The Perfect Non-Gamer Girl

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The Perfect Non-Gamer Girl

Knowing nothing about games can open your mind to their possibilities.

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Now that's the most logical way a relationship would exist. You both are interested in who you are, rather than what you want the other to be. I can definitely see how that works.

And that's quite interesting. I guess because I've been playing games for so long and since it's one of my true passions in life, I think people would hate how I would talk about games. Mainly, through how the game is amazing due to how it plays. I think I'll have to shift from it and just pick a story I had about it. Mostly though, I have a feeling people don't care about it, which might be because of where I talk to them about it. But enough waxing on that particular thing.

Anyway, congratulations on the wedding.

Might need to visit a dentist after such a heavy dose of sweetness :p

But in all seriousness: Congratulations. I do not know if this means anything coming from a complete stranger but I wish you and your bride to be all the best and truly hope that it will last through for better and for worse and so one. Sounds like you have found a great person to share your life with, and the fact that you are not on a mission to convert her makes you even cooler in my book.
Should probably also comment on the entire point of your article but that will have to wait (gotta go find a toothbrush :p)

1) The heartiest possible congratulations on your pending nuptials, sir.

2) You've hit on an incredibly lucky thing - somebody outside of the gaming sphere who is willing to both talk and listen about them. The problem most gamers have with non-gamers is the feeling that non-gamers not only don't play games, but don't want to have anything to do with games. They're not interested enough to ask as intelligent a question as that which Danielle asked you (I think I side with you on this one, but that may be because I lean more towards the JRPG type than the sandbox AFGNCAAP projection models), and they certainly don't want to hear about the nuances of story and plot and gameplay and historical implications and all that it entails and everything that lies beneath the superficial surface. Gamers want people outside of gaming to be willing to listen to them, to explain why the Jack Thompsons of the world are misrepresenting their hobbies.

In short, you are an incredibly lucky man and Danielle is an incredibly lucky woman.

3) I've never played Angry Birds either.

I'm not sure why that struck you as such a profound question. It's asked a lot by gamers on the interwebs.

Congratulations Rath! ;) I hope you don't stay insane after the wedding.

Another great article. Gave me some things to think about. I will try and remember some of the ways to talk about games you spoke of when talking to non-gamers about games.

That one thing about different countries and their level of violence vs. how much they play games, I actually saw someone use that before. I think it was Nancy Pelosi. She was asked about the whole "do video games make people want to be violent?" thing. Specifically using guns. She talked about how Japan has some of the highest sales of violent video games, but has far lower gun violence. Then suggested that this may be because they have more enforced gun control laws.

Thank you for doing this article.
:) My you and your love have happiness always.

When I got married having a "videogame wedding" just seemed a little... tacky... that's not what I or my wife wanted, we went with something classy that also spoke to us as people, we went with a "book" theme, the center pieces were pretty old books, we lucked out and found a cheap numbered encyclopedia set that we used to mark tables... we also drank a hell of a lot of booze...

It was awesome.

You've outdone yourself this time, Mr. Rath.

If there's one thing I've learned from Jim, it's that there isn't a "perfect gamer girlfriend". Only perfect gamer girlfriend*s*.

Wait...

(Congrats!)

"Why are fantasy and sci-fi settings more prevalent than historical ones? Does the type of game shape online interaction, and how? If everyone's tired of Call of Duty, why does it sell so well? Are there any comedy games?"

All excellent questions, and ones we expect full columns on over the next couple weeks. No honeymoon for you!

(But congratulations on the wedding. Hope everything goes well, and we'll wait patiently for your return).

Congrats on the wedding. Best wishes to you both

I can identify with this, to a degree. My significant other & I are both gamers, but circumstances have made her a true connoisseur of retro console gaming, while I'm more current with heavy leanings toward the indie scene. We both share our love of gaming with each other, but from incredibly different perspectives, which leads to an unusual level of insight between us

It's the differences that make any relationship unique & special (yup, just gave myself diabetes)

Congrats on your up and coming nuptials dude!

I know I've talked to some of my friends that have no interest in games at all and they ask me questions that make me have to think critically about why I like or dislike something. Even challenge why I did a certain thing in a game if and when that gets brought up, or if something hits the news and I get asked about it.

Zachary Amaranth:
I'm not sure why that struck you as such a profound question. It's asked a lot by gamers on the interwebs.

I've gotten into conversations like that with other people that play games as well, so maybe I'm just used to engaging with people about that. I will say the first time I talked to someone about that I didn't know how to answer since it was something I never considered.

Yeah I have the same kind of deal going on, except I rarely need to talk about video games because my missus is a chatterbox and can go on endlessly. Which is perfectly fine for me, being the quiet type I'm happy to just sit back and listen.

You hopeless romantic!

Nice article. I've lost relationships because of trying to hard to get the better half interested in games, so I definitely get where you're coming from there.

Congratulations. Danielle sounds like a wonderful woman and a real find.

Come to think of it... is this just a thinly veiled "how-on-earth-did-I-get-this-lucky"- or "I-must-have-done-something-really-good-in-a-previous-life"-rant?

In any case I am really happy for you and really envious - I mean - a violinist (among other things), really?

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!!

I am approaching year 3 on my marriage. My wife is a gaming fan and enjoys watching me play my fav games and like to get into the story sometimes (I can't do gore like games, for that gives her nightmares..except Castlevania.), even interacts with the characters. We're both retro gamers, and I love the way how she gets into the games as I play them story/plot wise.

I truly hope and pray that this article will help gamers with their non-gaming loves to get to know each other more, and have awesome dinner table conversations like you two have.

God bless the both of you!

Congratulations man. I'm happy for you. And I'm also happy with my gamer girlfriend who can always beat me at fighting games. Regardless of how hard I try to distract her with kisses.

You don't need to have everything in common, sometimes just each other is enough.

I'm actually not sure I'd like to have a gamer girlfriend. She'd probably be better then me, and while I'm not a very competitive person my ego bruises easily.

That's nice I guess. But apart from the whole girlfriend thing, I don't see why a non-gamer's view should be so much valuable to the gaming scene. Every one of those questions you mention as examples are questions which I've thought of myself. And, I'm the kind of person who could spend a whole weekend playing one map in Q3.

Really. I don't get this whole inclusion thing. I mean sure, when more people play (or at least are aware of) games, the hobby won't be so shunned as it tends to. On the other hand, really - discussing games with someone who doesn't care much about them is like discussing tennis with someone who doesn't care, or programming, or painting, or surgery. Rarely can a complete outsider really bring something interesting.

So, good for you for having someone to chat like this, your lady is probably a nice person, but I definitely wouldn't generalize it as 'we need more outside voice'.

Sounds like you've got a real winner there, Mr. Rath. Congratulations and have a long, happy marriage.

This is by far my favorite of your articles to date, I really felt like you were talking to me instead of me reading an article, which happens sometimes (not complaining haha). Im happy to hear the good news about you and your (soon to be) wife Congratz!

I share this kind of relationship with my girlfriend. We're both gamers, but we find such great perspective when we talk about the things that we don't share in common. I'm more tech savvy and spend my time writing while she's way better at math and is skilled in sewing. When we talk about subjects that involve those elements, we tend to learn something about ourselves (usually that we're over-complicating the hell out of whatever we're doing). This kind of communication has been our secret to a happy, healthy relationship.

Mr. Rath and his fiance sound like they share something quite similar. I know that bond will serve them well and lead to many happy years of marriage, though I'm sure he's not going to want to see a mason jar again for a long, long time. I wish you guys the best!

Congratulations man. May you have a long and happy marriage.

Congratulations! And best of luck with the wedding!

I'm glad my girlfriend isn't a gamer girl, to be honest. She's still perfect.

I tried explaining the plot of Bioshock Infinite to her. It didn't go well.

Wait, you've never thought about whether you preferred a created character vs. a pre-con character or developed (non-player) character? *That* is advanced game design? The question answered in Ultima 3/4? The question that's the central argument of WRPG vs. JRPG from the early days?

Really?

I'm coming across as condescending, I'm aware... but you're saying in the same breath that you value mastery of every aspect of all games, and that you haven't thought about any of the actual functions of them. Tabletop gaming covers this, WRPGs cover this very well by themselves, and certainly in contrast with JRPGs... hell, I remember a long-running argument comparing the way that faceless/characterized protags were covered between HL, Quake/DOOM, and... I wanna say Marathon, but it might've been SysShock/2 or Deus Ex (geez, I suddenly feel a bit old).

This is a great topic at cons and tournaments, too.

Don't you have to ask yourself why you like something? Don't you have to analyze what you actually enjoy and don't to figure out what you do and don't like about a game?

I dont know how it would be for me if my bf wasnt into games aswell. I like it very much that we share a lot of our interessts even we differ drastically at some points, we never run out of things to talk about.
that he isnt into the same books as me is alright, as i read them alone, but i love to play together with him and would certainly miss spending our time together partially with gaming together. Part of that is also talking about games, figuring what is good about them and what is not.
Its like any hobby that I share with my partner and sharing something with your partner is something that I think to give a relationship good stability.

oh and congrats to you two :)

Congratulations man! I just got married last October to my Non-Gamer gf, and I have to tell you, I wouldn't want it any other way :) That's not to say that she doesn't have a geeky side to her, she reads a lot of genre fiction and she loves Star Wars just as much as I do, we enjoy watching The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones on TV together and we geek out about that stuff.

I'm really glad we don't have exactly the same interests in everything because I find that a lot of people make the mistake of loosing ones self in a relationship (I really hate it when a buddy drops our DnD session because the significant other demands more attention). Maintaining individuality is healthy, and a healthy person makes for a great life partner :)

Hope everything goes well for you.

My ex started playing "Left4Dead" with me and a few month later, she complained about the
disgusting games I was playing.

I just don't discuss my gaming habits with women, out of all the women I've been with, only two of em didn't treat me like a loser for it, and I'd been with some of the more negative ones for a few months, but yeah whatever, where I live now, it's not really frowned upon as much, so, yeah...

But good luck with the marriage bro, cheers, I raise a pint in your honoour.

Fiz_The_Toaster:
Congrats on your up and coming nuptials dude!

I know I've talked to some of my friends that have no interest in games at all and they ask me questions that make me have to think critically about why I like or dislike something. Even challenge why I did a certain thing in a game if and when that gets brought up, or if something hits the news and I get asked about it.

My only problem with that is that I tend to become, like, the official apologist for gaming. Which isn't totally bad, but getting fielded the same questions about things I don't know or necessarily care about as though I'm the expert on the field....

Like, it's a hobby. It doesn't really define me as a person. I do a lot of stuff. If there's one trait that probably defines me, it's my love for music. I can even understand why people would consider me an authority there; I studied music theory and performance in college. But games? Well, I'm more interested than they are, but....

I've gotten into conversations like that with other people that play games as well, so maybe I'm just used to engaging with people about that. I will say the first time I talked to someone about that I didn't know how to answer since it was something I never considered.

I think my biggest problem answering the question is that there's no right answer. I like both. I'm attached to both. I'm drawn to both. I'm not sure it's equal, but it's fairly close, because both have their strengths and weaknesses to me. I've kind of tossed around similar thoughts on my own, which may be informed by my background as a roleplayer (tabletop RPGs, that is, another thing I've become the official apologist for....).

theETG:
If there's one thing I've learned from Jim, it's that there isn't a "perfect gamer girlfriend". Only perfect gamer girlfriend*s*.

Wait...

(Congrats!)

XD, well, the message of Jim's episode was that there is no one deal for everyone, and I'd hope we didn't all have the same girlfriend. That could get awkward. Though Fappy and I may be...The similarities are numerous.... >.>

Anyway, I don't entirely get the whole "gamer girlfriend" obsession. I get that people want things in common with their SOs, but it seems like a lot of gamers seem to think they need a gamer partner specifically. I kind of wonder if people just see "gamer" as a bigger portion of their identity than I do.

For the record, my girlfriend is sort of a gamer. She got hooked on Skyrim and she routinely plays Minecraft, and there's Kingdom Hearts. I'm glad she's not, like, derisive, but I didn't go out looking for a gamer, and we became friends before I knew she played ANYTHING game-like. It certainly isn't a negative, but neither would it be a dealbreaker if she didn't like games. We have enough in common to keep us going regardless. Mostly being complete geeks and totally neurotic. Which she'll kill me for, when she sees this....

Good article and congrats on the engagement!

Robert Rath:
The Perfect Non-Gamer Girl

Knowing nothing about games can open your mind to their possibilities.

Read Full Article

Congrats Robert you are the reason I stay on the escapist.:)

Congratulations. The wedding craziness passes. Get the thank-you cards off in the mail ASAP to have it done with.

Obligatory congratulations!

I sort of relate- I once had a girlfriend that was very into gaming. Personally, I wasn't much of a gamer at the time (mostly due to lack of funds and my other interests, which to some degree still affect my lack of gaming), so she would explain things about games to me and I to her about music. It was nice to be able to share, and definitely drew me into gaming more, but it's not always so good. I once had another partner that was really into their sports, we were both so dismissive of eachother's interests that we frequently pissed eachother off.

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