No Right Answer: Most Idiotic Fictitious Corporation Ever

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Most Idiotic Fictitious Corporation Ever

The American economy is still pretty shaky, and it's mostly due to American companies being the dumb. Fictional corporations are even dumber, yet they never seem to go out of business. Which one is the slowest kid on the playground?

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Without even watching the video, the answer is Weyland-Yutani

I've never really been into the Resident Evil series, but I've got to go with Umbrella too. I mean it's one thing to try and capture vicious monsters and try and weaponize them; it's entirely another to CREATE vicious monsters and try and weaponize them.

As soon as I read the title, my mind went straight to the Umbrella. Too much ZP I think.

That one picture you used of the people in the pool is the same one my teacher used for her Written Communication class.

:) It was to represent people who don't follow instructions.

HA! This episode was Awesome! Thanks!

I wish Apple was a fictitious corporation...

*sigh*

Ya I had to pick umbrella, at least we know Weyland can do SOMETHINGS right. Like Terraforming worlds etc. Umbrella on the other hand, I honestly don't think they have anything outside the whole zombies are good.

I have to say Kyle did a good job with Weyland-Yutani, but its just hard to deny them as being #2 to Umbrella whose entire business plan seems to be create evil monsters, and when doing so blows up in your face - make some more!

With Weyland-Yutani its at least not hard to imagine that they have plenty of other enterprises going on, and we're just seeing the stupid evil parts because that's just what the movies are about.

ravenshrike:
Without even watching the video, the answer is Weyland-Yutani

The main reason why Weyland-Yutani can't train the Xenomorphs to be their loyal hounds is because they inherit the memories of their parent. A conventional offspring is a blank slate that needs to spend its developing time learning to fend for itself, by its parents or other members of its race. It can be conditioned and trained to behave in desirable ways. We essentially take the role of the parent/alpha male and the animal accepts this as a fact. This is how us humans have been able to dominate and convert several species of animals into docile livestock/loyal servants.

A Xenomorph wakes up knowing exactly what it is, its purpose, what it needs to do to survive and that humans are nothing more than food-source/incubator. This is something that Weyland-Yutani wasn't fully aware of until the fourth film, when they created the Ripley/Xenomorph hybrid clone, who gained the ability of retaining the memories of the original Ripley.

The previous 3 films featured Weyland-Yutani's unsuccessful attempts to capture live specimens, to experiment with. It's not until the fourth film that they finally get to conduct said experiment. They went into this deal, fully expecting that the Xenomorphs could be trained like any conventional animal.

Weyland-Yutani can feign ignorance as their excuse. Umbrella Corp does not have that luxury.

I think a better question is what company would be third most idiotic corporation. I can't think of any off the top of my head that would compare to these too.

Although Chris won the debate (as he should have, given that Umbrella is the obvious winner), I must nerd it up a little and say that a point should be deducted from Kyle. One of the point-winning arguments is concerning Alien: Resurrection, which Weyland-Yutani was not in.

(Further note: Special Edition has them being bought out years prior. Fans speculate that this COULD be a lie and that W-Y is still calling the shots, but it's along the lines of most conspiracy theories. The black and white text of the script is that USM is doing the stupid science-ing.)

But Umbrella (or at least Wesker) DID have a plan! The plan was COMPLETE. GLOBAL. SATURATION. *drawn out exhale*

In all seriousness: Yeah, the right choice won here, for all the right reasons. And as 6 and Revelations show, their legacy of dumb lives on...

Still, these two were the obvious choices. I wonder who a good third candidate would be?

Mr. Omega:
But Umbrella (or at least Wesker) DID have a plan! The plan was COMPLETE. GLOBAL. SATURATION. *drawn out exhale*

In all seriousness: Yeah, the right choice won here, for all the right reasons. And as 6 and Revelations show, their legacy of dumb lives on...

Still, these two were the obvious choices. I wonder who a good third candidate would be?

Apeture science?

el_kabong:
Although Chris won the debate (as he should have, given that Umbrella is the obvious winner), I must nerd it up a little and say that a point should be deducted from Kyle. One of the point-winning arguments is concerning Alien: Resurrection, which Weyland-Yutani was not in.

(Further note: Special Edition has them being bought out years prior. Fans speculate that this COULD be a lie and that W-Y is still calling the shots, but it's along the lines of most conspiracy theories. The black and white text of the script is that USM is doing the stupid science-ing.)

Actually, going by the logic that they should've only gotten points for stuff the company was actually involved with, Chris should've lost on the technicality that Umbrella didn't do half of the stuff he even mentioned, at least as far as the games (and cgi movies) are concerned (haven't seen more than just the Live action first movie). Umbrella was already closed down by the time that Las Plagas showed up in the series. That said, the fact that the Resident Evil universe has not one stupid corporation that's willing to breed monsters despite knowing by now that it results in everyone dying, but THREE of them is even stupider than if Umbrella had been around the entire time.

Thing is, though, Umbrella exists in a dumb universe. There is no one in the world of RE seemingly with the capability of saying, "Y'know what? This is a really bad idea. It's going to kill lots of scientists who are presumably at the top of their fields and could be making products that would actually turn a profit for our corporation, all so that we can become this evil monolithic overlord entity (by which I mean we'll be hunted to the ends of the Earth by every country that can still cobble together something resembling a military in the gasping shambles our stupid plans will make out of this world.) How about we work on making an erectile dysfunction drug or cloning people's dead pets or something instead?"

Weyland-Utani at least seems to exist in a universe some where people- possibly even their android slaves- have enough sense that eventually someone should go, "Yeah, two-hundred-plus years of catastrophic failures on this xeno-bio-weapon project is probably enough."

And yet they don't...

Firefilm:

Mr. Omega:
But Umbrella (or at least Wesker) DID have a plan! The plan was COMPLETE. GLOBAL. SATURATION. *drawn out exhale*

In all seriousness: Yeah, the right choice won here, for all the right reasons. And as 6 and Revelations show, their legacy of dumb lives on...

Still, these two were the obvious choices. I wonder who a good third candidate would be?

Apeture science?

Good call. Can't believe I didn't think of Apeture myself, especially since I was considering RED and BLU at some point.

Now....I don't know enough in depth backstory of the Alien series to know the ins and outs of reasoning......but why did they want aliens? There does not seem like there would be alot of point to it. Maybe super-soakers filled with alien blood? I don't know, but it doesn't seem like there was that much point. I mean if they just wanted super badass creatures to kill people with........well they have cloning technology.....and it lets them mix species.....velociraptor troopers, anyone? Also not having an acid-proof container for creatures with ACID for BLOOD. At least Umbrella (as I understand it) was pretty much making the superman formula. It just goes wrong alot and they are dicks about it, but it's at least a clear goal. Also technically in the third movie they were trying to cure it....they're just dicks about it.

At least they aren't bathing the zombies in phasons.

I'd choose Weyland because let's face it at least Umbrella went out and actually created multiple B.O.W's and viruses while Weyland has the worst obsession with grabbing a few Xenos and even then they only got a few in Resurrection and that also went up in smoke mere minutes into the film so they really are the worst out there.

"Every idiotic corporation is only as idiotic as the people that support them"

So like Apple? <--obvious joke.

For third, I'm definitely going to go with Aperture Science. I mean, they were trying to create shower curtains and ended up with the portal device and a robot that killed them all.

Of course, Black Mesa's physics experiments caused an alien invasion that resulted in the apocalypse...

I have to SERIOUSLY defense Umbrella here.
1 - they never intended to use the T-Virus on human to make zombies and use those as weapons. Unexpencted, unwanted side-effect. NOT the main-goal.
2 - Most of their mutations they consider as "failure" or "only halfway there". For example, the later Tyrant-Models (The ones you see in 2, Nemesis and Umbrella Chronicals) work just as intended. AS WEAPONS (or bodyguards in one case).
3 - Even some of the "failures" they consider okay if they are somewhat more controllable. Namely their Hunters. Later variants, again, work as intended. Just they can't control them as they can control Tyrants. Namely, they don't different between friends and foes.
Also, Las Plagas? They were out-of-business by that time, they didn't even EXIST anymore! Those guys, who do use it, are religious zealots (and terrorists, technically).
(Sidenote: Movie-Variant of Umbrella is not related to the Games-Variant. Alice is purely made up for the movies, which have their own canon. And suck, for the most part.)

So... actually, Umbrealla would have been fine wouldn't there some nutjobs at charge as well as TWO SABOTAGE ATTEMPTS AT ONCE (Zero and the original).
And when you think about it - having a fully controllable Tyrant kind of makes you a real threat, doesn't it? And selling those off like your average tank, Umbrella would have made quite a bit of money

And regarding Weyland-Yutani... please consider that there are basically two versions of it.
1 - the one only in the Alien Movie-Francise (and the upcoming "Colonial Marines")
2 - the one in that as well as the AvP-Games.

In case of Variant 1, we have only two cases, where we know they wanted to "tame Xenomorphs". Alien and Aliens. In former case, they didn't know anything about them as it was basically the 'first confirmed' contact with them and in Aliens... well, they mostly send in Colonial Marines, which don't work for Waylend-Yutani and their job was in fact "Kill 'em all" (just that we had ONE idiot, who decided to capture one again. For unknown reasons).
Now in Alien 4, we have an entire different cooperation which clones them as Waylend-Yutani was bought up by WALL-MART (but neither was related to what happened in the movie). And yes, those scientists were the total numb-nuts.
The mentioned terraforming - yes, they got that. But it still takes about decaded, maybe centuries to actually make a planet fully habitable? Which is mentioned in the movie.

Regarding Variant 2... I don't even know, if the first AvP-Shooter is canon or not. If not, AvP2010 would be the first event after Aliens and there, yes, they were idiots. But at least they had the security... which only failed because of an unexpected EMP-Pulse from another project. I rather call them out on having too many thing at the same time going.
After that... AvP2 happens and there, yes blame them as much as you like, they now deserve it after nearly 100 years.

So, if you actually bother to do some background checks (and get your facts straight), you start to notice that both companies aren't as stupid as you make them out. Still, W-Y is obviously unwilling to learn on the long term, so... yes...

Points should really be deducted from both sides.

Weyland-Yutani no longer exists by the time Alien: Resurrection takes place. Prior to the movie the company ran into financial trouble (surprise, surprise) and was bought out. If you're one to take deleted scenes as canon, it's implied that Walmart bought them.

Meanwhile, Umbrella Corporation wasn't involved with Las Plagas or Uroboros. The introduction sequence to Resident Evil 4 even specifically mentions the fate of Umbrella Corporation.

CustomMagnum:

el_kabong:
Although Chris won the debate (as he should have, given that Umbrella is the obvious winner), I must nerd it up a little and say that a point should be deducted from Kyle. One of the point-winning arguments is concerning Alien: Resurrection, which Weyland-Yutani was not in.

Actually, going by the logic that they should've only gotten points for stuff the company was actually involved with, Chris should've lost on the technicality that Umbrella didn't do half of the stuff he even mentioned, at least as far as the games (and cgi movies) are concerned (haven't seen more than just the Live action first movie).

Fair enough. I'm definitely not well-versed in RE lore. However, with your assertion as an RE expert and my fact-checking against Alien mythos, I think we have enough evidence to warrant a recount.

Ugh, I'm about to reveal that I have paid too much attention in Resident Evil games and point out that a few of Chris's main arguements are a little too blunt.

- the t-virus was sopposed to be a revolutionary medicine that was to be able to rapidly re-animate open wounds(gun shots, fatal cuts etc.) that was it's point. Once the failure of the T-Virus was seen, they wanted to make the best of it and made the enhanced G-Virus was manufactured to make B.O.Ws and sell them to the military (the idea was: cage them, paradrop them in enemy territory and watch them fuck up everything)

- Umbrella did go out of business, after the events of Resident Evil 3: Nemisis (they nuke raccoon city) it is revealed in the Resident Evil 4 intro Umbrella's stocks crashed and the company was destroyed.

- Resident Evil 5 did not feature Umbrella except an cameo in a decrepted camp site; Tri-cell was being controlled by Wesker.

- Las Plagas had nothing to do with Umbrella. Las Plagas were living organisms/parasites that were buried underground by the Spanish people for hundreds of years and then were resurfaced by the Los Illuminados.

Things Chris should have mentioned:

- Umbrella bases all have a self destruct function that is easily triggered. And is always triggered. Every. fucking. Time.

- In RE3, a pharmacy video shows that Umbrella had a license to sell medicinal ECSTASY.

Bindal:
The mentioned terraforming - yes, they got that. But it still takes about decaded, maybe centuries to actually make a planet fully habitable? Which is mentioned in the movie.

Never specifically mentioned in canon. It's likely not as much as a century, though, as the atmosphere processor was constructed during the 57 years Ripley was floating around in the Narcissus. By the events of Aliens, the moon LV-426 is already pretty much habitable. The weather sucks, sure... but those colonists had already been living there for years self-sufficiently with no need for special equipment to go outside.

Regarding Variant 2... I don't even know, if the first AvP-Shooter is canon or not.

It's not. Beyond AvP being a spin-off of two different franchises, it creates a ton of plot holes, anachronisms, and general inconsistencies in both universes. Same applies to the very short-lived Alien vs. Predator vs. Terminator universe. Or that one time Batman fought the Xenomorph.

Umbrella has the excuse of having to work with approximately real-world technology; Weyland does not. Theoretically, capturing an Alien and using it as a weapon would be straightforward and deadly: you just chuck it at a continent you don't like. However, after having lost an entire team of commandos in the second film for exactly zero return, you'd think they would realize that conventional weapons are much easier to get and use, and result in fewer horrific casualties among your employees.

Azuaron:
For third, I'm definitely going to go with Aperture Science. I mean, they were trying to create shower curtains and ended up with the portal device and a robot that killed them all.

That's only because the Counter-Heimlich Maneuver was a commercial failure!

Tuesday Night Fever:

Bindal:
The mentioned terraforming - yes, they got that. But it still takes about decaded, maybe centuries to actually make a planet fully habitable? Which is mentioned in the movie.

Never specifically mentioned in canon. It's likely not as much as a century, though, as the atmosphere processor was constructed during the 57 years Ripley was floating around in the Narcissus. By the events of Aliens, the moon LV-426 is already pretty much habitable. The weather sucks, sure... but those colonists had already been living there for years self-sufficiently with no need for special equipment to go outside.

I watches Aliens yesterday and yes, it is mentioned DIRECTLY that it takes that long. Could be Special Edition Exclusive, however. Still, they say it outright.

Regarding Variant 2... I don't even know, if the first AvP-Shooter is canon or not.

It's not. Beyond AvP being a spin-off of two different franchises, it creates a ton of plot holes, anachronisms, and general inconsistencies in both universes. Same applies to the very short-lived Alien vs. Predator vs. Terminator universe. Or that one time Batman fought the Xenomorph.[/quote]

This was more of a question within the "AvP"-Universe. While the other Crossovers I don't consider canon in any form, the actual AvP-Games (and comics) I do WITHIN THEIR OWN UNIVERSE. Of course, both "Alien" and "Predator"-Universe are real in that Universe while the other way around, it doesn't have to be the case.

Great debate, great choices and really awesome how Chris can make anything sound hilarious!
In summation; one of the best episodes in a while! Keep it up guys!

I love No Right Answer, but this episode was kind of a mess. Funny, but a mess. Methinks Kyle hasn't seen the Alien movies in quite some time and Chris...I'm not even sure he's played any of the Resident Evil games. Perhaps he just heard about them, or skipped every cut scene and file found in any of the games, as the number of things he gets flat wrong is staggering. And I love you Chris, but I swear to God, please don't ever mention those utter sacks of celluloid failure as being part of Resident Evil. I have a pet Nemesis, and I'm not afraid to use him. Capiche?

Bindal:
I watches Aliens yesterday and yes, it is mentioned DIRECTLY that it takes that long. Could be Special Edition Exclusive, however. Still, they say it outright.

I've seen the movie, at this point, hundreds of times. That's incorrect. They say that full terraforming takes centuries. It's habitable earlier than that, though, as evidenced by Hadley's Hope. And even then, "centuries" his hardly a specific amount of time - so no, still not specifically mentioned.

Hadley's Hope and the Weyland-Yutani atmosphere processor weren't in existence yet during the events of Alien. Ripley was only floating around for 57 years. If it took centuries for the planet to be habitable, Hadley's Hope wouldn't have been self-sufficient and it's unlikely that the characters would have been walking around outdoors without protective apparel like in Alien.

This was more of a question within the "AvP"-Universe. While the other Crossovers I don't consider canon in any form, the actual AvP-Games (and comics) I do WITHIN THEIR OWN UNIVERSE. Of course, both "Alien" and "Predator"-Universe are real in that Universe while the other way around, it doesn't have to be the case.

They're within their own universe, yes. But they're not within the Alien universe. So the "AvP-Universe" is more or less irrelevant as it has no real connection to canon. Because of inconsistencies/holes in the stories, it's actually impossible for the "AvP-universe" (especially if factoring in the comics/novels, though you don't need to) to co-exist with either of the main universes. The main universes can't exist without creating contradictions.

Hell, even the "AvP-universe" of just the games frequently contradicts itself.

Yeah... Chris really doesn't seem to really know anything about Umbrella, or the Resident Evil series in general. Not that Umbrella wasn't a bit crazy sometimes (and their plan wasn't just "Make Monsters", it was to create B.O.W.s like the tyrant), but saying Umbrella had anything to do with Las Plagas or Uroburos is just terrible... and wrong... and stupid.

And don't you ever call Jill "Master of Unlocking" Valentine or Chris "Boulder Punching" Redfield idiots.

O.C.P. all the way. Either for the idea of letting military drones patrol the streets of Old Detroit(and ED-209 would have been on every street corner if it hadn't been for that little malfunction) or for re-animating a dead police officer and turning him into a machine capable of killing ANYTHING! Then they tried to duplicate Robocop with more firepower and the mind of a drug kingpin/cult leader. Hell, they gave Clarence and his goons a bunch of Cobra assault cannons and they just blew up a block of Detroit(not that anyone who really notice). Omni Consumer Products gets my vote for most insidious corporation.

Tuesday Night Fever:

Bindal:
I watches Aliens yesterday and yes, it is mentioned DIRECTLY that it takes that long. Could be Special Edition Exclusive, however. Still, they say it outright.

I've seen the movie, at this point, hundreds of times. That's incorrect. They say that full terraforming takes centuries. It's habitable earlier than that, though, as evidenced by Hadley's Hope. And even then, "centuries" his hardly a specific amount of time - so no, still not specifically mentioned.

Hadley's Hope and the Weyland-Yutani atmosphere processor weren't in existence yet during the events of Alien. Ripley was only floating around for 57 years. If it took centuries for the planet to be habitable, Hadley's Hope wouldn't have been self-sufficient and it's unlikely that the characters would have been walking around outdoors without protective apparel like in Alien.

I hardly would call LV-428 "habitable". There is air to breath now, yes - but storms en masse and no fauna whatsoever! The whole colony feel more like an outpost as of now. So, even to get to a form, which you could at least walk outside for a walk probably would have taken a while.

Bindal:

I hardly would call LV-428 "habitable". There is air to breath now, yes - but storms en masse and no fauna whatsoever! The whole colony feel more like an outpost as of now. So, even to get to a form, which you could at least walk outside for a walk probably would have taken a while.

Are people living on it? Yes. Have they been living there for a substantial period of time? Yes. Are they getting along okay (y'know, except for that whole xenomorph infestation)? Yes.

Habitable. Inhospitable =/= uninhabitable.

If the weather being shit meant that a location wasn't habitable, I guess places like Seattle and London aren't habitable.

Umbrella really is the stupidest corporation ever. How is turning the world population into zombies be considered good for business?

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