Zero Punctuation: SimCity

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SimCity

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews SimCity.

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Awesome, all my thoughts on this game compressed into 5 mins !!!!

I really cannot understand why so many people defend EA over these decisions. The only thing they got right was a poo map lol.

I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

A fitting city name considering how EA seems intent on making the player their bitch.
It's sad really, all that effort...

*puts on sunglasses*

...gone to waste

how is it i always manage to avoid all these gaming pitfalls?

oh, right the origin badge! heh..

'sigh' ship sailed years ago but people were too blind to notice tbh

KelDG:
Awesome, all my thoughts on this game compressed into 5 mins !!!!

I really cannot understand why so many people defend EA over these decisions.

Because their heads are inserted so far into their own rectums, they sniff farts and think they are smelling cake?

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

Or you could get Tropico 4 and deny EA some more money.

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

You should grab 4, I have been playing that and Tropico instead of this new one. If you play 4 install NAM and CAM mods. NAM makes the traffic work properly and CAM allows for bigger and better buildings (eventually). I cannot believe the amount of still active content creators there are still about for Sim City 4

He seemed a lot nicer than I thought he was going to be, but then again, the internet itself has been tearing this game an asshole so large you can make out the pancreas. Can't do much more than that without killing it entirely.

Morning wood is still a viable name though!

and yeah the AI be extremelly stupid, after you hit 100k citizens the traffic clogs no matter what even with avenues everywhere

I'm surprised the poo map wasn't better advertised.

That is the most level headed review I have heard actually. Everyone wants to talk about the little tiny things the game does that is "amazing", when the reality is that it offers slightly less than SimCity 4 unless you're looking for online features... which from what I understand not too many people are. And it's not because they aren't halfway decent features when they work, it's because other games offer much more robust online features, though not in a city building game.

I haven't laughed so hard at a ZP in a long time!

"A poo map? FUCKING SOLD!"

Pescetarian:
I'm surprised the poo map wasn't better advertised.

Indeed. It probably would have sold me on a day one buy!

...Well, not really, but...

This may have been the slowest Zero Punctuation I've ever seen...

I would think about hazarding "most sarcastic," too, but there's a lot of competition for that.

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

You'll hear from a lot of old-school SimCity players that say 2/3000 was the pinnacle of the series, but I don't quite understand why. SC4 did everything those games did better and did it's own things well too.

SC4 still has an active modding community, and still manages to look pretty good (minus the silly portraits of the advisers). A big complaint is that it's pretty hard, which it is at first.

Maybe I would be better at SimCity EA Is Evil, I'm certainly not any good at SC4.

Honestly, I'm impressed their word filter is complex enough to catch something like "Dogbollock". It's just a shame they didn't put that effort into something less pointless.

Your web show does not invalidate the point about extroverts. Loved the video.

LadyRhian:

KelDG:
Awesome, all my thoughts on this game compressed into 5 mins !!!!

I really cannot understand why so many people defend EA over these decisions.

Because their heads are inserted so far into their own rectums, they sniff farts and think they are smelling cake?

Damn, you beat me too it LadyRhian.

Well, glad to see he took a basebat to EA and this games kneecaps for the sheer nerve they had to say that they know how we want to have fun. No you fucking don't EA, you haven't in a very long time.

"Gonna burn thy honky ass."

Oh Yahtzee, that line made my day and maybe my week. I needed a good laugh this morning and that did it. :D

Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.

When I saw this pop up I thought "its going to be full of bile."

Well was I wrong! there were no liver excretions to be seen!

Seriously there wasn't much Yahtzee could say that hasn't been said by nearly everyone whose had the pleasure of watching this magnificent train wreck. (And by those poor sods who were on the train as well).

I must be really immature, because "Sim city is supposed to be played online," make me choke with laughter.

Good call making the review more about how shitty EA has become rather then how awful the game is. Every other reviewer, pundit and forum poster who played it got that out of the way.

I don't even know if EA was reacting to what extroverts were saying rather then looking at spreadsheets and seeing games with social features were doing well when they began work on the SimCity but completely disregarded the fact that social features in the game they were working on were completely inappropriate.

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

What the other guy said. From what I heard it's basically Sim City except you play as Fidel Castro. So basically the developers say. "You know, the people who play Sim City seem to enjoy torturing their people, how about we make a game where that's the focus?"...come to think of it, how come I haven't gotten this game yet.

Yeah....the controversy exploded about three weeks ago.
And every single problem discovered only made things worse; the traffic AI, the DLC buildings and Terraforming tool found in the game client, the fact that EA and Maxis flat out lied to everyone about the difficulty of including an offline mode patch...

Kind of stole Yahtzee's thunder.

dharmaBum0:

You'll hear from a lot of old-school SimCity players that say 2/3000 was the pinnacle of the series, but I don't quite understand why. SC4 did everything those games did better and did it's own things well too.

SC4 still has an active modding community, and still manages to look pretty good (minus the silly portraits of the advisers). A big complaint is that it's pretty hard, which it is at first.

I remember playing SimCity 3000 and at one stage having a city so greviously underserviced that I could fund it off a 0.1% residential tax. My most frequent complaint was the high residential tax rate. Then I tried making it a January only tax. It didn't help.

Shit. Even for Yahtzee, this video was fuckin' merciless. This is exactly the kind of brutal "Fuck you." EA and the rest of us need to be hearing. This kind of dickishness and sub-par quality products cannot be acceptable any longer.

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

It's actually brutally difficult. It's not a game to play casually; you actually have to plan your moves before shunking down houses and shit. There's a massive amount to SimCity4 which is why it genuinely wins, but you best have your Mayor Hat on before you dive in.

I won't advocate piracy, but I will advocate using the crack that was found about a week after the game launched. So yeah, the always online component can fuck off. Then all they need to fix is the AI pathfinding, the city sizes, and the fact that it's almost impossible to have a balanced city if you don't want to play with other people.

I'm just glad i got Mass Effect for free out of this. And that Bioshock infinite just launched and is bloody brilliant. Screw you EA. After SWTOR and SimCity, you insulted me enough.

The game hasn't been cracked yet (you can't get a working version from TPB) and it's already been 3 weeks since release, so the DRM is actually working quite well. Oh and Assassins Creed 2 took 6 weeks to crack because it also had a completely new kind of DRM.

WouldYouKindly:
I won't advocate piracy, but I will advocate using the crack that was found about a week after the game launched. So yeah, the always online component can fuck off. Then all they need to fix is the AI pathfinding, the city sizes, and the fact that it's almost impossible to have a balanced city if you don't want to play with other people.

Why waste the effort? Just play SimCity 4 instead.
SimCity 2013 is fundamentally broken where it needed to shine, and backwards everywhere else, save graphics.
And graphics alone cannot carry a game.

"But I'm having fun with it!"
Yeah, and you would be having even more fun with SimCity 3000 or SimCity 4, unless you get your jollies watching the shoddy programming...In which case, just jump onto Youtube.

It's funny, I watched a lets play of sim city because it popped up on a yourtube channel I watched, and within a couple hours I bought the game, and I so rarely buy games at release.

Still every problem mentioned is correct and thre needs to be some improvements. The conga lines of fire trucks is so very annoying.

That video was so much fun I watched it twice.

It could have used a mention that the reason why SimCity's "connection issues" were such a problem was because EA's servers weren't up to the task, meaning that they dropped the ball so hard that it's apparently still burrowing its way through the Earth to Australia because Yahtzee apparently had not heard of that yet. Or perhaps he just figured they'd have it sorted out by now, which is why he mentioned waiting a week... but I'm pretty sure the issues are still ongoing even a few weeks into release.

Granted, a poo map does make up for a great deal of shortcoming in any game.

Yahtzee, you should have gone the Dylan Thomas route for offensive place names. Just write it backwards like Llareggub in "Under Milkwood". (Though pronouncing whatever Dog's Bollocks is backwards would be difficult)

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