The Canadian Front

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Sorry boot the sniping there buddy!

AC10:
Tim Horton's sucks balls.
I know it's a national treasure, but they used to be SO much better.

Remember when every store baked their own products in house? THAT was something worth going to. Now all the doughnuts are shipped to each store from central warehouses pre-frozen. It made them way, way worse. Tim Horton's chocolate chip muffins used to be the boss sauce, now they're worse than just a pre-made muffin from a grocery store.

Also, their coffee is horrible. Let's just admit that.
I don't know how it used to be as I didn't drink coffee back then.

Remember when you could get something other than peanut butter packages or a single timbit for under a dollar? Tim's is currently committing two sins - bad quality and bad value. Their share price is starting to show the effects of those two major failings.

That said, LOVED the cartoon. Us Canadians are attention whores too, like the pretty girl's uglier sister, we're just happier to get any attention :)

Grey are you trying to set the comment thread ablaze.

They can take our land, they can take our freedom. But dare touch a sacred Tim Hortons and you'll have 35 million apologetic screaming fanatics who can't get their morning coffee and bagel so they're out for your blood.

I wish we'd stop making Canadian jokes. Canadian Bacon already made all the Canadian jokes (with help from HIMYM). There are no more. Stop it.

Canada does have the most donut shops per capita than any other country in the world.

Draconalis:
Canadians have sniper rifles?!

It's how we get our meat. Plus there's no real cover to speak of in the arctic so automatic medium ranged weapons are basically useless. I believe folks stationed up their still use Lee Enfields actually.

Don't you dare mess with our holy coffee and donuts.

I went down to the USA for Christmas. We drove there, and the farthest south I've seen a Tim Horton's was in northern Pennsylvania. It was about 7 in the morning, and I wanted my usual breakfast in Canada. They gave me my blueberry muffin, but for the life of them they didn't know what a white hot chocolate was. Either that or they screwed up my order and gave me that candy cane hot chocolate. Your embassy will hear of this! "Land of the free" my ass when my way of life is being threatened by your savage, backwards culture.

And for the record, I always say "sorry" when I play video games whenever I shoot someone or steal their car. I feel bad when I promise I'd give the car back, and then I run into something and blow it up.

Vault Citizen:
I recall learning if an event in history similar to this, I don't know the exact details I just remember hearing the words, British, White House and burnt to the ground.

War Of 1812, the Brits pretty much decided to "put America in it's place" and engaged in epic military fail. They moved in largely from Canada and did indeed burn down The White House, and then pretty much wound up being forced into a full scale retreat. There is some powerful symbolism in that "victory", especially for the Anti-American crowd, but for the most part it had the Brits coming in and trying to seize territory and then getting spanked and running like bunnies. You don't hear a lot about it because a lot of the records are spotty, taking a lot to piece together, but it involves things like the "Battle Of Stonington" which you've probably never heard of that more or less summarize the entire war. The enemy came rolling in to take over, ran into resistance, something like 3,000 rounds of ammo were fired, 11 people were killed, and the invaders pretty much decided "F@ck this" and left. All throughout New England (where I live) you'll find little things here and there about it, stories about why cannons are preserved on town greens, and everything else. Simply put The White House was burned but after a point a foothold was pretty much impossible to obtain or maintain, the US was at that point simply too heavily armed and too well trained (as far as such things went). It's been argued that the reality of this failure was one of the major nails in the coffin of the so called "British Colonial Army" due to it's inabillity to put down the rebellion about much propaganda about how easy it was going to be to re-capture the US.

As far as the US invading Canada, we've had some border disputes over timber trading and such, some of which turned violent, but nothing involving a major war. For the most part Canada doesn't really have enough to make it worth the while of the US, and by the time the US was depleted Canada would probably have gotten there first. This is why the "invasion of Canada" is a recurring joke.

I seem to remember that in Fallout the invasion of Canada was largely due to rising liberal sentiment in the region and how Canada pretty much went communist and joined with China, acting as a beach head for Chinese forces. The whole thing being a sort of analogy to the "Cuban Missle Crisis" where China was putting forces (missles, etc...) directly on the US border with Canadian permission, leading to the US to invade Canada for strategic reasons, and it setting off the full nuclear exchange much like a lot of people feared would have happened over The Cuban Missle Crisis if the US had been forced to attack to prevent Russian missle placement.... It's been a while, and I admit I don't remember where I read that it was an analogy to The Cuban Missle Crisis. Understand that Cuba used to be on really good terms with the US before the communist takeover, which is probably why Canada was used as an analogy, especially given some of Canada's political leanings, and trade/alliances with China, not to mention their problems with getting Quebecois socialists in line. Canada being an ally that would be shocking to an extent if it became an enemy, similar to Cuba, Cuba couldn't be used the same way because nowadays everyone kind of views them as an enemy state even if there isn't much active antagonism going on right now.

That said... I will never be able to view Tim Horton's the same way again after reading this strip. >:)

WanderingFool:
Kay... I dont get it... Theres something funny here, I know, but Im not sure what it is...

Yeah, I would expect part of the joke to be lost on people who aren't Canadian or don't understand how big of a deal Tim Hortons is up here. The American soldier referring to it as a "Canadian Mosque" actually put a big smile on my face. The other part of the joke is more obvious. Canadians are notorious for their politeness, so the Canadian sniper apologized after he shot the one American.

Hey, fuck you. Us Canadians aren't all that apologetic!!

I'm sorry, that was rude.

Capcha: 2013 Camry. Now the Capcha has sold out.

Ah yes, despite their coffee having lost that glorious taste from when I was in grade 6 and now being no better than the coloured water that abomination starbucks sells, despite their baked goods now being no better than the stuff you get at the dollar store, we shall always protect our sacred ground from would be usurpers.

You may take our land, you may take our freedom, you may take our very lives, but you shall never take our coffee!

In closing, please bow your heads and join me in that most sacred Canadian prayer;

It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. Amen.

Therumancer:
War Of 1812, the Brits pretty much decided to "put America in it's place" and engaged in epic military fail. They moved in largely from Canada and did indeed burn down The White House, and then pretty much wound up being forced into a full scale retreat. There is some powerful symbolism in that "victory", especially for the Anti-American crowd, but for the most part it had the Brits coming in and trying to seize territory and then getting spanked and running like bunnies. You don't hear a lot about it because a lot of the records are spotty, taking a lot to piece together, but it involves things like the "Battle Of Stonington" which you've probably never heard of that more or less summarize the entire war. The enemy came rolling in to take over, ran into resistance, something like 3,000 rounds of ammo were fired, 11 people were killed, and the invaders pretty much decided "F@ck this" and left. All throughout New England (where I live) you'll find little things here and there about it, stories about why cannons are preserved on town greens, and everything else. Simply put The White House was burned but after a point a foothold was pretty much impossible to obtain or maintain, the US was at that point simply too heavily armed and too well trained (as far as such things went). It's been argued that the reality of this failure was one of the major nails in the coffin of the so called "British Colonial Army" due to it's inabillity to put down the rebellion about much propaganda about how easy it was going to be to re-capture the US.

I don't really have the motivation to debate with people over such things on the internet, but as a military history graduate student I have to say that this is almost entirely incorrect. I mean that in the most respectful way imaginable, but your statement was so wrong that I had to bring it to your attention.

OT: It seems like quite a few people aren't big fans of Tim Hortons. I still really like them actually, though I'm young enough not to remember "when they were really good." People over 30 or so keep telling me that, but oh well. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

LordLundar:

WanderingFool:
Kay... I dont get it... Theres something funny here, I know, but Im not sure what it is...

That they think it would be that easy? :p

To be fair, it probably would be easier than most of the follies we've engaged in lately. Canada is much more of a "traditional" foe in that they have standing military forces, armored vehicles, air power, infrastructure and a dedicated Command & Control network. All things the US is very, very good at getting rid of.

At the very least, it would give our fly boys something more interesting to do other than drop missiles on rocks and dodge poorly aimed and maintained AA munitions.

And besides - how hard can it be to fight an enemy that runs over and to check and see if the guy they just slotted is OK and apologizes for it?

/snark

Draconalis:
Canadians have sniper rifles?!

We did hold the record for the longest sniper kill for several years back in 2002.

Anyone else thinking that maybe the comic is in reference to Far Cry Blood Dragon, where America nukes Canada and invades Australia?

Draconalis:
Canadians have sniper rifles?!

We don't hunt moose with bows and arrows. Anymore. Generally.

Anyways, can someone remind me of the difference between 'guerrilla warfare' and 'insurgency' again?

True story of two Canadians:

<girl spills coffee on herself>

Me: "Augh! Are you all right?"

Her: "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'll be OK..."

So yes, the stereotype is true.

This reminds me of the Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie song, "War Of 1812".

"It burned, burned, burned, and things were very historical."

Someone listened to Weird Al's "Canadian Idiot" :)

Don't wanna be Canadian idiot, won't figure out the temperature in Celsius
See the map? They're hovering right over us; tell you the truth, it makes me kind of nervous.
Always hear the the same kind of story; break their nose and they'll just say "sorry"
Tell me, what kind of freaks are that polite?
It's gotta mean they're all up to something,
so -quick, before they see it coming- time for a preemptive strike!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NTlHs0ZLLo

This gave me a chuckle but sadly this is a real concern for the future our government keeps selling us out to the US and if they don't it wouldn't surprise me if the US tried to invade us in the future and take the resources they need.

I'm just imagining a world where this is an everyday event.

*Headshot*

"Sorry." A voice calls out.

There's no need to invade Canada, their government will always go along with ours no matter what we do until we bankrupt ourselves from overspending and ridiculous military adventurism and finally go the way of the Roman Empire - which will not be very great for Canada when it happens. Too bad we can't cut our deficits like you guys.

The "Some kind of Canadian Mosque" bit was killer for me, ALL OF CANADIA WORSHIPS AT THE HOLY TIM HORTONS!

Also I swear I've driven down that road at some point... looks like the area near Golden BC actually... though really a Tim Hortons on the Highway with mountains nearby could be anywhere in Interior BC...

lacktheknack:
True story of two Canadians:

<girl spills coffee on herself>

Me: "Augh! Are you all right?"

Her: "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'll be OK..."

So yes, the stereotype is true.

There's also the classic "Canadian Shuffle" that happens the nation over several hundred times a day...

Two people walking in opposite directions start crossing eachothers path, they sort of "dance around" for a second, make eye contact, both say "Sorry!" in a surprised manner and then they'll both try to defer and let the other by.

Yup... sometimes there really is a sort of "politeness one-ups-man-ship" that goes on up here

AC10:
Tim Horton's sucks balls.
I know it's a national treasure, but they used to be SO much better.

Remember when every store baked their own products from scratch in house? THAT was something worth going to. Now all the doughnuts are shipped to each store from central warehouses pre-frozen. It made them way, way worse. Tim Horton's chocolate chip muffins used to be the boss sauce, now they're worse than just a pre-made muffin from a grocery store.

Also, their coffee is horrible. Let's just admit that.
I don't know how it used to be as I didn't drink coffee back then.

Meh, the ice caps are still good.

I never cared for the donuts so I didn't see the premade ones as much worse. Also, they now can maintain the quantity of donuts needed for customers, they used to run out of everything in 5 min. In my area anyway.

Therumancer:
War Of 1812

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm going to seem like a dick saying this. But with the exception of Stonington, which I can't find much information on, every single assertion you've made in your post is wrong. Again, I don't want to be a dick about it, but I can't let this amount of misinformation stand without replying to it. I'll try to make this as quick and painless as possible and include Wikipedia links.

the Brits pretty much decided to "put America in it's place" and engaged in epic military fail.

It was actually the United States that invaded, not Britain. War hawks in Congress wanted to make the British pay for a number of measures they were taking as part of the Napoleonic Wars, including blocking American trade with France and forcing American sailors to join the British navy. Britain at the time was fighting the entirety of Europe and had no interest in starting another war in the colonies. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origins_of_the_War_of_1812

They moved in largely from Canada and did indeed burn down The White House, and then pretty much wound up being forced into a full scale retreat.

Although I'm sure there were some land invasions from Canada, most likely in the form of raids and such, the majority of British aggression in the war came from naval landings, including the burning of the White House. There were also a number of naval engagements in the Great Lakes such as Lake Erie. There was no major gain or loss for either of the two combatants, and the war ended in a stalemate.

There is some powerful symbolism in that "victory", especially for the Anti-American crowd, but for the most part it had the Brits coming in and trying to seize territory and then getting spanked and running like bunnies.

I don't know the American side of the war well enough to pull up a list of British victories and defeats, but all I can say is that this really isn't true. Certainly you've left out the American incursions over the Canadian border and their defeats there.

You don't hear a lot about it because a lot of the records are spotty, taking a lot to piece together,

There's no shortage whatsoever of records on the War of 1812.

but it involves things like the "Battle Of Stonington" which you've probably never heard of that more or less summarize the entire war. The enemy came rolling in to take over, ran into resistance, something like 3,000 rounds of ammo were fired, 11 people were killed, and the invaders pretty much decided "F@ck this" and left. All throughout New England (where I live) you'll find little things here and there about it, stories about why cannons are preserved on town greens, and everything else.

As I said, it's hard to find information on this, but a cursory Google search The source on Wikipedia (page 126) notes that most of the army was still inexperienced, and I find it very hard to imagine the United States managing to "heavily arm" itself in the middle of a British blockade.

It's been argued that the reality of this failure was one of the major nails in the coffin of the so called "British Colonial Army" due to it's inabillity to put down the rebellion about much propaganda about how easy it was going to be to re-capture the US.

I don't know what rebellion you're talking about, and I have serious doubts about British propaganda about the recapture of the United States, mostly because that was never the British government's goal. There may have been Canadian Loyalists that wanted it, but the United Kingdom was just barely managing to keep Napoleon down, let alone take over large parts of North America. By "British Colonial Army" I assume you mean the British military presence in North America, which was only reduced after Confederation in 1867.

The War of 1812 isn't my field, and I'm sure I've missed out on a number of things, but I think I've hit the gist of your points. I'm sorry. I'm not sure where you learned about the War of 1812, but one or more of your teachers needs to be smacked.

lacktheknack:
True story of two Canadians:

<girl spills coffee on herself>

Me: "Augh! Are you all right?"

Her: "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'll be OK..."

So yes, the stereotype is true.

In the best ways possible. ;)

I'm in Saratoga NY, north of Albany and I know what Tim Hortons is. Sadly we don't have one around here that I know of, but whenever we go out to Niagara Falls and stay on the Canadian side, I always stop at the rest area on the NYS Thruway that has the Tim Hortons in it. They have good paninis and soup, and the coffee is a million times better than dunkin doughnuts or Starbucks.

Wow. This is ripped off wholesale from the smodcast/nerdist podcast called FEAB. Episode is called Canadian Sniper. Please go back to telling an interesting and unique story with Erin and her illness. Seems when you try to do one shot joke strips they suck, and now you are resorting to theft. Sad.

link to the podcast mentioned:

http://smodcast.com/episodes/canadian-sniper/

Moosejaw:
There's no need to invade Canada, their government will always go along with ours no matter what we do until we bankrupt ourselves from overspending and ridiculous military adventurism and finally go the way of the Roman Empire - which will not be very great for Canada when it happens. Too bad we can't cut our deficits like you guys.

Haha, Cut our deficits! Can't remember the last time that happened. Our present government has spent their entire time in power importing failed American economic, social, and military spending policies. Like wanting to build larger prisons, mandatory minimum sentences for drug convictions, and one of my favourites, buying F-35 fighter jets to replace our aging jets.

Except no one knows how much they'll cost and the amount keeps going up. And they lack the range to adequately patrol the Canadian coast. And the only country we could ever conceivably use them against is America. And you guys have the largest military in the world, more planes, more tanks, and you're selling us the damn things in the first place.

Yeah, that makes sense.

NearLifeExperience:
I really don't get this one. Is this an inside joke between Americans and Canadians?

The joke goes a few ways. First, Canadians really like Tim Hortons (chain of donut & coffee shops), for whatever reason. Secondly, there's a stereotype that Canadians apologize compulsively, leading this sniper to not only apologize for shooting an enemy troop in the head, but reveal his position by doing so.

I think this would be a fucking great way to subvert the typical shooter archetypes.

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