Escape to the Movies: Beautiful Creatures

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Beautiful Creatures

It's mischief versus apathy in Beautiful Creatures.

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Twilight meets Practical Magic?

Well if there's one thing I don't expect from this genre, it's balls.

I have no idea what Bob was saying Fox should not play but as she is bad in everything it is probably good advice. Can anyone enlighten me as to who it was?

Gizmo1990:
I have no idea what Bob was saying Fox should not play but as she is bad in everything it is probably good advice. Can anyone enlighten me as to who it was?

April O'Neil.

You get Jeremy Irons.. a guy who can chew up scenery like a woodchipper.. and you have him play apathetic? The fuck yo?

Yeah, my response to the trailer was 'I know you guys probably like to rake in some of that sweet Twilight money, but could you at least try to look like you're making something with ideas of it's own?' This is to Twilight what Battleship was to Transformers: Shoving trailers in the more succesful franchise fan's faces and shouting "Look, look, it looks exactly like what you just watched, surely you'd love to watch it again?"

I'm so tired of this teenie bopper young adult bullshit. I'm now motivated to go write a genre redefining book that turns all of this crap on its head.

First thought: Didn't Bob review this just a few weeks ago?

Second thought: No, that was the other mostly-forgettable supernatural movie, Warm Bodies. This film was the one he warned us a while back was the beginning of the inevitable post-Twilight glut.

Don't hold out hope for the new Turtles, Bob. They had a chance to create a good new direction with the 07 Imagi film but instead they dumped it for guys in rubber suits. AGAIN. The best you can hope for is MAYBE the "aliens create the turtles" line is similar to the (awesome) new Nick show where the Kraang are infiltrating earth and are responsible for the ooze that is mutating basically every character in the show not named April or Shredder.

But the TV show has two great things going for it - the first being retaining the CGI that allows them to animate broad ranges of emotion into the turtles' faces, which the rubber suits will lose - the second being that even though some of the stories have a dark edge, the turtles themselves are not taken too seriously, nor try to hang on to the 80s surfer turtle thing; it just makes them teenagers growing into a dangerous secret world, while keeping that awkward charm of someone too young to be a real adult but who tries really hard. I don't anticipate the new movie being blessed with either of those qualities.

Gizmo1990:
I have no idea what Bob was saying Fox should not play but as she is bad in everything it is probably good advice. Can anyone enlighten me as to who it was?

I'm guessing "1990" is your birth year. I feel sad now at April being unrecognized.

I'm just wondering how many more of these types of movies Bob is gonna have to review

Was that... Megan Fox as April O'Neil?

If it was, then your 'NO' was barely a fifth of the size that it needed to be.

(Also, considering the circumstances behind her leaving the Bayformers, let's just say I'm very surprises that her and Michael Bay are working together again)

I am shocked at the whole, guys decide what they want to be, girls do not. Bu this was written by two women Karmi Garcia and Margaret Stohl. What were they thinking?

Of all the supposed Twilight wannabes, I'll check Warm Bodies on DVD. The rest look so, rotten. (I went to I am No. 4 with a dude that sees just about everything. Martini after, so, that was cool. But that too could have waited for DVD.)

In all fairness 'Wait, that was it?' was my reaction to the end of the first Harry Potter movie.

Bob, and whomever else it may concern.

Now I am not expert (unlike Crispin Freeman http://www.mythologyandmeaning.com/), but this seems to be the myth of the women as hero taken to its logical conclusion, which says to me that not only is this film wrong, but a lot of human culture's myths and ideas of man and women are patriarchal and screwed up.

What do I mean:

Link and Luke choose to take up the sword when offered.

Serena (Sailor Moon) and Sakura (Card Captors) have magical powers bestowed on them whether they like it or not.

Beatiful Creatures is just the extreme of this sexist myth that only insecure dudes, and those under their influence (lots of people) would come up with in response to something obvious:

"Why is she suddenly bleeding? That's so weird! Oh wait, it may be weird but now she can, and will, seed my immortality." Actually from the biological perspective the women is the default body plan, so no it is not, and don't even get me started on the rest of that...

Anyway, those are just the thoughts of some random rich athletic straight white Christian man, aware and trying to do something about his own power and privilege. Your thoughts?

I appreciate you seeing this so I didn't have to. I tried to watch twilight once. It wasn't bad in a hokey watching crap way. It was bad in a way that my ears bled when dialog was uttered. I then tried to watch it with rifftrax hoping they'd at least make it laughably bad, but found even that I had to watch in 5 minutes chunks. About 30 minutes in I just gave up. I have a vague idea of what happens in twilight just from the movies synopsis but I've never been able to make through any of the films.

This seems like it could be slightly less painful to watch but I don't think I'll bother at all now.

Movie doesn't look like anything I would ever care to watch.

Though I will I say I do like the look of the new PS4 controller a lot. Looks like it will be a lot more ergonomic than the current PS3 one which I'm not a particular fan of.

Also. Super agreed. NO. Just NO.

Mumorpuger:

Gizmo1990:
I have no idea what Bob was saying Fox should not play but as she is bad in everything it is probably good advice. Can anyone enlighten me as to who it was?

I'm guessing "1990" is your birth year. I feel sad now at April being unrecognized.

Yes it is my birth year and TMNT was not as big over here as it was in the US. There were re runs and stuff but I spent most of my childhood watching Batman TAS, Superman, Fantastic Four, The Amazing spiderman, Ironman and X-men.

I'll bet the glowy blue thing really drains the battery.

To be honest, I was thinking maybe, maybe by some divine miracle and that the planets aligned somehow that Michael Bay could pull it off, but after reading that, no just no, is Bay purposely trying to sabotage this like he did with Transformers, I mean what's next, is he going to cast Shia LaBeouf as Leonardo?

00m:
_snip_Actually from the biological perspective the women is the default body plan,_Snip_

Let me preface this with, I agree more than whole heartily with everything you are saying, but that statement there is false. Not to say male is the default plan, because its not, but female isn't either. Neutrality of gender in the extreme early stages of life is just how it is. If it weren't gender neutral men wouldn't have nipples and women wouldn't have clitorises (Clitori?). The fact is simple, there is no default gender, despite a push or pull from many communities to say there is.

...April O'Neil played by Megan Fox?

I-what in the-but how-didn't her and Michael Bay have a spat or...WHAT?

No amount of NO is large enough.

I was actually pleasantly surprised by this. It might not be groundbreaking, but it's still way smarter and better written than the Twilight movies it follows.

Gorfias:
I am shocked at the whole, guys decide what they want to be, girls do not. Bu this was written by two women Karmi Garcia and Margaret Stohl. What were they thinking?

I think this was intended as a metaphor of the conservative view of gender roles, which defines men by their actions but women by their biology.

Of course, my reading may be supported or contradicted by further stories.

Gorfias:
I am shocked at the whole, guys decide what they want to be, girls do not. Bu this was written by two women Karmi Garcia and Margaret Stohl. What were they thinking?

How much they, and all their female friends love 50 Shades of Grey?

I'm weirdly disappointed? I don't know before True Blood went to shit (and the books went so far off the deep end they went through the fucking planet) I enjoyed the hell out of the southern gothic supernatural stuff. I want something good to take Twilight's place.

So... it's True Blood minus everything good about it?

A friend of mine told me that in the book, the inability to choose (Light or Dark) is a curse placed on her family. Or something like that. Which begs the question - why the fuck didn't they just explain it as that?

Sheo_Dagana:
A friend of mine told me that in the book, the inability to choose (Light or Dark) is a curse placed on her family. Or something like that. Which begs the question - why the fuck didn't they just explain it as that?

Cause Twilight and the movies it spawned and most of the books that it "inspired" are focused on females being victims. They appeal to co-dependent and/or submissive women who want to think they're really special but they don't want to take responsibility for their lives. Explaining that there's a curse instead of the more simple "Women have no control and are victims of circumstance" would undermine what they're trying to emulate.

TheNaut131:
...April O'Neil played by Megan Fox?

I-what in the-but how-didn't her and Michael Bay have a spat or...WHAT?

No amount of NO is large enough.

Geez, next thing you know some porn star is gonna start calling herself April O'Neal in some shallow attempt to appeal to nerd culture to sell more videos drive-up Pirate Bay traffic.

I was dragged to this by the girlfriend, although I still don't know why, since she couldn't even get past the first 12 pages of the book.

Sadly, it actually had some good ideas. Usually when you have the "ostracized adolescent with superpowers" story, it's from that character's perspective. Doing it from the love interest's perspective was an interesting choice. Unfortunately, too much of the plot involves things he couldn't possibly know while they were happening, so that device was kind of pointless. (Also, I'm sick of voiceover narrations. They're just lazy. Show, don't tell!)

And the "men choose, women are" plot rubbed me the wrong way--until I realized the whole thing was basically a metaphor for how second-wave feminism largely failed to penetrate parts of the Deep South. Again, cool idea, but they undercut the whole message at the end:

In the 80s there were a whole bunch of epic fantasy novels that were based on the author's D&D game. Now we're seeing all these urban fantasy/paranormal books written by people who played a lot of World of Darkness RPGs in the 1990s. Only, this film feels the need to have two secret conspiracies at war, but not explain what the hell the difference between the two is. If we don't know the stakes, why should we care?

Uh-oh! MovieBob said something about a Sony product that wasn't completely positive, time to queue-up the "Figures, he always was a Nintendo fanboy" comments. Because Heaven forbid that we should be getting bored of a design that's nearly 2 decades old.

Am I the only Christian conservitive that is confused by this recent trend in fiction? I thought this line of thought had fallen out of the mainstream and was relegated to the minority.

Second why is Hollywood turning this stuff out shouldn't they be opposed to this stuff on principle?

The Megan Fox rumor is just another damn good reason for us to all go about our lives as if the Turtles movie is just some crazy nightmare we had and not a real thing.

Megan Fox as April O' Neil...well at least we know she'll be arousingly kidnapped and whatnot but that a good April does not make (in this day and age anyway).

Kitsune Hunter:
To be honest, I was thinking maybe, maybe by some divine miracle and that the planets aligned somehow that Michael Bay could pull it off, but after reading that, no just no, is Bay purposely trying to sabotage this like he did with Transformers, I mean what's next, is he going to cast Shia LaBeouf as Leonardo?

Nah, LaBouf is pegged as Donatello. Or rather he would be: I think the personality would sync up in Bay's brain.

---

I have no interest in this movie and am glad to see I have no reason to check it out.

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