz handle(r) who gives 2 f*s about perfect scores"

This one's a keeper.

There's people that play games for fun. There's people that play games to impress. And then there's people that play for the perfect score.

That last one is just so incredibly arbitrary, because it often times does not coincide with the 2nd one. People are impressed when you find a new glitch, or kill a guy with a teacup against all odds.

I agree with the comment , 2 posts before me

I don't care about story when it comes to Hitman, but omg this was bad. It is the worst hitman 'story'...the hitman background story that slowly unveiled between levels in any of the other Hitmans are much much better

IO interactive kayne and lynch idiots saying stuff like 'limp dik' becomes apparently that's dark and artistic.

2 or 3 levels with promise then the rest A to B linear missions. sigh.

Btw I completed a few hitman blood money levels on my first attempt....took me like 3 hours on each one though. You just have to be really really patient...and you have 3 saves. use it before doing anything risky

PsychedelicDiamond:
I hoped you wouldn't be too harsh on Absolution.It's a good game and it tries its best to combine classic Hitman gameplay with the gameplay of more conventional stealth-games to create a more varied and more storydriven experience.

If gameplay matters so little in comparison to story, why not have all games just be virtual books that you turn pages on?

For me its
-Best-
Hitman Blood Money
Hitman Silent Assassing
Hitman Contracts
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hitman Codename 47
-Worst-

Contrats is just a few steps below Silent Assassin, the atmosphere is a lot better but overall it feels short and pointless. Havent played Absolution yet

The ocelot god made a cameo!!!

OuendanCyrus:
"Whoops! One hundred points from Gryffindor!"

This ain't youtube where posting a quote of what is said in the video makes you cool.
I'd like also to criticize people who decide if they're going or not to buy a game based on Yhatzee critics, he's a comedian/critic, not a reviewer.

About the video, not funny, but I never played a Hitman game, so I can't visualize in my head what he's saying.

This game sounds like it would be cool under the condition that you can do incredibly ridiculous things, like killing people with a chainsaw shotgun.

Kargathia:

Stabby Joe:
I wouldn't consider Hitman 2 the worst as quickly conveyed in this review. I have yet to play this one as I'm less enthused the more I hear and I love the series, even Contracts, which I'd consider the "worst" - emphasis on quotations.

Can you say Contracts was the worst game, when every installment significantly improved upon its predecessor? Contracts sin wasn't that it was -bad- (it was still downright excellent), it was that it didn't revolutionise every single aspect of the game as much as Silent Assassin did - it merely improved it by leaps and bounds.

I use "worst" very loosely, I really like contracts to but it disappointed me having less scope, redone levels (which were great but new is always better) and little narrative. That said on your basis, which is fine, the first should be considered the "worst". Either way Silent Assassin isn't.

My favorite bits are the sniper rifle saying "Hello, Sailor", the supernuns, and the stuff about Mexican wrestler's nipples. And when was the last appearance of the Imaginary Ocelot?

I definitely wan't to check out this game, although I'm not sure if I like the fact that some levels are very linear. Oh well, as long as it's not every level.

I posted another thing about this game... my main concern with it was that on PS3 it has seemed buggy as all shit, to the point of crashing my PS and forcing a system restore... my time with the game:

About 2 hours into it story wise... more playtime than that cos i kinda suck pretty badly at it.... but so far:

Random respawns that shouldn't happen.
Invisible ghost men that pound you to death
Invisible ghost men with visible floating firearms that shoot you to death
Load into a level only for every cop on the map to come charging at me to kill me before i've even moved
Quasi bust in the gun shop in dakota where all people in the level pulled out the guns and started an impromptu conga line around the map
1 random game crash
1 random console restart
1 complete console crash resulting in having to do a system restore.

Has anyone else had these sorts of issues?

And yes.. score counter in the corner pisses me off too. Story is kinda cool in principle, but as disjointed as all shit.

Like the game, don't love it... don't appreciate the having to enter a friggin code in the playstation store to access a part of the game that you need access to in order to get money in order to get upgrades for the campaign portion of the game.

Doom972:
"Neither the worst or the best Hitman" Sums it up well. Since I like even the worst Hitman game (that's codename 47, IMO), I found it very enjoyable.

The Contracts mode was inspired by the Hitman community habit of posting fan-made contracts on forums and challenging other players to do them, and it's implemented quite well.

People complain about the new score system but it has been a part of every Hitman game since Silent Assassin. The only difference is that if you fucked something up, you know about it immediately and won't get disappointed when you find out you didn't get the score you were trying to get at the end of the level.

One thing that bugged me was the way that they implemented challenges and unlockables. I knew that they're there, but I didn't really feel their effect.

I'd say that it's the 3rd best Hitman game: Blood Money > Silent Assassin > Absolution > Contracts > Codename 47.

Exactly.

Who ever designed the control scheme should be shot.

NO WASD.

Just the fucking number keys and a BROKEN way to interact with objects and switch weapons.

Its like trying to win a race without a steering wheel and a broken transmission.

The non existent autosave is another problem.

josemlopes:
For me its
-Best-
Hitman Blood Money
Hitman Silent Assassing
Hitman Contracts
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hitman Codename 47
-Worst-

Contrats is just a few steps below Silent Assassin, the atmosphere is a lot better but overall it feels short and pointless. Havent played Absolution yet

Absolution is basically Silent Assassin 2.0.

Same basic story, same restrictions. Same disguise system.

The Gentleman:
The in-game score tracker is easily my biggest gripe about the gameplay. I literally would reset every time I was spotted or failed to be absolutely perfect because of the severe point loss for certain actions (like getting spotted or murdering civilians. The scoring system itself was fine, but having that bar in the upper hand corner just changed my motivations and techniques along a strict linear path.

Put the game up on a higher difficulty and you can start to recognize all the broken mechanics of the stealth and costume design. I do like 47's voice acting.

is anyone else having trouble with the video player?

Ultratwinkie:

Doom972:
"Neither the worst or the best Hitman" Sums it up well. Since I like even the worst Hitman game (that's codename 47, IMO), I found it very enjoyable.

The Contracts mode was inspired by the Hitman community habit of posting fan-made contracts on forums and challenging other players to do them, and it's implemented quite well.

People complain about the new score system but it has been a part of every Hitman game since Silent Assassin. The only difference is that if you fucked something up, you know about it immediately and won't get disappointed when you find out you didn't get the score you were trying to get at the end of the level.

One thing that bugged me was the way that they implemented challenges and unlockables. I knew that they're there, but I didn't really feel their effect.

I'd say that it's the 3rd best Hitman game: Blood Money > Silent Assassin > Absolution > Contracts > Codename 47.

Exactly.

Who ever designed the control scheme should be shot.

NO WASD.

Just the fucking number keys and a BROKEN way to interact with objects and switch weapons.

Its like trying to win a race without a steering wheel and a broken transmission.

The non existent autosave is another problem.

In Codename: 47, you actually have 2 premade configurations - the default being the numpad one, and the other being the WASD one. You still have to make changes so that A and D would be strafing, rather than turning. One of the problems that you can't fix (At least not without using some third party software), is that for some unexplained reason someone at IOI thought that it would be a good idea to have seperate buttons for walking and running.
Despite its faults, I love that game.

Hah, awesome review. Pretty damn glad I didn't buy this crap so far, doesn't look like I missed anything worthy.

I wish the game had more hot nuns :V

And now we know how bloody bunny got so bloody. He wasn't too fuzzy was he?

Yep, pretty dead on. Blood Money was an absolute masterpiece. This game, not so much. There are a couple of fun levels that are reminiscent of Blood Money, but for the most part it's mediocre. I would recommend picking it up on sale.

Oh, and the story feels like it was written by Bevis and Butthead. It wasn't even over the top funny or clever. It was just stupid and often crude for the sake of being crude.

I also couldn't get the image of Keith Carradine out of my head when the villain talked, and they really don't match up. I guess he needed the money, because Carradine has done some good acting in his day but his dialogue in Hitman was pants on head stupid. No decent actor in their right mind would look at the script and think "oh, this is a chance to really challenge my acting skills." Nope, more like "well, it pays enough, ok, I'll do it. Luckily enough most of the people I know don't play video games."

The Jarate reference made me burst out laughing.

I have to admit, the main reason I played Hitman in the past was to find new and interesting ways to off someone (or everyone), and from the sounds of it I suspect there will be disappointment in my future with regards to the creative murdering if I give this one a go.

looked pretty fun to me, tho I haven't played the previous games since I'm not generally good at stealth games. but I guess the game would simply give a worse score for more messy playthroughs huh? xD i.e. killing half the people because I panicked

I'm surprised Yahtzee wants to kill a lot of mascots despite not caring for that in Saints Row The Third.

But beyond that I'm glad that I had to make another budget cut to games like Absolution in order to save money. Because a certain bald guy had to have another prequel called Ascension.

Edit
Posted at 3:16 AM & reminding me of another bald guy....

I'm near the end of Absolution, and though it's a great game, it's not quite the Hitman I once knew. It takes a Tarantino style bringing a story that looks out of place in the real world, such as The Saints, who show up out of nowhere for no real good reason, as if they were thrown in the game because "they looked cool". But that's not a problem, the problem is the way the game was modernized...

In what i can only guess was an attempt to keep Hitman alive with modern audiences, the game was made much less strategic and much more action oriented. For instance, remember when you had a HUGE environment with a few windows of opportunity (some which you could only get wrong or right ONCE) to take down a target? So you'd walk up and down on your suit, until you decided to get a look backstage, meaning you'd have to disguise yourself, and so on. This no longer happens. Those "windows of opportunity" happen often in the game, the targets staying right on spot as if shouting "look I can be killed here!", and to make matters worse, the environments are small: you often begin in point A, and have to arrive on point B (the game will usually give you about 2 ways to get there, noticed or unnoticed, really, like Metal Gear), then that changes the level for point B to C, and when you arrive at C you get a slightly bigger scenario to plot the target's assassination. It all feels very straightforward and unprofessional, not to mention that most missions take place in environments you can't be in, so you're always hiding, and not like just use the disguise, cause they end up getting even more attention to yourself.

I know, it sounds like I hated the game, i didn't, I'm enjoying it a lot. But the gameplay is totally different from what hitman used to be, and as someone else aptly put, makes it feel like a cheap knock-off of MGS and Deus Ex.

duchaked:
looked pretty fun to me, tho I haven't played the previous games since I'm not generally good at stealth games. but I guess the game would simply give a worse score for more messy playthroughs huh? xD i.e. killing half the people because I panicked

That's right, but it's VERY hard if you don't go on stealth

It does seem like the games do get better. Hitman 2 was weak in gameplay and barely serviceable in story. Blood money was freakin' sweet though. Contracts was pretty good though. It does kind of feel like contracts got lost in the shift from crap to awesome. But definitely worth one play through. It also saves the trouble of having to play through hitman 1.

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