My Gamer Lady

My Gamer Lady

"I would find some unsuspecting girl and convince her I was not a nerd, until she married me. Then, I would slowly but surely corrupt her until she, too, found computer games fun." Bruce Nielson details the evolution, and results, of his master plan.

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While you bring up a very valid and interesting point, I have my own....rebuttal, if you will.

I'm a 22-year old gamer girl. I've been playing video games starting from Sonic the Hedgehog in the third grade to practically drooling when Persona 3 came out.
I have, unfortunately, been single for a few years. It was funny, because my first boyfriend was a HUGE gamer - day and night, WoW, Kingdom Hearts...you name it, he's played it. Ironically enough, I was also working at EB Games at the time...and I broke it off because I thought he was too 'childish.'
My next, and most recent (now) ex, said to me one time "It's cool when you don't have to hide something like gaming from the person you sleep with."

Is this really true?

Not to brag, but I wouldn't like to think myself as unattractive...I would even go as far as to say I'm fairly good-looking. I've worked at different EB Games over a period of almost two years, and aside from desperate glances at my cleavage, no real advances, no guys wanting to even TRY to date me. I can easily - and with pleasure - hold my own in a conversation about what's out for the Xbox 360, or a great RPG we played back in the 'good old days.'

Does this intimidate men? Has hopping on Xbox Live, or WoW become such a 'personal' and...well, 'male bonding' guy thing that when a woman is genuinely interested, it somehow becomes tainted?

I always assumed guys would think it really cool that a girl who doesn't look like a cave troll, or a Tauren or something really and honestly enjoys gaming. I feel it's becoming obvious that I've been wrong.

Guys? Or, MEN? Any comments? Prove me wrong, if you please.

~Cady

Cadychan:
I've worked at different EB Games over a period of almost two years, and aside from desperate glances at my cleavage, no real advances, no guys wanting to even TRY to date me.

I like talking about games, am reasonable to look at, enjoy flirting, like girls, and have at various times been single while conversing with an attractive female employee of an EBGameStop or similar establishment... but not once have I asked such an employee out. I can't speak for other gamers (or indeed for other humans), but I generally go by the "it's never on with the waitress" rule of thumb, and think of it as a bit of a social faux pas to try and pick up someone who is providing me with some type of customer service, even if she's really cute. Besides, I like to get to know people a little bit first before I ask for a number or a date, and that's impossible to do in a store setting unless you're a serious repeat customer (or a creepy stalker).

You say that no guys never wanted to try to date you. Did you ever try to date them? I have to say, in my (male) experience, sitting around waiting for them to come to you doesn't work so well. It may work okay for girls in general, but I wouldn't rely exclusively on it as a method of getting dates with people I was interested in.

Having said all of that, my current girlfriend had no TV when we started dating and hadn't played a video game since the heyday of Atari. Now her TV is larger than mine (though it's ED, not HD), and she has a PS2 and a Wii. We also play Neverwinter Nights modules co-op online. So things can work out. :)

Agree with Ajar about the "it's never on with the waitress" rule of thumb.

In addition to his point that it's a social faux pas to try and pick up someone providing you a service, here's something else to think about: At EB, you are a retail employee. Your job is to sell me stuff. Any flirtation, in that setting, I'm going to write off as a savvy saleswoman using every bit of leverage she can. On the same note, and going along with what Ajar said, if in that same setting you were to ask ME out (as opposed to expecting the reverse), that would break through the saleswoman/customer wall, and I'd probably recognize your interest as genuine. So yes, take the first step.

Although, if you really are an official card-carrying member of the Cute Single Twenty-Something Intelligent Girls Club, could you direct me to the nearest clubhouse/lodge? It would be helpful if I knew where to stalk, *cough*, I mean, hang out, to meet these elusive creatures.

Geoffrey42:

Although, if you really are an official card-carrying member of the Cute Single Twenty-Something Intelligent Girls Club, could you direct me to the nearest clubhouse/lodge? It would be helpful if I knew where to stalk, *cough*, I mean, hang out, to meet these elusive creatures.

That club is a myth and you know it.

I tend to extend my rule past just girls providing a service and operated on the rule that you should never try and pick up a girl while she's working. Unless you happen to be working at the same place, co-workers are a goldmine that needs to be tapped! ;)

if i think about it really hard, i think there's like 2 girls out of all the girls that i know now, all early 20s, who play any sort of video games regularly. regularly used very laxly here, being more than once a month. okay, i'm not counting wii tennis here. they may have at some point during HS or MS because their brothers played or something.

i guess i've never played a MMO so maybe my experience is a bit skewed.

Only girl that seriously plays game that I know off plays bf2 and its terrible at it ( I knifed her about 20 times at a Lanparty ), the remainder only played the sims in their teens and since then moved to more girly stuff. I still stand by the girls don't exist on the internet for my personal experience anyway.

Fun article btw, thanks for writing :)

Never try and pick up anybody while either of you are working. Especially not co-workers. It'll all go down the pan, and then where will you be? Unless it's a very casual relationship, in which case (In an ideal world) you just shrug, shake hands and carry on as normal.

On the subject of male gamers being intimidated by the concept of female gamers... This is the same derailed train of thought that I've seen many women use when confronted with a lack of attention from men.

"I'm a female mechanic and nobody has asked me out. They must all be intimidated by the fact that I can do something as well as they can! Sexists!"

It'd be stupid to ignore the "There are no girls on the Internet!" quotes, but they're either from children and/or idiots. Either way, you don't enter a place like the Internet and expect intelligent discourse. No, you expect rampant stupidity and mindless cretins everywhere. These are the same bastions of intelligence who fill the Internet with racism and constant insults over voice chat, after all. What makes you think it's about you? It's about them, and how stupid they are.

This leads to the myth of "Hell hath no fury...", as the offended women continue on their way through the Internet, their trains of thought still derailed, until they become the very thing they claimed to hate in the first place.

What's that, you ask? Why, it's this:

"You just got owned by a girl!" That sort of thing.

That's right. Aggressive, seeing offense and insults everywhere, with a chip or fifty on their shoulder, a burning desire to inflict their opinions on the world, and full of the same crap as the children who insulted their mothers over voice chat, just with a slightly different smell. Even worse, though, they become people who drag the 'groups' to which they 'belong' into everything.

Have you ever encountered a black person who has an axe to grind against white people because of slavery? If you haven't, then you've probably heard about them. Fact is, whoever pulls that sort of crap, be they white or black, old or young, male or female, straight or gay, liberal or conservative, or however they see themselves...

...They do it because they want to be treated special. No matter how much they claim that they don't, they do. They are the ones who make their gender, their skin colour, their sexual orientation, their political leanings, an issue. They claim the moral high ground for themselves, and look to others to keep their egos afloat for them by being offended by everything they see.

Now here's the part of the post where the mandatory back-pedalling usually begins, the endless wave of apologetic white flag-waving in an attempt to placate the people the poster has offended. You know the kind. "However, I know lots of <> who..." "Now, I'm not saying that all <> are..."

But I won't. Why? Because the hypocrisy, the bigotry... It's in all of us. We could all end up down that road, derailed. Indeed, my post may have offended a great many people, who may consider me to be the same sort of hypocrite as those that I mentioned in my post.

Oh well.

(Perhaps I should have tried to work in a comparison to Hitler somewhere. You know, go the whole nine yards...)

You went from girls on the internet to slavery and politics, why? Most people including me assume that the majority of regular playing gamers for the genres that I personally play, being fps, rts and building sims, are male. Of course there are exceptions, but from my own experience and that of most forums I visit they are still small in numbers. The reasons are simple, the article describes it pretty well with the "where is the happy ending?" line. We just don't think alike gamewise, most females would problably rather play the sims, WOW ( plenty of female gamers there I admit ) or some other game with which they feel a connection to their character. So for me playing games, it's easier to say girls on the internet don't exist. I'm not the idiot who screams OMG and starts requesting pictures as soon as I find a fellow gamer is female because I've never been laid.

I have a personal life, a gf and all that. It's just easier to say when at least 90% of the female population doesn't play much fps or rts. Most women I know just stick to messenger and perhaps simple flashgames now and then. If there are hard facts and numbers that indicate that the situation these days is something else, please show them now.. but try to refrain from calling everybody an idiot on a simple line that shouldn't be taken too seriously.

That's just the thing. All we have to go on is personal experience (And I don't trust the random 'statistics' that keep on popping up all over the place about any number of things), and if life has taught me anything, it's that there's just as many, if not more idiots and arseholes than the alternative out there on the Internet.

I probably did go overboard on the analogy front, but I'd much rather set myself up for a Godwin's Law situation than underestimate anybody's potential jerkassery. Of course there is the general 'rule' of "Everyone on the Internet is male until proven otherwise" that still abounds, but the point that I was trying to make is that somebody who assumes that they should receive a certain reaction from people will, when not given that reaction, pin the blame on the other person and attempt to rationalise the situation in a manner that works for their self-esteem.

"Why doesn't anybody approach me to ask me out?" becomes "Why won't they ask me out?", which becomes "What's wrong with them? Are they intimidated by the fact that I can do things as well as they can?"

"I'm black" becomes "Blacks have had a hard time in the past", which becomes "I have a hard time, and it must be because I'm black! White people are trying to keep me down!"

True, it doesn't match up exactly, but it's all about the train of thought. It's all about assuming that just because something does or doesn't happen to you, that there's a problem with everybody else.

I don't know, I'm not too good with words. Does anybody know of a better way to explain what I'm trying to say, here? (That is, if you could even really understand it)

somebody who assumes that they should receive a certain reaction from people will, when not given that reaction, pin the blame on the other person and attempt to rationalise the situation in a manner that works for their self-esteem

Of course, you're right. But it's just how the human mind works to help keep up our own ( usually low ) self esteem. If we were to blaim ourselves for all our faults, we wouldn't be able to shrug it off and continue our lives. It's a trick to help get through the day instead of facing that harsh confrontation with yourself.

I understand and I'm sure most people do. And yes the internet is full of assholes, thankfully I recently found this forum and it's pretty trollfree so far. So cheers to the admins for doing a good job!

Uh.. I know I'm late to the party (just discovered this post due to the recent talk of a remake for Icewind Dale), but doesen't it seem a bit horrible to marry a woman, hiding your passion for her, and slowly trying to convert her to said passion? The article mentioned nothing of other activities you like to do together, so it seems as if you only went for her, so you could convert her and have a gaming partner.

 

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