The Complete Bastard's Guide To Journalism

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The Complete Bastard's Guide To Journalism

This drive by shooting was brought to you by Gawker.

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I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

DVS BSTrD:
I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

Its seems the Demon from the movie "Drag me to Hell" give his sacrificed cat to Satan. Very useful down to Hell I must say.

Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

Also, blood, blood everywhere.

Followed the link. Holy shit, that's one fucked up use for Kickstart if I ever saw one.

The Gentleman:

DVS BSTrD:
I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

Now hell is shwarming with the damned things!

canadamus_prime:
I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

I am glad I am not the only one who knew it was about Ford. In addition to being a decent mayor he provides some pretty hilarious new articles every single week.

The guy should start snorting sugar in public just to spite the bastards.

Although I know it wasn't the intention, the panels kind of look like a guys slow transition into being Satan.

First he has a scary face.
Secondly he now has glowing eyes.
Thirdly he has red skin and horns.

-BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD-SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE-VIDEO'S OF PEOPLE TAKING CRACK FOR THE GAWKER ARTICLE-
Ok I admit the last one doesn't have the same ring to it but it's the best I could come up with >_<
Also Goats are so last century sacrificing virgins is the new black now-psssh Gawker can't even get that straught no wonder poor Mr Satan is upset :P

canadamus_prime:
I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

It's not very amusing for a Cracked article.

DVS BSTrD:

The Gentleman:

DVS BSTrD:
I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

Now hell is shwarming with the damned things!

*Kicks you into the pit of hell reserved to torture people who say puns*

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to clean up some rotting goat carcasses

The best part of this story now is apparently the alleged crack dealer who has the mystery video has gone MIA. So now gawker is just sitting on a pot of $160,000 for a video that may or may not even exist from a drug dealer who has vanished off the face of the earth. I look forward to the "Rob Ford had him killed" conspiracy theories to pop up. It is days like this this I am glad I live in a 'Sauga

Also..I thought most dealers were on call 24/7? people gotta have their crack!!

Great comic

Crowdfunding has taken an interesting turn from its origin of the collective joining to fund creativity & causes...

...Ok, new idea. I'm gonna start a Kickstarter or IndieGoGo, etc. to fund absolutely horrible things. anyone interested in helping fund a zombie catch'n'release program? Or maybe supervillians? I'm sure we can weaponize badgers if we had a few bucks

Daystar Clarion:
Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

Also, blood, blood everywhere.

Silly Daystar. You can't kill a cheeseburger.

DVS BSTrD:

canadamus_prime:
I read the first panel and immediately thought "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with the Mayor of Toronto, would it?" then I saw your desc underneath and yep it does.

It's not very amusing for a Cracked article.

Thats enough, its pun-jail for you now.

OT: Thats so unbelievably hilarious. Best thing, there are actually people donating for that... donating money to give to crack dealers.

Gotta love the Gawker guys, that strip plus the article made my day.

Wait, are those Kyubei in the background? I resent that, sir. They simply care about the fate of the universe, and they keep getting compared to Satan.

Daystar Clarion:
Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

I make regular sacrifices of Chipotle burritos to the demon inhabiting my labrynthian stomach, does that count? :3

DVS BSTrD:

The Gentleman:

DVS BSTrD:
I didn't know goats kept ALL their blood in their throats.

Satan: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME GOATS!?! DO THEY THINK I FUCK THEM OR SOMETHING? I've got succubi for that!

Well, we used to make some pretty good shwarma, but the guy who cooks it is on a thousand year vacation, so we don't really need the meat anymore...

Now hell is shwarming with the damned things!

*insert drum rimshot* Seriously though, that one got you the Facepalm of the Day award, congrats! :P

OT: Seriously...they're publically announcing they intend to give crack dealers 200K...annnnnnnnd there's absolutely no legal problems with this? I know weed isn't looked on as harshly in Canada as it is in the US, but crack? And if the mayor actually does know these people...can't he have them arrested? Because...you know...they're frickin' crack dealers...

wat

Just... wat

I'm so confused right now.

kamay:
The best part of this story now is apparently the alleged crack dealer who has the mystery video has gone MIA. So now gawker is just sitting on a pot of $160,000 for a video that may or may not even exist from a drug dealer who has vanished off the face of the earth. I look forward to the "Rob Ford had him killed" conspiracy theories to pop up. It is days like this this I am glad I live in a 'Sauga

Also..I thought most dealers were on call 24/7? people gotta have their crack!!

My favorite part is the wording. "Our confidence that we can consummate this transaction has diminished."

There seems to be less blood than last time. Is the goat defective? No wonder Satan doesn't want it.

Daystar Clarion:
Why do people never sacrifice a cheeseburger, or a bag of chips, or you know, something I can eat without having to cook it?

Also, blood, blood everywhere.

Toothpaste blood; practical purposes? Close to zero. Also, what's Satan's address? I've got half a barn worth of sacrifices to make before I can reach world domination.

I clicked on the link and that was one of the worst pieces of Journalism I have ever seen.

Kickstarter is not meant to fund gossip sites and give money to dealers, it's to fund projects that would not see the light of day under normal circumstances

I just like the fact that Satan is using Apple.

Izanagi009:
I clicked on the link and that was one of the worst pieces of Journalism I have ever seen.

Kickstarter is not meant to fund gossip sites and give money to dealers, it's to fund projects that would not see the light of day under normal circumstances

Why was it one of the "worst piece of journalism [you] have ever seen"? It's not like they were promoting the conduct you're talking about.

I suppose it's to be expected that Satan's a Mac fan. Some things never change...

"Here, Mr. Crack Dealer, please have two hundred thousand dollars with our compliments."

I just--I don't even--

I'm in Hamilton, so I'm safe. I heard about the video and the campaign to raise money for it, I didn't know it was Gawker. I wonder if they'll publicly apologize for that very bad idea.

Also: why the hell did that dealer split? He had a hell of a payday coming.

> Also: why the hell did that dealer split? He had a hell of a payday coming.

He was about to become the most famous crack dealer in the world.

That is not the most secure job title to hold.

OfficialJab:
I'm in Hamilton, so I'm safe. I heard about the video and the campaign to raise money for it, I didn't know it was Gawker. I wonder if they'll publicly apologize for that very bad idea.

Also: why the hell did that dealer split? He had a hell of a payday coming.

Ever heard the idiom, "Honour among thieves?"

Even drug dealers have depths to which they will not sink.

1st panel: i love the face the guy has
2nd panel: i felt sorry for the goat
3rd panel: made me question the whole goat sacrificing thing.

so all in all pretty successful

You guys are missing the grand karmic point of this whole thing.

The teenage crack dealers will likely end up losing the money in a matter of months, whether to drug busts, misspent bling, or cars. They really won't be gaining all that much in the long run.

The alleged government official on the other hand is a potential pompous hypocrite who built his life through shrewd understanding and manipulation of his finances and social savvy. This man will suffer from such a leak. It'll be like shining a light on a cockroach.

Now, I personally wouldn't dedicate my own money to such a cause, but I applaud anyone willing to.

Well, it's at least relieving to know that Rob Ford's complete and utter clusterfuck of a mayoral term in the city may have largely been attributed to his crack addiction.

I hate Rob Ford.

Quantum Glass:
I suppose it's to be expected that Satan's a Mac fan. Some things never change...

I would think it would be more fitting if he was just convincing use to partake in Apple products.

Gennadios:

The teenage crack dealers will likely end up losing the money in a matter of months, whether to drug busts, misspent bling, or cars. They really won't be gaining all that much in the long run.

The alleged government official on the other hand is a potential pompous hypocrite who built his life through shrewd understanding and manipulation of his finances and social savvy. This man will suffer from such a leak. It'll be like shining a light on a cockroach.

Meanwhile, that money could lead to things like, you know, the commission of crimes. Since we're talking crack dealers, almost certainly the commission of crimes. We're not talking about the overall gain, but rather the subsidy of crime.

Meanwhile, the mayor was already suffering from this story without that video.

Anyway, I was mostly posting here because the Gawker thing made me think of a certain song....

Izanagi009:
I clicked on the link and that was one of the worst pieces of Journalism I have ever seen.

Kickstarter is not meant to fund gossip sites and give money to dealers, it's to fund projects that would not see the light of day under normal circumstances

It's on Indiegogo. Kickstarter only let's Americans and the British use it.

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