Unskippable: Call of Duty: Black Ops II

Call of Duty: Black Ops II

Paul and Graham take you into the game that takes you so deep into a flashback you won't know where, or when, you are.

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I think this rivals Ace Combat 6 for most depressing intro you've ever done. Close second. As for the timeline, I couldn't even begin to guess.

I once made a promise that I would never laugh at jokes about little girls burning to death. Today, I broke that promise.

There is a very simple simple way to remember the timeline:
Over the tower and through the woods to grandfather's house we go

I think he was going to slit his own throat with that fairly blunt locket. Suicide aside, that's fairly badass.

Fire damage enough to burn all her hair off and make it obvious she has no chance, and she still sounds perfectly healthy.

I have no idea what's gijg on with the timeline. Were two different people having the same flashback? Was one character having the flashback from the perspective of a different character? I'm so confused.

Sweet Jebus! Doctor Who didn't bounce around time and space as much as this intro did.

I feel like not playing the first game greatly decreased my understanding of what i just saw.

Damn, guys, you sure know how to make people like me laugh at something full of depressing and confusing shite. How do you...

Oh wait...

"Smell my pits!"
"Can YOU smell my pits?"
"Yes! Smell ours too!"

Well, mentioning stuff like pit-smelling really helps. ^_^

Funny like always. First time I'm commenting to any of your vids just wanted to say that I enjoy most of them :0

Ne1butme:
I feel like not playing the first game greatly decreased my understanding of what i just saw.

I played the first game, and still found this opening bewildering when I first saw it.

canadamus_prime:
I think this rivals Ace Combat 6 for most depressing intro you've ever done. Close second. As for the timeline, I couldn't even begin to guess.

That's probably because they watched a TRAILER-INTRO first. The actual Intro starts with the "No Trespassing"-sign. The rest? Not important. In fact, not even part of the proper intro.

Blame those two guys making the video for purposly confusing you to make the game look worse.

Edit: Okay, if Paul and Graham are serious about the whole "please create a timeline"-thing at the end, here you go. (Times are those from your video)
Remember that this game has TWO timelines going parallel (80s and 2025, with 80s leading to 2025 but uncovering infos slowly. I will refer to each timeline seperate)

0:00 to 0:22 - YOUR INTRO, GUYS! Not that hard to get! (Yeah, I know that I didn't have to add it, but I wanted. Bite me.)
0:22 to 0:43 - Adds of developer and publisher.
0:43 to 1:05 - Flash forward in the 80s timeline to it's conclusion, voice-over from 3rd to last 2025-mission intro (not actually seen in-game, however).
1:05 to 1:15 - Flash forward in the 2025 timeline, continuing the previous voice-over. (19th July 2025, in fact)
1:15 to 1:26 - Jump back by 8 hours to the beginning of the previous 2025 mission.
1:26 to 1:58 - Flashback to 1973, showing how Raul Menendez (guy in orange, villain) sister got burned to near-death.
1:58 to 2:06 - Again to the "8 Hours Earlier"-scene
2:06 to 2:33 - '73-Flashback again
2:33 to 2:42 - "8 Hours earlier" again
2:42 to 2:51 - 1973
2:51 to 3:07 - "8 Hours earlier" again
-IMPORANT - NOW STARTS THE ACTUAL INTRO- Until now, you haven't even seen the mainmenu.
3:07 to 5:15 - 19th of April, 2025. "Present time" of the 2025 timeline. Few flashbacks to a previous point thrown in, details of that are told later in the game when more important
5:15 to 6:35 - 1982 (exact date unknown) "Present time" of the 80s timeline.
6:35 to end - Outro of this show, not imporatant.

Did that clear things up? Like that you watched something clearly not intended to be part of the actual intro?

Ne1butme:
I feel like not playing the first game greatly decreased my understanding of what i just saw.

Actually, playing the first game is not required unless you want the characters of the 80s to be introduced to you.

Bindal:

Blame those two guys making the video for purposly confusing you to make the game look worse.

Are you accusing Graham and Paul of being teh bias?

Bindal:

That's probably because they watched a TRAILER-INTRO first. The actual Intro starts with the "No Trespassing"-sign. The rest? Not important. In fact, not even part of the proper intro.

Did that clear things up? Like that you watched something clearly not intended to be part of the actual intro?

Did it play when the game started? Is it the first thing a player sees? Then guess what, it's an intro.

Sorry to rag on something you're clearly getting upset over, but that opening was rather confusing with it's nested flashbacks and crap.

kailus13:
I think he was going to slit his own throat with that fairly blunt locket. Suicide aside, that's fairly badass.

Fire damage enough to burn all her hair off and make it obvious she has no chance, and she still sounds perfectly healthy.

Burns all her hair, and all the skin we can see, but almost doesn't affect her dress. Must be a well made dress.

JaredXE:

Bindal:

That's probably because they watched a TRAILER-INTRO first. The actual Intro starts with the "No Trespassing"-sign. The rest? Not important. In fact, not even part of the proper intro.

Did that clear things up? Like that you watched something clearly not intended to be part of the actual intro?

Did it play when the game started? Is it the first thing a player sees? Then guess what, it's an intro.

Sorry to rag on something you're clearly getting upset over, but that opening was rather confusing with it's nested flashbacks and crap.

It is also the first thing the player sees if he doesn't play the campaign but the multiplayer (which it doesn't relate to in any case) or Zombies (which is relates to even less). So, no, it is NOT the intro.

Imp Emissary:

kailus13:
I think he was going to slit his own throat with that fairly blunt locket. Suicide aside, that's fairly badass.

Fire damage enough to burn all her hair off and make it obvious she has no chance, and she still sounds perfectly healthy.

Burns all her hair, and all the skin we can see, but almost doesn't affect her dress. Must be a well made dress.

I was looking up fire retardant materials to say something snarky along the lines of "must have been made out of kevlar :P" but it turns out that wool is fire retardant so it could have been made out of that. Takes the fun out of it a little bit.

Bindal:
snip

No, no, that didn't help at all still confusing as hell.

Eric the Orange:

Bindal:
snip

No, no, that didn't help at all still confusing as hell.

Well, then skip to 3:07 and watch the actual intro - far less confusing. :P

kailus13:

Imp Emissary:

kailus13:
I think he was going to slit his own throat with that fairly blunt locket. Suicide aside, that's fairly badass.

Fire damage enough to burn all her hair off and make it obvious she has no chance, and she still sounds perfectly healthy.

Burns all her hair, and all the skin we can see, but almost doesn't affect her dress. Must be a well made dress.

I was looking up fire retardant materials to say something snarky along the lines of "must have been made out of kevlar :P" but it turns out that wool is fire retardant so it could have been made out of that. Takes the fun out of it a little bit.

Well, look at the bright side.
We learned something neat about wool.
Granted, now that I'm writing this, I remember my Sheep friend once telling me this about wool, but thanks to you I now remember it again.
:D
Small victories.

So his name is Mason?

I bet his descendants become miners on Mars rebel against the Earth Defence Force.

I'll miss your stupid face, but not stinky pits.

Bindal:

canadamus_prime:
I think this rivals Ace Combat 6 for most depressing intro you've ever done. Close second. As for the timeline, I couldn't even begin to guess.

That's probably because they watched a TRAILER-INTRO first. The actual Intro starts with the "No Trespassing"-sign. The rest? Not important. In fact, not even part of the proper intro.

Blame those two guys making the video for purposly confusing you to make the game look worse.

Yes, because it is absolutely necessary to play a trailer of the game that the player just purchased, placed in their console and selected "new campaign." That is the most critical moment when selling a game to a customer.

Or, the entire Call of Duty and Blops story is terrible, poorly written, simultaneously asinine and sophomoric, needlessly complicated to confuse its target audience of semi-conscious aardvarks into thinking that it is "complex" and compelling.

Welp, I too have no idea who any of these people are, what their goals and connections to each other are and why I should care.

Ryan Hughes:

Bindal:

canadamus_prime:
I think this rivals Ace Combat 6 for most depressing intro you've ever done. Close second. As for the timeline, I couldn't even begin to guess.

That's probably because they watched a TRAILER-INTRO first. The actual Intro starts with the "No Trespassing"-sign. The rest? Not important. In fact, not even part of the proper intro.

Blame those two guys making the video for purposly confusing you to make the game look worse.

Yes, because it is absolutely necessary to play a trailer of the game that the player just purchased, placed in their console and selected "new campaign." That is the most critical moment when selling a game to a customer.

Or, the entire Call of Duty and Blops story is terrible, poorly written, simultaneously asinine and sophomoric, needlessly complicated to confuse its target audience of semi-conscious aardvarks into thinking that it is "complex" and compelling.

Or they need SOMETHING to pad out the loading time so people don't stare at a black screen the whole time.
Because guess what? THAT TRAILER-THING AT THE BEGINNING IS THE ONLY TIME THEY DO THAT WHOLE WILD JUMPING! Otherwise, it is straight forward. (And no, the story doesn't try to be complex or anything)

I love it when you guys rip on the grey-brown modern shooters. The bad guy here looks like the evil brother of The Most Interesting Man in the World, like when he showed off his armpits for his followers to sniff. My favorite joke is the No Trespassing sign bit.

Ryan Hughes:

Yes, because it is absolutely necessary to play a trailer of the game that the player just purchased, placed in their console and selected "new campaign." That is the most critical moment when selling a game to a customer.

Or, the entire Call of Duty and Blops story is terrible, poorly written, simultaneously asinine and sophomoric, needlessly complicated to confuse its target audience of semi-conscious aardvarks into thinking that it is "complex" and compelling.

Except that's not what happens. When you hit 'new campaign', you get the cutscene starting at the 'no trespassing' sign.

The trailer is played before the main menu, and (as I've never seen it before) is very easy to miss if you skip the logos.

You know what else includes a trailer of the game you've already bought? Pretty much every game ever. If you left Halo on the menu, trailer for the game you've already bought. If you left Mass Effect at the 'press start' screen, highly inaccurate trailer for the game you've already bought. If you left GTA: Vice City running through all its logos, you got a trailer for the game you've already bought. I could go on for some time.

Rag on the story all you want, assuming you have actually played it through and are not being unbelievably ignorant and prejudiced, but at least be fair and criticise what it actually presents to the player as narrative.

Ne1butme:
I feel like not playing the first game greatly decreased my understanding of what i just saw.

Having played the first one, I can assure you that it did not.

Imp Emissary:

kailus13:
I think he was going to slit his own throat with that fairly blunt locket. Suicide aside, that's fairly badass.

Fire damage enough to burn all her hair off and make it obvious she has no chance, and she still sounds perfectly healthy.

Burns all her hair, and all the skin we can see, but almost doesn't affect her dress. Must be a well made dress.

She's like the anti-Daenerys Targaryen

I'm surprised nobody thought to comment about the boss-man's tie being the exact same colour as his shirt. Is that an actual military thing? Cause here it just looked like a missing texture map.

And I'm pretty sure you're only allowed to flashback in someone else's flashback if you then tell the person who owns your parent flashback that you had a flashback and what was in it. Otherwise how would they know you had a flashback to include it in their flashback?

"My, it's a lovely army you've got here, very good indeed... Ehm... Do you have any grown-ups I could talk to?"

-Pvt. Muspelheim, whenever inexplicably roped into a Call of Duty introduction scenario.

It's Merle! Where's Derle!

and where's your knife hand?

Fangobra:
I'm surprised nobody thought to comment about the boss-man's tie being the exact same colour as his shirt. Is that an actual military thing? Cause here it just looked like a missing texture map.

If you mean Lt. Col. North in the Alaska scene, he is wearing a USMC Service "A" or "Alpha" uniform. The ties are indeed the same shade of khaki brown as the shirts.

 

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