Zero Punctuation: SimCity

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One of his best videos in a while in my opinion.

Good thing I still got my Simcity 3000-disk around.

The lewd naming possibilities were possibly the main charm of the SimCity games, it was just fun to imagine the daily lives in the city of Buttocksburg under the inept leadership of Mayor Molestsson. And while buying and selling services with the neighbouring cities was a feature in SimCity 3000, it was at least optional. All I ever did was to buy all their rubbish, so I could pile it high in my city to give it the proper dystopian atmosphere.

Speaking of, that was another fun thing to do in old SimCity, burn down half the city, detonate a few nuclear power plants and let everything still standing go into abandonment and disrepair, and then pretend it was the aftermath of an atomic war, "Threads"-style.

...Huh. I should reinstall it, sometime. I really should try playing the game properly.

I watched development eagerly, but never pre-ordered... and I'm thankful I didn't. I did defend the game - before it came out, because I believed that it would work. I'm very glad I didn't buy it. I may buy it down the line when (if) it's been fixed, and if the sale is very good. I really wanted the game to work the way they said it would. I'll hold out slim hope that they'll fix it, but I won't give EA my money until I'm very convinced otherwise.

Besides, I just got the Rune Factory Tides thingy game (sunk a lot of time into Frontier, and this one doesn't have Runeys. Yay.) to kill some time until State of Decay comes out, and until I get into either the FFXIV or ESO beta. Then there's those Steam Greenlight games I've been keeping my eye on, too. ... I'm sure I'm missing some other game being released soon, too.

There's also always Minecraft. I still have to find out why the villagers keep disappearing in the town near my house. It's quite sinister, actually. I went over there for food a few days after starting and the vilage was empty, so I cheated and spawned some more villagers, then went back to mining. A few days later, I went back to town and it was empty again. And I'm not playing on Hard, so zombies don't break down doors. Nor is there a ravine or anything near the town. It's just full of pigs... and it's creepy. It's just... pigs, everywhere.

Anyway... yay, Yahtzee?

There is an excrement map? Maybe some developers saw the game for what it really is?

That poo map is mesmerizing, isn't it? I have lost minutes staring at that and the pee map (the electricity grid).

Honestly, I have not felt this "multiplayer" effect that we are supposed to feel by being forced to play online. I can't really chat with my friends in-game unless I want to keep going to the Origin overlay. The wall post feature in your region is hardly a substitute for a simple chat function. My city feels like it's doing just fine without borrowing or trading utilities with my neighbors. I've also run into the hilarious issue where if someone who bought the Deluxe Edition moves out of a city space and I try to claim it, even though the game has wiped that space clean, it refuses to let me move into it because I refuse to shell out the extra dollars for buildings I will more than likely never use. What an amazing waste of space.

DataSnake:
Honestly, I'm impressed their word filter is complex enough to catch something like "Dogbollock". It's just a shame they didn't put that effort into something less pointless.

I wonder what his town actually ended up being named? If it turned down Dogbollock I would have tried other dubious names like Tadgertown, Reacharound Metroplex, or my favorite: Scroatville.

I wish Zooey Deschanel would kick my door down and take me to a roller rink. And then I would remember that I'm useless on roller-skates. *sigh*

What you cant name your cities what you like?? Booh, allmost as bad as Civ V where I cant give them silly names at all...

+1 to the allready long list of reasons not to buy simcity 5. The list of reason I should buy it gets poo map though, making it a total of 2 things. The other being curvy roads.

This was probably one of my favorite ZP videos. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks.
"Fucking Sold!"

I have avoided many bad games simply by boycotting EA.

I'm actually an extrovert and I'm usually one to tell people to STFU when they say random games need multiplayer, like Dishonored for example.

A - fucking - men brother!

GoddyofAus:
Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.

Don't be so naive. The game has a lot of weaknesses. Sluggish controls, invisible walls in certain areas to block you from progressing to spots where you're not supposed to go yet and some other things as well...

The game is fun but not perfect.

On topic: well done review. This piece of poo doesn't deserve anything better.

GoddyofAus:
Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.

This Is Yahtzee remember you could send him gold and he would complain that its heavy

This makes me happy that Simcity 4 is still a whole lot of fun after this disaster.

Maybe one day it will be restored to non-suckage, but I doubt it.

Perhaps SimCity(2013) was a very expensive way to market Sim City 4.
I'd guess sales of Sim City 4 would have accelerated as a result.

Like how Sims 3 inadvertently promotes Sims 2.

Was it me or was the ZP unusually slow this week. No that I am complaining or anything since I laughed hearthily throughout the most of the video. Mothra-Godzilla routine at the end was the icing on top really.

Wow, Yatzee seems really aggravated/disappointed in the first half of this. He's the way he was in the old/classic reviews!

On the bright side, it seems like The Binding of Isaac has joined FTL, DayZ, and hardcore Minecraft (in backwards chronological order) in his list of games he likes to "scrub" himself with to perhaps bring in rage/achievement to push the hatred of other games/services out.

Atmos Duality:
Yeah....the controversy exploded about three weeks ago.
And every single problem discovered only made things worse; the traffic AI, the DLC buildings and Terraforming tool found in the game client, the fact that EA and Maxis flat out lied to everyone about the difficulty of including an offline mode patch...

Kind of stole Yahtzee's thunder.

agreed, while it was a good video it was too late to be as funny as it could have been

bafrali:
Was it me or was the ZP unusually slow this week. No that I am complaining or anything since I laughed hearthily throughout the most of the video. Mothra-Godzilla routine at the end was the icing on top really.

Yeah, it's been a long time since I've heard Yahtzee as apathic as he seems now. Usually he's slagging off the game of the week with gleeful contempt, but this time he's much more resigned. It's probably because SimCity was such a disappointment that even Yahtzee's famously low expectations were violated.

The one thing this game has over SimCity 4 is that it's not ridiculous difficult in SimCity 4 even on easy I required a guide to make sure I didn't go bankrupt i do freely admit that it's likely that I'm just bad at SimCity 4.

GoddyofAus:
Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.

It didn't take him much to find stuff to nag about in the previous games. Give me the game, a few hours to play and I probably can point out quite a bunch of flaws myself.

Jeeeeeeeeezuss.

Not since Sonic Unleashed has he been that angry at a game.

This 'Calm' Yahtzee always manages to scare me.
It's like he's not even angry, he's so deeply dissapointed and sad that he can't bring himself to show anything but his dissapointment with a medium that he loves and finds joy in. Really, it's just tragic.

I was kind of hoping he would skip over this game, since everything negative there is to be said about it was already said by everyone else on the planet within the first week it was out. Mostly I've just been eager to see him do a look back at System Shock 2 now that that's available again. With Irrational's latest game out, this would have been the perfect time for it.

What, not one word - NOT ONE WORD!?! - about the curvy roads? CURVY ROADS, PEOPLE! Do you not remember that fscking talking point they never failed to bring up when they were talking about the game's development? And did they not deliver? Were there not, in fact, curvy roads? Does this count for nothing? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

curvy roads my fat aunt fannie...

GoddyofAus:
Can't wait for him to review Bioshock Infinite. He's going to struggle to find something to be negative about.

http://www.quartertothree.com/fp/2013/03/26/bioshock-infinites-infinite-space-bounded-in-a-nutshell/

It's accurate too..

Sim City 4 is on Steam, you say?

More features and far less cheaper, you say?

I can name my city "F*ck Mountain" and no one will get all pissy about it, you say?

Sold.

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

Try Tropico, it has a better athmosphere and you really feel like the leader of this small Cuba as made by Disney.

How long until someone draws EA-tentacle-monster on Yahtzee Rule 34 porn? You just know that's going to happen...

This was about the standard level of "it sucks" that I expect from a ZP critique of a sucky game. Also, Yahtzee covered pretty much all the complaints that have been already covered at length by the game's prior publicity. But the bit regarding that SOME OF US ARE INTROVERTS and don't want to be continuously connected is an pertinent issue I'm glad he noted. I, for one, love Left 4 Dead to tears, but will often avoid playing it for standard shooter fair because of the obligation to interact.

I hear there's good griefing sport in exporting criminals to your neighbors, or better yet, hacking other people's towns and having at them with Gojira.

The fact that you cannot name your town as you see fit due to public exposure is kinda rage-inducing. Why couldn't they just disclaim online play is not rated? Oh yeah.

Makes me want to hack their name filter and see what gets by.
Bangkok...
Niggardton...
Kokkin Country...
Bogdollocks...
Hightower Fudge Mines...
Deepwater Horizon...[1]

238U

[1] I could go at this all day.

Heh, that's gotta be my favourite ZP in a while.

Balkan:

Daystar Clarion:
I haven't played a SimCity game in years...

Maybe I should get 4, since that's widely considered as one of the best?

Try Tropico, it has a better athmosphere and you really feel like the leader of this small Cuba as made by Disney.

Tropico's pretty unique, I like it a lot, but it's certainly a little lighter on the control than I'd like. Tropico 3 anyway, far as I'm aware it's pretty much a 3D reskin of the original.

nin_ninja:
One of his best videos in a while in my opinion.

No way, the Ni No Kuni review will assuredly be his best in 2013, and I say this obviously without having seen the rest of the year. The review is just that good.

The effort put into the bingo card alone is incredible.

Wow, I expected this to be harsh, but the video was downright merciless! This is the first time I've heard of the poo map, oddly. You think they would advertise that more.

Props to yahtzee for calling EA and Maxis out on their fucking stupid vision that online play is necessary.

Also, funniest ZP in months :D

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