Zero Punctuation: Crysis 3

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Crysis 3

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Crysis 3.

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I'm curious as to the human pie capacity. What's the result of your research, Yahtzee?

I can't wait until someone tells him ReVengence was about 6 hours

I think we just found a new voice for infomercials. "Try new bow and arrow" you say?! "I'll take 20!!"

Also captcha: tea with jam. Bloimy!

I also like my porn to have a story, and preferably no male characters.
Funny now I think about, that suit makes Alca/phet look like a sci-fi gimp.

Okysho:
I think we just found a new voice for infomercials. "Try new bow and arrow" you say?! "I'll take 20!!"

Also captcha: tea with jam. Bloimy!

Arrow: Turn your friends Green with envy.

You just made me feel better about not having a PC powerful enough to play it.
Thank you.

Well, I had a feeling this might blow a while back and that it might as well just be locked away. I suppose you could say I prophesied it winding up in Alcatraz.

Can't wait until next weeks "Revengence" slaughter, with its made up words and stupid/vaguely racist 'Mexican' poncho disguises its ripe for a beating

Is this psycho the same guy that Yahtzee referred to in the end credits of his Crysis 1 review?

I quote:

"I do appreciate Crysis for having a British character who never dies, turns evil, or expresses a love of crumpets".

INB4 a billion people insisting he was "wrong" not to play it on a glorious P.C. instead of a filthy, 'inferior' console!!

I've never even played a Crysis game. Sounds like maybe that was a good choice.

But Crysis 3 has so many Emotions! It must be a superior game to those without such wonderful graph-Imeanemotions!

PhiMed:
I'm curious as to the human pie capacity. What's the result of your research, Yahtzee?

3.141592 to 1?

WaitWHAT:
Is this psycho the same guy that Yahtzee referred to in the end credits of his Crysis 1 review?

I quote:

"I do appreciate Crysis for having a British character who never dies, turns evil, or expresses a love of crumpets".

I would assume so, given that Crysis 1 doesn't have any other Brits.

Sounds about right for a Crytek game. Shallow, confusing storyline and an almost insane focus on a single gimmick and graphical fidelity.

Ken_J:
I can't wait until someone tells him ReVengence was about 6 hours

Yeah, i was thinking that too. Took me about 8 hours on Hard, and i even got some trophy hunting into it.

OT: Seems like my idea that the entire Crysis franchise was worth a miss holds true even by the third game. I find it interesting they'd make their main character essentially evil though. Makes me wonder how they expect you to form any sort of emotional bond with the character if he goes from being a vulnerable-half dead guy in Crysis 2 to a super-soldier asshole in Crysis 3.

Ulquiorra4sama:

Ken_J:
I can't wait until someone tells him ReVengence was about 6 hours

Yeah, i was thinking that too. Took me about 8 hours on Hard, and i even got some trophy hunting into it.

OT: Seems like my idea that the entire Crysis franchise was worth a miss holds true even by the third game. I find it interesting they'd make their main character essentially evil though. Makes me wonder how they expect you to form any sort of emotional bond with the character if he goes from being a vulnerable-half dead guy in Crysis 2 to a super-soldier asshole in Crysis 3.

I have a theory that we won't be seeing a lot of multi-series consistent protagonists that we can really get immensely attached to after the whole ME3 debacle. Not that I wasn't totally on board with the "Take Back ME3 (or at least give us a flipping epilog you bastards)" movement, but I do think the fallout from that has yet to be fully unfolded. Changing up the protagonist so we don't get too possessive of them as "ours" seems to be on the rise, and I think there's probably some logic behind that. Not loving it myself, but I recognize the logic from the developer / producer point of view.

I completely agree with all of the points he made, especially the note about being so damn lazy you can not cover up the poorly done expansion pack for full game price, you do not bother to CHANGE THE DAMN XBOX PICTURE!

Only point... Arrows do more damage. They are larger and often make a hole so big it is easy to bleed out quickly. The real issue is distance, and rate of fire... Something a cloak solves.

Sorry Prophet, I'm sitting pretty under the Rook Islands' sunlight and can wander its viridian hills with a machete and a compound bow that doesn't look ridiculously over-designed.

Plus, y'know, FarCry 3 might not have the deepest story ever, but at least it isn't the one going for the "Aliens are Evil!" grab-bag.

You'd figure Crytek could hire a decent scriptwriter, but no. Blah blah, nanosuit, blah blah, Ceph, blah blah, integration, blah blah prophecy, blah.

There's about zero player agency in there.

vallorn:
But Crysis 3 has so many Emotions! It must be a superior game to those without such wonderful graph-Imeanemotions!

This made me laugh, well done. Well done :)

Having never actually played a Crysis game before, all I can really ask is "Whats your favourite flavour of pie Yahtzee?"

Okay, "nail a complete bastard to a wall by his childhood memories" is now officially my favorite Yahtzee line.

Wait, what was this video about again?

At the end credits: "At least Prophet will never be able to escape from Alcatraz"

Great review as usual, Yahtzee!

I've never played a Crysis game before, but the series has always intrigued me. This game looks a lot more appealing to me than the last one though.

Queue the line of people saying Crysis 3 sucks because Yahtzee said so, even though they didn't play it.

Sure, the story is bland, as has been the case with all of the other CryTek games.

But whatever happened to, you know, just having fun? I get that the context is important, but the game gives you the context.

Maybe I just really have a lot more fun blasting people around with the bow while cloaked.

WaitWHAT:

INB4 a billion people insisting he was "wrong" not to play it on a glorious P.C. instead of a filthy, 'inferior' console!!

Given the average response to the Crysis franchise around here, I doubt hardly anyone is going to insist that when all they generally muster is either apathy or rage. I'm more going to point out that he completely glossed over the actual gameplay of the game so he could focus on how shite the story was. Sure, Yahtzee really loves stories in games, but a fun game can redeem a boring story - See also, DmC. Except nobody is actually going to bother playing the game, and will just parrot Yahtzee about how terrible it, and by extension the franchise it's in, is.

I was wondering where Yhatzee was going with the "I wish I could pick the bullets out of my enemies and reuse them on the next..." But then I realized he was alluding to using a bow & arrow, once I realized the correlation I began to laugh pretty hard - it was the best little snippet of this review!

I had completly forgotten this had even come out. I saw it in the gameshop like 3 days ago. Massive posters, employees wearing t-shirts, on top of the pre-order charts. And I still forgot. I had even forgotten Crysis 2 came out just a year or so ago. Makes you think, doesn't it?

FallenMessiah88:
I've never played a Crysis game before, but the series has always intrigued me. This game looks a lot more appealing to me than the last one though.

Do yourself a favor and start with the first one. 2 and 3 are forgettable with pretty much the same graphics as the original game. Crysis 1 was actually really good with somewhat of an open world, vehicles, etc (even though Crysis 3 has vehicles again... barely). People always talk about the graphics, but they're meaningless unless you do something with it. Crysis 1 actually pulled it off wonderfully with you exploring a jungle with industrial area. When you almost start to get bored, out come the aliens that start to freeze everything with their pewpew ice rays. It looked good because it was good art design coupled with great graphics. Crysis 2 and 3 are short linear romps through the same areas all the time with the same graphics as the original game.

I hate to point this out but Crysis2 was not released less than a year ago, in fact it was just under two years. Seems like Yahtzee is crossing the 30 barrier when suddenly things start seeming like they happened less long ago than they actually did... and just to illustrate my point, the original Doom isn't 10 years old, or even 15, it's now 20 years old! Also are the first release of Mortal Kombat and Myst...

A game sold on grapics over gameplay. Crisis 2 was boring linear mess. Great graphics, just boring, mediocre gameplay. Guess C3 is rent only.....just like C2.

Great review except you miss used the term Hard Scifi.

Thank you for bringing up the point I haven't heard anybody else mention- by the time of Crysis 3, you're playing as the mental imprint of a dead man, using the corpse of another dead man to walk around a nanosuit like a rotting meat puppet. I mean, we're reaching Lovecraftian levels of squick here and nobody's noticed!

Looks like Crysis 3 will be just like Crysis 2 for me- ignored until it hits $10 on a Steam sale.

he should have done MGR:R first between those two. much more to work with.

Astraleora:
Can't wait until next weeks "Revengence" slaughter, with its made up words and stupid/vaguely racist 'Mexican' poncho disguises its ripe for a beating

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Revengeance

stupid sounding word yes, fake, no

But... but, it has so many polygons...

Triaed:

PhiMed:
I'm curious as to the human pie capacity. What's the result of your research, Yahtzee?

3.141592 to 1?

Actually, if it's pie, wouldn't that be
3.141592 * 2.718282 = 8.539733?

slash2x:
Only point... Arrows do more damage. They are larger and often make a hole so big it is easy to bleed out quickly. The real issue is distance, and rate of fire... Something a cloak solves.

Something to note about arrows is that the stronger you are, the further you can fire. Medieval longbows had a draw weight of something like 150 pounds and skeletons of medieval longbowmen have visibly deformed spines. Of course, if you have super strength, you can have a bow with a 1000 pound draw weight and kill people sitting inside armoured vehicles, from a mile away.

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