Zero Punctuation: Next Gen Buyer's Guide

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LordTerminal:
Hey Yahtzee, you know why EA said they were dropping support for the WiiU? Because Nintendo wouldn't use Origin. Y'know, that crappy ass EA attempt at Steam that you ragged on in your own review of SimCity? Double standards much?!

This is the third time he's made it clear that he's an elitist PC asskisser and if anything, he's turned me away from PC gaming even more now. Here's a tip Yahtzee. Take that "don't" and use it to dig the sand out of your vagina.

IT suck that I already bought a Wii U, it's just that Wind Waker HD is that one game I really really want to play. Why not just play the original Wind Waker you ask? Because my GameCube is breaking and my copy of Wind Waker is already broken.

For god's sake, Nintendo has already revealed stuff coming to the WiiU but if that's not enough, they're revealing more next Tuesday! And if that's still not enough for you people, then get the hell out of my game industry because it's people like that that have ruined gaming for me. And Yahtzee is the king of them all!

Not exactly coming across as the bigger person here.

DVS BSTrD:

Are you ready?
Yeah, you think you can tell us what to do (with a console)?
You think you can tell us what to play?
You think that your better (then what we have now)?
Well you better get ready
To bow to the master (race)
Break it down!

It is (than what we have now) not then....

So to summarize this buyer's guide for next gen consoles: don't.

Yeah, I pretty much saw this coming from the title. It's like a focus group nightmare up in here.

He brought up a point that I had been trying to put my finger on for a while: the fact that (at least as far as I can remember) the last two generations were the only ones that have had big "Reveal Events". Used to be they'd just announce "Hey, our new console is coming out soon, here's a list of games we intend to have at launch!" Why? Because back then they were selling GAME consoles, and that's literally all you needed to say about them: new console coming soon, get ready for the next Metroid!

"To sum up this buyer's guide on the next gen consoles: don't." Pretty much sums it up for me. I'll hang onto my 360, and in the mean time I'm saving up for a decent gaming PC.

OK, everyone! Gaming's biggest cynic has spoken! The Games Industry Apocalypse is upon us! Burn all your consoles, abandon their makers, and offer virgin sacrifices to the PC Gaming Master Race in hopes they will forgive us for our filthy ways and accept us into their glorious world.

Or, we can wait for what E3 has in store for us and try not to take seriously the opinion of a man so cranky that even Oscar the Grouch would tell him to lighten the fuck up.

"Not enough hugs as a child" is an understatement. Aside from bad gaming experiences, I'm wondering what sucked the joy out Ben "Yahtzee" Crowshaw's soul? My money is on child molestation by a family relative.

In all seriousness, I'm gonna give Sony and Nintendo the benefit of the doubt and see if either one will pull and ace or two out of their sleeves. Not Microsoft, they're pretty much Xboned at this point of the game. Then again, weirder things have happened.

As for Yahtzee, maybe instead of knocking him down from his ivory tower, perhaps I could do something to bring some happiness into his life.

Anybody know the phone number of a company that can send dozens of theme park mascots to a person's house for a day or two?

RJ 17:
He brought up a point that I had been trying to put my finger on for a while: the fact that (at least as far as I can remember) the last two generations were the only ones that have had big "Reveal Events".

That's not really true. They've merely grown progressively largers as console gaming has become bigger business.

They've now become progressively more desperate, too, as they're now competing with the PC and smartphone virtually everyone has.

Mr. Q:
Snip.

You do realize that all the anger and such is just his shtick, right? You don't watch Zero Punctuation to hear a guy say in a pleasant, soothing voice calmly relate what he sees as the pros and cons about a console, listing technical specs and quoting various other critics. You watch ZP to hear a guy curse about games (or in this case, consoles) and use various - often vulgar - metaphors and similes. The point is that he doesn't NEED to do that, it's just his thing...it's why his audience enjoys his videos.

With regards to this topic, I'd say he pretty much summed up the general consensus of all the critics that I've heard/seen, he just did so in his own "Yahtzee" style. No one knows much of anything about the PS4 other than it's new controller and how linked in it's going to be with social media. No one can say much about the WiiU since there's not really many games to talk about yet. And pretty much everyone would rather use the XBone as a toilet than a game "multi-media" console, and the fact that the Kinect is mandatory and its unblinking eye will be staring at you constantly is the height of creepiness.

Again, he could have brought all these up in a more "professional" manner, he could have done that with all of his videos in fact, but that's not the way he does things, and people don't watch his videos to listen to him do that. They want metaphors involving shit and bollocks.

Every single word in this video was fucking GOLD to me. Completely parallels my feelings on the upcoming generation of consoles.

Aptspire:

500? I hope you mean 500 pounds for Microsoft, because it's set to cost 599 pounds (or a little over 900 US$)

You do realize that that is not what it is going to cost. That was just the amount that Amazon put up as a high end estimate so that they could start fielding pre-orders. They even gave the disclaimer/point that if the price dropped they would give it to you at the actual cost. Along with that, they put the obvious fine print that says that they don't even no what the hell the consoles are going to be sold for.

Oh and don't even point out just Microsoft and the Xbox One, because Amazon has set the exact same price out for the PS4.

Stop trying to mislead people. Be nice and give them the facts, instead of one-sided bias.

Jman1236:
I already have 500 set aside for a next gen console, I'm just waiting for E3 to see weather I should give my 500 to sony or microsoft. If I had to choose now I've give it to sony since they are no where as big a-holes as microsoft is at the moment.

Don't believe Aptspire's comment he made to you about the price, he doesn't know what he is talking about.

Mr Q - "Anybody know the phone number of a company that can send dozens of theme park mascots to a person's house for a day or two?"

And by theme park mascots I assume you mean Escorts right?

XBox-(we)Won is coming out with outdated system spec: 500GB HD that is supposed to have ALL your BluRay (25 GB each) games installed on it permanently? They are not crystal on that yet, but still. M$ patted itself on the back when they announced the console boots up instantly, which means that the drive is just a SSD. For those that have not encountered problems with SSD tech, well, just bite me. I am not saying they are all going to be ticking time-bombs, but if you did not know that at least 5% are ready to fail within the first four months, you might be a little surprised by your $500 door-stop and the month turn-around-time to get a refurb with an even greater chance of failure. $ony will only say the drive is 'large', which means nothing since a large drive to most of us is 4TB. If it too is an SSD and requires games to being fully installed then in a head to head death match they will be equally equipped. Gods (all of 'em) help them if they use certain types of SSDs where the failure rate reaches 30%+.

Both consoles come with an AMD 8-core CPU, it is a well known fact that Intel performs far better with games and AMD is for work. Both refuse to tell us how fast the CPU are. You might think that 8 cores is much faster than 6 but it usually does not mean very much (even when properly threading across all cores). So a 6 core from intel is almost certainly faster for game processing needs, but not as cheap. Neither mention the Video Card or GPU, so we wait...

M$ is going to use the old, slow, cheap, DDR3 while $ony is using GDDR5 which is graphical memory, not system memory. So they seem to be staying with their current plans, with $ony games looking better, but having less 'stuff' in the game world (without nuking the graphics to compensate) and M$ games having more/larger game worlds, but not quite as pretty.

But the most telling aspect of M$'s is that they are not even planning to phase out the 360's. Well that is confidence personified. Actually it was their way of covering their asses for *nothing* from the 360 working with the (we)Won. Games I understand, after all the new CPU has finally joined the last generation and moved up to 64 bit processing. But that does not explain why in hell the controllers do not. Sure the new ones are going to have extra features, but if you were to use an old one, it should just ignore those new features, right? Not according to M$ who tell you how great the new controller is with all the magnetic sensors and vibrating buttons (no, I am serious), but they conveniently skip the part where this is going to drain your AA cells faster than ever before (my guess is 4 hours).

Then we find out that the M$ says that SP games do not require you to be online persistently. Well, that is unless the designer really wants to make use of the console. Then they are going to need cloud processing, which is persistent online only. So the games *do not require it*, but they are going to suck Dolphin tail without it. But that is all the developer's fault according to M$. I expect $ony will duplicate this, so get ready internet providers. Bandwith caps for everyone! Suddenly that console is costing a hell of a lot more per month...

The (we)Won will allow developers to record data through the kinect, which they can force on through their game even when not actually using it as part of the game. Ostensibly this is so they can 'gauge your enjoyment level' according to M$. The best part is that now hackers can tunnel through the cloud anonymously and spy on you. It is not like someone does not penetrate M$ on a yearly basis (whether they need it or not). So I am thinking of launching a new business selling kinect hoods, with acoustic dampening foam, so you can disable this unless you are actually using it. The product name: Dis.

"Besides all of this, Microsoft is promising a new operating system fusing Xbox and Windows." Ya, it was called Windows 8. They had to flop it off on someone.

You know, when the Nintendo console is the only one worth buying, by pure virtue of it being a fucking video game console instead of a multimedia all purpose device with DRM out the ass that just happens to play games, something has seriously gone wrong. Everyones acting like Nintendo deciding not to show up at E3 is a sign of something bad, but at this rate I'm taking it to mean Nintendo is the only one who remembers how video games are supposed to god damn work in it being about the actual games instead of guest appearances by Usher..

And yes it doesn't have any games yet, but at least I can play my Wii and Gamecube games on it, which the XBONE and PS4 can't fucking claim.

Microsoft is dead to me. Hope the 360 can hold up till I can get a PC.

The 360 is being supported for quite some time (at least two years by my read).

I do like how some people are claiming Yahtzee is going all PC gaming master race now, since I remember him explaining in a video how he was distancing himself from PC gaming at first because of all the bullshit, and now since consoles are even MORE bullshit he finds himself leaning back towards it out of desperation more then anything else.

Maybe it's just me, but the only console here that is inherently bad is the Xbone(no, it's bad. I don't care if it has good exclusives, the console on its own is bad), so really the other two just need to get some damn games and Microsoft can go down with its own ship. I'd say Microsoft is the only one here holding games hostage.

CutThroatConcierge:
The next gen consoles are just like the current gen consoles:
XBOX = Over confident dickhead
PS4 = Intelligent but annoying nerd
WiiU = ADHD child on crack cocaine
I believe that anyone who still have a shred of dignity and self-respect should buy a gaming PC if they wanting an upgrade from the current gen consoles because console gaming was fun but the shirts have suck all the fun out of owning a console and now it's just another soulless consumer good that "Casual Gamers" will blindly buy because they have no idea what being a gamer is all about.

Can I ask you a question? What IS being a gamer all about?

erttheking:

Not exactly coming across as the bigger person here.

Probably because Yahtzee just reminded me why I hate modern day journalism and modern day gaming culture with this and I will admit it's a topic that, unfortunately, I'm ungodly sensitive to. The fact that people are just going to buy into what he has to say when he clearly redacted information regarding the whole "EA not supporting Nintendo" ordeal and are likely going to use it in their gaming decisions when they're not getting the whole story. (again, Nintendo didn't want to use Origin because even they admit the thing sucks) And the fact that this is the kind of mentality gamers should have in general: that they should be unpleasable, impatient and quick to judge, as well as judge unfairly.

This is not a mentality of a journalist. This is PC gamer propaganda. It's the reason I absolutely despise Sean Malstrom. Only I think Yahtzee is worse in this case because he actually gets paid for saying it. I don't feel like I'm being informed or hearing the opinion of a long time gamer, I feel like I'm watching someone who's biased towards anything that isn't on a computer trying to shape the industry so that revolves around and caters solely to him alone.

And speaking of bias, if Yahtzee isn't biased against Nintendo like he claims he is, then mind telling me why he's withholding information?

It's sad just how low in quality Yahtzee has sunk this year. With this video combined with the last two Extra Punctuations on the topic of next gen consoles, he's gone from being a cynical yet witty and often insightful critic to being the gaming equivalent of FOX News. If anything, he's turned me even further from PC gaming and not helped steer from the idea that all PC gamers are pretentious. I don't want to associate myself with people like that.

I believe that anyone who still have a shred of dignity and self-respect should buy a gaming PC if they wanting an upgrade from the current gen consoles because console gaming was fun but the shirts have suck all the fun out of owning a console and now it's just another soulless consumer good that "Casual Gamers" will blindly buy because they have no idea what being a gamer is all about.

See this is exactly the kind of pretentious shit I'm talking about.

Buddy, you are only backing up my arguments right now.

Nice rant, but I'm probably still going to buy a Wii U, a PS4 and an Xbox One at some point.

Mr.Mattress:

Mr_Terrific:
If the WiiU had games, no one would buy it. If the WiiU had a fancy new gimmick that's not like the tablet that everyone already owns, then N would cruise along to another victory on the USS Casual, but...that ship has sailed. Oh, and what happens when the WiiU does get games. Well, good luck downloading a game on your 8 gig hdd. A tablet controller and an 8 gig hdd....very innovative.

So, I suppose you don't know about external hdd's? You know, the ones you can attach to the WiiU, thus giving it TB's of hdd instead of only 8 GB's? Yeah...

Oh Ok. So buy a WiiU AND an external HDD..? Or N could have packaged the thing with more storage than the average smartphone. So we have to go out and spend more money for a similar experience to the current gen. Right....and people wonder why the WiiU is tanking.

erttheking:

CutThroatConcierge:
The next gen consoles are just like the current gen consoles:
XBOX = Over confident dickhead
PS4 = Intelligent but annoying nerd
WiiU = ADHD child on crack cocaine
I believe that anyone who still have a shred of dignity and self-respect should buy a gaming PC if they wanting an upgrade from the current gen consoles because console gaming was fun but the shirts have suck all the fun out of owning a console and now it's just another soulless consumer good that "Casual Gamers" will blindly buy because they have no idea what being a gamer is all about.

Can I ask you a question? What IS being a gamer all about?

Apparently being a gamer is 98% complaining, 1% real critisicm, and 1% gaming.

:/

Mr_Terrific:
Oh Ok. So buy a WiiU AND an external HDD..? Or N could have packaged the thing with more storage than the average smartphone. So we have to go out and spend more money for a similar experience to the current gen. Right....and people wonder why the WiiU is tanking.

You do know that buying an External HDD for yourself is cheaper then Nintendo packing in more Internal HDD into their consoles, right? If they put in more HDD, then they'd have to increase the price of the WiiU, which would make it sell even less. At least you can go to the store and get One TB External HDD for about 40-50$, instead of having to buy the WiiU at 350-400$ (Actual Price: 300-350$).

And the reason the WiiU is tanking is because of a lack of good, exclusive games. I bet Sony and Microsoft are also gonna suffer from a lack of games in their first year, and thus "Tank".

Korten12:
Snip

It just irritates me when people bring in this "No True Scotsman" argument. My twin siblings and their doucebag friends are in the other room right now playing GTA IV. Yeah, they annoy me and I vent about this to my friends, but I'm not going to march in there and declare that none of them are "real" gamers.

All three monopolies have summarily decided that they're going to start forcing profits out of the people instead of trying to earn them. Instead of providing new, innovative technologies that people actually want and will use, they are simply going to strong-arm us into buying everything new (including the god damn TV!!!) if we want to keep playing.

At the same time, watch them start systematically destroying the ability to play previous-gen games, thereby forcing everyone to upgrade or go completely without. For instance, shutting down all the servers for games with half their content being "online" content, such as Chromehounds or Monster Hunter Tri, and leaving no way to access the missing half of the game ever again...I cannot believe people are not outraged that they are essentially having half of the game stolen from them. Eventually they'll stop offering support for the 360, the Wii, or the PS3...so when they break, that's it. And we all know these consoles were engineered to break in a couple of years of even gentle use...

I'm convinced that they don't care about bringing fun to the household anymore. It's all about the money, the sales, the showmanship...no such thing as a game anymore. Just a bunch of interactive movies with fancy "play" buttons.

If The Last Guardian comes out to be PS4 exclusive, he'll have to eat his words fast.

..as would I.

xPixelatedx:

image

Wow... Just wow. That is single handlely one of the worst images I have ever seen... Like I have never seen something more wrong ever... Wow...

You could do a lot worse than Magus of the Vineyard. With that card in play, everyone gets more resources, even if no one wants what you're offering. It sounds like that fits right into the next gen business model. That with the get-out-of-jail card is a pretty responsible mana curve, considering the poker being played.

Dead-on Yahtzee!

Mr.Mattress:

Mr_Terrific:
Oh Ok. So buy a WiiU AND an external HDD..? Or N could have packaged the thing with more storage than the average smartphone. So we have to go out and spend more money for a similar experience to the current gen. Right....and people wonder why the WiiU is tanking.

You do know that buying an External HDD for yourself is cheaper then Nintendo packing in more Internal HDD into their consoles, right? If they put in more HDD, then they'd have to increase the price of the WiiU, which would make it sell even less. At least you can go to the store and get One TB External HDD for about 40-50$, instead of having to buy the WiiU at 350-400$ (Actual Price: 300-350$).

And the reason the WiiU is tanking is because of a lack of good, exclusive games. I bet Sony and Microsoft are also gonna suffer from a lack of games in their first year, and thus "Tank".

Exactly. Mr. Terrific's complaint is another case of backing up what I'm talking about with today's gamers' attitude. In fact, I'm going to count just how many of these kinds of comments continue to show up after this post and see how many of them actually try to prove me wrong. Because so far, the majority here is only strengthening my resolve.

Thank you Yahtzee for always saying whats pretty much on everyone's mind. I'm going to wait a year before I even CONSIDER buying a next gen system. Maybe I'll go to the darkside and build a decent PC and play games on that or maybe purchase one of those mysterious Steam Boxes...The next year will be fun watching Sony and Microsod toddle around there gigantic fuck-ups.

Best guide I've seen on the internet so far.

So on one side having exclusives make you feel like games are held hostage from you, and on the other side you're saying consoles need special games on them to be appealing enough to consider buying?

I'm having trouble seeing how we please these people...
I know most of the people on here would rather just see consoles burn and all games be on the PC, but console producers are never going to agree. Only way for that to happen would be if gaming suffers a major crash and all game devs turn to PC instead. Shame that publisher money looks so lovely, isn't it?

I'm wondering if games and the industry has gotten worse or if gamers have just become harder to please.

If you have to have Kinect on all the time...couldn't you just point it at the wall?

LordTerminal:

erttheking:

Not exactly coming across as the bigger person here.

Probably because Yahtzee just reminded me why I hate modern day journalism and modern day gaming culture with this and I will admit it's a topic that, unfortunately, I'm ungodly sensitive to. The fact that people are just going to buy into what he has to say when he clearly redacted information regarding the whole "EA not supporting Nintendo" ordeal and are likely going to use it in their gaming decisions when they're not getting the whole story. (again, Nintendo didn't want to use Origin because even they admit the thing sucks) And the fact that this is the kind of mentality gamers should have in general: that they should be unpleasable, impatient and quick to judge, as well as judge unfairly.

Why does it matter that EA corrected itself on developing for the WiiU? And why does it matter that it may or may not be related to Nintendo not wanting to use Origin? The man brought up a statement made by EA and explained they later went back on it. What more is there to say?

LordTerminal:
[quote="erttheking" post="6.409762.17147358"]
It's sad just how low in quality Yahtzee has sunk this year. With this video combined with the last two Extra Punctuations on the topic of next gen consoles, he's gone from being a cynical yet witty and often insightful critic to being the gaming equivalent of FOX News. If anything, he's turned me even further from PC gaming and not helped steer from the idea that all PC gamers are pretentious. I don't want to associate myself with people like that.

Man, you just hate the crap out all of PC gamers ever, don't you? Listen, here's a couple things you should know. First, the man is a critic. In Yahtzee's case in particular, that means he bitches about everything and generally ignores any positive aspects those things might possess. Which is kind of why I come to him. If you don't like that he is doing that with the upcoming console generation, then all you really have to remember is that no matter what anyone else says about your preferred hobby, nobody can ever take your enjoyment away with words.

Second, you're welcome to your opinion on all PC gamers ever, but you need to realize that a solid majority of them do not actually care if you use a console or a computer. And indeed, a reasonable majority of them probably don't care that you exist. There is no need to feel so threatened. They aren't going to break into your house and steal your game consoles.

Ulquiorra4sama:
So on one side having exclusives make you feel like games are held hostage from you, and on the other side you're saying consoles need special games on them to be appealing enough to consider buying?

I'm having trouble seeing how we please these people...
I know most of the people on here would rather just see consoles burn and all games be on the PC, but console producers are never going to agree. Only way for that to happen would be if gaming suffers a major crash and all game devs turn to PC instead. Shame that publisher money looks so lovely, isn't it?

I'm wondering if games and the industry has gotten worse or if gamers have just become harder to please.

It's the latter. Trust me, I'm seeing it with my own eyes right now that it's the latter. (And not just here. YouTube, Kotaku and IGN are also breeding grounds for the completely unpleasable)

Why does it matter that EA corrected itself on developing for the WiiU? And why does it matter that it may or may not be related to Nintendo not wanting to use Origin? The man brought up a statement made by EA and explained they later went back on it. What more is there to say?

It matters because he's trying to lead people away from the truth and make Nintendo look pathetic when at this point, they're the only ones not treating the gaming public like trash. They're not perfect and have made some questionable decisions but at least they're not designing their console to rob you of money just so you can play used games. And at least they've had their monthly Direct videos to let you know "yes more WiiU stuff is on the way!". I mean next week they're revealing the next Mario Kart, Smash Bros. and hopefully whatever Retro has planned but nobody seems to remember stuff they've shown previously like the fact that they're making a new Yoshi game and that spiritual Xenoblade successor that Monolith is working on when they complain about a lack of games. Oh and that they're finally getting Earthbound on Virtual Console. Yeah funny how Yahtzee loves that game but can't bother to remember that when talking about the WiiU.

Again, this didn't give me an impression of criticism. It felt like elitism. At this point Jim Sterling is more of a critic than Yahtzee. Also I'd like to point out this is the THIRD TIME he's talked about this topic. Sounds like someone needs to get off his soapbox.

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