Every Game Ever

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I've done this to movies too. I can't enjoy things anymore :(

Lt. Rocky:

erttheking:

What? When you put a massive chested woman in a comic, then make her breasts bigger and bigger to the point where in the end they're around the size of her freaking head, are people not supposed to point it out? I'm pretty sure that was the joke. I mean, I didn't think that it was funny, but you can't blame people for talking about it.

Oh I'm not saying one shouldn't notice it, even I took a good notice to it, but some people go off as if it's the only thing they notice in the comic. If one sees a massive evil thing that looks like an abomination from the realms of hell, should one point that out? I'd like to think so, but we've seen it all so many times it doesn't even matter anymore. Shouldn't that logic also apply to massive breasts, as we've seen that so many times in pop culture?

Maybe I'm just thinking too deeply about this.

You are. The giant tentacle thing is only in one panel, while the massive breasts and in their growing are in all three, ergo they get more attention.

I'm pretty sure [Support character]'s breasts get smaller and smaller for each frame.

Sonofadiddly:

Machine Man 1992:
Actually, you could probably make a good game out of this; an intentionally cheesy, affectionate parody done in the style of Mel Brooks' Spaceballs.

Just get a bunch of Funimation actors to ham it up and your golden.

Spaceballs The Video Game!

OT: You know what else is predictable?

[Commenter]: [Media] is generalizing! [Actual game] wasn't like that!

You know, the way you're wording it seems to be implying that people shouldn't be voicing their complaints about this comic.

Ehhh. This feels more like an excuse for Cory to draw tits than any sort of worthwhile observation or satire.

I'm not complaining, mind, but I'm not exactly snorting my coffee out either.

I loved the boobs getting bigger in every panel. and hey! If final fantasy games a team of three or four people defeat it! I mean there hasn't been a decent FF since 8 but I'm just saying. Oh well...

Shout out to Sonic games, where the ancient power manages to betray Eggman almost every time/10. In other games, it's merely unoriginal. In Sonic, it's so unoriginal that you'd think he'd stop trying variants of the same failed plan over and over again, if he had any sense.

P.S. Thanks

Eleuthera:
That's completely untrue, most games don't last [x] hours...

Indeed! I don't think I've ever played a game that has lasted 10 hours! Most take only 6-8 or realistically over 40 hours to play! Well at least that's what I gathered from a number of games on Steam...

OT: Egads! A spoiler alert! Good thing I specced in the 'Not giving a toss about seeing spoilers' skill tree and invested in the 'I probably won't remember this!' passive ability! Though realistically the joke kinda falls flat on it's face when you notice most games haven't used that formula for a while. Though the latest Bioshock may fall within it's parameters.

It's not just video games that do that. Action movies and comic books spring to mind.

erttheking:

Sonofadiddly:

Machine Man 1992:
Actually, you could probably make a good game out of this; an intentionally cheesy, affectionate parody done in the style of Mel Brooks' Spaceballs.

Just get a bunch of Funimation actors to ham it up and your golden.

Spaceballs The Video Game!

OT: You know what else is predictable?

[Commenter]: [Media] is generalizing! [Actual game] wasn't like that!

You know, the way you're wording it seems to be implying that people shouldn't be voicing their complaints about this comic.

To be honest, I think the whole '[X] presents Y behavior/initiates Z event' thing is pretty uninspired in and of itself. You can make anything seem token and predicable if described in such terms.

If I described John Marston as [protagonist], or Andrew Ryan as [antagonist], would I be giving a fair evaluation of those characters? I wouldn't be wrong, because that's what they are, and the behaviors they present are hardly anything groundbreaking for the role they hold in the story. However, I wouldn't be telling the whole story either.

It's just a cheap shot, made by snooty and aloof hipsters who think it makes them the God of Satire, when in fact it just shows that they don't know how writing works.

I suppose it is clear Carter has never played Suikoden. Suikoden III's plot would run more like this:

[Masked Antagonist]"I will sacrifice a half-million people to prevent total Circular entropy, thus saving the world."

[Protagonist A]"Lets go, Protagonist B! Even though I still totally hate your guts for killing my friend in chapter 1."

[Protagonist B]"The minor theatrical conflict between our nations is not sufficient for me to reject your invitation"

[Protagonist C]". . . It was all a set up."

[Masked Antagonist]"If you stop me, all life will seek the lowest state of conflict, making the world entirely motionless, and eventually ending life all together."

[Antagonist B]"I'm just here to make a name for myself as a military strategist."

[Antagonist C]"I'm just here for the slaughter, because that is the default state of existence: chaos."

[Protagonist B] "Wait. . . who were the bad guys supposed to be again?"

fucking, LOVE the chubby scientist.

I feel that this comic truly captured the essence of Ernie's Magic Shapes.

TheVampwizimp:

Scars Unseen:
Some developers have specialized variations on that comic. For instance, Bioware has "You are the [chosen one], and only you can save the [variable scale landmass] from the [supernatural fuckwits]! But first you must find [in-universe jargon for "flag state toggles"] by doing inane sidequests in these [three/four] locations!"

When Dragon Age 3 comes out, see if you can fill out all the boxes. I'll bet you can.

That's funny, because Dragon Age 2 didn't follow that formula much at all. And it's the one everybody hated. Think about it.

To be fair, it still had:
"You are the [Champion of Kirkwall], and only you can save [Kirkwall] from the [... various bad things that aren't really connected to each other]!"

It was a little more subtle in the game itself, but still built up Hawke as sort of a lesser version of "the chosen one". But I liked that Bioware tried to step out of their narrative comfort zone. They stumbled pretty hard, possibly due to a much shorter development cycle than Origins had, but they still tried.

I'm surprised none of you have noticed the tag on the comic: "Conveniently placed breasts to bolster our reader numbers." =P

Scars Unseen:

TheVampwizimp:

Scars Unseen:
Some developers have specialized variations on that comic. For instance, Bioware has "You are the [chosen one], and only you can save the [variable scale landmass] from the [supernatural fuckwits]! But first you must find [in-universe jargon for "flag state toggles"] by doing inane sidequests in these [three/four] locations!"

When Dragon Age 3 comes out, see if you can fill out all the boxes. I'll bet you can.

That's funny, because Dragon Age 2 didn't follow that formula much at all. And it's the one everybody hated. Think about it.

I've long argued that Dragon Age 2 was the best game Bioware has attempted since KOTOR. They didn't succeed due to a short dev cycle and lazy resource recycling, but the core idea of the game was the most thought that Bioware has put into a game in years.

I will give them that. And I don't even dislike DA2, despite the clear presence of executive interference. In fact, it may have been that very influence from EA that both set it on a new and interesting path and tripped it up at every hurdle. It's a sad tale of squandered potential from a promising first entry, as well as a good follow-up idea screwed by bad implementation. Not that it's even a bad game, I'm speaking for the general feeling people express toward the game.

ONLY YOU CAN SAVE VIDEOGAMES FROM THE SATIRISTS!

Oh so THAT is the plot to Limbo! Took me ages to figure out!

Remember to hit the [Evil Thing] in it's glowing [Weak Spot]

Denamic:
What?! I didn't know [Antagonist] would break [his/her/its/their] promise of [love interest/support character]'s safety!
Thanks for spoiling it!

oh, then you will hate how [Antagonist] is also [protagonist]'s brothers fathers ex-roommate's second cousins gardeners son.

and that [Evil Thing] is actually [Protagonist] from [X] Years in the future sent back in time to keep the time line stable.

NinjaDeathSlap:

It's just a cheap shot, made by snooty and aloof hipsters who think it makes them the God of Satire, when in fact it just shows that they don't know how writing works.

Gods of satire, surely. And you think we don't know how writing works. :)

Optional: [Antagonist] beats [Hero] early on and has [Hero] at his mercy but lets him live.

Uratoh:
OMG Spoilers! Bad Erin! I was just about to play [Game]!

Dead Space 3 was ok, but since you know the plot you can just skip to the next [game].

No, that's not true. If you want every game ever then try the hero's journey. It applies for all stories, even those in games. (of course this does oddly describe every cheesy 80s action movie...)

erttheking:
Oh yeah, I totally remember that happening in...actually when WAS the last time that happened? Can't remember it happening in any games I've played this year and last year.

Yeah I'm gonna be that guy and say this is not really that funny or accurate.

Whoa hey. We don't need your kind with your 'logic' breaking up the hipster circle jerk buddy!

I think it is funny but at the same time a bit inaccurate by modern game standards. Modern games are basically like that comic except instead of trying to rescue someone with a happy ending at the end the world gets screwed up and everyone dies. Yay.

Oddly I didn't notice the breasts, I was distracted by the "BLARGH! I AM LARGE AND UNIMAGINATIVE!" bit. I've been giggling all day over that.

Capcha: Wax to go
Indeed Capcha... Indeed.

Twilight_guy:
No, that's not true. If you want every game ever then try the hero's journey. It applies for all stories, even those in games. (of course this does oddly describe every cheesy 80s action movie...)

I never watch action movies, but I had the experience of playing action first person shooter games before watching them. I can definitely see how action movies inspired the creation of First Person Shooter games. (and of course various other genre, like the side scrolling beat em ups and fighting games)

Probably one that really stands out in my mind is Army of Darkness. Almost seems like every Doom like game was inspired by that film.

The Cheezy One:

Which is your favourite? The black guy, the sassy action girl who isn't the love interest, or the old man? For me, it's got to be the stereotypical English guy!

Devoneaux:

My favorite is Asian Hacker Man

Full:

Hey, don't you rule out Hispanic soldier with troubled past, that's a popular one lately.

Man, so much good choices.
I think I will go with the black brute
Something like this
image

Second choice would be misanthropic robot (not exactly minority, I know, but cool nonetheless)

image

That's some spot on satire right there.

There's just no game that has sufficient breast sizes. Sure, they try to retcon in bigger boobs once this vital flaw becomes apparent, but it just never gets to an acceptable point.

image

I guess I kinda feel left out of this one because I play mostly strategy games like the Total War series where the big bad thing ends up being you as you conquer, rape, and pillage every last square mile of land.

Holy shit, the [evil thing] is Mantorok from Eternal Darkness! I love that game, it didn't have any love interests (besides the Karim bit, maybe, but she was incidental and technically wasn't captured) but it did pretty much play out this way.

Awww that's exagerrating way too much. Some people argue that everything whe produce today is not original and based on already existing things but I don't believe that... and why must original mean starting from zero with no reference to already existing things anyway? It's true that most stories show story archetypes or a combination of those. But you're making it look like there's only one of these archetypes. The headline should have been like... I dunno... 70% of games ever. It just doesn't feel as funny to me with this much exaggeration. Yeah I know exaggeration is commonly used to create a humerous effects, but I think you can go overboard with it.

Dead Space 3 fits these tropes pretty nicely, almost word for word, seriously, how come someone with a little common sense could wear such cleavage in the middle of a necromorph infestation?, especially after explicitly having experienced one before and barely making it out alive the last time and knowing ahead she WILL be working on a planet full of them. But dat cleavage...

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