Zero Punctuation: Console Rundown

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Console Rundown

This week on Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee takes a look at the ongoing console war.

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awesome!!! :)))

Awesome installment, however one little detail: there is a mario game on Wii, Super Paper Mario.

Top stuff again.

UnaidedCoder:
Awesome installment, however one little detail: there is a mario game on Wii, Super Paper Mario.

Not yet for us poor folk outside the US/Japan...although there is mario party I guess........oh dear.

I think that is actually a really fair assessment of all 3 systems to date. If you think about it, the so-called console wars only matter to a relatively small portion of actual gamers. None of my friends at work are even aware really of the differences between the systems, aside from price and that the wii can cause serious damage to tvs.

In fact, it seems to usually be the online forums of websites where the 12 year olds rule the land in a literary Lord of Flies spoken in a bizarre language which I myself can rarely follow but am certain means something to them.

Fuck yeah.

Hengst2404:
I think that is actually a really fair assessment of all 3 systems to date. If you think about it, the so-called console wars only matter to a relatively small portion of actual gamers. None of my friends at work are even aware really of the differences between the systems, aside from price and that the wii can cause serious damage to tvs.

In fact, it seems to usually be the online forums of websites where the 12 year olds rule the land in a literary Lord of Flies spoken in a bizarre language which I myself can rarely follow but am certain means something to them.

Pretty damn good point there. Besides, these days it's a lot more common for people to own 2+ consoles, plus a handheld console (or both), and a games-capable PC. Back in my day, you pitched your tent on either side of the Sega/Nintendo divide and that was it, son.

It's not so much a console war these days as "how many different boxes can you cram under your TV alongside your Sky box, VCR, and DVD player".

Incidentally, Schrodinger's XBox effin' killed me. I'm typing this from Heaven right now, they've got cable.

You're quite talented at making me laugh.

Excellent installment. More people need to watch this.

Oh man that was SO SO SO freaking funny!!!!!! i havent laughed that much in a long long time, keep up the good work please, thats made my week.

Slamhound:

Pretty damn good point there. Besides, these days it's a lot more common for people to own 2+ consoles, plus a handheld console (or both), and a games-capable PC. Back in my day, you pitched your tent on either side of the Sega/Nintendo divide and that was it, son.

Quite true, I'm currently in the possesion of a Super NES, Playstation(With the craptastic 3.5 inch screen, sorry don't know what that converts out to be), Slim PS2(had the brick one but bit the dust a couple of years back), Wii, Xbox360, Nintendo DS, Gameboy Advance, PSP, and a gaming-capable PC(granted it's in dire need of an upgrade).

Oh yeah, great review on the current console war, or should I say console hoedown? >;D

Oh man, I cannot agree with you more but especially about those retards on XBL. You rock Yahtzee!

I have been trying to tell everyone that the wii controller is overhyped, glad I am not the only one who thinks that moveing your hand to the left or smahsing the x-button really isnt all that different in the end :)

I really enjoy these zero punctuations, keep up the good work.

Dude, these totally rule! I'm loving it (oh yeah, give it to me, etc.).

Glaring error though. The Spectrum was miles better than the C64, and I'll kill the friends and family of anyone who dares disagree. And what's a PlayStation 3?

Keep it up, old sausage!

I remember owning a 360. I was playing Dead Rising on it one night, when the system decided it was hungry and proceeded to eat the game DVD in the tray. Seriously. There was a loud alligator-with-IBS noise and everything froze. After the light on the front went all HAL-9000 on me, and pulling out the game, I found a 2 millimeter-wide groove had been carved into the disc. I got very annoyed and brought it back to Wal-Mart, and got further annoyed when they gave me back the money for the console, but wouldn't give it back for the game (Which I chucked in a trash bin on the way out of the store). I haven't purchased a 'seventh generation' console since (Except as a gift), and I'm not sure I will. I keep getting tempted, but not tempted enough. On principle, hearing how "most people have been bricked" just tells me I shouldn't be paying my money for a chance at a good product, instead of just a good product.

Note: I bought it at Wal-Mart, not because I do my game shopping there, but because it was the only store open at 3am, when I decided I had to own a 360.

Another Note: I recommend against going to Wal-Mart at 3am. It's a depressing look at humanity.

Nicely done. I truly look forward to these.

I am so glad I'm a cheap bastard and held off purchasing a 360. When I heard about the widespread hardware malfunctions, I nearly laughed at my good fortune... or maybe that was the misfortune of others. You know, very schadenfreude.

My only concern is the possible misdiagnosis of the Wii as being for toddlers. It's probably the only one of the three that might hook into a much larger market then the standard gaming crowd, and getting a DS is the last major purchase I made. I've even managed to get my father to play it after buying NYTimes Crosswords game. I assure you, this was no easy feat.

//LL

I recommend against going to Wal-Mart unless you really have to. It's pretty much a wretched hive of human scum 24/7.

My favorite measure of how messed up a Wal-Mart is: Count the used, full diapers in the parking lot. These are the typical Wal-Mart shopper; parents who would change their squalling hellspawn's nether regions with the passenger door open, then cast the bag of turgid leavings into the parking space for cars to run over and saps like me to almost step in.

Maybe it's part of living in Texas.

Nah, it's probably relatively universal. Especially at 3am. The definitive moment was the family of five, with a cart of groceries and motor oil (No joke), that walked by me. They were discussing - in a thick drawl - the various methods of 'shootin' available in the woods. I don't know what they were specifically talking about, but I knew enough to understand I was uncomfortable with the idea of this family owning firearms. I moved along.

The staff wasn't much better. The employee who unlocked the glass case to get my 360 looked supremely upset that I had interrupted his shift of mouth-breathing-wall-staring to ask for help. My irritation was compounded by the random 8-minute conversation he got into with another employee as the keys dangled - unturned - in the lock of the glass case.

I actually haven't been to Wal-Mart since. Sadly, Targét is much more appealing.

I used to like going to that Super Wal-Mart in Austin out by 183 at 3 am or so to buy shirts. I called it cheap entertainment.

That was seriously brilliant. Looking forward to catching these on a regular basis.

And Russ, I know exactly what you mean. I was out in Utah earlier this summer and ran into a similar, yet much more inbred and "polygamized" entertainment experience. Most would call it a horror film, I called it "Why Darwin was wrong."

J.theYellow:
I recommend against going to Wal-Mart unless you really have to. It's pretty much a wretched hive of human scum 24/7.

My favorite measure of how messed up a Wal-Mart is: Count the used, full diapers in the parking lot. These are the typical Wal-Mart shopper; parents who would change their squalling hellspawn's nether regions with the passenger door open, then cast the bag of turgid leavings into the parking space for cars to run over and saps like me to almost step in.

Maybe it's part of living in Texas.

Yeek. First step into the Demiurge's Metropolis.

All that said, I think my next console is going to be a Wii. The only thing stopping me is this guy:

image

50 Cent:

I love you like a fat kid loves Nintendo.

NONE SHALL PASS! THE DWEEB KNIGHT ALWAYS TRIUMPHS!

Slamhound:

It's not so much a console war these days as "how many different boxes can you cram under your TV alongside your Sky box, VCR, and DVD player".

You still have a VCR? I mean I have a Saturn and an NES, but a VCR?

I wish I had a VCR. I still have VHS tapes, but I sold my VCR in a "moving across the country" garage sale years ago and haven't gotten around to buying a new one.

What's the protocol? Do you go to someone's house to watch the movies or just eat the bullet and buy them again on DVD?

Good stuff but I still prefer TWING TWANG!

Russ Pitts:
What's the protocol? Do you go to someone's house to watch the movies or just eat the bullet and buy them again on DVD?

I'll admit, I still own a VCR/DVD combo (a fairly nice one, but VCR nonetheless, and my Oppo destroys the DVD half), but I think the protocol is to wait out the HD war, and then buy your VHS movies in the victor's HD format. Personally, my only copies of Star Wars are on VHS (The Gold Box from the re-release), and I refuse to buy new ones until an HD format wins, and I can get a decent transfer. None of this "I accidentally recorded over the original masters" crap.

Whoops, I think my StarWars is showing, I better zip up...

I am a visuals snob. Once I went DVD, VHS actually bothers me now.

Ace video like always! Totally agree with it, played both the Wii and 360 with a mate who owns PS3 and the games for Wii and PS3 just arent out yet, whereas Gears of War and Dead Rising are damn excellent

Landslide:
I am a visuals snob. Once I went DVD, VHS actually bothers me now.

You and me both. I didn't really think much of having a DVD player until I wanted to watch something that the local video rental outfit only had on VHS. It was horrifying...so...grainy....

The only stuff I'll willingly watch on video now is something I taped myself 10 or 20 years ago, and that's only because it's funny to watch commercials from that far back.

Where can I see the video? Nothing is showing up for me.

pigpen81:
Where can I see the video? Nothing is showing up for me.

Click the "Read Full Article" link above. If nothing still shows, disable flashblock or adblock or whatever. If you don't have those running, and/or it still doesn't show, make sure you've got flash installed. If all of the above fails, drop us another line.

Pretty good, I still think that all of the consoles kind of suck right now. Im waiting to see which comes out with the best games.
I dont think the Wii controller is overrated, you forget that the motions are secondary to the aimer, which is good for shooting games. And I think the motions are to immerse you into games. But I will admit that it is not as convenient or easy to use as I hoped... oh well I cant wait for Biohazard Umbrella Chronicles!

A few of my friends cant view it either,it needs to be posted on youtube as well.
when will it be posted on youtube?

They can run most flash vids fine, its odd.

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