Escape to the Movies: After Earth

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Cartographer:
I had no idea Shyamalan was involved either, guess marketing knows how much of a box-office drain it'd be to crow about that so avoided mentioning it, showing at least someone involved in the movie has some smarts.

Now, if in no way does the advertising of a movie you are making, actually tells people that you are making the movie, you may just want to take a step back and think about where your career is going...

Oh, right... this is the same guy that put himself in a movie as a misunderstood genius that saves the world...

Darklord008:
I feel like there was already a Grumpy Cat movie. It was called Garfield. And it SUCKED.

It sucked so hard it got a sequel. Which I watched.

This mistake is why I now appear to look 20 years older than I really am.

Thanks, Garfield.

I use to like M.Night's stuff back when he had like 50k budgets and had to use his hometown as a backdrop for his films. He's gone Hollywood and it shows, badly. He needs to retire or just be a write/produce only because his directorial "vision" is horribly impaired.

oh jesus, a Grumpy Cat movie?
That blows my mind.

You know, I say that the worst thing to say to an artist is suggesting that he should quit his craft.
M. Night Shyamalan: Go to refrigeration school. Now. Save yourself.

cyvaris:
So.....I was....wrong...there's no twist? There's no "this was Earth in the past" ending?

That...that is depressing.

Wouldn't the fact that the movie is called "After Earth" and Will Smith saying "This is Earth" in the trailers ruin that twist?

If they wanted a twist it should have been like.."THIS IS EARTH.....1 A.D." dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuun and the will smith's son turns out to be jesus cause jesus was black

Is anyone else getting tired of Bob's self-congratulatory vitriol masquerading as honest criticism? Honestly, I don't even like M. Night Shyamalan movies, and yet when Bob takes a good ten seconds to guffaw aggravatingly about the name of one of the characters in the aforementioned director's latest movie, I honestly want to reach through my screen and beat him over the head with a copy of The Sixth Sense.

I get that Bob is a critic and has to add some pizazz to his reviews to hook in the 18-34 demographic; it's his tone I object to...which is not unlike a seven year old wanting to be congratulated for pointing out how mean and shallow all the popular kids are just so that he won't feel so bad being part of the out crowd.

Bob, seriously, you need to consider two pointers before you alienate a good portion of your audience:

1). No one likes snark for snarkiness's sake. The reason why Yahtzee's video column is so popular is because he couches his criticism's in artful metaphor and clever wordplay. If you can't do this, then just stick to the clear, critical dissection of the movies currently under your microscope. Which leads me to my second point...

2). Remember your place in life. I have no problem with you ripping movies to shreds from a purely analytical standpoint - I'll even grant that you do this very well when you're on point. It's when you become personally overbearing in your commentary and assume a holier than thou attitude that you become exceedingly boorish. I leave you with the words of Brendan Francis Behan; hopefully, this should illuminate my point:

"Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves."

It feels like they could have just dropped jayden smith (who I have no interest in as an actor but then again I didnt care for him being int he karate kid) and used the ghosting technique to mroe or less make this the "black" (not in any terms racist, just a colour swap) pitch black riddick. and that probably would have been more enjoyable fromt he sounds.

anyawy, I get the feeling grumpy cat (the movie) is going to be like fred the movie. Just full of youtube/meme jokes that makes me really dislike the people that make it popular and would actually pay to see it.

But hey Bob, could always review the Hangover 3, just absolutely dying to hear the CLEARLY GLOWING comments you'll give it.

Though the elements bob says are vidgeo game inspired are kinda cool, at least the freezing cold night parts. If done in a better movie it would be much more interesting to watch that as survival flick rather than an action/survival flick.

Aptspire:

cyvaris:
So.....I was....wrong...there's no twist? There's no "this was Earth in the past" ending?

That...that is depressing.

That's exactly what I expected the twist to be XD
OT: Man, that's sad. I mean, if only there was a good series about future post-apocalyptic Earth where a cool guy that fights aliens crash lands...
http://myanimelist.net/anime/16524/Suisei_no_Gargantia
Oh wait, there already is :D

Oh, yeah, that show is awesome and looks like that something bad is about to happen (thank Urobuchi for anything that makes our mouth drop)

This movie made me so happy because it combined several elements of suckage into one package so it only consumed one release weekend that I knew I had to avoid. I will not see a Will Smith movie anymore because, as much as he claims to not be a member, he gives money to scientology which I will not support. I won't see a Jaden movie until he proves that he deserves to be acting, and M. Night just sucks.

On a side note, I think Will is doing a huge disservice to his kid. It would be one thing if Jaden was getting some gigs based on being a Hollywood insider, people can kind of accept that. But the fact that his dad is essentially making films to force feed fans his son is just going to make people resent him. Let the kid work his way in. Do some TV or some supporting roles. Work for people other than your dad in a starring role and you may actually get a career out of it.

I guess we learned that movie Bob releases his Brooklyn rage whenever he talks about Star Trek Into Darkness. However nobody ever even held the faintest shred of hope for this movie. It was Will Smith attempting to push his kid into the world of acting with a director hopelessly stuck in his own delusions.

Now enjoy this clip.

The problem for Jaden is is has not earned his bones as a child actor. He didn't start out with dozens of small roles or go to a casting call to win a role himself without his name-brand parents. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith appear to be the WORST sort of helicopter parents because they refuse to let him just go it alone and earn his time on screen. A good actor will take the lumps by taking small roles to get to the bigger game. Jaden's parents have bought his way in, so not one person on a movie set should respect that kid one bit

I will tell you this right now, Jaden Smith at age 21 will be a nightmare if he goes on like this. The young man has a little talent probably, but he need to get out of the action roles to find his center. He should do three years of Shakespeare in the park, get some small roles in some Sundance aspiring films, and just hone his craft. And, if it never happens it never happens....but that won't happen Will And Jada will keep buying his way in until Hollywood whispers in Will's ear "We won't hire the kid...even if you pay us...sorry."

Sixcess:

Stah Trek Into Dahkness

I love Bob's accent. It's like the Hulk. It only comes out in moments of intense emotion.

You should go to Brooklyn. You'll have an aebsolute bawl! Or you'll be shot... Actually, don't go to Brooklyn.

Desert Punk:

Thunderous Cacophony:

P.S. Was anyone else completely unaware that Shyamalan was involved with this movie, despite seeing a dozen commercials?

I wasn't aware of it either

Its really too bad, this movie seemed like it had potential in its previews.

Sixcess:

Stah Trek Into Dahkness

I love Bob's accent. It's like the Hulk. It only comes out in moments of intense emotion.

Man I hate it when his accent comes out, especially when he isn't doing this live, and is just too lazy to go back and record it properly.. What is the point in having an editor if they don't catch inconsistencies and mistakes?

For those of us who have been following Bob for a long time, we know that when the Boston accent comes out, it's like his personal Tyler Durden coming to the fore, and he can't help hating it or snarking on it.

That being said, any M. Night movie these days is more about guessing the sloppy twist ending or how he's going to try and get out of the hole that is his one-note persona. Personally, I was expecting the twist ending to be that the whole thing had been a final exam or training scenario for the Jaden character, a la Professor X's Danger Room or Star Trek's Kobayashi Maru.

Blunderboy:

cyvaris:
So.....I was....wrong...there's no twist? There's no "this was Earth in the past" ending?

That...that is depressing.

But it not having a twist, IS THE TWIST!

No, it's a Shamelyon movie. it must have not only a twist, but an obvious one at that. C'mon MovieBob. spoilers! What was the big twist?

The reason it feels like the sci-fi element doesn't matter is that it was originally written as as a father-son camping trip movie.

At least this might help to take down the Smiths' egos. But who am I kidding?

theApoc:
Has anyone other than Bob, actually seen this movie?

Plenty of critics have weighted in, at this point. Bob's assessment is widely shared.

Ouch! That bad? Now I want to see it just to see how much of a train-wreck it is. Also, I will say this. Will's monologue from the trailer did paint a imagine of a possibly better movie. Maybe M. Night should just stick to dialogue and have someone else come up with concept work and premise, because that still seems to be his strongest suits.

Also, that has to be the most lazy, dilapidated design of a cgi alien... I've ever seen. I can whip up something better in Zbrush under an hour.

It look like a wet, torn, gray t-shirt, someone threw on the ground.

:P

SwimmingRock:
Wait, that's how you pronounce Kitai? I thought his name was basically "kitty rage" and found it hilarious. Now the movie doesn't even have unintentional hilarity going for it.

Aside from that, the movies trailer was too dumb for me to go see it. "Everything on this planet evolved to kill humans" No, Will Smith, they fucking didn't. Humanity left. Why on earth would creatures evolve to kill something which doesn't even live on the fucking planet anymore? That makes zero sense.

DINGDINGDINGDING. Thank you.

In addition to that, I would also like to know how they evolved into super animals (the eagle) in just 1000 years.

mrseriousguy:
I use to like M.Night's stuff back when he had like 50k budgets and had to use his hometown as a backdrop for his films. He's gone Hollywood and it shows, badly. He needs to retire or just be a write/produce only because his directorial "vision" is horribly impaired.

NO. Keep him the HELL away from writing anything. He wrote LAB and Lady in the Water and had a hand in writing The Village, Signs, and The Stupidning (Happening).

Thunderous Cacophony:

P.S. Was anyone else completely unaware that Shyamalan was involved with this movie, despite seeing a dozen commercials?

No you were not, and now I'm annoyed with myself for not noticing as even without knowing that nor having seen reviews, this move was a 'meh, maybe' movie for me and seeing his name makes it a solid no. Yet, being a sci-fi movie and me having nothing to do, plans have already been made to see it tomorrow and it would be rude to cancel, so now I'm kind of suck.

Jacco:

SwimmingRock:
Wait, that's how you pronounce Kitai? I thought his name was basically "kitty rage" and found it hilarious. Now the movie doesn't even have unintentional hilarity going for it.

Aside from that, the movies trailer was too dumb for me to go see it. "Everything on this planet evolved to kill humans" No, Will Smith, they fucking didn't. Humanity left. Why on earth would creatures evolve to kill something which doesn't even live on the fucking planet anymore? That makes zero sense.

DINGDINGDINGDING. Thank you.

In addition to that, I would also like to know how they evolved into super animals (the eagle) in just 1000 years.

I found it laughable (and someone correct me if I'm wrong) that Will Smith's character is supposed to be a "legendary general". Never mind being rather young for being a general, but also "legendary"? What the hell?

Of course, I've always thought Will Smith to be a smug little shit anyway, so I've never much liked him. If the story comes from him, it wouldn't surprise me. It reeks of ego, from the idea that he's a general (*snerk*), to the idea that the Earth evolved JUST to kill humans (*groan*) to having his insufferable kid hog the screen and be held up as a hero (*sigh*).

JimB:
To be fair to the Smiths, "flat affect" is the hallmark of every Shyamalan movie ever. They were probably directed in that direction.

I figure it would make sense for the father to be completely flat as part of his whole "man who feels no fear" thing, presumably as a side effect (if you feel no fear, maybe you don't feel much of anything else either), and as a result the son who so desperately wants to be his father would try to imitate that...

...but even if it makes sense, that doesn't make it entertaining to watch.

Supposedly it was originally about a normal father and son who go on a camping trip or something and get into a car accident, so Jaden has to make his way through the wilderness to get help. Then for almost no reason at all, Smith decided to put a Sci-Fi spin on it. I guess the concept alone is too small and personal and he prefers big budget, big message movies?

I kinda feel sorry for Jayden, I liked him in the Karate Kid remake. This Movie though must of been incredibly hard to act for since 90% must of been shot in front of green screens with stand in props that he is suppose to act afraid/emotional with.

Thunderous Cacophony:
That's disappointing. I understand that Will Smith is trying to break his son into the movie business, but it's hard enough acting without having the additional baggage of playing the son of your father. Give him a different actor to be Dad, one he can view as a character, and I think it would be better.

P.S. Was anyone else completely unaware that Shyamalan was involved with this movie, despite seeing a dozen commercials?

Yeah, I'm one of those who didn't know Shyamalan was the director until very recently, and my heart sank completely when I did. I was actually looking forward to this movie, because the trailers made it look very interesting. However, after listening to Bob, it sounds like it's just a very poorly done "boy growing up" story (and I actually sometimes like a good "boy growing up" story; although, now that I'm on the thought, I have to wonder how come you don't get any or many "girl growing up" stories).

anthony87:
My problem with this film is the same problem that I had with The Karate Kid, it exists solely as something for Jaden Smith to star in.

My problem with that film was utter lack of Karate.

DVS BSTrD:

Daystar Clarion:
Thought this was gonna suck.

It was hard not to recognize the Signs.

Well, it certainly has been The Happening trend for M. Knight as of late.

It's so strange that myself and everyone I know loved the new star trek, yet bob hates it.

Usually he's somewhat close to what folks I know feel.

To each their own I guess.

SwimmingRock:
Wait, that's how you pronounce Kitai? I thought his name was basically "kitty rage" and found it hilarious. Now the movie doesn't even have unintentional hilarity going for it.

Aside from that, the movies trailer was too dumb for me to go see it. "Everything on this planet evolved to kill humans" No, Will Smith, they fucking didn't. Humanity left. Why on earth would creatures evolve to kill something which doesn't even live on the fucking planet anymore? That makes zero sense.

Thank you. That bit made me a bit mad too.
Evolution doesn't happen on purpose. It's not like mother nature is going around asking herself; "What can I do today? I know! I'll make something that looks like a beaver and a duck had an abomination!"

Also, you can still call him Kitty/Kiddy Rage. That's actually a good mocking nickname.
=w= d (<- Thumbs up face)

I just...I...I can't. I can't do it. I really can't. Even from the trailers, that was the flattest acting I've seen. It wasn't even Hayden Christensen. It was Will Smith! The Fresh Prince! Where was the guy from Wild Wild West? The hell?! I'm normally as emotionless as a Vulcan and this makes me want to ball my eyes out. I'll be in my trailer.

Django03:
Obviously they had to go with Cypher Raige because Edge Maverick had already been used in Star Ocean 4.

I hear they wanted to try out "Rex Power Colt" too but, yeah. Timing fail. XD

Will Smith turned down Django? WILL SMITH TURNED DOWN DJANGO?? AND WENT WITH MR SHITMALAN??

You mean we could've seen Will play as Django instead of that other no-name guy (no disrespect to him, but I like Will).

And he chose to do a movie with SHITMALAN as director. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM???

I actually like a lot of Shymalan's movies. Signs is an atmospheric film with a great score and an interesting premise, even if the plot is swiss cheese. The Village has an interesting premise after the Reveal, even if the Reveal is so obvious that you spend the whole film waiting for it. Devil is a creepy, atmospheric film that's enjoyable to watch, even if the story and premise are stupid-simple.

But this sounds awful, like Last Airbender awful. What's tragic is I can see how with a tighter focus, this could have been a good movie. Drop most of the expedition and blather about Earth's back-story, drop the ridiculousness of the aliens Smith-Avatar has been fighting against with a magic metal sword, and just make it about the struggle of a young man to survive in a hostile, wild environment when he's spent his entire life living in a sanitized, advanced space colony. Make the whole "moving farther and farther away from a weakening, dying father on radio contact" a metaphor for adulthood, and how we move out of our parents' orbits as we grow older, and how we deal with their fading away into death.

Thunderous Cacophony:
That's disappointing. I understand that Will Smith is trying to break his son into the movie business, but it's hard enough acting without having the additional baggage of playing the son of your father. Give him a different actor to be Dad, one he can view as a character, and I think it would be better.

P.S. Was anyone else completely unaware that Shyamalan was involved with this movie, despite seeing a dozen commercials?

Yes. I was genuinely surprised by this review as this is actually the first time I've heard Shyamalan's name mentioned in connection to this movie. They must have decided to really keep that on the down low (if not omit it altogether) given that I haven't seen it once on all the trailers I've seen be on tv, in the cinema or those fancy animated billboards we get nowadays.

MovieBob has done us a good service by pointing this out. Until now, I might have actually considered going to see this film. Close call.

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